I sigh defeatedly, as Zack sends my calls straight to voicemail. For the twentieth time, I think? Or more.
I've known him for seven years. And I know for sure that he didn't just toss our friendship away like garbage last night.
He didn't mean it. Zack is not usually so impulsive, but he was just angry. He didn't mean any of it. I know he didn't.
Just keep saying it until you believe it. My subconscious snarks yet again.
I'd gone to his house earlier, looking for him, because he shut his windows and pulled down the curtains, so I had no access. I was basically blind.
Lauren had opened the door, looking distraught. She didn't even wait for me to ask my question before she was telling me that Zack wasn't home when she woke up. She'd gone to his room and he wasn't there.
His car was in the driveway though, and still is. So where the hell is he?
I'd gone to the gym too, though I highly doubted that he was there. It'd be too predictable. He obviously didn't want to be found, and when Zack doesn't want to be found, he doesn't allow himself to get found.
But I want to find him. I want to tell him that I want him back, and that I'm willing to do whatever he wants, even if it means dating him. I just want my Zack back.
My phone starts to ring and I'm a little disappointed when I see that it's not him.
"Any word from Zack yet?" Erika bypasses normal greetings.
"No." I sigh, toying with a lint on my sweater.
"What happened between you guys this time?"
I tense. I really don't want to talk about about it. "Um, is Pey..."
"Don't try and change the subject, Aubrey. That's all you've been doing. Something is seriously wrong this time, and I don't want you to go through this all alone." She says.
My hand goes to my forehead and I begin to rub circles, feeling a headache coming on.
"It's not something I want to talk about on the phone." Or at all.
Erika's quiet for a few seconds, and then, "So come over. It's been a while since our last girls' night. I'll text Pey. Oh, come on, Aubrey." She whines when I hesitate. "Please. We really want to be here for you. We could even come over there."
"No, it's fine." I sigh. Peyton's house is closer to Erika's than mine, and I wouldn't want her to drive all the way over here this late.
I tell Erika that I'll be there in twenty, and end the call. I hear the front door click downstairs, announcing my mom's return from work.
I shove a pair of clothes and underwear into a backpack, and then I'm running downstairs.
"Hey, mom. I'm going to Erika's."
"Whoa. Hold on." She says, making me halt with my hand on the doorknob.
"I just got back and you're leaving without even a proper goodbye. What's going on?"
"I just...need some girl time." I mutter without looking back.
Mom heaves a sigh. "At least let me drive you. I don't like the idea of you going out this late. Zack can pick you up tomorrow."
I tense again, then turn to face her. She stares at me, probably waiting for something to click. And when it does, her face falls even more.
"You're fighting again." It's not a question. "Honey, why didn't you tell me?"
I shrug. "You've been at work all day." Which I am so glad for because I really don't want to talk about this.
Her shoulders slump as she walks towards me. "Something tells me this is worse than all your other fights. Come on, you can tell me about it in the car--"
"No!" I protest sharply. "I mean, you just got back from the hospital and you look exhausted. I can drive myself."
"I don't want you to go out this late..."
I really don't have time for this.
"I'll be safe, mom." I say, opening the door and going outside.
A few minutes later, I'm standing in front of Erika's door, pressing the doorbell.
It's not opened by Erika, but her twin brother, Eric, who tilts his blond head, smirking when he sees me.
"Look who the cat dragged in." He drawls, looking me up and down. Heat crawls up my neck as I start to feel self-conscious in my pair of pajama shorts and silk top. Erika said her parents weren't home but she said nothing about her brother being around.
"Why are you even here?" I ask him.
"Um. I live here." He states flatly, chuckling when I glare at him.
"I'm taking a break, Aubrey. I'm around for only the weekend."
Eric skipped a grade, because he's super smart or some shit like that. So he's in his first year of college.
I nod, fiddling with my bottom lip. I'm nervous around him. You see, Eric and I have a sort of...history.
We played seven minutes in heaven with our middle school friends and I was in a closet with him. So yeah, I had my first kiss with him. It was awkward, but hey, I was only thirteen.
I had a huge crush on him, so imagine how I felt when he asked me to be his girlfriend sophomore year.
He was my first boyfriend. Not that it worked out in the end, but the break up was not mutual.
