- Siwon! Siwon dear, how could our Jiwook... That's not right! Jiwook called us just yesterday and he said he'll come home. Siwon. *hic Siwon, Jiwook will be fine, right? Right? ... My poor baby, *hic Jiwook... who hurt you?... why did they hurt my child?! Why? *hic Siwon dear you're alright, right? You're not hurt too, right?... *hic Jiwook…What did they do to my dear child? He must be so scared!! Please let me see him. Let me be with him…
- Miss Han please calm down.
- Honey-
- NO! He's crying, don't you hear?
I need to see him right now! *hic my child! Let me go to him!
Jiwook's mother's cries, shouts, heartbreaking pleas and trembling hands, that grabbed on the doctor's clothes and her husband desperately, and then constantly checking on Han Siwon, caressing his arm and holding his hands, as if afraid she'd lose her child again, right before her eyes, her hands missing the warmth of her other child, searching blindly for him – everything echoed in the hospital's dim hall with grievous ring, so loud, so much heavy in that aching silence.
There were several hours since Jiwook was brought to the operation room and yet no doctor exited and no one told them about Jiwook's state or anything. Two times, more personnel with some portable devices, as well as more doctors rushed inside, but still no one came out. The long and overwrought waiting, with no news and just gruesome possible scenarios running through everyone's mind during that, was like a deadly poison: rising heartbeat, every muscle tensing, trembling, the breathing heavy, mind shattering with each second and eventually breaking… like what Jiwook's mother felt at that moment.
Taemin looked at her and his heart clenched so strongly, it was hard to breathe. He remembered Jiwook's expression when he asked about Han Siwon…when he mostly found out that his brother died. Taemin never thought that someone would look at him, Yoon Taemin, and ask him directly about the real Han Siwon. It was awful…that feeling.
He knew.
Living as Han Siwon wasn't his choice, but either way he was living another man's life, was wearing another's name, was having another's family. He never felt anything for whatever and whoever that new life gave to him, but… it was wrong. And more than anything, at that moment, he understood that he couldn't ignore it anymore. Those people, Han Siwon's family, his parents, they looked at him and saw their son, despite everything that clearly showed how different Taemin was from him. Maybe, somewhere, they felt it with their heart, but they would never accept that. They would blindly look for their son, take in all the changes and strangeness, and… love him. Taemin felt it, their unconditional love for him, something he never experienced in his life, and he was at loss.
["-…thanks…"]
Just why did Jiwook say that to him?! Why did he mean with that?! Did he knew that it would come to this and said it for Taemin to keep living like that… living as Han Siwon?
No, that's not what he meant, but Taemin was struck with guilt and shame, feeling like a thief or worse, to the point his thoughts slid in that direction unwillingly and again, to Jiwook's eyes, when they spoke. The eyes that learned the truth about him.
About his twin brother. About his death.
And Taemin was afraid. He knew with his head that it wasn't his fault, but he felt it was. Nothing would change that.
And now what happened to Jiwook.
That was not about Han Siwon. It was him, Yoon Taemin and his relationship with Min Siwoon. Jiwook might think he did it for his brother, tried to help, to reconcile, to prove something, whatever his stupid plan was, but what… just damn what must he felt when he found out his brother was gone and certainly what he did and suffered through was in vain… that it was too late to change anything.
Taemin squeezed his eyes shut, an awful headache invading his brain. Min Woojin (Siwoon) felt his distress and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
Yes. He wasn't alone.
"You too, Jiwook. You should hold in. You must. There are people waiting for you.", he thought while looking at the parents, his eyes then sliding to…
Joohoon.
He looked at him and his breath stopped for a moment.
Taemin thought Jiwook's mother was the most affected and distressed by the younger's critical state, but one look at Joohoon and Taemin knew he was wrong.
A silent tumult, darker than the darkness itself, was almost invisibly storming in that human form, so deceptively yet barely kept hidden behind that cold mask of nothingness. He bore no expression, as lifeless as the seat beside him. His eyes red, dark underneath, unfocused, fixed on a point on the floor, unmoving. His whole body frozen and rigid enough to make any passer-by mistake him for an object. Taemin himself wouldn't notice him, if he wouldn't remember about Joohoon.
