I started awake. It took me a moment to remember where I was. The hospital wing. Of course. As the blackness pressed in around me, I felt the strangest sensation that something wasn't right.
As my eyes struggled to adjust to the light, I peered into the heavy darkness, scanning. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a movement in the shadows. Before I had the time to react, I felt a large hand clamp down over my mouth, smothering the scream that had just began to work its way out of my throat. I started to struggle, trying to kick through the twisted sheets and pull the hand from my mouth despite the shooting pain it caused in my leg and ribs.
As the hand slipped down, I bit down, hard, into the soft flesh of a hand.
The hand instantly withdrew. 'Ow! You bit me,' came a shocked voice from above me. Draco's voice.
'Draco? What the hell are you doing?' I whispered angrily. 'You nearly gave me a heart attack!' I slumped in relief back to the pillows as the sound of my blood pumped steadily through my ears in perfect time to the pounding of my heart.
Draco lifted his wand and muttered 'lumos' to give us some light. The soft glow lit up his pale features, making him seem like a ghost haunting me in the night.
'I'm sorry,' he said, shaking his head as he sat down on the chair beside my bed. 'That was stupid. I didn't want to scare you.'
'Well, you didn't do a very good job,' I retorted, gingerly pushing myself up into a sitting position.
'Hmm,' he agreed, studying the bite mark on his hand before lifting his eyes back to mine. 'I am sorry,' he repeated. Something in his tone made me think that he was saying sorry for more than just scaring me. 'I just wanted to see you.' Draco diverted his eyes for a moment, staring at the ground. I saw a brief flash of pain within them as he continued in a small voice. 'They wouldn't let me see you.'
'How did you even get in here?'
'I'm a Slytherin, remember.' He aimed for a smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. At my continuing, questioning stare, he explained. 'Madame Pomfrey left a moment ago. She'll be back soon. I don't have long.'
'Draco, what is going on?'
I didn't need to elaborate. He knew what I was talking about. His back tensed and he swallowed hard, preparing, before he lifted his gaze to meet mine.
'I thought you were dead,' he whispered, the pain palpable in his voice. A shudder raked through his body and he closed his eyes, reliving the memory. He opened them suddenly and looked into my eyes. 'You were so pale and there was blood everywhere. I was so scared. I thought I'd lost you.'
The pain and the fear, were clear to see. They were written over each and every one of his usually calm features. My heart ached for him. I wanted to tell him I was fine. I wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He was genuinely upset about what had happened. He cared for me. He was worried about me and I somehow knew with every fibre of my being that he would never hurt me, but I still had questions and I needed the answers. Answers that so far, he wasn't willing to give.
'Draco, what happened?' I pushed again. 'Why does everyone think that you were the one to do this? That you were the one to hurt me?'
Once again he looked away from me and I saw a thousand emotions appear on his face, each one gone as quick as the next as he thought over his answer. But I was disappointed in what he finally said.
'What do you think? Do you think it was me?' His grey eyes seemed almost black in the darkness of the hospital wing, but they were piercing straight into mine, trying to find the answer to his question.
Under his intense gaze I knew what he wanted me to tell him. I knew that it was important to him. I wanted to say it to him. To say that I trusted him. To say that I believed him. But I couldn't do it. He was hiding something, and I needed to know what it was. So, I avoided his question and asked one of my own instead.
'Why won't you give Professor McGonagall your memories?'
He stood up so suddenly that I flinched in surprise and the chair behind him rocked unsteadily from the force. He whirled around and turned his back to me, running his hands through his hair, hiding his face from my view. I sat up straighter, feeling on edge. Why wouldn't he tell me? What could be so bad that he wouldn't tell me? What could possibly have happened that he wouldn't want to tell me about? Unless… I shook off the thought, unwilling to even let it formulate in my mine.
'Because my memories are none of her business!' he shouted out as he spun around to face me. 'What happened between us is none of anybody's business!' I flinched back at his outburst and at seeing that and the shock on my face, his face fell again as he lapsed into silence. It was a long moment before he spoke again in a quiet, strained and resigned voice. 'So, you do think it was me?'
'Of course not,' I answered immediately, and I couldn't help but notice the immense relief that passed through him. His whole posture and facial expression slumped in relief but immediately tautened when I couldn't help but add, 'but while what happened might not be anyone else's business, it is mine. I deserve to know what happened, Draco and I know there's something that you're hiding.'
I could see him thinking over how to respond, gauging my reaction as he spoke. 'Yes,' he said simply, 'but I need you to trust me that it's better that you don't know. At least for now.'
'How can I trust you when you're keeping something from me?'
