I groan inwardly as light slowly seeps into my unconscious state. I really don't want to wake up.
Hm. I don't remember my pillow feeling this sculpted, or this hot.
Wait.
I slowly open my eyes.
No. No. God, no.
I raise my head from Eric's chest, glancing at his sleeping form. No, no no!
I sneak a peak under the covers. I'm naked, and so is he. I groan loudly this time, pressing my palm to my aching head.
Fuck, no.
Eric begins to stir and I glare at him as he opens his eyes. "What?" He asks, his voice laced with sleep.
Ignoring him, I start to get up but he pulls me back to him.
"Hey, where are you going?" He rubs circles on my lower back that shouldn't feel good, but it does.
Why does he have this effect on me? We broke up two years ago.
That's probably because you just lost your virginity to your ex, smartass.
My subconscious says the words that I've refused to admit since I woke up.
"The girls are probably awake, and they'll have questions." I move out of his reach and this time, he doesn't stop me.
"Why am I getting the feeling you regret this?"
I should regret it, but honestly, I don't. I'm a terrible person.
"That wasn't supposed to happen. We were drunk." I snap, pulling my shorts on.
"We were fully aware of what we were doing, Aubrey." He stands up and starts to walk towards me. Great.
"Will you cover up, please?" Heat creeps up my neck as I try to keep my eyes trained on his.
He ignores me. "You can't deny the attraction, Aubrey. You still have feelings for me. Stop acting like you regret what we did just because you feel guilty."
What I feel right now is more than guilt. I hate myself for still wanting Eric when I'm not over Zack. But, good Lord. That V...
"It's not that." I sigh. "Pull the covers away from the bed." I tell him, dreading his reaction when he figures it out.
"What're you..."
"Just pull the covers away, Eric. You need to cover up anyway."
He reaches down to pull the covers, and when he sees the red stain, he freezes. I wrap my arms around my torso, watching him carefully.
I've dated a few guys, but I've never had sex with any of them. Partly because I wasn't ready, and partly because they never seemed to be interested, which was just the icing on the cake.
Eric looks back at me, thankfully covered up, but I can't read his expression.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks softly.
I shrug. "It never...crossed my mind. I wasn't thinking Eric, I'm sorry."
He sighs, rolling his eyes. "I can't decide whether to be glad that I was your first, or to spank you for apologising for something we both were a part of."
An involuntary gasp escapes my mouth. The thought of Eric spanking me shouldn't turn me on, but, fuck if it doesn't. So I keep my eyes trained on the floor, trying to at least feel a bit of shame.
Eric takes my chin between his forefinger and thumb, tilting my head so I'm looking up at him. A smile stretches across his lips. A genuine smile. Not one of his stupid smirks.
"I'm not mad, Aubrey. In fact..." he bites his lower lip, "I'm glad I was your first...everything. You don't know how happy it makes me."
First everything. He leans in to kiss me but I turn my head at the last minute so his lips land on my cheek. "Eric..."
"Did I at least give you the best night of your life?" He's back to smirking.
"Eric, we can't do this. We're not together anymore."
He shakes his head slightly. "You can't just ignore what we had last night."
I can't, but I'll try to.
"Look, Eric. I'm not going to deny that last night was amazing, or that I still feel something for you...but we just can't. It's not right."
"Aubrey..." He starts but I'm already walking out the door.
"I'm sorry." I mutter before the door shuts completely.
I clutch at my chest.
Stupid heart. Look what you're doing to me.
Until last night, I hadn't realised that I still liked Eric, so much. I thought I was over him. I'd done a great job at avoiding him for two years.
And then you went and had sex with him. Way to complicate things, Aubrey.
But I still want Zack.
Fuck, Zack.
What am I going to do? He'd made it clear that he wanted me and I just slept with my ex.
Maybe it's better we're not even friends anymore. Doesn't make me feel any less guilty though.
Erika didn't get mad when I told her I'd slept with her brother, but she looked quite disappointed. She said she was going to talk to him.
"I'm not going to judge you for sleeping with your ex. People do it all the time. I just...hope you know what you're doing."
