Harry, Ron and Ginny left for the holidays two days before Christmas. They left early in the morning, walking to Hogsmeade and apparating. I had thought watching them all leave would be difficult, but strangely it wasn't. The strange fluttering deep within me whenever I thought about what I was doing, of the secret that I was keeping, dimmed all my feelings of guilt. I didn't like lying to them, but I knew that I had to. I wasn't going to risk telling them about Draco until I knew what there was to tell. I knew that I enjoyed spending time with him, but beyond that- I didn't know. I didn't know what I was feeling and until I did, I wasn't going to risk the inevitable fallout. I wasn't going to risk my friends. At least not until I was absolutely sure of him; of his feelings. Besides I couldn't just drop that massive bombshell completely out of the blue. My friends would think I had lost my mind. But I did have a plan. Or at least the rough idea of one. I knew that all I had to do was start laying the groundwork to open them up to the idea that Draco wasn't the person that they thought he was. Ginny was too hot headed and Ron was too biased, but I thought if I could maybe try and get Harry on my side, to at least get him to give Draco a chance before I told the others then I could at least try to lesson the blow.
I was going to do it. Eventually. But I decided to at least give myself Christmas with Draco, to test out what was between us before I risked rocking the boat. Besides I didn't want my friends leaving Hogwarts for two weeks angry at me. And so I stuck to my lie and let them believe that I was going home for Christmas but I told them that I was leaving the day after them, on Christmas Eve. I made some excuse about my parents not finishing work until then and me having a load of work to do anyway, which of course they all rolled their eyes at, but readily accepted before leaving me alone in the castle.
Not that it was a complete lie. Once they had all left I did actually spend most of that day and Christmas Eve in the library. I did every bit of work that I had to complete for after the holidays so I was completely free for whatever the next two weeks would bring.
Draco joined me at one point, sitting across the large wooden table, but he seemed in no mood to do anything productive. After trying and failing to distract me he quickly got bored and left me alone again, opting to go and make the most of a completely empty Quidditch pitch.
When I finished my work I went back to the common room. The completely empty common room as the last few students had gone home. The Gryffindor common room was always a cosy room. A room filled with warm and rich crimson, scarlet and gold. It was not opulent, but it's shabby, lived-in feel always gave me comfort. It felt like home. No matter the time of day, there were always people sitting working at the tables, the seats in front of the fire were always occupied and voices and laughter always filled the air. Yet now it was deserted and I was alone. The silence was heavy and strangely suffocating. For the first time the impact of what I had done hit me full force and I had the overwhelming sensation of loneliness.
Loneliness that I had dragged Draco into. I suddenly realised how selfish I had been. What I was subjecting Draco to just so that I didn't have to be alone.
I distracted myself from the quiet with a book until I met him in the kitchens for dinner. I had been quiet and solemn throughout most of the meal and I could tell that he knew something was wrong, even if he never voiced his suspicions, but after the umpteenth confused glance he shot my way, I knew I had to say something. .
'You didn't have to stay with me you know. You could still go home.' I didn't want to look at him, didn't want to see him consider the option, but I forced my eyes to meet him anyway.
He stared at me for a moment, giving me a single blink before he took another bite of food and then asked me if I'd finished all of my work in the library, ignoring my question completely.
'You could you know,' I pressed again. 'There's still time. I won't hold it against you.'
'Hermione.' He dropped his fork to his plate, his voice firm as he spoke. 'I'm staying here. We've been over this.'
I didn't know why I was pushing him. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want to be alone but I also had to be sure that I wasn't making him do something that he didn't want to. That he want just staying out of pity for me. 'Surely your parents can't be happy about it.'
At that he betrayed his first signal of unease, his jaw twitching to the side. 'They'll survive,' he stated simply.
'Draco, maybe you should go home if your parents aren't happy about it.'
'Hermione, I've made my choice. I'm staying here.' His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument. Although I still felt I had to try.
'I'm just saying that you don't have to stay with me.' I tried to explain, but as he stared at me for a long moment, I could see the frustration creeping into his features.
'Hermione, if you don't want me to stay with you then just say.'
'No, no its not that,' I rushed to say, in a desperate bid to reassure him. 'I just didn't want you to feel that you have to stay with me.'
'Hermione, I want to.' Draco sighed deeply. 'We've been through this.'
I looked at him assessingly, but I saw nothing but shining determination staring back at me. 'Okay,' I conceded. 'I just wanted to make sure.'
'Okay then,' Draco said with a nod. After a moment, he picked up his fork and started eating again. 'Right. What shall we do over the holidays? What do you want to do?'
