Crush.
- Jiwook-ah!
The little boy turned back worried and rushed to help his brother, who tripped over and fell down with a loud thud, a burst of cries followed next two times louder, huge drops of tears falling like a waterfall.
- Jiwook-ah are you ok? Does it hurt?
- *sob It huuuurts!
Though they were the same age, a mirror version of each other, Han Jiwook and Han Siwon were nonetheless more different than alike as persons. Siwon with a bright and charming personality, brave and righteous, always looking out for others, somehow too mature for his age, a quick thinker but also naïve and too kind for his own sake, trusting and honest for no reason.
Contrary to him, Jiwook was very shy and more of a gloomy child, a scaredy-cat that always hid himself behind his older brother, easy frightened and a cry-baby, which was why he was often teased and picked on by other kids. Even so there was always Siwon to help him and take his side, even if he was in trouble or about to be scolded, Siwon took half of the blame and just smiled to Jiwook, often holding his hand as if trying to give him a sense of safety. Maybe as his twin brother, the closest person to him, he could feel and understand better than anyone Jiwook's anxiety, his unease and hardships.
Siwon kneeled in front of him, took a handkerchief from his pocket and put it on the blooding scratch that Jiwook got on his knee, blowing on the wound to ease the pain, then wrapped it carefully.
- *Sob. Sob. Aww!
Siwon wiped his brother's tears with his sleeve and shushed him, trying to calm him down, his smile warm and wide, loving, the one reserved just for his little brother. He always felt protective towards him and proud to be the big brother to whom Jiwook could rely.
He patted the other's head with his small hand and Jiwook soon ceased to cry.
- H-hyung, he picked up his robot toy that had one leg broken from the fall earlier - *sniff w-what should I do? I broke it *sniff.
He was about to break in tears again, but thankfully his brother was quick to think of a solution. He took his own robot and removed a leg as well, then brought the both toys together and started to change their hands and readjust it.
During the wait Jiwook curiously looked at what his brother did, suddenly excited and expectant, his eyes slowly catching sparks, tears long since vanished away. When Siwon gave him the robots with its arms crossed tight enough that now even on one leg each, it stood firm, each of it supported by the other.
- Wow!
Jiwook was truly amazed, his expression brightening right away. He then smiled widely, fascinated even, like he just witnessed some kind of magic in front of him. He jumped overjoyed holding the toys close, he completely forgot about his injury or that he was crying a moment ago, too excited to care.
- Look! Look! It doesn't fall anymore. Thank you Hyung!
Siwon just smiled along side with him, genuinely happy that Jiwook's pure smile was back.
- Yay! Hyung, you're the best!
Jiwook hugged his brother, took his hand and started to hurry and drag him home, to show their parents as fast as possible, what his amazing brother did for him.
...
Jiwook felt a familiar warm touch gliding below his closed eyes, wiping his tears it seemed, and then a light brush on his forehead along with a gentle squeeze of arms, which brought him the most comforting sensation he felt in his life and to start the day with it, was trully a blessing.
- Did you have a bad dream?
Joohoon's husky low voice poured like honey in his ear, too close almost, tickling and making him feel like floating in clouds.
Jiwook opened his eyes and wondered if he was still dreaming. In the golden morning sunlight, Joohoon's pale peach blonde hair was glowing unearthly, messy curves dangling lovely in all sides, urging Jiwook to bury his hands in it and detangle each of it endearingly, which he was surely planning to do. Joohoon's eyes radiated so much warmth, kindness and affection, that for a long time Jiwook just stared in his eyes and felt himself drowning helplessly in it.
Oh, he would overcome all this world's hardships just to be able to meet those eyes.
- No, he shook his head. It was a good dream. Maybe the best I ever had... though it wasn't actually a dream even.
- Hm?
- It's a memory. I think when I was still a child. Too young to understand many things...
He slid both his hands in the elder's hair and started to softly play with it, Joohoon, letting him be, laid himself on top of Jiwook, his head on the younger's chest, of course not releasing his hold on him either, even tightening it around his back instead.
- ... I remembered my brother. I forgot what a bright child he was. I chased after him everywhere and he pulled me out of troubles most of times. I relied on him so much, he was always beside me, often taking the blame for me... I think I've really looked up to him. Back then... it was easier. It was simple. We were so close... Yeah, I guess I depended too much on him and then we drifted apart with the time, I started to hate him... though it was ... it is me I actually hate.
Joohoon shifted a bit and moved his head to Jiwook, resting his chin on the other's chest to find out his expression, but still not considering to get up. It looked so cute, almost funny, that Jiwook couldn't help but puff in small laughs, wondering if anyone on this earth was able to see Joohoon like this but him.
No, no one... and he felt delighted knowing that.
"Gosh how irresistible.", thought he and caressed the elder's cheek, Joohoon leaning in his touch, his eyes closed and expression utterly defenseless. Jiwook never thought the elder could act cute and sweet like that, his heart fluttering from joy and adoration for him.
He became rather talkative as of late, but of course, then he had a close person which he trusted and in whom he found comfort and understanding, he would expose everything of him, would bare his soul in front of the other happily, eagerly. He just hoped he'd not tire Joohoon with it.
- My blabbering get's awfully annoying, does it?
- Not really. You can tell me whatever you want, don't worry, he then suddenly moved up on his elbows, his face dangerously close to Jiwook - though I like it in a more "productive" way.
He got back a nice view of the younger's pink blush across his face and bowed to have a taste of it himself.
Jiwook, for one, had nothing against that, being gifted with dozens of tender caresses and sweet ministrations enough to making him all giddy inside.
If time would just stop, how delightful would that be.
However he had to do something first. A small matter. Nothing hard.
And after that, he'll return back.
