Riiiiiiiing.
Jiwook felt someone lightly pat his shoulder and got startled, finally waking up from his slumber. He winced, then he straightened his back, feeling his neck and shoulder muscles impossible sore, and turned to whom had waken him.
The stranger pointed at his phone, just then Jiwook noticed it was still ringing.
He bowed a little, mumbling an "I'm sorry" to them and accepted right away the call, not even looking who was calling.
- Where are you?!
Joohoon's tone was low and sounded even rougher than usual… almost as if he was worried, but that couldn't be, could it?
- Hyung?... Huh? Where am I?
Jiwook asked then himself, turning his head from side to side. He hurriedly pressed the stop and get out of the bus, but still couldn't recognize the place.
He mumbled.
- Wait… where is this? Huh?
He checked around, it was already dark outside, his surroundings being at most dozens of old-fashioned living houses sewed randomly on the tangled hills, swallowed in darkness, the few weak lights here and there being lost along in it.
It felt like an abandoned town and Jiwook had to blink a few times more, not trusting his eyes.
Where the hell did he end up being?
His breathing got rushed, giving away his anxiety.
- I'm sorry I fell asleep in the bus and … and it seems I missed the stop, and … now I got out, but I don't know where … it's so dark here, what's this place? the bus, I can't see the opposite-
- Jiwook.
The younger finally stopped from his chaotic babbling letting Joohoon's voice slowly slipping in his ear instantly soothing his distraught.
- Calm down first… are you still at the station?
- Y-yeah.
- Okay then. Take a look at the stand there.
- Oh right.
Jiwook did as he was told, giving all the details to Joohoon.
- Okay. It's around 20 minutes from here. You sit there and wait. I'm heading there right now.
Thump.
Jiwook's heart skipped a beat and he felt ticklish and warm inside.
- Jiwook?
- Oh yes, I got it… Thanks.
Joohoon sighed quietly and added, guessing already the younger's blushing expression from his voice alone.
- Just remember to answer your phone, will you?
- I will!, replied firmly Jiwook - I'm sorry Hyung, his voice getting quieter at the end, almost an whisper.
- Right.
Jiwook could swear he heard Joohoon's smile over the phone and it brought him a small smile of his own.
The elder hung up, making Jiwook already miss his voice and its warmth.
The younger tried hard to not give any attention to the gloomy darkness or the broken light from the station, that was continuously switching from off to on, in a eerie way, or the fact that nobody was on the street, nor any cars were there to pass, or even worse that it was so awfully quiet, making the hair on his hands and back neck stand. Actually it was better when no one was there, cause after around 10 minutes a suspicious aged man came to the station as well, supposedly waiting for the bus, a heavy smell of alcohol reeked from him causing Jiwook to get dizzy and hold his breath, both from fear and the other's stench. The man was eyeing him ostentatiously, slapping his tongue over his mouth in a clear vulgar and lewd way, making Jiwook flinch and tremble violently, his stomach ready to throw up at any moment.
With shacking fingers he dialed Joohoon and prayed with all his heart for the other to come sooner.
- H-hyung… you're on your way here…? You'll reach soon, right?, his voice broke at the end, betraying his alarmed state.
- Jiwook? What happened?
Over his left side, the drunken man seemed to lose interest and with a loud "tch" turned his back to Jiwook.
He let out a loud yet shaking sigh in relief.
- I-it's okay now… Hyung, could we, could we talk a little like this? P-please?, he whispered pleadingly.
- Hm? … okay.
Jiwook felt so much better just hearing Joohoon's voice so close to him, that he switched right away all his attention to him, forgetting about everything else.
- How was your day? How was at school?
- Boring. I had to sit there all day doing nothing.
Jiwook chuckled very quietly. It sounded like Joohoon was complaining, but that couldn't be the case. Of course, it was Joohoon after all.
- Do you always have this many classes?
- No… I don't know, maybe. I skip most of it.