'Em, I don't know.' I paused for moment and had a think before I suggested, 'How about we spend Christmas in the room of requirement and then take it from there.'
'Sounds like a plan,' Draco agreed and I smiled at the thought of spending the whole day with him. Of not being alone.
I woke up on Christmas morning feeling a mixture of emotions. For the first time in my life I had woken up alone on Christmas morning and it was a strange experience having no one to open your presents with. I missed the joy and the laughter and the endless piles of wrapping paper as Christmas music played in the background. However the small pile of presents that had been piled in my stocking and carefully arranged at the foot of my bed, still brought a smile to my face.
The Weasleys had sent me the traditional jumper and toffee; this year I got an emerald green jumper that sat slightly off my shoulders. The irony of the colour was not lost on me. Harry gave me a beautiful twisted metal photo frame with a picture of us at Bill and Fleur's wedding, taken before all the madness of the last year had happened. Ron's present, however was the biggest surprise of all. His was the last present that I opened. I picked up the small red box with gold ribbon wrapped around it. It was so beautiful that I almost didn't want to open it. I felt sure that Ron must have gotten someone to help with the wrapping, as there was no way he had achieved those perfect edges on his own. Once I had peeled back the long gold ribbon and opened the red box, I gasped when I saw what was inside. Laying on top of red silk, lay a thin solid gold bracelet with a heart charm dangling gently from the middle. My fingers skimmed over the bracelet before I gently put it on my left wrist. It was beautiful. It was probably the most beautiful piece of jewellery that I had ever owned. It must have cost Ron a fortune.
I took a glance at the clock, realising that I had to meet Draco in just over an hour and I still had to get ready. Tracing my fingers over the golden charm once more, I unclasped the bracelet from my wrist and placed it back in the box. It didn't feel right to wear it when I was going to spend the day with somebody else. I did not have time to work out what Ron was trying to say. I thought he had understood when I had said that I wanted to be friends. Just friends. Whatever message he was trying to give, it would need to wait for another day.
Draco and I had arranged to meet at twelve o'clock in the castle kitchens. Few people had decided to stay at the castle this Christmas so it was quiet. After the events of the last year, most families wanted their children home with them. There were only a handful of others that had opted to stay and by the looks on their faces, it wasn't through choice. Even with only four other students in the castle, a Hufflepuff brother and sister and two Ravenclaws, Draco and I still decided to have our meal alone and out of sight. I could just imagine how quickly the rumours would have started flying had we eaten with everyone else. I would have bet ten galleons that at least half of Hogwarts would have known before the end of the day.
I walked down the corridor to the kitchen and this time, I was first. I sat myself down at the table in what had become our usual spot and waited for Draco to arrive. After sitting with my foot tapping up and down, checking my hair numerous times and drumming my fingers nervously against the table, I had sudden empathy for how he would have felt when I had been late and kept him waiting. The uncertainty, the nervousness, the anticipation. It was exhausting. I was vowing to never be late again.
Eventually he came strolling into the kitchen and my heart lifted slightly, just glad to see him. Although in truth there was more than a little relief that he had come at all. I was trying so hard not to doubt him, but whenever I thought about it, of him and I, of the surrealism of the situation, they came creeping back in no matter how hard I tried to keep them at bay.
Draco walked towards me with a small smile on his face and said, 'Merry Christmas,' stopping in front of me and leaning in to give me an awkward hug. He lingered slightly and just as I had begun to respond, he took a step back and out of reach.
'Merry Christmas,' I reply a little bemused as he sat down across from me.
'That colour looks good on you,' he said as he sat across from me and I could see the twinkle in his eye. 'It's a pity you don't wear it more often.'
'Oh, I don't know,' I smirked. 'Maybe I will. It's kind of growing on me.'
After our massive dinner or turkey with all of the trimmings, including a lively debate on whether or not Yorkshire puddings were a vital part of a Christmas dinner (I was all for it, he was not), both of us were so stuffed full that it took forever to meander our way to the room of requirement. Even though we had both eaten way more than we actually should have, the house elves insisted that we take away some butterbeer and mince pies in case we got hungry later on, although I seriously doubted that would happen. Just the mere thought of more food made me feel nauseous.
The room of requirement was exactly the same as it had been before, with the couch in front of the fire. Although this time it was beautifully decorated for Christmas. In the corner of the room stood a stunning Christmas tree that nearly touched the ceiling. It was decorated with a mixture of red and gold, much to Draco's annoyance. On top of the fireplace and all around the room were garlands and candles that gave the room a warm and cosy glow.
