'What. The. Fuck. Hermione!' Ron repeated, his teeth bared looking at any second like he was about to lunge into attack.
His eyes dropped lower, glaring at the place where Draco's hand was still splayed across my waist, gripping me tightly. I shrugged out of his hold, pushing him away from me as if his touch burned.
I swallowed deeply; my mouth as dry as sandpaper as my friends stared at me. Harry's face full of shock and disbelief; Ron's full of rage. I had seen Ron angry before, but I had never seen such intense, fiery rage blaze from each of his features. A rage that, focused solely on me, made my blood turn to ice. Because I knew, I knew deep down in that moment, looking at Ron's face, looking at that rage, that everything around me was about to crumble to dust, unless I did something to stop it.
I held my hand up in front of me as if I were trying to placate a wounded animal. 'Ron,' I tried not to let the pleading enter my tone. 'It's not what you think.' Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Draco's eyes dart in my direction, narrowing in confusion and more worryingly, hurt.
'I think it's exactly what I think,' Ron hissed, his eyes running over me, taking in all of the evidence that proved my words a lie. Taking in the creases on my clothes, my mussed-up hair and my swollen lips. 'You and Malfoy. Fucking Malfoy.' He ran his hand down his face, closing his eyes in a pained grimace as if the mere sight of us together was something that he couldn't stand to see.
But those eyes didn't stay closed for long as they snapped open with sudden realisation. 'Is that why you ended things with me? You chose him over me?'
I felt a spark of anger at the accusation. At the unfairness of his words, of his skewed perception of what had happened between us. Yet I was trying to calm the situation, not make it worse, so I bit back the words that I wanted to say and forced my voice to say soft and calm as I reminded him, 'Ron, we were never together.'
He choked with incredulity. 'I told you how I felt about you.'
My jaw tightened again, and I knew that he had seen the flash of pain laced with anger that I hadn't been able to keep from my eyes. Yes, he had told me that he liked me. Yes, he had uttered the words that I had longed to hear, but it had all been too late, because he had killed any love that remained in my heart the day he had once again chosen someone else over me, when he had treated me like I was disposable, easily forgotten and easily replaced, yet always there, waiting in the wings, waiting for the day that he would pick me.
'Oh yes.' The bite and hurt was clear in my tone. 'Your grand declaration in the potions corridor where you told me that you liked me less than a week after you broke up with your girlfriend
I knew that I had scored a direct hit when Ron's cheeks flushed a bright red, from embarrassment or anger, I wasn't sure. Perhaps a combination of both, but he recovered quickly. 'Is that what this is?' he retaliated. 'Revenge? I went out with someone else, so you pick the one guy that I hate more than anything as some sort of sick pay back.'
'Is that really what you think of me?' I scoffed at the ridiculousness of the suggestion, but from the corner of my eye I saw Draco stiffen. I began turning towards him, to reassure him, when Ron once again claimed my attention.
'I don't really know what I think of you, Hermione.' His eyes raked over me, blazing with hurt, disdain and disappointment. 'Because apparently, I don't know you at all. The Hermione that I knew would never hurt me like this.'
I blanched at the accusation, at the raw hurt on his face. The hurt that I had put there. I was so angry with him, after all of his rejections and assumptions, but he was still my friend. One of my best friends and I didn't like being the reason why he was wearing that broken expression. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to make it better
My eyes sought out Draco's, totally lost, seeking his help, seeking any form of comfort, but he was staring at me with the same steely, closed off stare that he was the master of because he already knew. I could see that he already knew. That he had probably been waiting for this moment. For the moment where I would have to decide. Because it had all been hurtling towards this moment, the moment where I would have to make a choice. Because I could see it now as they all looked at me that I couldn't have it all. That I was a fool for even thinking that it was possible.
Draco and I had spent the most magical two weeks together. When I had felt alone and broken and lonely, he had been there for me. He had helped to begin to heal the aching black hole of pain and emptiness that had been eating me alive. Yet Harry and Ron… they were everything to me. They were my friends, my family. After everything that we had been through, I couldn't lose them.
'Ron,' I began, not sure what else to say. I wasn't really sure what I could say to make it better, but Ron put his hand up to stop me before I could even try.
'Don't even bother,' he spat looking me up and down in a movement that made me feel as if I was even less than a speck of dirt on his shoe. 'I don't even want to look at you,' he choked, turning on his heel and storming off down the corridor. Panicked, I brought my eyes to Harry's, desperate for him to tell me that everything would be fine; that he at least understood, but he simply shook his head in disappointment before he too turned and walked away.
