"Now what? Damn."
Jiwook sat on the cushioned chair at a table that he randomly chose in that small café, as if it was a hollow with venomous snakes not an ordinary chair. He felt every damn muscle of his body stiffen and screaming in nervousness, sweat gathering on his forehead and hands. His stomach was turned upside down and his heart was running crazily from head to toe and back.
That was really nerve-wrecking.
And more than being afraid, he was paralyzed both mind and body unable to put even two words together.
What should he say?!!
That despaired need to say, to express in words that burning feeling ready to burst that very moment, was pushing him far beyond his mind could even cope with it. Yet he was there waiting restlessly for him, his eyes and head turning sharply at each small sound or insignificant noise.
Him.
His brother.
Han Siwon appeared in the café, the mirrored version of him, but yet so different from him, somehow carelessly dressed, unmindful of his good-looks or the way his clothes looked floppy on him, as if he wasn't aware how handsome he was and the impact of his looks on the others.
Was he always like that?
From his memories Jiwook could picture his brother just in a neat accurate look polished to perfection.
This Siwon was really different from what he remembered.
Siwon looked annoyed but he still came despite his visible dislike displayed on his face and through all his body. He stormed inside throwing glares over each tables, finally pinning the one where Jiwook was. He took the place in front of Jiwook and was approached the next second by a friendly waitress.
Surprisingly he ordered something to drink and even looked through the cake menu. He must felt hungry and not even Jiwook would shatter his appetite. The perfect-smiling waitress caught him and proposed the offer of the day, something like if you give a feedback and evaluate the service you get a piece of cake for free. Surprisingly again, Siwon was interested in it taking the tablet from her and proceeding to diligently answer the questions. While he wrote he didn't as much give a glance to Jiwook, the other looking quietly at him writing yet not daring to start a conversation with him. He then noticed.
"Hmm? Right hand? Wasn't he left handed?"
Jiwook couldn't wonder longer as Siwon finished and asked him what he wanted, his eyes and whole attention on the drink he just received.
Jiwook felt his heart throbbing but gulped down that scary feeling emerging from inside and forced himself to utter words. Something. Anything.
...
- Sigh, Siwon sighed and started first - What do you think you're doing?
Jiwook's hands began to tremble under the table. The other continued - at least make your phone work dumbass. Your parents are worried sick and are pestering me every hour asking if you contacted me. It's getting annoying already. Go and solve your problems yourself, don't make trouble for others. Tch.
Siwon said with a low voice, brows furrowed in irritation.
Jiwook gulped. He felt like a kid getting scolded for breaking something. But that wasn't really the case. He did far worse.
And Siwon... he felt strange somehow. It was already a miracle that his brother was willing to meet with him, but now calm talking, not shouting at him, not throwing punches or yelling to go ahead and die, not demanding apologies or giving him to the police or calling the parents to expose his deeds.
Siwon just stayed there looking indifferent, taking his time and patiently drinking, as if it got nothing to do with him.
Jiwook's heart clenched tighter. He'd feel better if his brother just went ahead and did all that, he expected him at least to spill his anger on him.
Cold chills was biting his fingers, his legs and back, he felt his blood drying from his body and even his lungs was freezing, making his breathing painfully heavy.
He was about to lose something he may never retrieve if...
if he hadn't lost it already.
A part of himself.
This time he felt it. Sheer fright.
- I'm sorry...
Jiwook's voice trembled, his eyes fluttered as well, drops of tears stuck on his long eyelashes.
- Yeah. Just go and tell them if you-
- No. Siwon!, Jiwook's voice jumped higher, sounding despaired, he yanked his head up and held the other's gaze firmly like holding his last chance of salvation.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry Siwon! P-please... Siwo-on I'm sorry...I'm sorry...
Siwon, no Taemin was caught off guard. It wasn't even his place to hear that apology or anything the other wished to say. Damn he shouldn't have come. He felt uncomfortable and utterly lost in that kind of situation. If it was after him he'd long leave already but...
"Damn it."
Jiwook's shoulders trembled, he could barely hold his sobs, the already puffy eyes got redder and swollen, his nose was running, he threw a sleeve across his face to wipe it all off but just made it worse.
Sigh.
Taemin ruffled aggressively his hair, a long sigh left his mouth, with his eyes closed, he tried to think again over what he was supposed to do and felt his head throbbing already, his temper getting ahead of him.
- I got it! Just stop your mumbling already!, shouted he unexpectedly making Jiwook flinch.
From the shock the other froze in place.
- Go wash your face or something.
One thing was clear, Taemin couldn't bear see a crying person no matter how much they pissed him off. He'd just eventually give in.
Jiwook woke up from his numbness and finally replied embarrassed for causing a scene.
- O-okay.
He left in a hurry and then returned shortly after, his whole face red from constantly rubbing it, but at the same time sickly pale, lips swollen, eyes puffy, water still dripping from his locks.
He looked like a wreck about to faint - thought honestly Taemin.
While Jiwook was gone, he got his cake and was trying to calm down by stuffing himself with it.
Jiwook took his place, his eyes pinned on the cake.
- What? No, Siwon!
He hurriedly took the plate away from the other.
- It's apricots. You're allergic to it, he quickly checked on his brother, a worried expression on his face. - Siwon are you alright? It's not good you'll have to check-
- Oh sh*t.
Taemin messed up. Of course he didn't know he was allergic to some damn fruit. Screw that. He wasn't gonna go to the hospital because of one sh*tty cake. No thank you.
Jiwook looked worried, so Taemin thought it wasn't something to joke about. To begin with, it surprised him that the other even noticed it and stopped him from killing himself with f*cking apricots.