When we sat down in front of the fire, Draco challenged me to a game of wizard's chess and fulfilling his needs, a marble chess set appeared on the table in front of us. I almost groaned out loud. Chess was something that I could not do. I had tried once with Ron and he had been so insufferable when he beat me that I never bothered to try it again.
'Draco, I can't play chess.' He turned to be and immediately lifted his head in surprise. 'I don't know how,' I admitted grudgingly.
A slow smile appeared on his lips. 'Say that again. You don't know how to do something?'
'Alright, Malfoy,' I said as his eyebrows pricked up at the use of his surname. 'You don't have to go on about it.'
'Ah, come on,' he said leaning back and holding his hands out. He was clearly enjoying this. 'This may never happen again and I would like to savour the moment'
'Well don't get used to it. Black or white?' I asked holding up two of the chess pieces although don't ask me what they were.
'Oh, I am definitely black,' he said with a smirk, reaching out to take the piece from me. 'I'm going to enjoy this.'
We played three games of chess, none of them lasting particularly long. Chess was a game of logic and skill and it should have been something that I was good at, but for some reason I just couldn't get my head around it. Draco was a surprisingly good teacher, better than Ron at any rate. He explained the rules to me and patiently waited for me to make my moves. On more than once occasion he would give a small cough and shake his head as I was about to make a stupid move. He won each game of course, but even I could tell that he was going easy on me.
After my third straight defeat I'd had enough. 'No more, Draco.' I held my hands up in surrender. 'Have mercy. I concede defeat.'
'Sorry, what was that? I didn't quite catch it,' he said, feigning innocence.
I couldn't help but glare at him. 'Don't push your luck.' I pulled myself up off of the floor and settled back onto the comfort of the couches soft cushions. 'I really hate this game.'
'Well, we have two weeks to practise.' I glared at the offending chessboard that Draco was re-setting, placing all of the pieces back to their correct squares and facing them to the front
'Great, I can't wait,' I said sarcastically, thinking I would rather do anything else than spend two weeks being beaten by Draco. I look around the room, taking in the glittering decorations when I suddenly remembered that I hadn't given him his present yet.
I reached inside my bag and pulled out the carefully wrapped present. It might have been a bit predictable, but I went for silver paper with a green ribbon. At least I knew he liked the colours and they were technically Christmassy. Besides after his reaction to the Christmas tree, I didn't think he would have appreciated red or gold.
'Sorry, I forgot to give you this earlier. Merry Christmas.' I passed it over and I could see the excitement in his eyes and he gave me a look as if trying to work out what I'd given him just by looking at me. In truth I had had no idea what to buy him. When we had joked about me buying him an amazing present, I honestly hadn't thought it would be that hard. But as I tried to think about what to buy Draco I realised that I actually didn't know what he liked and then again he probably had everything he wanted anyway. His parents very rarely said no to him and he probably already had the best of everything. It was when I was watching Harry mucking about a few weeks before that inspiration finally struck.
Draco peeled back the green ribbon, his long fingers slowly working out the knot. It was so frustrating. I wanted to grab the paper and tear it off just so I could see his reaction. He was being so meticulous in his actions, being so careful not to rip any of the paper. I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from reaching out and opening it myself. When he finally pulled away the paper, he looked at the small black case in his hand in confusion. I could see the slight look of worry as he began to open the lid. It was understandable. It did look a bit like a jewellery box. I could just imagine his face if I'd gotten him jewellery. It might have been worth it just to see his reaction.
He was so careful to keep his facial features even, I imagined he was preparing himself to act as if he liked the present, but there was no way that he faking the reaction that he gave. His eyes widened, his jaw dropped open and the faint hint of a smile appeared at the edge of his lips.
'Hermione, how did you even get this?' he said, with definite wonder in his voice. I couldn't help but smile at his reaction. I knew he would love it.
After days of worrying about what to buy I had eventually realised that the only thing I knew about Draco was that he really liked Quidditch. It was when Harry was playing about with his snitch one day in the common room that I realised what to buy. Although instead of the traditional gold snitch that was customary, I had given Draco a silver snitch.
'Now that would be telling,' I teased, although I desperately wanted to. It certainly hadn't been easy. I'd had to write to Bowman Wright, the company which makes snitches and beg them for one. They usually only sold snitches to actual Quidditch teams. I could have bought a regular one that normal people used for practising but they were often poor quality (apparently) and weren't very fast. I was sure Draco would have had one of those anyway, so I wanted to get him a proper one. I wasn't proud of it, but I had name dropped Harry to the manager of the company, but luckily, it had worked and they had agreed to give me the snitch. I had to get a normal golden snitch, but I had transfigured it so that it was silver.
