There's something about a hospital. It's instantly recognisable. Even in the wizarding world. They all have that same feeling, that same smell; the stale smell of disinfectant, of illness. That's how I knew where I was. I was intimately familiar with that smell.
I wanted to ignore it, wanted to push away the question that was at the forefront of my mind. Why was I in the hospital wing? Yet I already knew the answer to that. I could feel it.
It wasn't a sharp pain. It was muted. Dulled. But it was there. Not just in one place. It was everywhere. My head, my legs, my arms, my chest. From the tips of my fingers all the way down to my toes. Every bone, every muscle, every cell. I knew that my body was in agony. I just didn't know why.
I concentrated on breathing, small shallow breaths. I couldn't take a deep breath. Whenever I tried, something stopped me. Some pain that my body acknowledged but that I couldn't yet feel.
I knew that I should open my eyes. That I should find out what was happening. That I should find out what had happened to me. But I wanted to stay in the blissful ignorance of sleep for just a few moments longer because deep down I felt like I already knew what had happened. I'd felt like this only once before in my life. That all-encompassing pain that goes bone deep. It was that possibility alone that kept my eyes firmly shut. Because it couldn't possibly be true. If I just kept my eyes closed, then maybe I would fall back to sleep and I would wake up in my bed in Gryffindor tower and realise that this had all been a nightmare.
But I couldn't. Because deep down I knew. I knew what I would find out when I woke up.
I would have lain there forever if I could. Blocking out the world, but a sound had wormed its way into my consciousness. The voices sounded far away, like a radio that wasn't tuned properly, flicking in and out of the station in amongst a sea of static. I caught the odd word and although I didn't know what was being said, I could sense the anger bristling around the room.
I strained to make sense of what I was hearing, trying to focus my senses when the sound came back in one overwhelming rush, like the sound returning in a whoosh when you emerge from under water.
'Let me see her! Hermione! Please!'
I felt a jolt shoot through my body at the recognition of his voice. Draco's voice. Which was immediately followed by an immense pain shooting through my leg at the sudden movement. I didn't understand. Why was he shouting? What was wrong with him? Why did he sound so desperate?
A voice followed. Ron's voice filled with more rage and hate that I have ever heard. 'Yeah right, Malfoy. As long as I'm around, you're never going to see her again.'
'Please! I need to see her. I need to know she's ok.'
Fear. Panic. Confusion. Each emotion shot through me in quick succession. However it was the desperation in Draco's voice that forced me to finally open my eyes. The bright light made me flinch but I fought through it until the high decorated ceiling of the hospital wing came clearly into my vision.
'Just leave, Malfoy. She doesn't need this now. Don't make me force you out.' I recognised Harry's voice. Calm under pressure but it wasn't hard to miss the obvious anger barely contained just under the surface.
Looking down I could see my arm was bandaged and my right leg was raised, lying on top of a pillow, heavily bandaged too. Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe I had been in an accident after all. The thought was oddly comforting when I considered the alternative.
I didn't have long to dwell on the thought as the angry voices continued out my line of sight. Taking a deep breath in preparation, I forced my head to turn, blinking away the bright spots that were dancing in front of my eyes and fighting back the wave of nausea.
It took me longer that it should have to process the scene in front of me. Draco. Harry and Ron. Harry and Ron fighting with Draco. Trying to pull him backwards. Draco, fighting with everything he had. Perhaps I should have been more concerned, but in that moment the only thought that entered my head was how remarkably strong Draco must be, to be resisting both of them at once. His face was strained, a mask of anger and desperation, pulling against Harry and Ron, his arms pinned behind him as they started dragging him backwards towards the door. I didn't want them to. I wanted him here with me.
I wanted to tell them to get off of him. To leave him alone, but I couldn't. My voice was strangled, a croaky and rasping sound.
'Get off of me,' Draco grunted, breathless as he continued to thrash and fight against the tight grip of Harry and Ron. Almost as if he sensed my gaze, Draco lifted his eyes and they instantly locked with mine. I could see the relief flood into his face and he shouted my name. Taking advantage of his momentary pause, Harry and Ron suddenly hauled him backwards.
'Hermione!' he yelled again, twisting around to look at me as Ron and Harry continued to pull him towards the door. He continued to fight them, but Harry and Ron had finally got the upper hand. 'Hermione, don't listen to them. Please. I didn't do anything.'
I tried to sit up further, ignoring the pain in my head to try and see him, when a hand on my shoulder gently but firmly pushed me back onto the bed.