I tried to blink back the tears that were blurring my vision, wondering how everything had gone so wrong so quickly? A few moments ago, I had been happy. Yet now I was standing, watching my friends walk away from me. Ron's anger, though horrible was to be expected. But it was Harry's face that had cut me deeply. Harry was my best friend, he was like a brother to me and I had never seen him look at me with such deep disappointment, with such betrayal.
As the sound of Harry's footsteps faded down the corridor, I knew that I needed to speak to them, I needed to explain and make them understand. I rushed forward, desperate to fix the mess that I had made, shrugging off Draco's hand as he made a move to stop me. As I took off down the corridor, I heard Draco's voice calling out from behind me. Calling my name. I didn't stop. I didn't even look back. All I could think about was Harry and Ron. About the hurt in their eyes. I needed to see them. I needed to explain. To somehow make it better. All I knew was that they were my best friends, and I couldn't lose them.
It didn't take me long to reach the common room, arriving moments after Harry. Ron was already pacing angrily in front of the fire while Harry stood leaning against the fireplace, arms folded, watching Ron, his expression dark. When they realised that I had followed them, they both stopped and stared at me, clear betrayal in their eyes.
We stood and stared at each other in perfect silence, the hostility crackling in the air around us like the embers on the dying fire. I had made the decision to follow them and yet standing there before them, I has no idea what to say. I felt sick as I looked at them. They had never looked at me like that before. Like they didn't even know who I was. It was Ron who spoke first, breaking the uneasy silence.
'Came to explain yourself, traitor.'
His face was cold, hard and angry, but it wasn't his expression, it wasn't the hate in his eyes, it was his words, his accusation that had me flinching back in hurt and fresh tears filling my eyes.
'Ron, give her a chance to explain,' Harry intervened and I turned to him, grateful for giving me a chance. 'Maybe it's not what it looked like,' he added. My heart sank. It was exactly what it looked like. If Harry was looking for some simple explanation, then he was going to be disappointed, as I had nothing to give. 'Hermione, has he hurt you, or forced you?' Harry asked, and as much as I could see concern in his eyes, there was also a glimmer of hope. He didn't want to believe that I would choose this. He would rather believe the worst in Draco than believe the worst in me.
As the guilt flowed through me, the tears that had been prickling my eyes started to flow freely and I shook my head, choking out the one simple word that I knew would seal my fate. 'No.'
Ron snorted before continuing, 'Oh, come on Harry, did you not see? He wasn't bloody forcing her. She was bloody enjoying it. If we'd been just two minutes later, we'd have probably found them shagging in the fucking corridor.'
'Ron,' I gasped, horrified by his coarseness.
'What?' He raked his eyes crudely over me. 'Aren't you shagging him?'
'No, it's not like that between us,' I protested, although my cheeks flooded with heat at the mere suggestion.
'Oh really,' Ron said folding his arms across his chest. 'What is it like? You just fancied seeing what it would be like to be a deatheater?'
'Ron!' This time it was Harry who says Ron's name, shooting him a warning look.
'You can't be serious,' I all but gasped. 'Of course, I'm not a deatheater. And neither is Draco. He's changed. You don't know him.'
'Hermione, deatheaters don't change. Don't you remember all the things he's done? The things he's said. To me, to Harry and especially to you.'
'Of course, I remember,' I replied, flinching as all of Draco's cruel jibes came back to me in one great big ball of hurt. I had to shake the memories away and thought about the Draco that I knew now. The one who had borne his soul to me; the one who had scars a mile wide yet still wanted to change, to be better. The Draco that was so haunted by what he had done that he woke shaking and crying in the night and just needed someone to talk to; someone to understand and give him a chance.
I just had to make them see that side of him too. 'But that was a long time ago. So much has happened since then. He's not like that anymore. If you just give him a chance,' I begged.
'Give him a chance!' Ron exploded and I stepped back from his rage, 'Are you out of your fucking mind! That arsehole doesn't deserve a chance.'
'If I can give him a chance, why can't you?'
'Because I live in the real-world Hermione. One where we fought against the deatheaters. One where we tried to get rid of the deatheaters. Not one where we joined them.'
'Please, can't you understand?' I begged him, my voice breaking with emotion. However, I had imagined the conversation to go, this was so much worse.