'It's brand new. No one else has touched it, so the flesh memory will register it as yours.
'It's incredible,' Draco breathed, reaching out and carefully caressing the smooth silver, running his finger over the engraving of a Dragon, his namesake, that I had put on the front with his name underneath. His picked up the snitch, holding it tightly in his hand, before a dark look passed over his face and he put it back in the box and closed the lid.
Hermione, I can't accept this. It's too much,' Draco said, attempting to hand it back to me.
'Well, you're just going to have to,' I responded, pushing his hand away and refusing to take the box. 'I can hardly return it seeing as it has your name on the front. How many other Draco's do you know?' He smiled slightly, but something still seemed to be troubling him. 'Besides, there might be a reason that you want to keep it. Apart from the fact that it is my gift to you and I will be incredibly hurt if you don't.'
He raised his eyebrow to me in question, but I wasn't going to make it easy for him. I wanted to have some fun first.
'Did you know that snitches are hollow and you can actually open them if you wanted to?' He nodded in agreement, but his eyes were wary, wondering where I was going.
'Well, did you also know that you can place something inside a snitch if you wanted?'
He snatched back the black box and opened the lid, grabbing the snitch out, turning it over in his hands.
'There's something inside this. What is it?'
'I don't know if I want to tell you now. I was going to show you how to open it, but now I think I'll let you figure it out on your own.'
'And how do I do that?'
'You're smart.' I said, reaching over to tap his face. 'I'm sure you'll figure it out,' I teased.
'Can I have a clue?'
'Well inside is something you want and it's almost like a password to open. You just have to say the word and it will open.'
'And how will I guess the word?'
'Logic, Draco. Simple logic.'
He puzzled over that for a moment and lapsed into silence. I thought that he was thinking about how to open up the snitch. I hadn't meant to make it a challenge, but it had just sort of happened. Instead of the puzzled look I had expected, he looked nervous.
'Draco, what's wrong,' I say wondering what's caused his current change of mood. Wondering if I'd done something wrong.
'Hermione, your present is so amazing. No one has ever got me something like that before. It's just that I got you a present too. I'm sorry, it's just something small.' He looked nervous as he reached behind him and presented me with a box. As I took the box out of his hands, I couldn't help but think of the box that I opened this morning, but I quickly put Ron out of my mind.
Draco was looking at me expectantly, in nervous anticipation. Gently I peeled back the silver ribbon from the black box and nervously lifted the lid. My jaw dropped and I was rendered utterly speechless when I looked inside.
'I know it's not much,' he said defending himself, confusing my silence as dislike. 'It's from that story you told me about.' He reached up a hand, rubbing it over the back of his neck in awkwardness. 'I'm sorry, it's stupid. I just thought you might like it,' he said as his hand twitched as if he was thinking of reaching over and taking it back.
'Draco,' I breathed, reaching down and running my finger over the smooth petal of the most exquisite red rose I have ever seen. 'It's beautiful.'
He looked up me, a faint blush of embarrassment touching his cheeks. 'It's enchanted,' he added. 'The petals will never fall as long as… well, they won't fall.'
Tears appeared in my eyes as I continued to caress the velvety softness, running my fingers down and over the firm green stem, feeling the sharp edges of the thorns. I was stunned by the thoughtfulness of his gift. Stunned that he remembered the story. Stunned that he knew me so well.
I shifted closer to him, lowering my lips to kiss him gently on the cheek. I blinked back the tears in my eyes and reached out to cup his face with my hand, forcing him to look at me. When I spoke my voice was thick with emotion. 'No one has ever given me anything so amazing in my whole life. Draco this is amazing. I love it.'
'Really,' he said hopefully, as a small smile began to appear on his lips, making my stomach flip.
'Really,' I assured him with complete honesty. He watched me, a contented smile on his face and I imagined that he was pleased with himself, although I had to admit, he had plenty of reason to be. His gift was perfect. A thought seemed to come into his head and he leaned forward resting his hands on the rose. 'Have you noticed how a rose stands for Gryffindor and Slytherin? The red of the petals for Gryffindor and the green of the stem for Slytherin.'
'Yeah the beautiful part is Gryffindor and the prickly thorns for Slytherin,' I teased with a cheeky grin.
He rolled his eyes at me before continuing, 'You see red and green; Gryffindor and Slytherin; they can go together. They complement each other perfectly. Like us. I kind of thought it had double meaning.'
'Well, now I love it even more,' I said leaning up and kissing him once again before I eased back to cuddle in beside him, resting my head against his shoulder, all the while tracing my fingers over the smooth red petals of the rose.