'Get him out of here,' a firm voice said from beside me. 'This girl is not to be disturbed.'
I looked up to see Madame Pomfrey. Her face a mask of peaceful calm but with a spark of anger in her eyes that was quite unusual to see. Distantly I heard a door slam shut and the room was strangely silent. Madame Pomfrey muttered to herself as she straightened my quilt and pillows, 'Honestly, in the hospital wing. Some people have no respect.'
After a momentary pause, she turned to me, her calming smile back in place. 'How are you feeling, dear?'
I tried to speak, I tried to tell her I was fine, but once again could only choke out a strangled sound. My throat was so dry and raw that I could barely swallow.
'Oh, yes you must be quite thirsty. Here you go.' She placed a cup of water with a straw beside my lips and helped to lift my head slightly as I sipped at the magnificently cool liquid.
'What happened? What's going on? Why am I here?' My voice sounded strained and croaky.
'Nothing dear, just a small accident. Nothing at all for you to worry about.' She gave me a perfunctory smile that I could see didn't meet her eyes. 'Now, how are you feeling? Any pain?'
'An accident?' I asked, brushing over her questions. 'What sort of accident?'
'Oh, you don't need to worry about that just now.' She once again fussed about my bed, fluffing my pillows, straightening my blanket, checking the bandage on my leg. But I didn't miss miss the fact that she hadn't answered my question. 'For now you need to rest.'
'No,' I said more forcefully, 'I'd rather know now.' I tried to push myself up into a sitting position. Lying in bed whilst having an argument just didn't feel right.
'All in good time, Miss Granger,' she said, forcing me back down into a sitting position. 'Now just drink this please. It will help with the pain.'
Before I could even think to argue with her, a cup was placed to my lips and tilted back, forcing me to drink the creamy, smooth tasting liquid. I swallowed and then turned to face her, ready to question her again and find out what was going on.
'Now please... please... tell.' My words weren't coming out right. Everything in the room was slowing down. Like someone was playing a film in slow motion.
'That's right dear, just go to sleep,' Madame Pomfrey's voice said from far away. 'Everything will be fine in the morning.'
I barely had to time to feel any anger that she has had tricked me before I was pulled down into sleep. I tried to fight the sleeping draught. I tried to will my eyes to stay open, but with each blink I took, they were opening less and less until all I could see was darkness.
My hand was too warm. That was my first thought when I woke up. I jolted awake suddenly as what had happened came flooding into my brain in a series of flashbacks.
When I opened my eyes Harry was sitting in a chair beside my bed, his head drooped slightly and his eyes closed in sleep. Ron was sitting in a chair beside him, only his eyes were open, staring right at me, having woken up as I had pulled my hand out of his.
'Hey, you're awake,' he said looking genuinely thrilled as he saw me staring up at him. It had been a while since I had seen Ron look like that, especially when he was looking at me. Harry shifted in his chair on hearing our voices and he too opened his eyes and gave me a slow and steady smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.
'How are you feeling?' His voice was heavy with concern as he ran his hand through his hair. Something I was guessing he had done a lot lately if the strands of hair sticking out at all angles were anything to go by.
I stared at my friends who were both looking at me, their faces open with genuine concern. A stark contrast to the angry disappointment I had become accustomed to. 'Confused.' I struggled to push myself up on my one good arm, but crashed back down to the pillows as a pain shot through my ribs. Undeterred, I tried again, this time succeeding only when Harry helped me, by wrapping one arm around my shoulder to support me while he rearranged the pillows behind me.
'Better?' he asked gently, as if nothing was nothing at all amiss between us.
I ignored his question, wanting to get straight to the point. 'I don't understand. What happened? Why am I here?' I turned my gaze again to the boys sitting beside me, the boys who hadn't spoken to me in weeks and I felt suddenly angry. 'Why are you here?'
'What do you mean, why are we here? Hermione, you are in the hospital wing. Of course we'd be here.'
'Really? Because lately it rather seemed like you didn't care what had happened to me.'
'Of course we care, Hermione,' Ron said. 'Lately, things have been... Things got out of hand and they shouldn't have done, but that's over now. I promise.' He reached down and captured my hand in his once more. 'Things can go back to how they were.'
I didn't miss the look on Ron's face or the tightening of Harry's face. I glanced between the two boys, sensing the tension rolling off of them. 'Madame Pomfrey said something about an accident.'