'What? How you've betrayed us. How you've turned to the other side.'
'I haven't betrayed you,' I whispered, sucking in the hurt that I felt. Sensing my weakness, Ron went in for the kill.
'He's been using you Hermione. How can you be so stupid that you can't see it? He hates mudbloods like you.'
It was that word that made the difference. I sobered instantly, feeling like I'd been punched deep in my gut, just like every time someone used that heinous insult. Except that this time it was someone I would never have imagined would be dealing the fatal blow, Ron. I took a deep breath and raised myself up, staring him square in the eye. It didn't matter anymore if Ron believed me. It didn't matter if Ron trusted me or even forgave me because in that moment, I couldn't forgive him. I couldn't forgive him for using the one word that he knew would cause me the most pain.
'I'm sorry, Ron, if that's how you feel.' I was proud that I managed to keep my voice steadier and stronger than I felt. 'But for your information he hasn't once called me a mudblood.' I paused for a moment and let the accusation hang in the air for a moment before I continued. 'I got to know him during detentions, and he has been there for me this year, more than you have been,' I added pointedly. 'He's listened to me. He talks to me. He makes me happy. And if you can't deal with that then I'm sorry. But it's not Draco or I who has the issue. It's you. It's time to let the old prejudices go. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and see Draco. My boyfriend.' I added, enjoying saying the word for the first time. Enjoying seeing the mixture of shame and anger in his face before I stormed out of the common room, to find the one person who really mattered.
I left the common room, looking for Draco, but unsurprisingly, he wasn't where I had left him. headed to the room of requirement, but he wasn't there either. I looked everywhere that I could think of, really hoping that he hadn't gone back to the Slytherin common room where I couldn't follow. I almost wished that I could have used the Marauder's Map to find him, but there was no way that I could ask Harry for that now. As a last resort I ventured outside and let out a sigh of relief when I saw a lone figure flying outside in the Quidditch pitch.
Draco was flying high and fast above the grounds. I wasn't sure if he had seen me, so I waited in the centre of the pitch watching him zoom around high above me. I couldn't see his face, but even from a distance I could see the tension in his frame and his tight grip against the slender piece of wood. Eventually he moved his head to my direction and as his eyes followed me, I knew that he knew that I was there. I tried to pretend that it didn't hurt that he didn't immediately come down to see me, instead completing one more wide circuit of the pitch before he dove down sharply towards the ground, pulling up at the final second and landing on his feet, only a few metres in front of me. Even though I was by no means an expert or a fan of Quidditch, I had to admire the grace and control in his movements. Draco's face was flushed, his hair messed up from the flying, loose strands hanging down over his face. My fingers twitched at my side, desperately wanting to reach up and push back those stray bits of hair, but I didn't. Something in the way that he was looking at me made me hold back. I expected him to come over to me or at least say something, but he was silent. Keeping his distance, his blank expression unreadable.
'Hi,' I said tentatively, unsure of myself, unsure of him.
I was just beginning to think that he wasn't going to reply, when to my immense relief he replied. Not a hint of emotion cracked through his stony features. The whole time I had been searching the castle, I knew what I wanted to say, what I needed to tell him. That I was sorry for leaving him, that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to be with him and that Harry and Ron finding out didn't have to change anything.
Yet all of those words, disappeared at the frostiness of his reception. In the end we just stood and watched each for one long moment, neither one saying a word. He stood still as stone, the wind whipping his hair around his face as his robes swirled around his legs. He looked so self-assured and even though he was only standing a few metres away from me, it felt as though there was an endless chasm between us. I knew that Draco was waiting for me to speak but my words had left me. Eventually taking pity on me he quirked one perfectly arched eyebrow before finally speaking, although when he did, I almost wished he hadn't.
'Have you decided that you can be seen with me now? Or is this you coming to tell me that you don't want to see me anymore?' There was an air of sarcasm in his voice and yet I could sense the hurt underlying his words.
'What are you talking about?'
He let out a low bitter laugh, shaking his head before he turned back to face me. 'You are unbelievable. One minute you're telling me that you don't want me to leave and the next you're pushing me away like I'm a pariah, like you don't want me anywhere near you.'
'I'm sorry Draco. I didn't... I didn't mean to. I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to make Harry and Ron understand.'
'And did you? Make them understand?'
'No,' I admitted reluctantly.
'So, you are here to tell me that you don't want to see me anymore?'