The moment the paramedics tried to save Jiwook, he was shouting, pushing, fighting against them both, he and Woojin, they barely could hold him. Since then, he didn't speak a word. And for some reason Taemin felt chills down his spine.
This Joohoon was nothing from the one that messed with him earlier and played games with him and Woojin or Jiwook as well. He changed so much that if not for the same appearance, he wouldn't recognize him, not with how he looked like yesterday, coming to Woojin's apartment, not right then, blending in that silence and yet being on the verge to cause a disaster.
Gulp.
He prayed for Jiwook to be alright. He couldn't begin to imagine what could happen if…
Swish.
The door finally opened and a doctor came out of it, wearing a hard expression. He came closer and everyone flinched, getting up or straighten themselves to listen to his words.
Finally.
- We did what we could, but his condition is still not stable enough. We have to look over him for now, his pulse is too weak, he had hypovolemic shocks cause he lost too much blood… and the internal injuries…
The doctor sighed, he seemed unsure where from to even begin to describe the severity of all the patient's injuries.
- Please tell me what happened with my Jiwook? What…why…
Ms. Han was crying again, the doctor's words didn't make sense to her and she couldn't understand anything, the others looked as perplexed.
The doctor looked through the emergency section hall, that was filled up with people, he had a strained expression on his face, brows furrowed and eyes wavering as if he hesitated to tell everything in that place. He asked them to follow him to his office to give all the details and answer their questions. Though he meant it only for the adults, Taemin and Joohoon tagged along, even if he wanted to stop them, one look at Joohoon and he changed his mind. He recollected his thoughts or better say searched for the right words, his eyes plastered on the papers in his hand. Yet he began.
- Han Jiwook is still in critical condition. His heart stopped for two times because of the shocks, but thankfully we were in time and we managed to keep his pulse back, but… it's too weak still.
Ms. Han fell on her knees, crying in mute shock, her husband barely could hold her, as he himself trembled greatly.
- How was the surgery?, Taemin asked not sure how to take the doctor's words.
- The surgery went well. That's… normally he would be stable after it, but he was given strong drugs-
- W-what?
- The drugs, it overexerted his heart and reacted badly to our medication, it took longer to have an effect and made his condition far worse and too weak to withstand the shocks.
Everyone was shocked so much, that only disbelief and stupor was hunging on their expression, mind could still not grasp what the doctor implied.
Then, he continued, mostly reading what it was written on his papers.
- He has several external bruises and cuts, eleven contusions, of these two severe on his head, nose broken, his left shoulder and partially his jaw was dislocated, the bones below his left knee broken in three places, one part teared the muscles and the tissue, six broken ribs, one was pressing on his trachea, hindering greatly his breathing, severe internal injuries, his right eye has a deep acute injury, the optic nerve still not responding, two deep cuts on his abdomen, his vocal cords were severely damaged and…
For some reason he stopped for a moment and took a heavy breath, his eyes quivering, even for him as a doctor everything was enough to terrify him.
- T-the results show … he has several deep wounds and bleeding fissures in anal region that would need more time to recover. Sizing the severity of some of the external fractures and wounds, it… happened after the assault and the injected drugs. The test of that drug shows strong components and a high dosage of adrenaline, that caused heart arrhythmia and hypertension, and… and it exacerbated the pain and kept him forcibly conscious. It worsened his state to dangerous with the given dosage that-
- No! I don't understand anything! I don't understand! W-what… are you saying? What did h-happen to my child?, Jiwook's mother voice trembled along with her body in strong uneven convulses like being electrocuted.
The air was sharp chill and heavy, as though with each spoken word the air was turning in a liquid muggy tar squeezing everyone's lungs and almost chocking them.
- It means… that the severity of all the injuries must have made Han Jiwook fall unconscious, but the assaulters administrated him strong drugs, the overdose forced him to stay awake and be with 1.5 times more sensitive, thus his senses and pain were also amplified. In… this condition, we presume that he was brutally sexually assaulted and it became life-threatening-
Clash!