- Te-he, this time Jiwook couldn't hide his small laugh – so you're not the studious type I guess?
- Do I look like one?
A full joyous laugh glided through the phone's speaker right in Joohoon's ear, causing his lips to curl up.
- Right!
- And you never had a disciplinary hearing.
- I may actually get one soon, answered Jiwook sounding almost proud of himself.
- Right.
Yeah, thinking back he skipped quite too many classes recently.
- Surely you'll get your way out of it. You're foxy Han after all.
Jiwook faked a sulking snort, though he was secretly happy to hear that branded nickname. It was only Joohoon, who called him like that. Almost sweet, hearing it from his mouth.
- I don't know. Maybe I'll just agree with everything and accept my punishment.
It sounded like a joke even to his ears, but somewhere deep inside, he was already considering that option.
- Hm?
It seemed his answer took the elder by surprise.
- That's not easy. You sure you'll not regret it?
- I'm willing to give it a try.
At his firm tone, Joohoon might have understood what Jiwook really meant with those words. After a moment of thought, he abruptly asked.
- … are you scared?
Jiwook's breath was caught in his throat, a loud heartbeat ringing in his ears, the elder always masterly could pretty much guess anything Jiwook would try to hid from him, from anyone. Joohoon was the only person who saw him for who he really was.
It was a bless and scaring at the same time.
The younger needed a long moment to gather his strength and courage to answer honestly that question. He wet his lips and slowly readjusted his breathing, dropping his head low, he opened his mouth and in the end uttered the quietest possible.
- … yes.
He felt suddenly so cold, that he brought the knees to his chin, crooking himself into a bowl, burying his face on his knees, one hand hugging it, the other still holding his phone close, the closest possible, as if through it he would obtain the warmth he desperately needed right then.
Just soft breathing resounded from the other side of the line, but even that, was enough for Jiwook. He held on it for dear life as if the whole world was reduced to silence and nothingness, and only Joohoon's quiet breathing existed, only it… mattered.
- Jiwook.
…
It felt so much warmer, so much closer, so precious.
His heart squeezed, tears gathering.
So real.
…
- Jiwook.
Jiwook yanked his head up so fast, that drops of tears splattered aside, glittering in the dim moonlight, like drops of dew just sprinkled off a fragile flower.
There in front of him, veiled in a mellow trembling light was Joohoon, unearthly, beyond this reality, his eyes held all this world's secrets and even more - this intense, this deep rayed his eyes and nothing, absolutely nothing could ever overshadow it. His presence - a constant as everlasting as the darkness in the universe.
His smile, Goddess, how could a smile be this chaste, not daring to curl up even for one millimeter more, but so undeniably genuine, as if the most cruel pain craved its line and looking at it, changed the way stars shined, the way hearts were beating and minds were thinking… that smile knew everything and its strength could lift all this world's weight.
The hand extended to Jiwook was reassurance. That it wasn't just a figment of his imagination. That it wasn't a merely dream.
His hand was a promise. That there will always be a place to return to.
That someone will always wait for him.
- Jiwook.
And call his name.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Joohoon moved a rebellious blue lock away from the closed eyes, counting each flutter of those long eyelashes and contemplating the shadow it cast over the pale drawn cheeks. It looked like sculpted purely out of glass, the weakest touch would break it to pieces. A dark bulging web arching his eyes underneath, a visible proof of what he did or felt the entire day and unfortunately baring his inner scars to everyone's display.
He mused to himself, how could suffering make someone's features so much more alluring, as if they were specially created this way. To suffer for the sake of beauty.
A foolish thought.
Who better knew than himself, where such a ruthless torment, be it physical or mental, could lead to.
Joohoon closed his eyes for a moment, on his face a wince could barely be spotted. Nevertheless Jiwook, who was leaning on Joohoon's shoulder and chest, sensed it and let out a weak groan in his sleep, clearly discontented with the elder's sudden disruption.
Joohoon dropped a small smile and squeezed his hold on the other's shoulder.