"Zack can't know. You guys can't tell him." I plead with them.
"Keeping secrets. That's always the best thing to do." Eric says as he walks into the kitchen, heading for the coffee maker and pouring some coffee into a mug. "But hey, it's fun sneaking around. I'm not complaining."
He raises his mug to his lips, staring at me over the rim. Something about the way he's looking at me makes me feel hot down...there. I look away, taking a sip of my coffee.
"Shut up, Eric." Erika snaps, just as someone's phone starts ringing.
"Oh, my mom's here." Peyton shrieks, hopping down from one of the stools. She has a family barbecue party or something like that.
She grabs her bag, saying a quick goodbye, and walks out of the kitchen and towards the door.
Erika gets up with her, leaving me alone with Eric. Traitor.
He walks around the counter coming to sit on the stool beside me.
He heaves a sigh. "So..."
"I can't, Eric." I say, standing up and attempting to walk out but he grabs my hand.
"Hold on. You don't even know what I was gonna say." He starts rubbing circles on the back of my hand. "I'm leaving this evening."
Oh? I knew he would go today, but some part of me deep deep down doesn't want him to leave. I, however, want him to just go so I'll have some breathing space.
"Good." I say, and he frowns.
"Good?"
I nod. "Good." And then I'm going up the stairs to pack my things.
____________
If anyone had told me that I'd lose my virginity to my ex last week, I'd probably have suggested a mental asylum for them.
But hey, maybe I'm the crazy one. Part of me still hopes that it was all a dream. An amazing dream, but a nightmare nonetheless. As if that makes sense.
Zack hadn't been in school today, and I've been so worried about what he may have gotten himself into. I was pretty much partnerless for Chemistry and Biology lab, and I may have lost a few marks, but that's the least of my worries.
Erika and Peyton catch up with me just as I exit the building.
"Hey." They both crush me between them, a suffocating excuse for a hug.
"Oh my gosh, Aubrey. You won't believe what Pey and I just saw." Erika exclaims and Peyton starts laughing.
The silly grin that's on my face starts to dwindle as I spot something in the parking lot.
No. Not something. Someone.
And that someone isn't alone.
Zack is pressing someone against the hood of his car.
Not just any someone. Audrey Lopez.
And he's kissing her like his life depends on it.
Different emotions pass through me at once. Relief that he's safe. Jealousy that he's kissing someone else. But anger is the most prominent one.
Before I know what I'm doing, I'm stalking towards him, everything else forgotten.
"Where the hell have you been?" I ask him. His back is to me and he doesn't stop kissing Audrey. As if that's not enough, the bitch opens one eye and I can tell that she's smirking at me.
"Zack." I call out. He will not make a fool of me in front of the person I hate the most.
He finally stops kissing her and turns to face me.
Nothing. And I mean literally nothing, would've prepared me for the way he looks right now.
He looks...normal. Hotter than usual even.
What? Did you expect him to be crying his eyes out over you?
No. But I didn't expect him to look...happy. I've been worried sick about him and he's happy.
"Are you going to talk or are you just going to keep staring at me?" He asks and my eyes involuntarily dart to his lips.
They look swollen from kissing her. But, oh my...
You're mad at him, remember?
"Where were you? Your mom has been worried sick about you."
An expression that I can't decipher crosses his face.
"Glad to know my mom was worried about me." His dark blue eyes look even darker as they stare into mine intensely.
Fuck, he thinks that I wasn't...
"Zack, that's not what I meant---"
"Well, you can tell my mom that I'm alive." He says dryly, turning away from me and continuing his make-out session with Audrey.
This can't be it.
"Zack, please. We need to talk." I plead with him.
He pauses for a second only to say, "We're done talking."
My heart sinks into my stomach. He's gone. My Zack's gone.
I don't even realise that I'm crying until I notice the teardrops on the floor.
"Come on." I hear Peyton soft voice say, feeling her tug on my arm.
"Please," I whisper, "come back home. I need you."
His back tenses, and he finally stops kissing her, but he still doesn't turn around.
I finally will my feet to move, walking away with Erika and Peyton.
I just lost my best friend. And I don't know if I'm ever getting him back.