My heart ached with the pain in his voice. He was so sure that I wouldn't pick him. 'No, Draco. Of course not. I want to be with you, but they are my friends. Please try to understand.'
'No, you try and understand,' he shouted, throwing his broomstick to the ground in frustration. He turned away from me, running both of his hands through his hair. When he turned back around to face me, his hands were still balled into fists, but his voice was steadier. He took a deep calming breath before he said, 'I've given you time, but I am tired of being your dirty little secret. I am not going to let you keep using me. If you want to be with me then great, but it needs to be out in the open. I'm not going to run around sneaking conversations in fucking cupboards so you can then ignore me in front of everyone else.'
'Draco, you're not… I mean, I didn't…why didn't you tell me?'
'I tried to,' he admitted, a humourless smile tugging the corner of one side of his mouth, 'But I wanted to be with you and so I gave you what you wanted.' His smile disappeared and his eyes and voice both turned hard as he continued. 'But I feel shit about myself enough as it is, I don't need to feel even more shit by knowing that you're ashamed of me.'
I flinched again at his words. In the past few weeks Draco and I had opened up to each other and I thought that I knew him. Yet apparently, I didn't. The strong boy with the tough exterior who acted as if nothing ever bothered him had finally shown some vulnerability. I had seen glimpses of it before. I knew that he was struggling with his past, but I hadn't realised just how badly he felt about himself. How badly I was making him feel. I had only ever been thinking of myself and how I was feeling. How difficult it had been for me to trust him. I was ashamed to admit that I hadn't stopped to think about how hard it all been for him and I was instantly filled with shame.
I looked up at him and quite sincerely said, 'Draco, I'm not ashamed of you.'
'Of course, you are.' His voice was toneless with no accusation and that made me feel worse. 'Otherwise, you would tell everyone about us.'
'Draco, please listen to me,' I said as I stepped forward and attempted to put my hands around his neck, to force him to look at me.
'No, you listen to me.' Draco reached up to grab my wrists, pulling my hands down and stepping out of my reach. 'You need to decide. If you want me, then it has to be out in the open. I can't do this anymore. It's your decision, Hermione.'
Draco turned and walked away from me, leaving me feeling cold and empty at the loss of him. I didn't take my eyes off of him until he was out of sight. He didn't turn around once.
I stayed for a while in the Quidditch grounds, standing right in the middle of the pitch where Draco had left me. I couldn't bear to leave and see him walking back to the castle. Walking away from me. I felt like such an idiot and I had no one to blame for it but myself. He was right. I was using him. I was taking him for granted. He had listened to me, talked to me, done everything he could to make sure that I was feeling okay and not once did I stop to think about his feelings.
I wanted to keep things a secret and so I had just assumed that he had felt the same way. A Slytherin and known deatheater going out with someone who was muggleborn. To be honest I had thought he would be embarrassed by me. I could just imagine everyone in the castle's reaction. Harry and Ron's reactions had been ten times worse than I'd expected. Worse even, because I had imagined breaking it to them gently, sitting them down and rationally explaining things. Not having them see me and Draco together like that in the middle of such an intimate moment. Of course, they had taken it badly. They had been shocked. I remembered how shocked I had been the first time that I seen Harry and Ginny together in a rather compromising situation and I had known that they were dating. I couldn't even imagine how I would have reacted if I had stumbled upon Harry or Ron with a Slytherin, like Pansy Parkinson. I couldn't imagine that I would have taken it well. I would have thought that they had lost their mind.
Yet their reactions had proven that I had been right to keep things a secret and just between the two of us. They'd only known for about two minutes and Draco and I were nearly at the point of breaking up. And if that was what had happened with just two people knowing, how much worse would things be between us when the entire castle knew? Would we be able to cope with the strain? Would we survive it? Yet if I didn't even try, Draco would want nothing to do with me. I would lose him either way.
So I had a decision to make. Did I put my trust and faith with Draco and give him a chance? Show him that I meant what I had said and face the backlash from everyone when they found out and their pity and scorn if things didn't work out. Or did I just stop now and protect myself?
It took a sudden drop in temperature and a light drizzle to make me eventually move. A light drizzle in January in Scotland could turn into an all-out downpour in the merest blink of an eye. I picked up Draco's broomstick from where it lay abandoned a few feet away from me and took it with me back to the castle. I hastened my step, making it inside just before the sky turned darker and the rain increased in its intensity. There was only one person that I wanted to speak to, but until I knew what I was going to say to him, I decided that it would be best if I kept my distance.