I was expecting one of them to fill me in straight away. What I wasn't expecting was the warning look that Harry gave to Ron over my head. A look he thought that I wouldn't see.
'You don't remember?' Harry said, watching me carefully. Too carefully.
I shook my head gently, trying not to reignite the pain.
'Maybe it's best if you just rest just now.'
I met my best friends eyes, although he was doing everything he could to avoid my gaze. 'No,' I said determinedly, 'tell me now.' Madame Pomfrey had said something about an accident. Yet the way they were acting, gave me the feeling that I was missing something. That there was something that I didn't know. It was a feeling that I didn't like.
Harry reached up to rub the back of his neck. A sure sign that he was uncomfortable. He looked over to Ron who shook his head in warning. Harry looked between the two us, from Ron's warning gaze to my pleading one. Indecision warred his features for moment before his shoulders slumped with a sigh. 'Hermione, we're not really supposed to tell you. Professor McGonagall wanted to tell you herself.'
'One of the two of you had better explain right now or so help me I'll...' I trailed off as a memory came into my head. 'Wait, why isn't Draco here? Why did you two make him leave?'
Harry gave Ron another desperate glance, but Ron's reply was simply an angry scowl. He quirked his brow. 'Someone needs to tell her, Harry,' Ron said, staring at Harry in an almost challenging way. Harry sighed deeply, running is hand through his hair once again and leaving it sticking up at an even odder angle than before. They were talking over me like I wasn't even there and I really did not like it.
'Fine, but I'll do it,' Harry said, staring Ron down. Ron seemed to acquiesce and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms before giving Harry a signal to continue. Harry took in a deep breath seeming to contemplate what he was going to say. 'Hermione, what happened to you wasn't an accident.'
'What do you mean? Madame Pomfrey said that it was.' When Harry's gaze turned awkward I added in an uncertain voice. 'If it wasn't an accident then what was it?'
I knew the answer before Harry could say it. There was only one possible explanation. I tried to deny it, but I had known it the moment that I woke and felt the pain in my body. I braced myself, knowing that whatever Harry was about to say, I wouldn't like it.
Harry took a deep breath before he forced himself to meet my eyes. 'You were found at the bottom of the staircase on the sixth floor. You'd hit your head pretty badly and you broke your leg and a few ribs. You lost a lot of blood.' Harry's voice was devoid of emotion as he spoke, but I could see the lines of tension in his face as he tried to control the emotions that were there just under the surface.
'So I fell down the stairs? I was pushed down the stairs,' I amended, speaking slowly as I digested what he was saying. Harry met my eyes with a pained expression.
'Harry, what aren't you telling me?'
I could tell that he really didn't want to tell me. I didn't want him to tell me, wanting to stay in blissful ignorance for just a few moments longer. Yet deep down I knew that I had to know. I needed to know what was torturing him so much. I stared at him questioningly until he caved, giving a heavy sigh. 'From the looks of it, you weren't just pushed down the stairs. There were other injuries. Madame Pomfrey believes that someone cursed you.' He paused, taking a deep breath, looking away from me for a moment. 'She thinks that someone used the cruciatus curse on you.'
Grimacing, I closed my eyes as a flashback of Bellatrix LeStrange leaning over me and uttering those words until I felt pain unlike anything in the world I had ever known came flooding back into my mind. My body instantly reacted to the memory of the pain by stiffening all over.
Forcing the memories away from my mind, I opened my eyes again, looking between Harry and Ron once more. 'But I don't understand. Who would...?' I once again trailed off as Harry and Ron's eyes connected. Harry gave a nearly imperceptible shake of the head, telling Ron to stay quiet, but Ron's dark angry eyes instantly turned to mine and I felt afraid of what I was about to hear.
'Malfoy.'
I made no reaction to Ron's words because I knew immediately that it wasn't true. I knew what Ron thought of him. It was no surprise that he would blame him. However it was the annoyance in Harry's eyes as he shook his head at Ron that caused the first feelings of doubt to flicker through me.
'Come on, Ron, be serious. 'Now is not the time for your silly prejudices.'
Ron continued to stare at me, but the pity that I saw there caused a weight of dread to settle in the pit of my stomach. I turned to look at Harry begging him to deny it. To tell me that Ron was jumping to conclusions. My stomach dropped when instead he averted his gaze.
'Harry?' I questioned, pressing him to tell me what I wanted to know. To tell me that Ron was wrong.
'I'm sorry, Hermione,' he said, taking a pause for breath, before he broke my world in two. 'But it's true.'