To his heaven.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Jiwook ended his call and sighed. He already got the text with the exact address and time and had to take care of a few things before that. One of it was calling his parents.
They were worried sick about him and if not for Siwon, that told them he was at a friend and would contact them later, they would have still searching for him and not let the police alone (it seemed they had already filled in a missing person report). He was overflowed with feelings, guilt and gratitude among it; he said them that he had something very important to tell them and that he'd come home in a few days.
They could hate him...no they definitely would, he might be even sent to juvenile, though strangely enough, it didn't scare him that much. He was more afraid of their reaction, he'd rather they blame him and no one other than him.
He looked at his screen, pondering over to call his "Chunky Bear" or not. He was reminded of the moment Joohoon accidentally saw the nickname and burst out in laughter.
[ - Is that supposed to be me?
- Don't laugh. I find it cute... and it's not like it doesn't suit you, babbled flustered Jiwook, already pouting.
- Sure sure, whatever you like, said the elder still laughing, rubbing on his hair making it a complete mess.
- Heey!
...]
Jiwook chose not to bother him right then, as Joohoon was still stuck in the school, and took a piece of paper, thinking over for a long while what to write.
["
I left cuz I had something to do. Don't wait for me. I'll come late!
p.s. I didn't run away! (ヘ.ヘ;)
"]
He was satisfied with the result and put the note on the table, beside a plate with Joohoon's favorite sandwiches, which he learned how to make from Joohee the day before, while filling her in with the details of their date and of course skipping more than half of the story. Though it seemed pointless, she grasped perfectly what exactly did happen between them (his hickeys so visible and his poor attempt to hide it, wasn't helping him, not one bit).
He hoped Joohoon would like the snack he so eagerly made for him. Too bad he wouldn't be there to witness it with his own eyes.
"It doesn't matter. I'll make more for him later."
Before he left, he had a last look at the house, which became so familiar and cozy, that it felt like a second home, his and Joohoon's. That place held so many happy and precious memories, he would surely miss it in the future... but it's okay. He had to return to his family and his life, he couldn't run away forever.
And with Joohoon...he could just find a new place, make a new home. Anything would do, only for Joohoon to stay beside him.
...
He looked in the mirror of the small hair salon, he entered, his fingers playing with his blue locks for the last time. Though, honestly, he got so used to this color that he was even a bit afraid to change it now. What first was a simple way to differentiate himself from others, especially from his brother, became something like a side of his own, a lucky charm that gave him a sort of confidence in himself, often clearing his anxiety and dark thoughts.
Foolish yes... but Joohoon said he found the color suited him very much. So he'll be sure to change it back, when he'll finish with that matter.
After a short while, his hair was ready, he lifted his eyes in the mirror and saw the reflection of his brother. Dark hair styled in a rather simple and clean way, bangs falling on his eyes, clouding and hiding its clear blue color - what a shame.
No, it was him after all. How he ever thought he looked like a copy of his brother, then his expression, his gloomy look in his eyes, his poor excuse of a smile was nothing compared to Siwon.
Ah, he realized. It wasn't that he hated how they looked alike, but it was complete opposite, he would only see how much they were different.
And he would envy him. Siwon's brightness. His kind smile and honest eyes, that looked straightforwardly at him, with nothing to hide. Nothing to envy. Nothing to blame.
Lately he remembered the past Siwon rather often... like he was missing him for some reason.
Selfish.
After all he did, he was selfish enough to want to see the previous Siwon.
Sigh.
He better quit it.
Jiwook paid the bill and left, heading to the place, he had to meet those bastards, a strong determination in his step, something he never once had.
Right then, more than any other time, he had the resolve to do something with his own strength and give his all.
Anything. Everything.
To protect him.
His brother.
And selfishly hope that they could yet return to how they were before.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Joohoon entered the house, which was for some unknown reason in the dark and way too cold, the door was also locked, not even the smallest of noises could be heard. It felt like a dead place and Joohoon felt chills down his spine.
Though his mind rationally denied it, he still rushed to check every room, the back of the house and the front, in search of one presence... but nothing.
It vanished. Like it never existed there to begin with.
He was already uneasy enough when his texts were left unread by the younger, which really was unreasonable from the start. Not then Jiwook was always, with no exception replying to him right away.
He didn't want to overreact and to make a fuss needlessly, but he couldn't help it. Just recalling the incident in the basement, when he found Jiwook unconscious there, scorched all his insides and even his cold rationality was of no use to him right then.
He called again and again, still not getting through, the younger's phone seemed off. It was around 8pm, it wasn't too late in case he went out and his battery went off, he may come at any moment and laugh at Joohoon freaking out like that.
Yes. That was it. It must be.
He took a deep sigh trying helplessly to calm down his worries. Just then, he noticed the plate on the table with a small paper near it.
His expression almost broke, reading it, a forced bitter smile rose, or better said an attempt to smile.
- What is with that doodle... Did he draw himself?...
Joohoon let a small, weak laugh, though his eyes looked like it were to tear at any moment.
He took bites of the sandwiches, that were prepared for him, not really sensing its taste, his stomach too upset to have a meal right then, but he ate it all nevertheless.
He went to the gate, his phone in one hand, already making another try to call him, the note in his other hand, which he lifted to his forehead, as if praying for everything to be just a meaningless worry. Nothing but a coincidence.
The younger not responding.
That ominous feeling he had.
It must be a coincidence.
Every fiber of his body screamed in denial, in blind horror with every cut-off call he made, with every possible dark scenario playing in his mind, with every heavy second that passed painfully hard without knowing where Jiwook was.
What happened to him.
Was he fine or...
He squeezed his eyes tightly, whispering, his voice trembling and pleading.
"Please Jiwook. Please.
Be alright!"