I could tell that my doubt was hurting him, even if he was trying not to show it. Ever the Malfoy. He stood up and turned his back to me, plunging me into near darkness. I stared at his broad back, watching the tension in his features. He was surrounded by the light of his wand, making him seem almost ethereal. But he was a dark angel, a troubled angel.
When he finally turned around to face me again, he looked resolved, as if he had made up his mind about something. He looked as if he was about to say something when a door banging closed sounded somewhere nearby and the look on his face shuttered before it clamped down completely, shutting me out.
'I should probably go. I can't be found here.'
If I was being honest, I was relieved for the interruption. I didn't want him to be caught but I also wasn't entirely sure that I wanted him to stay. I knew that look on his face. He wasn't going to tell me the truth and if he was hiding something from me, I wasn't sure what we had to talk about.
He stood up from his chair and leaned in close towards me and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me, but a thought passed over his face along with a flicker of doubt and he pulled away again.
'Sleep well, Hermione,' he said as he turned and walked away from me, leaving me alone in the darkness, like he had never been there at all.
I was getting impatient. Madame Pomfrey had checked over my healed bones twice now and was still making little noises of dissatisfaction as she pressed her fingers over my many, now yellowed bruises. Professor McGonagall had visited the hospital wing twice the day before, each time to apparently check on me, but I knew she was more interested in discovering if I remembered anything. I didn't. Both times I asked about Draco, but her face always got pinched and she avoided answering the question. I didn't want to think about what that meant. Even if her visits hadn't exactly been informative, she had helped me to persuade Madame Pomfrey to let me leave the hospital wing and go back to the common room. Of course, she wasn't entirely happy about letting me leave her care and supervision, but I had spent two nights in the hospital wing and promised her to take it easy for a few days, to stay off of my leg, to avoid any exertion, stress and flying. I didn't even bother to tell her that I didn't fly. It would only have taken more time.
I wasn't the only one getting impatient. Harry, Ron and Ginny were waiting on the other side of the curtain that surrounded my bed, as they had been for the last twenty minutes. Ginny had also come to visit me the previous day. To see how I was. She stopped short of actually apologising but I accepted the tentative olive branch that she offered, nonetheless. Neither of us mentioned Draco.
Finally, Madame Pomfrey seemed ready to let me go, with a final warning that if I felt dizzy, sick or had any headaches, I was to return to her immediately.
As Ginny gathered my things together and slung the heavy bag full of the books that I had been brought to keep me occupied over her shoulder, I slid off the bed and gingerly tested putting weight on my leg. I wobbled slightly and a strong arm immediately looped around my waist, keeping me upright. Ron.
'I've got you.'
I looked up into his face. The face that was peering down at me had more kindness and affection than I had seen in a long time. I opened my mouth, but the arm around me squeezed gently, cutting off the words.
'I've got you,' he repeated.
It was all I could do to nod up at him.
I leaned against Ron's hold and wrapped my arm around him, my hand clinging to the back of his robes as I winced through every step. Harry opened the door for us as we hobbled through, but as Ron came to an abrupt halt, I had to cling to him just to steady myself. I looked up to find myself staring into Draco's startled face. He hadn't come to visit me again, not that he was supposed to, but I still missed him. I was about to smile up at him, until I saw the expression on his face. In one long, slow glance his eyes raked assessingly over me and Ron, lingering on the arm that was wrapped tightly around my waist.
He pulled his eyes away and back to me. 'Hermione,' he said tightly. I could see the question in his eyes. I could see him asking what I was doing, why I had Ron's arms around me. 'Can we talk?'
Before I could say anything, Ron stepped in front of me in an almost protective gesture. The thought was almost laughable. Regardless of what the others believed; Draco would never hurt me. Although from the way that he was looking at Ron, I didn't think that Ron was able to make the same claim. 'Stay away from her,' Ron demanded.
'I think that's up to her, don't you?' Draco said, his steady gaze never leaving Ron.
Ron gave a harsh laugh. 'After what you did to her?' He took a step forward. 'There is no way you are ever seeing her again.'
'And you are going to stop me?' Draco asked, his trademark smirk making a reappearance on his face.
'If I have to,' Ron replied, straightening to his full height, as if he were ready to fight Draco here and now. Draco simply looked him up and down once, raising one single eyebrow at Ron, a look of clear amusement on his face. Amusement born from confidence. I had seen Draco fight before. I knew first-hand what he was capable of.
'Hermione.' Draco prompted again. 'Please.'
I knew what it must have cost him. To say that word. To make himself vulnerable. Especially in front of Harry and Ron and despite the fact that he wasn't supposed to be there, despite the fact that we weren't supposed to see each other, I would have spoken to him. I wanted to talk to him, but Ron didn't give me that chance as he stepped away from me and put a restraining hand on Draco's chest.