I knew sooner or later he was going to ask for sex, and I didn't want him to have that first. Things could spiral downward quickly. So I made up a stupid excuse about not really seeing us working out.
He didn't start hating me, which I'm super grateful for, because things would have been awkward for me and Erika.
I hardly ever cross paths with him, but when we do, I get really uncomfortable, because he's stupid hot, and it's just awkward for me that I had two of my firsts with him.
"Always such a tease, Aubrey." He says, staring at me intensely. I release my lip from my teeth. Why is that even sexy?
"Where's Erika?" I ask him as he tilts the soda can in his hand and drinks from it.
He smirks again, not that he ever stopped. "Why? Eager to get away from me? Come on, Aubrey. You can tell me about your crush on your best friend."
My jaw drops open. How did he know about that? "What're you..."
He rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on, Aubrey. I always knew you were in love with him. I mean, that's the reason you broke up with me, right?"
No. I'm crazy speechless right now. Eric laughs lightly. "I'm just messing with you. Erika told me. I sorta blackmailed her after I overheard your conversation earlier."
Blackmail? What does he have on his own sister?
"That little circle of yours. What're they, your friends? You should probably----"
"Eric." Erika's sharp voice cuts him off and he smirks one last time before strolling away.
"Hey." She says, pulling me into a hug, but I just can't seem to get what Eric said out of my mind.
"What was he talking about?" I ask Erica after we pull apart and she rolls her eyes.
"He's just being the dumbass he usually is. Sorry I took so long. You should've come upstairs."
Something tells me she's trying to change the subject but I decide to let it go. "I was a little preoccupied."
Erika takes my bag in her hand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about him. It totally slipped my mind." She says as we climb up the stairs.
"It's cool. Is Peyton here yet?"
"She's about five minutes away." She drops my backpack on her bed. "Get settled in. I'm gonna grab some snacks."
"I need something to drink if I'm going to spill my guts out."
"Sure." She smiles. "I think Eric has access to our parents liquor cabinet."
Almost an hour later and I think I'm beginning to see stars on Erika's bedroom floor.
I didn't drink much. I'm just a lightweight.
"Come on, Aubrey. You've been stalling. Just tell us what happened." Peyton whines.
A giggle escapes my lips. "Come on, Aubrey. Can't count how many times I've heard that today."
Erika takes the bottle from my hand. "Okay. No more drink for you." I pout as she takes a swig.
"Well, we're waiting."
I roll my eyes. "Fine. Ugh! You guys are so pushy." I sigh, "We had a huge argument over our relationship with our parents, and I'm still shocked at how quickly it escalated, but he kissed me."
Their jaws drop. "No way." Peyton breathes.
"We were both mad at each other but that just made the kiss even more...passionate."
"Ooh. Like fireworks?" Erika asks, giggling.
"No. Better than fireworks. We were so close to having sex, but I stopped it. I asked him what it meant, and I didn't mean to, but I told him that he was going to toss me away like those other girls."
"But that's not fair."
"I didn't know what else to do! I panicked. I knew he wouldn't do that but I just... I'd finally admitted to myself that we couldn't be together. We can't be together because what if it doesn't work out?
"He told me he wanted me, and I tried to make him see reason, but he said...he said he didn't want to be friends anymore if I wasn't going to agree to date him." I choke out. "He tried to make me choose, and I just couldn't. Maybe I should've..."
"No, Aubrey. You can't start blaming yourself for Zack's idiocy." Erika starts. "He shouldn't have done that to you."
"Maybe he didn't mean it, you know." Peyton says softly. "I mean, it's Zack we're talking about here."
"Then why hasn't he talked to me? Where is he?"
"He probably just needs some time alone. He'll come around. Zack cares so much about you and there is no freaking way he feels good right now, wherever he is." Peyton smirks and Erika nods, giggling. "Yeah."
I believe them. Hell, even I know this. He's my best friend. My very upset best friend. He'll come around and we'll go back to being friends and just that.
That's not what you want and you know it.
"Yeah!" I pump my fist in the air and we all burst into a fit of giggles.
"So..." Erika waggles her brows, "let's talk about that stud that's taking you to homecoming."
____________
A few hours later, I exit the room to use the bathroom three doors down, and then I head downstairs to the kitchen for a drink of water. I need to have some water before bed or I'll have a really bad hangover tomorrow morning. Or today. It's past 2am.