'Hermione.' Draco's voice whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my neck, and making me shiver as I looked up at him, 'I'm really glad that I could spend Christmas with you. I know it's not been the Christmas you wanted and I'm not the person you would have chosen to spend Christmas with, but I think it's been perfect.'
I thought over his words for a moment. Back to the Christmases that I had spent with the Weasley's and with my family. Of laughing over the dinner table, telling jokes, playing games and being surrounded by family. And yet here, with just one person beside me, I felt happier and more contented than I had ever felt before.
Looking back up him, I said in complete honesty, 'Draco, today has been perfect and I am so glad that it is you that I get to be with.' Once again Draco lowered his head, pulling me into a deep and searching kiss and in that moment I knew that there was nowhere else on earth I would rather be and no one else that I would rather be with.
At some point we must have fallen asleep in front of the warm fire, because I was suddenly jerked wide awake, my heart pounding with the shock of being woken so abruptly. It didn't take me long to realise why. My head, which only a moment ago had rested on Draco's shoulder was jerked off by his sudden movements.
I watched in muted shock and rising panic as Draco began moaning, letting out a pained grunt as he curled in on himself. Everything about his body language suggested that he was trying to protect himself and the vulnerability of it, caused a pained streak to radiate across my chest.
He jerked suddenly, his face tightening in sleep, and he gave another pained grunt. The flickering light from the fireplace exposed the sweat glistening on his face and the dampness of his T-shirt.
I felt anxious about waking him, unsure how he would react, but as he cried out again, I knew that I couldn't bear to watch it for another second.
'Draco,' I said, resting a hand on his shoulder. 'Draco.' I shook him.
He flinched but didn't wake up. I watched in horror as a few tears leaked from his eyes and streaked down his face. Panicking I shook his shoulder again, but had to jump backwards when he twisted and thrashed more ferociously to try and escape my grasp. Changing my tactic I crouched beside him and gently placed my hand on his face, stroking his cheek softly, pushing the sweat drenched hair from his face.
I bent closer, my lips at his ear. 'Draco. Draco, Shhh,' I murmured soothingly. 'It's only a dream. You need to wake up.' Immediately his body began to relax, his movements stilling as some of the tension left his taut muscles. I continued to stroke his face, muttering softly to calm him until his body jerked awake. Grey eyes blinked up at me in confusion and shock. Draco's chest heaved with exertion. His wide eyes darted around trying to work out where he was but I forced his face back to mine, my hand firmly on his cheek. 'It was just a nightmare, Draco. Everything's fine.'
'Fuck,' he whispered, pushing himself up into a sitting position and running his hands through his damp hair. 'Fuck.' He huffed and sagged against the cushions on the couch, trying hard to control his shallow, shaky breaths.
'I'll go get you some water.'
When I returned to his side a moment later, he was leaning forwards, his head in his hands.
'Do you want to talk about it?' I asked tentatively.
He shook his head slowly, sitting in silence for a long minute, a minute in which he still hadn't looked at me.
'I was back at the manor,' he said abruptly. 'He was there. It was like it was real. Like it was happening all over again,' he choked out, his hands clenching into tight fists. 'He was angry with me. So angry. He gave me the cruciatus curse again and again and again. I could feel it. The pain. It was so real. It hurt so much,' he whispered, closing his eyes as if reliving the agony all over again.
'Hey,' I said softly, gently placing my hand on the taut line of his shoulders. 'It's ok,' I comforted, rubbing my hand over his back, feeling the strong, tense muscles shivering under my touch. 'It was just a dream. He's gone. He can't hurt you anymore.'
Draco suddenly sat up straight and my hand fell away from his back, hanging limply in front of me. Lifting his head, he turned and looked at me, his grey eyes blazing with turmoil. 'You shouldn't be with me, Hermione. Why are you even with me? I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. You have no idea the things that I've done. You would walk out that door and never look back if you knew.'
For a minute I actually felt scared. Not scared of the things he said he'd done. Not scared of what he could do. I felt scared for him. I had never seen him look so vulnerable. His eyes were wild and full of pain. His body was literally shaking, trembling with self-loathing. He looked like he was a fraction away from breaking. All I wanted to do was to comfort him.
'Draco, I don't care what you've done in the past,' I said, moving myself into position in front of him, forcing him to look at me.
'Those words are easy to say Hermione, but you know who I am, you know better than most what I've done.'
I couldn't say much because as I much as I did believe in him, I knew he was also right. 'The past is over.' I brushed my thumb over the back of his hand in comfort. 'It's done and you can't change it. All you see is the bad, when there is good in there too. I know what person you are now and that's the person that I want to be with.'