'I've already told you once, Malfoy. Stay, the fuck, away from her.'
Draco glanced down once at the hand pushing against him. His eyes darkened as he looked to Ron. 'I suggest you get your hand off of me. Now.'
But Ron didn't move his hand. Instead, he pushed against Draco sending him rocking backwards.
Draco straightened; his look glacial as he stepped in close to Ron. 'Do that again. I dare you.'
Ron, not heeding the warning in Draco's face, not seeing the rising anger and the threat of retribution, raised his hand up, ready to repeat when the gesture when Draco moved. He lunged forward, his hand going around Ron's throat, his eyes burning with anger. He thrust Ron away, but Ron had barely staggered back before he swung out and clipped Draco in the face with his fist. Harry pulled me back a step as Draco stumbled, but he retaliated, swinging a well-placed punch of his own, prompting me to move, to stop them both before someone got hurt.
'Stop!' I yelled, stepping forwards on a shaking leg, pushing past Harry who was surveying the scene, wondering how he could intervene. 'Draco, stop i-'
Draco's elbow slammed into my head as he pulled back his arm in preparation to punch. The pain burst down the side of my face, dazing me, and I stumbled back, feeling hands on me, steadying me.
I blinked, trying to refocus, and when I did, I saw Draco staring at me in horror and an enraged Ron behind him, ready to lunge.
Harry's arms left me, replaced immediately by Ginny's; the only thing holding me upright. Harry pulled out his wand, but left it dangling at his side. A warning and a reminder of what happened the last time he had been in this situation. 'Leave, Malfoy. Now! Before I make you.'
It was all I could do to keep on breathing, in and out, in a desperate attempt not to throw up on the stoned corridor floor.
'Hermione, I…' Draco, began and I looked beyond his chalk white face to the small crowd that had started to gather at the end of the corridor, watching and waiting, their faces peering in obvious interest. I wondered how long it would be before the next round of rumours started.
'I think you should go,' I said, hating the hurt that flashed across his face, but I couldn't do this just now; I couldn't have this conversation here, not with so many people watching and not when I didn't know what I was going to say.
'Please, Hermione, I just…'
'Just go, Draco.'
If he saw the apology in my eyes, he didn't show it. He just turned and left, the crowd at the end of the corridor parting as he stalked through.
'Well, I can see why you fell for him, Hermione. What a charmer. I did try to-'
'Not now, Ginny. Please.'
She promptly shut her mouth although I knew that she had plenty more to say, but thankfully she read the look on my face, the tiredness in my eyes and kept her opinions to herself.
I didn't stay in the common room for very long. As glad I was to leave the stale atmosphere of the hospital wing, I was still tired and so I headed to my bed. I didn't wake up until the room was dark. I checked my watch and found that it was early in the evening. Hungry I headed down the common room and was met by Harry and Ginny coming into the common room carrying plates of food covered with napkins. I took the plates with a grateful smile and tucked into the range of food that they had brought me. I hadn't eaten all day and I was already working through my second plate of food when I finally noticed what I hadn't seen before. Harry and Ginny had kept the conversation flowing, going from one meaningless topic to the next. At first, I thought that they were just trying to distract me and keep my mind off things, but when I caught them giving each other little glances, I started to think that they had an ulterior motive.
I became even more suspicious when nearly every person that walked through the portrait hole saw me, immediately stopped talking and then shot a dark look in my direction before whispering behind their hands.
'What is going on?' I asked eventually, unable to take the hushed whispers anymore.
I watched as Harry gave Ginny a questioning look, one which she simply answered with a shrug. Whatever it was, it was Harry's decision to tell me. He waited a moment more, clearly debating what to say or even if he was going to say anything at all. At last, he spoke.
'Malfoy's waiting outside for you. He has been since this morning.'
'What?' I said, positive I'd misheard. 'How is that possible? How did he even know where the common room entrance was?'
'I would guess that he followed someone,' Harry shrugged. 'He's not a Slytherin for nothing, Hermione.'
It was a simple enough statement, but the way that Harry said it spoke volumes. Draco was cunning, but he was also determined and ruthless. Harry had given him a chance and he had blown it.
'What does he want?' I asked after a moment, trying not to show just how curious I truly was.
Harry gave me a long look before saying, 'You. He says he's not leaving until he's seen you.'
I couldn't stop my eyes from looking over to the door, knowing that Draco was just behind it. So close. I wanted to see him. Something that Harry saw plainly written on my face.