I shook my head, instantly rejecting what I was hearing. But my eyes filled with tears with the fear that it might be true. 'That's not possible. It couldn't have been him. It just couldn't be.'
I heard Ron scoff from beside me. 'So bloody gullible.'
My eyes shot to his indignation.
'I warned you, Hermione,' Ron said in a low vicious tone that was so uncharacteristic for him. I flinched back and recoiled into my pillows away from the blackness and the hate in his eyes. 'I warned you he would hurt you. I just didn't think it be quite so soon that he would show his true colours.'
My head refused to believe what Ron was saying. I knew that Ron hated Draco. I knew that he would blame him regardless of the evidence. I couldn't trust him to be impartial and fair. I turned once again to Harry, the voice of reason, hoping that he would tell me that it wasn't true. That Ron was simply jumping to conclusions. Yet looking at Harry, looking in his eyes, at the features on his face, I could already see the answer written there. 'Harry, it can't be him. Please tell me it wasn't. He wouldn't do this.'
I hated to see the pity written on his face as he told me what he knew; what I didn't want to hear. 'Hermione, it was him. We know it was.'
'Why? Why do you think it was him? None of this makes any sense.'
'You were seen and heard having a heated argument on the seventh floor. You were telling him to let you go. Five minutes later and you're found unconscious and bleeding at the bottom of the stairs with Malfoy standing over you. There wasn't anyone else there.'
'No. He wouldn't,' I said disbelievingly. 'There must have been someone else.' I had always said that I hated people who ignored the evidence in front of them. People who had complete blind faith in someone with no proof, or even worse when all the evidence was against that person. Yet I here I was in the same position, defending Draco even though everything said that he had hurt me. I so desperately wanted it to not be true. I needed for it to not be true. I had believed him, put my trust in him. I couldn't face that he would have hurt me and that I had put my faith in the wrong person.
'Hermione, this is really important. Harry took my hand, leaning forward, 'You need to think. What can you remember?'
I tried to think back, but everything was all hazy. Random images appeared in a series of flashbacks through my brain. I remembered arguing with Ron, not Draco, I remembered being upset, I remembered leaving the common room and then… nothing.
'I don't know,' I cried in frustration, my hand reaching up to clutch my head. The more I tried to think, the more I tried to fill that blank void, the more the intensity of my headache increased. 'I can't think straight. Everything's all muddled up just now.'
Ron instantly leaned forward in his chair and grabbed onto my arm, his grip bruising and urgent. 'Come on, Hermione, just think,' he snapped. 'There must be something. You have to remember. All you have to do is remember one thing. Come on.'
'I'm trying, Ron,' I all but whimpered, as the tears sprung into my eyes. 'But you must be wrong. He wouldn't do this. I know it.'
'Think harder,' he snarled as he shook my arm.
'Come on, Ron, that's enough.' Harry tried to pull Ron back, but Ron simply shrugged him off.
'Come on,' he said urgently, looking right into my eyes. 'Think of his wand, think of him saying the words. It must bring back something.'
'Ron, please stop it,' I cried, as his words painted an image in my mind. An image of Draco standing over me, his face in anger as he lifted his wand. An image that I wanted to reject as being completely impossible even though it had come so easily to my mind. The tears rolled down my cheeks and I brought my hands to my face to cover the sobs that I could no longer hold back.
Madame Pomfrey came rushing over as she heard my raised voice that had been getting more and more hysterical.
'Boys, I need you to leave now. I need to check over Miss Granger.'
'But...' Ron began, before Madame Pomfrey cut him off.
'She will be in good hands. You can visit tomorrow.' Her tone was light but her meaning was clear. She wanted them out.
I could see the reluctance in their eyes but as Madame Pomfrey gave them little choice, eventually they turned to go.
'Make sure you rest, Hermione, we'll come and see you tomorrow,' Harry said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze that I imagined was meant to be reassuring.
'And don't worry about anything,' Ron added patting my shoulder, before they both turned and walked out of the hospital wing, turning back at the door to give me a wave.
'Okay then, Miss Granger,' Madame Pomfrey said. 'Let's check over these injuries.'
She pulled my head forward and started gently probing around the back, stopping only when I winced as she reached the spot at the back of my head.
'Yes, that will be tender for a while. You were very lucky.' I looked up at her, not feeling lucky at all. 'You cracked your skull with the fall and lost a lot of blood. Your skull is healed, but please be careful for a few days. The bone will still be quite soft.'