He turned his head to stare at me, his eyes on mine before moving across my face, caressing my mouth and travelling back up to my eyes again. There was such tenderness in his expression it made me a little breathless. 'Sometimes it's hard to believe you're real.'
I reached up to put a hand on his face. 'I'm not going anywhere.'
With no warning he leaned forward and buried his head in my shoulder, wrapping his arms tightly around me. A gesture that I returned, gently wrapping my arms around him, pulling his sweat covered body closer to mine. I rested my head against his and held him tightly to me, until I felt the remaining tension leave him. Even though I could tell he was in agony, that he was facing unknown demons, the closeness between us, the physical contact reminded me of something that I hadn't felt in a long time and I relished the feeling of him in my arms.
After what felt like forever, he began to loosen his grip and lifted his head, pulling it back to look at me, his eyes red rimmed though finally calm. All the fear and tension had left him and I knew whatever ghosts had haunted his dreams had left him peace for the time being.
'I'm sorry,' he said, looking slightly ashamed.
'Don't be,' I replied forcefully, once again forcing him to look me in the eyes. 'We've all had nightmares.'
He nodded sombrely and pulled me close to him again. In his warm embrace I felt my eyes begin to flutter close and I yawned loudly. At the sound Draco pulled back from me again. 'I'm sorry for waking you up. You must be tired.'
'I'm fine,' I replied, reaching up to kiss him gently, a kiss which he not only returned, but deepened.
We both jumped and look around startled as the room began to rumble and shake around us. I gripped Draco's arm tightly as the walls began to move back, the furniture started to spin and out of nowhere a huge four poster bed with deep red curtains appeared behind us.
Draco brought his wide eyes to mine before blurting out. 'I did not ask for that. I swear.'
The moment would be have been almost comical if it wasn't for the deep panic that settled over me. He may not have asked for the bed to appear, but the room certainly seemed to think that we required it. I really hoped that it was because it had sensed how tired I was and not sensed something else.
'You know what?' I said quickly standing up and stretching, 'I am actually quite tired. I should probably head back to the common room.'
'No,' Draco said suddenly, his voice almost a shout, stopping me in my tracks. 'I mean, you don't have to go,' he said more calmly, controlling himself. 'I don't want you to go.'
He looked at me warily and must have seen the look of apprehension in my face because he added, 'I mean you can sleep in the bed of course and I'll take the couch.'
I wanted more than anything to stay, but my head was screaming at me so loudly to leave. That it was too much, too soon. Yet the look on his face helped to weaken my resolve. The way he had clung to me. The look in his eyes, the hurt and the pain. All of it made me want to say yes and before I even knew what I was doing, I was nodding my head. I was agreeing.
I moved over to the large bed at the opposite side of the room and sat down on it, sinking into the soft mattress. Draco still stood by the couch and watched me as I took off my shoes, socks and my jumper, leaving me in my jeans and a vest top. I turned around, transfiguring my top into a long sleeved nightie, before I shimmied out of my jeans. I shivered slightly, not only because of the cold without my jumper, but with the weight of the stare that I could feel watching me the entire time.
He smiled at me, before he turned around and sat down on the couch. Even from my bed on the opposite side of the room I could see that it was too small for his large frame. Before I could stop myself, the words came spilling out of my mouth. 'We could share the bed,' I blurted out and his head popped up from behind the couch like a meerkat peeking out of its hole. 'I mean it's large enough for two,' I said as I pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed.
I could feel his indecision from across the room as I lay down. I knew that he wanted to, but I also knew that, like me, he would think it was too fast. Yet a moment later I heard his footsteps as he walked across the room towards the bed. Gently he pulled back the covers and I felt the mattress shift as he lay down on the mattress, the furthest away from me that he could possibly be.
I turned my head and met his eyes, giving him a nervous smile, before I turned my back on him and reached for my wand. 'Night,' I said as I flicked my wand and extinguished all lights from the room, leaving only the warm glow of the fire to penetrate the darkness. 'Goodnight, Hermione,' came the reply a moment later from behind me before I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up the next morning with the feeling that something was strange, different. I realised with a start that I was not in my bed. It was too big for a start and too warm. Slowly I opened my eyes and immediately stiffened when I realised where I was and more importantly when I saw a very male arm draped over my waist. All at once the memories of the previous night come back to me and I almost groaned with my own stupidity wondering how could I have let this happen.