"He's getting used to it".
Used to read his feelings. Or at least sense it. Even in his sleep.
He wasn't sure if he himself was still hiding it that well like before either. He was changing along side with Jiwook.
And honestly, this change… it was scary. Every edge of his rationality was screaming at him of the imminent danger and though all that, his heart just couldn't follow it.
He was loosing himself – that was an undeniable truth.
- Foxy Han, foxy Han… What should I do with you?...
He whispered.
Nobody could and would give him the right answer. In the end it was after him.
He glanced away, to the window, as if afraid that looking any second more at Jiwook would certainly make him lose even the last fragments of his rationality.
- Sigh.
The night's darkness sunk over all that area's streets and buildings, the few discolored lights that glittered now and then, were washed away by the mellow mist and cold drizzle that began to fall unexpectedly. The view was anything but cheerful and moreover it gave an unpleasant, ominous feeling. Like something will happen and Joohoon wouldn't be able to overcome it.
Or at least to prevent it.
…
They finally reached the needed stop, for it was very later, they had to wait half an hour for the next bus, then ride another half or more, but in the end they made it. It was past 11pm and the night air was so cold, that it bit Jiwook's bones. He shivered so much, that his teeth was shuddering loud enough for Joohoon to hear. They had at most 10 minutes to walk till the house, but Jiwook got already his lips blue.
He would have make a run right to the house's gate if not his utmost exhaustion, that was numbing his whole body, being left with just enough strength to drag his feet ever so slowly to their destination.
Joohoon assumed that much, if the younger's wrenched look was anything to tell, the fact that he slept not once, but twice in row, sitting, shacked from side to side in the noisy bus, was proving it plainly. Jiwook was tired to the point he could fall asleep while walking.
God, he was drowsy, his eyes half closed or perhaps already closed and he just blindly took steps forward.
The elder sighed in defeat. What could he do otherwise?!
He stepped ahead of Jiwook, taking a hold of his arms and, while kneeling, for Jiwook to reach him, he made him on his broad back, locking the younger's hands around his neck and lifting him. It seemed the other couldn't appreciate the special treatment he was honored with, as his head dropped on Joohoon's shoulder in utter slumber. Though already unconscious, Jiwook could very well sense Joohoon's warmth and he squeezed him tightly, turning a little and nuzzling at the elder's cheek and neck.
He hummed, his soft breathing tickling Joohoon's skin.
- Aren't you enjoying it too much?, said out loud the elder grumpily, but secretly liking it just as much.
He was even purposely slowing down his steps like he wished for that moment to last just for a little longer.
Joohoon thought back then he found Jiwook at the station. Seeing him curled in so tight, trembling in cold, alone, with the darkness poured over him, so frail… too frail, like he was going to disappear right in front of him at any moment.
He could hear the younger's muted sobs and was relieved. Relieved that Jiwook was real, not a mere vanishing shadow. He couldn't yet quite grasp what feelings were storming and clashing inside of him right then, nor distinguish it, but one thing he knew for sure. It carried a name.
His name.
"- Jiwook".
And he could finally see those eyes.
Eyes that made him give this cursed world another chance. Eyes that solely saw only him and nothing else beside him. The palest shade of blue pulsed through those eyes, so bright, so alive, that he wondered how could he mistake him for a shadow only a second before. It mirrored just about anything he wished or would ever wish for and still make him want more. Eyes that will both save him and ruin him to pieces.
His eyes.
His heaven.
His downfall.
Joohoon knew it all and yet…
He smiled.
Hand reaching already for it. For him.
…
Jiwook snuggled some more, still sleeping tightly, he opened his mouth a little and wet his lips, repeating that for two or three times more, innocently printing soft warm kisses on Joohoon's neck in the process.
Joohoon's smile deepened, his eyes closed in defeat, the faintest shade of blush sneaked for a second on his both cheeks.
He lost.
Obviously.
It was never a choice of his to begin with.