I didn't want to go to the common room either. Ron had looked so angry with me and I couldn't face another showdown. One of us would end up saying something that couldn't be taken back if we continued. Retreat was my tactical move, and I was sticking to it.
In the end I went to my special place on the top floor of the castle. Part of me didn't want to go there after Draco had found me there last time, but I knew deep down that Draco wouldn't come looking for me. He meant what he said. It was my decision.
I sat on the window ledge, watching and listening as the rain pelted off the glass windows of the castle tower. The sky was nearly black despite the fact that it was the middle of the afternoon, the thick heavy, low lying clouds blocking out all trace of sunshine.
I didn't know how long I sat there for. Long enough for the rain to ease away and the sun to tentatively peek out from behind the clouds. I was surprised when I heard footsteps echoing from down the corridor and my heart nearly soared, thinking it was Draco. Knowing that he had come to find me. Only he would know that I would be here, just like last time. My heart dropped when instead of the white blonde hair I was expecting, I saw black. Harry was standing in front of me holding the Marauders Map in his outstretched hand.
'Not now, Harry,' I begged him, turning back to stare out of the window, not wanting to see the expression of disappointment on his face again. 'Please. I'm not in the mood for argument.'
'I'm not here for an argument, but I am here for an explanation whether you're in the mood or not.'
I turned back around and stared at Harry for a long moment, surprised by the forcefulness of his tone before I conceded defeat. I needed to have this conversation sooner or later. May as well get it over with.
'I like him,' I stated simply, 'What more do you need to know?'
'I want to know how. Why? Why him? Why couldn't you tell me?' Through the anger in his voice, I heard the bitterness and frustration.
'I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell both of you, but I couldn't. I knew how you would react, and I was right.' There was no accusation in my voice, only the sadness of the reality of the situation that we were in.
Harry looked like he was going to say something when he shook his head, sighed deeply and instead said, 'How? How did it start?'
'We had detention together. We spent time together. After that thing with Cormac something changed.' I paused, taking a deep breath, unsure of how to explain it all to Harry. I barely understood it myself. 'We had an argument one day and he accused me of being a coward, for not telling McGonagall what happened.' Harry opened his mouth ready to argue that point, always ready to defend me. 'He was right. I was a coward. And even though he was right, he apologised to me. I'd never seen him like that before and he just opened up to me, told me everything; things I know he had never told anyone before. He told me about the war, his family, how he was feeling. I think he was lonely, and he just wanted someone to talk to. But I was a coward again and I left him. He didn't try to talk to me again, but for some reason I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I knew he was hurting, and I had just walked away from him. So, I decided to give him a chance and I realised that he wasn't the person that I thought he was.'
It was a simplified version of events but Harry gave a small nod of acceptance anyway, or what I thought was acceptance until he asked, 'That doesn't explain why Ron and I find you making out with him in the corridor.'
My cheeks burned with mortification. 'Harry, I don't know what to tell you. I can't explain it. It was the last thing in the world that I ever expected to happen, but we spent a lot of time together and we got closer and one day it just happened. He kissed me and I tried to fight it, but I like him.'
Harry looked at me appraisingly, almost as if he was wondering how on earth those words could be coming out of my mouth. I knew he was holding back. He was trying to be reasonable and not saying the things that I could almost see running through his mind. 'And you're positive that he's changed. It's not all an act.'
'Harry, I swear, nobody could be that good an actor. He's seriously changed. He regrets everything that he did. He hates what he did. I mean if you'd have seen him on Christmas, you wouldn't doubt him.'
'Christmas?' Harry said sharply, immediately jumping on my mistake. 'You were with him at Christmas?' he said, his voice full of disbelief.
I mentally kicked myself at my own stupidity. I had now just opened up a fresh new can of worms for us to deal with. I was meant to be making Harry listen to me and believe me, not admit to him just how much I had been hiding and lying to him.
'Yes,' I admitted to him figuring that I might as well start being honest. 'We spent it together here, in the castle.'
'You told me you were going home for Christmas!' Harry exclaimed, 'Hermione, what else have you been lying about?'
'Harry, I didn't lie. You just assumed that I was going home at Christmas and I didn't correct you.'
'It's just the same.' The hurt was plain to see on his face and he ran his hands through his already messed up hair. 'I just don't understand all of this. Why would you spend Christmas here at the castle instead of at home? What about your parents?'