I wanted to move, to get out of the bed and extricate myself from the situation, but to my dismay I found that I was trapped. I was lying on my side and I could feel the warmth of Draco chest pressed firmly against my back. His warm breath tickled the back of my neck, his steady exhaling blowing strands of my hair gently across my face. His arm was draped heavily over my waist, pinning me in place. I wondered how we came to be like this. When we went to sleep we could not have been further apart, each lying on the very edge of the mattress. At some point in the night we must have moved. Or he must have moved as he was now very firmly lying on what I had claimed as my side of the bed.
I tried to move gently away from him, but immediately stopped when he began stirring at my movements, letting out a soft groan and shifting slightly, pulling me even closer to him. He relaxed his arm and I gently reached out to move it away so I could get free. Almost as soon as I touched his skin I gasped and let go. His arm now lying face upward across my waist, showed me very clearly what he usually took such pain to hide. His dark mark.
I couldn't help but shrink away from it, but in doing so ended up pushing myself back, closer to Draco. I turned around and glanced at his face. He looked so peaceful in sleep. All of the trouble and anguish that marred his features the previous night had disappeared. The usual stiffness of his features, the proud curve of his jaw and hardness of his eyes, were all calm and relaxed in the peace of sleep. He looked younger, peaceful and innocent. It was a jarring contrast with the symbol of darkness imprinted onto his skin.
All too quickly I came to the horrifying realisation that I couldn't get out of his grip without moving his arm. Without touching his arm. Without touching it. His arm was deathly white, the black a visible and startling contrast. If I didn't know what it stood for I could almost convince myself that it could just be a tattoo. Any innocent tattoo. Reaching down slowly, I tentatively brought my fingers to just above his forearm. My fingers shook slightly as I gently let them rest against his warm skin and tried to ignore the sick feeling that rose in my throat as my fingertips came into contact with the blackened skin. Without knowing why I slowly moved my fingers, curiously tracing over the shape on his arm, startled to find the skin was just as smooth as the rest of him, the skin still just as warm. My fingers continued to gently brush over his arm when I suddenly stopped, aware that the gentle breath that I could feel on my neck had stopped. Knowing and fearing what I would see, I slowly turned my head around and found myself mere inches from Draco's piercing eyes, wide awake regarding me with open apprehension.
'That tickles,' he said gently, his voice low and strangely husky.
'Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you,' I replied, dipping my eyes away from his gaze. Waking up with a man's arm around me, was not a situation I had ever found myself in.
He gave me a long, poignant stare. 'What were you trying to do?' It was a simple question, but I detected the hidden meaning underneath his words.
'I was trying to move your arm,' I replied wondering how long it would be before we addressed the gigantic elephant in the room. His gaze flicked down to the arm that he had draped over my waist. His face betrayed no emotion as in one swift motion, he lifted his arm from my waist and rolled away from me so that he was lying on his back. He quickly pulled down his sleeve, hiding what I had seen.
I sat up in the bed and wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold not with the temperature in the room, but with the loss of his body wrapped around mine.
'I'm sorry,' he said, his voice coming from behind me.
'What for?' I say, feigning ignorance.
He sighed gently as he followed me in sitting up. 'I didn't mean for you to see it.'
'It's fine,' I said, although even I could hear how strained my voice was. I didn't know why it bothered me. I knew it was there. Logically I would have to see it eventually. I knew deep down that his mark didn't define him. That it wasn't who he was. And yet it was a reminder of who he could have been.
'Hermione, I can't get rid of it.' His voice was low and frustrated. 'Believe me, I've tried.'
'I know. I'm sorry Draco. It was just a surprise.' His eyes shuttered and I could feel him begin to close himself off again. Feeling the sudden need to prove myself, to prove the sincerity of the words I uttered in comfort only a few hours before, I reached over and pushed his sleeve back up. His eyes followed the movement, as my shaking fingers reached out and once again touched his mark, hesitating for only a moment before making contact with his skin. He drew in a shaky breath as my fingers traced over the entire, gruesome image.
He offered me a small smile, then reached down and circled my wrist with his hand.
'Don't ever apologise to me, Hermione,' he said quietly, stroking his middle finger across the top edge of my palm. My heart jumped as I stared back at him. His intense gaze searched mine. 'Not about this. I know it's not easy, but it's me that needs to earn your trust, not the other way around. The fact that you're even willing to try is enough.'
The final week of the Christmas holidays passed far too quickly. Draco and I spent nearly every moment together. We went for walks around the lake, in the forest, we played chess again; I was getting better although I suspected that he was still going easy on me and most importantly we talked. A lot. Draco told me about his family, his childhood and his friends. He had a way of talking that kept me listening and made me want to know more. He had a dry, sarcastic humour that on more than one occasion had me laughing so hard that my sides were sore. He always looked surprised when I laughed at what he said. Almost as if he wasn't used to it. Being with him was surprisingly easy. Almost as easy as being with Harry or Ron. Except I had never felt that constant awareness that I felt with Draco when I had been with either of them.