I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water, and when I shut the door, my heart flies out of my chest as I jump, dropping the bottle.
"You scared me." I pant, glaring at Eric. Why's he even down here?
He chuckles, picking the bottle up and twisting the cap open. "Sorry. Just wanted some water." He tilts the bottle, drinking my water.
I roll my eyes and open the fridge to grab another one– or try to– because he slams it shut, coming to stand behind me, therefore trapping me between him and the fridge.
I sigh, not turning to face him. "What do you want, Eric?"
"I overheard you girls talking. I wasn't eavesdropping, I swear." He adds quickly when I tense.
I turn to face him, leaning against the door. "So?"
"He's an idiot for leaving you. And he doesn't even deserve you."
If he's going to trash-talk my best friend...
"Eric..."
He shrugs. "What? It's true. And I'm pretty sure you want him too but it doesn't have to be that way. You deserve someone who cares immensely about you and what you want. Not someone who treats you like garbage. You don't need him."
I shut my eyes. Zack's not like that. And I want to tell him that, but a small part of me believes him. That part still has doubts about Zack not tossing me away and forgetting about me.
That's right. My subconscious remarks. Once a man whore, always a man whore.
The next words that come out of Eric's mouth forces me to open my eyes.
"Why did you break up with me, Aubrey?" He whispers. His palms come to rest on the fridge on either side of my head.
He stares at me intensely with his grey eyes, like he's trying so hard to read me, and I can't even look away. They're so...beautiful. How have I never noticed how grey they are?
"That's a question for two years ago, Eric. I can't answer that." I try to sound firm but my voice is soft. Maybe it's the alcohol talking?
His eyes dart down to my lips. "I have another question for this moment." He says, taking his eyes back to mine.
"What?" I ask, and he starts to lean into me even further but I place my palms on his chest. His very strong, naked chest.
"You want me." He states, smirking. That wasn't a question, but it's Eric. What can I do?
"What makes you assume so?"
"Because people don't get over their first love that easily." And then he's crashing his lips to mine, pressing me against the fridge.
And the weird thing is, I kiss him back. I move my lips in sync with his, hands travelling up his chest to the back of his neck.
I moan as he nibbles on my lower lip, seeking entrance, which I grant him, letting his tongue tango with mine.
This is wrong. So wrong. But at this moment, I can't think of anything else but Eric. He tastes even better than I remembered. He tastes like vodka.
The thought of him drinking should push me away, but I find myself pulling him even closer, tugging at his hair.
He's been drinking. I've been drinking. We're perfect for each other.
Eric moves his lips from mine and trails kisses down my jaw to my neck, giving me a moment to breathe.
His hold is so firm, firmer than I remember, but of course he grew muscles.
My subconscious rolls her eyes at me.
Eric's lips find mine again and he uses a hand to lift me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I feel us moving and then he's placing me on a surface. The kitchen counter.
I dig my heels into his butt, pulling him closer so his arousal is pressed against me. Mmm. I love that I'm making him feel this way.
He begins to tug at the hem of my top. "These are cute, but they need to come off." He says against my lips and my eyes widen a fraction.
"Wait." I gasp and he detaches his lips from mine. His grey eyes have darkened to the point that they're almost black, letting me know how much he wants me.
"What?" He breathes.
"Eric, we can't..." I gasp when his hand slips under my shirt, moving towards my breasts. It feels sooo good.
"That's just your mind talking. Overthinking everything." He says, trailing kisses along my cheekbone. "What does your body want, Aubrey? What do you want?"
He trails the tip of his tongue in the same way he did with the kisses, and... Oh, shit. I'm in trouble. Because I want him, and I'm not going to back down. So I tell him.
"I want you, but I have a feeling no one would like it if you fucked me on the counter."
I thought his eyes couldn't get darker than that, but what can I say? Eric is full of surprises. I'm even surprised at the things I'm saying tonight.
He breathes out a relieved laughter. "What am I going to do with you, Aubrey Reid?"
And then he takes my arms, wrapping them around his neck, and carries me towards one of the guest rooms.
I want this. I tell myself over and over. I need this.
How do you think Zack's going to feel when he finds out? My subconscious asks.
There is no Zack. Just Eric.