I gave a great shuddering sigh, the wall of lies that I had solidly built around myself in the last few months had already taken a battering. It was time to finally knock it down. 'Because I can't go home Harry. My parents aren't there. They're in Australia.' My voice stayed remarkably steady as I admitted the truth that I had been trying so hard to hide.
Harry gave me a strange look like he didn't understand what I was saying. 'Hermione, you had better start at the beginning because I'm not getting this.'
Kicking away the last few stones of my protective shield, I felt the mass of guilt and shame that had been swirling around inside of me inside of me begin to dissipate. I took a deep breath, feeling the first moment of true relief that I had felt in months. 'My parents haven't adjusted since I reversed the memory spell,' I began. 'They can't forgive me for wiping their memories. They hate me. Things weren't good between us during the summer and then decided to go to Australia for Christmas. I gave them a glimpse of an alternative perfect life and they want that. Even though I'm not in it.'
It was only at the end of my admission that my voice began to crack, and my eyes prickled with moisture. I turned away from Harry to hide the tears streaming down my face. The sun was just beginning to set over the lake, illuminating the sky in a reddish glow. It was a beautiful view and one that usually calmed me. Yet today not even a picturesque scene could help to ease the sadness inside. It just made me realise how small and alone I really was. A small face at a window, staring out at the vast beauty below.
'Hermione, why didn't you just tell me.' The anger and frustration was gone from Harry's voice, replaced with such tender concern. I almost wish he would stay angry with me. It was easier to deal with than pity.
'I don't know,' I whispered, not turning around. 'I didn't want anyone to know. I was embarrassed.'
'Yet you told Malfoy?' he asked bewildered.
'I did,' I said, a small smile appearing on my face as I thought back to the moment, to the moment I had decided to extend a hand of friendship to him, a hand of trust. 'He's been really understanding. He made me feel better about myself. Like I wasn't alone.'
'Hermione, you have never been alone,' Harry said forcefully from behind me and I felt him place a hand on my shoulder, letting me know that he was there for me. 'You have me, Ginny and Ron.'
'I know I do.' I finally turned around and faced him. 'But it hasn't felt like it this year. You and Ginny have been spending a lot of time together and I'm not blaming you,' I added quickly, seeing his hurt expression. 'I'm happy for you and I'm glad things are going well for you but there's that and then Ron had his thing with Lavender and all of you have been so busy with Quidditch practise and with my parents and being back here I guess I just let it all get to me. I was in a low place and Draco was there for me. He understands me and he just makes me feel, I don't know, happy.'
Harry watched me with a strange expression on his face as if he finally realised something although not quite understanding it. 'You really like him don't you.'
I thought about it for a moment while Harry watched me curiously. It didn't take me long to answer, 'I do. I really do.' I couldn't help the small smile that had formed on my lips at the thought of Draco, although it dropped slightly and became more forced as I remembered the situation I was in. 'But I don't think he's overly keen on me right now.'
'What do you mean? What happened?'
'After earlier, with what happened, he's annoyed with me. He feels like I picked Ron and you over him. He thinks I'm ashamed of him because I didn't want to tell you about him. He told me that if we're going to be together it has to be out in the open.'
Harry looked at me for a moment and I knew he was debating what to say next. 'I can't believe that these words are coming out of my mouth. His eyes shot skyward as if doubting his own sanity. 'But I understand where he's coming from. What are you going to do?'
'I don't know, Harry. Everyone will think I'm crazy. You saw how Ron reacted. We're not exactly off to a good start.'
'Well then you need to decide what to. You have to decide if he's worth it. No one can make the decision for you.'
I nodded at what Harry was saying and sat down on the window ledge, thinking through Harry's words. He was right, only I could make the decision. Only I could decide whether or not to jump down the rabbit hole.
Harry sat down on the window ledge beside me. We sat for a moment in comfortable silence before Harry noticed the broomstick propped up on the wall beside us. 'Hermione, is there a reason why you have a Firebolt up here? Please tell me you have finally decided to learn how to fly?'
I rolled my eyes at Harry, knowing full well that he was joking. Harry knew how much I hated flying. 'Of course not,' I said with a laugh. 'It's Draco's broom. He left it behind in the Quidditch pitch.'
Harry picked up the broom and started to inspect it, running his hands along the polished wood. It's a good broom. He's taken good care of it,' Harry said with a hint of approval in his voice.