However no matter how much time we spent together, we never let ourselves get into a situation like we had on Christmas Day. I slept in the Gryffindor common room and he slept in the Slytherin one, although we always met each other for breakfast the following morning. Despite our many topics of conversation, one thing we never talked about was what had happened. It was like an unspoken rule. He felt that he'd revealed too much and I didn't want to hurt him again by bringing it up. Yet in that brief moment of honesty, barriers between us had dropped. We had crossed over some sort of line that seemed to have brought us closer together. We didn't need to say it, both of us felt it.
Draco also spent most of his time trying to open up his snitch. I knew he was getting annoyed, but he was too proud to ask me for any help. I knew that feeling myself, the excitement of a problem that needed solving and the thrill when you finally do. It was New Year's Eve when he finally cracked the code. I was waiting for him in the room of requirement, wondering what was taking him so long, when he finally walked in with a definite smug look on his face.
'What?' I asked, wondering what he looked so happy about. I noticed he had a rather large bag with him and I knew he wanted me to ask what was inside.
'Are you thirsty? Do you want some Firewhiskey, or maybe Gillywater? Or maybe you're hungry. Maybe you want some freshly bought chocoballs, cauldron cakes or maybe some no melt ice cream.'
I looked over the pile of goodies that Draco had emptied out from bag and smiled. 'You opened the snitch,' I stated, knowing immediately what he'd done. Inside the snitch that I had given him for Christmas was a map of Hogwarts. Not quite as sophisticated as the Mauraders Map, but it showed all the passages out of the castle and their passwords. Draco had clearly used it to go to Hogsmeade to buy his entire bag of treats. 'It took you long enough to guess the password.'
'Detention! Seriously!' he said, giving me a pointed look.
'Well I didn't want to make it too easy for you,' I said laughing. 'Besides I thought it was kind of fitting.'
'Yeah well it was worth it. I definitely wasn't expecting that. No wonder you lot used to be able to sneak around so much.'
'So Hogsmeade tomorrow? We can go to Pudifoots with all the hearts and flowers and hold hands and gaze into each other's eyes and you can recite poetry to me,' I teased putting on a sickly sweet voice that actually reminded me a lot of Lavender.
'Over my dead body,' Draco growled with a look of horror that had me bursting out laughing.
In the final few days of the holidays the atmosphere between us shifted slightly. We both knew that what we had, what we were doing, was coming to an end. Soon we wouldn't be able to walk around hand in hand. We wouldn't even be able to be seen together. We would have to start hiding again.
On the final morning we had one final meal together in the room of requirement. I had picked up some things from the kitchen on my way and we had eaten in silence. People would be arriving back at the castle all day- some from the train, some by floo and some by apparition in Hogsmeade. We both knew that we didn't have much time. Once we finished our breakfast, we would be going our separate ways.
We drew out eating for as long as we could, but we both realised that we couldn't hold off for much longer. With a sense of sadness we walked out of our room, our little haven for the last time. We walked hand in hand until we came to the end of the corridor on the seventh floor. My common room wasn't far, but Draco would have a long walk back to the Slytherin common room near the dungeons. We stopped and faced each other, unwilling to let the other go.
'I really don't want to let you go,' Draco whispered softly as his arms circled around my waist.
'I don't want you to let me go,' I replied, stepping closer to him and filling the remaining space between us. 'That was the quickest two weeks of my life.'
'Yet I think it was probably the best two weeks of mine,' he admitted resting his forehead against mine.
'Me too,' I agreed, reaching my hand up around his neck to use as leverage, pulling his lips down against mine. He responded slowly at first, his lips moving gently against mine, but as I parted my lips, inviting him in further, his composure seemed to break. He gasped suddenly and pushed me back against the wall behind us, only stopping when my back was pressed firmly against the cold hard stone. Keeping one hand firmly on my waist, he slid the other one gently up so that his fingers tangled in my hair. I was gasping for breath as he kissed me and I didn't ever want him to stop, when suddenly a loud voice cracked like a whip through the air from behind us.
'What the fuck is going on?'
My eyes sprang open and I whirled around instantly, locking on two pairs of eyes looking directly at me with a mixture of shock and horror. My stomach plummeted and my entire body filled with dread as my wide eyes met the staring horrifying eyes of Harry and Ron.