Every time I looked up in the sky, I always wondered what was its color could be. Unfortunately, I couldn't see it, I've never seen colors in my entire life, All I'd ever see is this monotone-colored world.
When I was young I had diagnosed with achromatopsia, also known as total color blindness, it was a condition where I only could see black, white, and a shade of gray color.
My parents tried to take me to different ophthalmologists, they even brought me to the different specialists. But eventually, they gave up because our family couldn't hold the expensive medical payments.
My family runs a small sari-sari store near our house. Sometimes, I voluntarily watch the store instead of my sister and younger brother but I was having trouble 'cause I couldn't see the color of the money. There was a time that I mistook the one hundred bill to one thousand and it made a huge loss on our store's income.
"You don't have to push yourself, just do whatever you're capable of"
My father always told me as if there's nothing I could do, but it was okay for me 'caused I know that he was right. I'm already seventeen years old yet, I couldn't walk across the road by myself. I wish they invented traffic lights for color blind people.
"If you're finished there, hurry up or you'll be late for your school!"
My mother used to be so sweet to me, she always spoiled me when I was young, however, it changed after we ended up being in debt because of my medications.
"There's your meal inside the refrigerator, just heat it... "
My mother is a factory worker, thus she always leaves in the morning and got home late. That's the same for my father, he always leaves after my mother went to her job, he always leaves the store on my siblings and went out without telling us where would he go. I have a gist of what's happening.
My father was cheating...
I tried to talk about it once with my mother after she went home from her job, but she ended up beating me.
"Do you know how much our debt because of you!? you're just a burden to our family yet you are saying that sort of things?!"
Of course, my father found out what I told on my mother, and like what my mother did, he'd beaten me up using his old belt. My siblings were just kept quiet about it, my big sister has an incoming entrance exam so she has to focus on her studies, while my brother was still so young that he had no gist of what's happening.
That's the often scenario in our house, but the school was far worse than that.
"Hey, so you can't see colors huh?" my classmate wave his hand in front of my eye as though I was blind.
"He wasn't blind you moron, why are you waving your hand like that?" there was another classmate with a few unbuttoned on the top part of her uniform and a shortened skirt above her knees.
"That's just the same..." he continued waving his hand in front of my eye.
"Ummm" I looked at him from my seat. "... that wasn't the same" I mumbled.
I know that I shouldn't say a word 'cause I could already see what would happen to me if I tried to make him mad. I expected that he would yell at me like he always does but this time it was different, he looked at me with his head slightly tilted as if he was still picturing what I'd say.
"What?" he curled his eyebrow.
"I-I said... blindness and not capable of seeing the color was di-different" I muttered.
He just smiled at me. His smile turned into chuckled and ended in laughter, I should laugh too even if it was force or he would beat me again. "H-he he—" I felt someone grasped the back of my head and pushed it, made my face shoved on my table. I knew it, I should just keep my mouth shut
"Who the hell are you to tell me what right and wrong?! you're just a cockroach of our class yet you acted high and might!? don't talk to me like we are equal you son of shit!" he grunted as he shoves my face back and forth on the table.
"Oh my... you made him mad"
"Well it's his fault, he talked back to him"
"Should we call a teacher? there's already blood running out of his nose"
"Don't stick your nose on their business, or you'll regret it"
One thing that always saved me was the school bell when it says the class was about to start. Sometimes I wish that there was no free time and lunch break in our school so that there were no bullies who would try to beat me.
He eventually stopped torturing me when there was a teacher in our class, this was the only time I felt relieved in this classroom. I haven't said a word about my classmates bullying me to our teacher. Why? did you wonder?
"Ah... you on the last seat at the back, you haven't pay your fees for two months when would you plan to pay? do you know that you're causing a lot of trouble for us teachers?" he pointed his rolled-up paper at me. I stood up and lowered down my gaze.
"So-sorry but my parents haven't given me money for school payment yet, ca-can I pay it next month?" My classmates laughed at me.
I'm safe from physical torture but It didn't mean that I was safe from mental.
"Next month again!? did you already said that last month?! have you think of a new excuse?" he hit the table using the rolled-up paper that made me startled.
"So-sorry"
"I know your family has a financial problem because of your past medication... wait, do you really have achromatopsia? or it's just an excuse not to pay the school fees. If I found out that you were lying that your parent hasn't given you money yet and you're just spending it for yourself I—"
"I do really have this illness, sir" I speak quickly to correct him.
After a few seconds of silence, I felt something flew to me and hit my head hard.
"Have your parents teach you not to interrupt adults when they are talking?!"
I was just correcting him...
"Go to the office later, I'll tell your parent to come here... kids these days didn't know how to respect us adults"