She continued to examine my body, claiming that my bruised ribs were healing nicely and that the bones in my leg had been shattered, so they'd had to be completely regrown and although they were still weak, they had formed nicely.
'Just take it easy for a few days, Miss Granger. You should be allowed to go back to your own common room tomorrow, all being well, but I would advise plenty of bed rest and no classes for the next week.'
She handed me a potion to drink and when I eyed it warily, she gave a small smile before saying, 'don't worry, it is just pain relief this time.'
I continued to eye the potion sceptically, but drank it anyway. It didn't really matter if I fell asleep. At least it would stop all the questions that were swirling around my head. I set the glass down on the table, slightly disappointed when I stayed alert. I turned when I heard the door to hospital wing swing open and saw Professor McGonagall striding towards me, full of purpose with a serious look on her face.
'Good morning, Miss Granger. How are you feeling?' she asked as she sat herself down on one of the chairs beside me.
'Fine, thank you.'
'I trust you have been made aware of the situation,' she said looking over her glasses at me. 'I saw Potter and Weasley leaving on my way here.'
'Yes, and Professor it doesn't make any sense,' I said urgently, still clinging on to my denial in spite of the facts in front of me. 'It couldn't have been Draco.'
She studied me with a strange expression on her face. 'Miss Granger, what do you remember about the incident?'
'Nothing really. Everything's a bit fuzzy. I can remember speaking to Ron, but I don't really remember anything after that.'
'That's perfectly understandable considering the injuries that you sustained. However, it does leave us in a bit of a predicament.'
Professor McGonagall must have seen the question in my face as she continued.
'There were no witnesses to what happened and you are unable to recall what happened. Given the circumstances and Mr Malfoy's past I'm left with very little options.'
I was outraged on Draco's behalf. Shocked that Professor McGonagall could be so narrow minded and unfair. 'But you can't hold his past against him. That's not fair.'
'That may be, Miss Granger, but seeing as Mr. Malfoy is unwilling to cooperate at the moment, he isn't leaving me with many options.'
I reeled back in shock, feeling more and more confused by the whole situation. 'What do you mean? Why isn't he cooperating?'
'Despite being aware of the seriousness of the accusations against him and the consequences if he does not cooperate, he is refusing to hand over his memories of that night and won't explain the nature of the argument that you had prior to the incident.'
My head was pounding as I tried to make sense of this new information. Nothing made sense. If Draco was innocent then what was he trying to hide. If he didn't hurt me then why didn't he want to find out who had. For the first time since waking up, I doubted my own judgement. I doubted Draco.
'But, couldn't we get my memories back, or couldn't I take veritaserum?'
'I'm afraid that's not possible at the moment. Professor Haven currently has no veritaserum and even if she did, its use on pupils is prohibited. Not to mention, veritaserum will not work in this instance. You cannot tell the truth about something you do not know. As for your memories, there is a potion to return memories, but it is a very painful procedure and its success is not guaranteed. Considering your current head injury I can't allow you to use that. It would be too dangerous. Hopefully with rest, your memories will return on their own with time.'
'What will happen if they don't come back?'
'I have given Mr Malfoy until the end of the weekend to decide whether or not to hand his memories over, otherwise the ministry will need to be involved. He is currently on probation after the war. If he refuses to cooperate, then the consequences will most likely be severe. The use of an unforgivable curse will send him to Azkaban.'
'Let me talk to him,' I blurted out desperately. I needed to know what was holding Draco back. I'm sure there was just some silly misunderstanding. If I could just talk to him, I was sure that he change his mind. He maybe just didn't realise how serious things were. All I knew was that Draco could not go to Azkaban. 'Please, I bet I can persuade him.'
'I'm afraid not, Miss Granger. Until matters are resolved, Mr Malfoy has been told not to try and see you. It will be better in the long run, especially if the ministry should get involved.' Professor McGonagall stood up and looked at me with such pity in her eyes that I immediately wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.
"I'll leave you in peace, Miss Granger and please, if you remember anything, let me know immediately.'
I lay for the rest of the day, mainly staring at the ceiling, running over everything that everyone had told me. I just couldn't understand what was happening or how everything had gone so disastrously wrong. A week ago we had been alone together in the castle, we had been happy together.
Draco had let me see a side of him that no one else had. He had been kind, thoughtful and sweet. He had changed. He swore to me that he had changed. I believed that he had changed. Yet as I drifted off to sleep, I began to doubt everything.