Everyone jumped at the sudden explosion of noise at their back and gasped in horror, when they saw the reason. The oblong sink on the left side of the door, the closest thing to Joohoon crushed under his strength, his hands dug in pieces of the white porcelain stained then with drops of his own blood, slashing mercilessly his flesh, yet the bleeding hands refused to release the pieces. The other half of the sink clashed on the floor, cracked but still in one piece, what could not be said about the shreds falling from Joohoon's hands. It was such an unrealistic and shocking sight from which, the others needed over a minute time to recover, still not trusting their own eyes.
- How in the world…
The doctor's mumbled words drove Taemin out of his shock and he very carefully, approached Joohoon, whose eyes were hidden under his heavy locks, impossible to spot. What Taemin did see, were very visible throbbing veins on Joohoon's jaw and neck.
It must have been a roar so deep and excruciating that with only his pure will and strength Joohoon could barely keep it muted inside, for, if left out, the agonizing scream could have certainly make ears bleed with its force.
Taemin made another step, alert and ready to spring back if Joohoon would try anything matching his inner tempest.
Drip. Drip.
More drops of blood fell and Taemin couldn't bear to look at it anymore, he advanced to the frozen man, his hands reached for the other' and tried to make it unclasp the knife-sharp shreds out of his palms, hands as unyielding as made of stone.
- Joohoon… please.
Taemin might have whispered or screamed, it wouldn't make any difference for Joohoon didn't show any sign of hearing him. Like he was somewhere else.
Or he wanted to be.
- We need… we need to stop the bleeding.
The doctor said finally awake from his stupor and proceeded to look for bandages and everything necessary to treat Joohoon's deep cuts. In a moment he was before Joohoon, carefully picking out the shells and quickly sterilized the wounds. The doctor was checking Joohoon every second minute for any reaction, tried to talk with him, but the tall man was completely unresponsive, not a single move, though the cuts must have certainly burnt painfully. A questioning look from him to Taemin and the younger nodded. It happened earlier as well, though not to that degree, when Joohoon smashed his phone with his hands and looked like he didn't feel any pain. However, even then he looked more… alive. Terrifying mad but alive at least, but right then…
- Joohoon-
- I failed.
Taemin would have certainly miss the bits of that whisper if he wouldn't be that close to Joohoon. Even the doctor who began to bandage his hands, didn't seem to notice it.
Taemin asked yet not sure if that was Joohoon's voice or just his imagination.
- Joohoon, did you say some-
Suddenly the taller jerked his head to his side, the rose blonde locks glided away from his eyes revealing it – those eyes.
A misery so shrill and burning scattered out of Joohoon's then bright eyes, that in that second, its amber color looked a firing yellow, like deadly mercury was pouring out of it. Taemin could feel the unmerciful burn almost physically on his skin and he instantly leaped back, his hands trembling unconsciously. The doctor startled by Taemin's sudden move, dropped the other bandage down, still only one hand finished.
Joohoon then moved.
He made a step back, then another, turned abruptly and run through the door, his fists clasped tightly, the white bandage instantly catching red spots.
In a second, he was gone, leaving the doctor and the Han couple perplexed, only a gruesome trail of deep red blood and the broken sink was left in his place.
Taemin rose his hand and put it on his other arm, in an attempt to smooth his trembling. Yet it was futile, as the disastrous look on Joohoon's face sunk so deeply in his bones like the heavy ashes of a Vulcan's lava, numbing everything inside of him.
With the door half opened Woojin came through and startled at the sight of Taemin, he hurried to put his arms around him to give him inches of his warmth.
- He looks the same.
Woojin looked back at him puzzled.
- Then I found out I died… my body was dead and I could change nothing of that… Joohoon, he has the same look as me back then.
Taemin sunk his face in Woojin's shoulder, trying to hide a visible tremor at that memory. He brought the hand he held tightened in fist all this time and revealed the small silver cuff Jiwook made sure to give him.
- He said I should be careful. The one that did that all to Jiwook… he was after me – not Han Siwon, but me Taemin. We have to find the fucker. I want to roast his rotted flesh myself, but Joohoon… he needs to know.
He clasped tightly his palm back, the cuff almost digging in his skin as he made the promise to himself and Jiwook. The one who made him like that, he will pay.
And Taemin was afraid, his life was not enough.
Not for Joohoon.