'He had better take care of you, Hermione.' Harry turned and settled the broom back down against the wall. 'I'll give him a chance, Hermione, but it's one chance. I'll be watching him. You might trust him, but it doesn't mean I do.'
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. 'Seriously? You'll give him a chance?' I said hope rising up inside me.
'One chance.' He clarified, holding up one finger for emphasis.
'Okay,' I acknowledged. I could work with that. Harry seemed willing to trust me and after all the history between him and Draco, that was all I could ask for.
Harry turned around fully on the small ledge to face me, 'But Hermione, you have to promise me that if anything happens; with Malfoy or your parents or anything, you have to tell me. We've been through too much to lie to each other'
'I promise,' I said sincerely, leaning in to wrap my arms around him, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief and contentedness.
Harry stayed with me for a little while, telling me about his Christmas, about Teddy. He seemed happy. Content. He wittered on for a while and as much as I enjoyed being with him and talking to him, Harry realised that my mind was elsewhere when I started giving him one-word answers. He left me alone and I thought through what he had said. Harry would give Draco a chance. Harry was willing to try and was trusting my judgement. If Harry really thought that Draco was still a danger, then he would have tried to talk me out of it. He would have reacted just like Ron had.
Draco said that I had to decide, and I knew that I had to. And soon. If I decided to be with Draco then at least I would have Harry, all be it, reluctantly on my side. Yet I would have Ron and Ginny and probably half the castle against me.
Was Draco worth it? I thought back to the time we'd just spent together. I thought of his Christmas gift, of his arms wrapped about me, of his desperate outburst after his nightmare. I pictured his eyes looking into mine, of the rare genuine smile that he'd let me see. I thought of how hurt he looked when he thought that I was leaving him. I thought of the way that he made me feel. He made me feel happy. In that minute I knew what I wanted. I knew that I wanted him. And what's more, I knew that he was worth the storm that was sure to follow.
I took off running out of the tower and ran the whole way down the stairs. I didn't know where he'd be, but I knew I had to find him. I checked the library on my way downstairs, but I knew that the great hall would be my best bet since it was dinner time.
He was not in the library so I took off down the stairs again. I needed to see him. I needed to tell him. I burst into the great hall, completely out of breath, practically hanging onto the door frame for support as a stitch pierced my side. Ignoring the looks of the few people who were sitting by the door, I scanned the crowd. I nearly cried out in despair when I didn't see him. I was about to turn around and leave when I saw the familiar flash of distinctive blonde hair at the opposite end of the hall. He was leaving. He was walking away from me about to head back down to the dungeons and out of reach. I took off running down the great hall, but I knew I wouldn't reach him in time.
'Draco,' I yelled loudly in desperation and I knew that more and more people were beginning to stare at me. Hearing my desperate cry and seeing me running breathless through the great hall had caused more than one person to stare open mouthed, some with their forks suspended halfway to their mouths.
'Draco,' I shouted again as I pushed past a group of second years who were leaving the great hall and thankfully this time, he heard me. His head lifted and he turned around with questioning eyes and when he saw me running towards him, his eyes turned wary. He held his hands out to steady me when I nearly crashed into him, but immediately dropped them again. I knew he was being careful, not knowing what I had decided.
'I'm so sorry' I gasped, trying desperately to get my breath back. Draco didn't move a muscle. His face betrayed no emotion. He just continued to watch me with his steely gaze.
'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You're right. I was taking you for granted, but I don't want to hide anymore. I want you,' I said softly, reaching up and placing my hands around his neck. He still refused to move a muscle, standing like a statue of stone so I stood up on my tiptoes and leaned in close to him, desperate to change his mind.
'I want to be with you, and I don't care who knows it.' I pushed my lips up to meet stony, hard lips, beginning to panic when his lips stayed motionless underneath mine. Not giving up I pressed myself even closer to him and ran my tongue gently against his lower lip, begging him to kiss me back. To forgive me. It took him a mere second after my tongue touched his lips for him to respond and I smiled against his lips as he wound his arms around my back, holding me close to him. He looked deep into my eyes and whispered in my ear, 'Well I think everyone know now,' before his lips crashed against mine. I heard the sounds of gasps and whispers which filled the great hall, but I didn't care. Letting one hand creep up and wind itself in his soft blonde hair, I lost myself completely. I couldn't hear or see anything except him. All I wanted is him. All I needed was him.