- Don't bother. I'll go throw it up.
- Do y-you need help? I-
- No! I'm fine.
Jiwook still standing, looking uncertain, could just follow his brother with his eyes and then sit back waiting for him. While he wondered if he should go after him or not, Taemin's phone rang catching involuntarily Jiwook's attention.
It seemed that an unknown number called for the 2nd time already, from all the ruckus Siwoon might have missed it. Jiwook took the phone, he didn't know why, it felt like he should.
A message box popped on the screen, his eyes widen while reading the content. He tapped to read more. Fortunately or not there was no password on the phone.
Unknown: "You little sh*t you better answer if you want to keep standing on your own two legs. Break up with Min Siwoon or you'll regret it. Try to ignore another call and we'll meet at your home next time."
- What is this?
Jiwook was dumbstruck by the aggressive threat, it would look like a joke if not the picture sent shortly after. There on the table, a photo of his brother and Min Siwoon smiling at each other and a dagger piercing the photo right on his brother's head.
That wasn't an empty threat anymore. It could get dangerous.
- They said home...
Jiwook didn't want to let that happen, he needed to do something. Siwon would come at any moment. After a second more of hesitation, he tapped his new number, sent it and then blocked the stranger's number, deleting all the messages with it. Then he exited the message window, his eyes glided to the last chat, where Min Siwoon's photo beside an "Him" sent his recent message.
Him: "Taemin, you promised..."
"Huh Taemin?"
He felt movement behind his chair and he quickly switched off the phone, slipping it on its original place. He then quickly looked up, his brother's face a little pale.
- Siwon are you okay?
His brother threw a menacing look back but answered quietly, managing to surprise Jiwook yet again. It felt like his brother experienced it for the first time, but that was impossible, wasn't it?
- It's nothing. Sh*t! f*king apricots, said he angrily, cursing the poor fruit for trying to kill him and mumbled quietly a quick "thank you".
Taemin thought the other put on a cheap act and deceived him about his allergy to make his revenge on him or something, but by the time he reached the bathroom he saw his lips and neck swollen a bit and getting redder, his stomach already squirming inside unhappy with the eaten cake. So as much as he wouldn't like it, it was true and Jiwook saved him. He'll have to really be careful about that cursed fruit.
Taemin sighed. He directed his heavy gaze right on Jiwook's eyes making him straighten up and stiffen from head to toe.
Maybe he changed a little.
Or maybe not.
- You!..., Taemin ruffled roughly his hair, fed up with the unproductive thinking. He could just think about that later damn it - if you got it then come home and quite rambling around. You're not some rebellious kid for God's sake.
Jiwook's eyes were about to pop out at the sudden remark, his cheeks caught on a red tint as the realization hit him. He was really behaving like a child.
God that was how he looked from aside wasn't it? What did Joohoon or Joohee think of him?
He had some serious issues there.
He lowered his eyes in embarrassment, his fingers groping the edge of his long shirt, yes he was ashamed and he came to agree with his brother that his behavior was rather childlike.
Taemin paid the bill while Jiwook was still lost to his new dilemma and wasn't about to get out of it, so he called on him one more time.
- Hey!
- Yes! I mean o-okay. I'll call them and talk too. Yeah before I can..., he shook his head correcting himself, if I'd be allowed... to return.
His voice grew weaker and weaker at the end.
Taemin stayed unfazed though he was surprised at the other's words; he didn't really think his words from the last time would get through his thick skull so soon. It was little over a week. That time he doubted it would ever happen, but as it seemed he was wrong.
Maybe.
He still couldn't trust him, even seeing it with his own eyes.
Yeah, it didn't change the fact that because of him, his real brother...
Sigh.
- I'm going. And don't call me for this anymore. You did nothing to change my mind not then, not now.
Jiwook was taken aback, the impact of his brother's words heavier than he'd thought.
Yeah he did nothing. That much was true. He just ran away like a coward.
- Oh Siwon!, Jiwook caught up with the other, remembering suddenly the whole dial with that threat - You ... and Min Siwoon, is e-everything fine?
Taemin furrowed, his expression darkened. Honestly, it sounded completely different from what Jiwook implied, but luck wasn't on his side. Taemin unsurprisingly misunderstood him.
- It's none of your business.
No. He was wrong after all. That bastard didn't change at all.
Taemin left with heavy steps as if in foul mood, regretting for the tenth time that day for coming there.
Jiwook fell with all his weight on the chair, feeling utterly exhausted.
He took his phone and saw a few missed calls along with dozens messages similar to the one from Siwoon's phone but seemingly getting more aggressive with each of it. Chills ran down his spine, then he finished reading it, but there was something other as well.
He felt that was it.
His chance. He should do something.
He should gain his trust or at least win his chance to beg for forgiveness.
It shouldn't be that hard. He'll just clear up whatever discord the other part held for his brother and his with Min Siwoon's relationship. Even if it wouldn't work he could at least try. If it'll get dangerous he'll just go to police hmm or maybe not. Okay he could talk to Min Siwoon about it. He was sure the other would do something about it.
- Okay. I got it. Han Jiwook you can do it.
His nerves were screaming in disapproval but he tried to ignore it. His eyes glanced over Joohoon's last text, his finger stroke it and his photo as well.
Joohoon: "You're not gonna run away again are you?"
...
He had yet to reply to him, but it seemed the other knew him better than himself. The answer he was looking for, Joohoon gave him so easily, without even asking for it.
With the phone brought close to his forehead, Jiwook closed his eyes and smiled gently. He felt like Joohoon's warmth was touching his heart and embracing him whole, his fears all gone now.
- I'm not running away this time. I promise.