'For Merlin's sake Hermione! You can't see him. You know what he's done.' It wasn't often that Harry lost his temper, but now seemed to be one of those times. However silent Ginny was at the moment, I knew that she agreed with him.
'No, I don't. That's why I need to see him. I know it wasn't him, Harry but I still need to hear his side of the story.' Harry gave me a look half pitying half judging. But Harry knew me well, he knew that shouting at me was not the way to convince me, logical reasons would be much more effective.
'Hermione, you can't see him. Not yet anyway,' he added when he saw my expression and my mouth opening, ready to argue.
'Malfoy's still under investigation. He is not allowed to see you. He could be expelled if he tries. Just leave it be for now.'
I waited until Lavender's breathing finally levelled out; the final one in the common room to succumb to sleep. I had tried to listen to Harry, I tried to just leave it, I honestly did, but I just couldn't. As I lay in bed that night trying to sleep, the questions going around inside my head were like an itch that I just couldn't scratch. Everything kept running through my mind and as much I tried to make the pieces of the puzzle fit together, I was missing a gigantic piece; a piece that Draco had and for some reason was unwilling to give. I slipped out of my bed, pulled on my cloak and put my slippers on my feet. I knew that going to see Draco wasn't a good idea, but I had to know.
As I stepped out of the common room I was met with a fresh blast of icy air. Shivering I wrapped my cloak further around me, glad that I stopped to put it on. The lights in the corridor were down low, only a dull glow coming off the lanterns, barely giving any light at all. Yet even in the darkness I could see him, my eyes immediately drawn to the shining blonde hair, glowing bright even in the darkness of the corridor. He was a little way away from the entrance to the common room, sitting on the ground, his head resting against the stone wall, arms resting on his knees.
For some stupid reason, I was nervous as I walked towards him, my light footsteps barely making a noise. Yet Draco must have heard me as he turned his head in my direction. When he saw that it was me, his look of surprise gave way to a smile of nervous relief. He made a move to stand up, but before he could, I sat down beside him, wrapping my cloak tightly around me for warmth.
We sat in silence for a moment, a space in between us on the floor. Eventually I asked him a question, although not the one that I had been desperate to. 'Draco, what are you doing here?'
He let out one long, exhaling breath. 'I just… I needed…' Once again, he cut himself off, whatever he had been going to say, whatever truth he was going to admit, lost to silence. 'I wanted to see you.'
'Right.' I wasn't sure what else to say. I wasn't sure why everything suddenly felt awkward between us.
I was wondering if I'd made a mistake in coming here, if I was being the idiot that Harry thought I was, when Draco spoke.
'The other night, what you said, did you mean it? Do you still mean it?'
I knew what he was talking about. How could I not? In the last few days, I had thought of little else. I was sure that he had been the same. The truth was, I did mean it. I meant it then and I meant it now. I knew him, I understood him, I felt his pain and I recognised it in me. I did not believe that Draco would hurt me. I did not believe that Draco could hurt me. I believed in him.
I could feel his eyes on mine. Watching. Waiting.
Eventually, I turned my head to meet his eyes and nodded. 'I have a lot of questions. But yes. I believe you. I know it wasn't you.'
'You do?'
I nodded again, my lips curving up at the edges at the flare of hope that I saw in his.
We lapsed into another long moment of silence. One that he eventually broke.
'I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I didn't know you were behind me.'
I had to stop my hand from reaching up to touch the tender flesh on my cheek. It hadn't bruised, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt.
'Would it have made a difference if you had?'
His eyes flashed in indignation. 'I would never hurt you.'
'I didn't mean that,' I clarified, knowing that he would never raise his hands to me. 'I meant about Ron. Would it have stopped you from hitting him?'
'No. He's lucky I didn't do worse.'
'Draco…'
His jaw clenched as he scowled. 'He had his hands all over you.'
I let out a long sigh. 'Draco, he is my friend.'
'Really?' he asked, one eyebrow arched in question. 'It hasn't seemed like that lately.'
I tried not to flinch, but his words struck anyway. 'That's not fair.'
'Isn't it? I was there, Hermione. I stood beside you every day as they turned their back on you. As they ignored you. Yet now, all is forgiven and I'm the one who's shoved out.'
'No one is shoving you out, Draco. You needed to leave earlier because people were watching.'
'I don't give a shit if people were watching.'
'Well maybe I do,' I countered. 'Maybe just for one day I would like to not be the person that everyone is talking about. Besides, you know that you weren't supposed to be there. You know what McGonagall said.'
'She can go and fuck herself, too.'
I could feel my eyes widen in surprise. At the vehemence in his tone. I knew Draco had his issues with the new Headmistress, but I had always thought that he at least respected her. 'You know if this is how you're going to be, then I'm clearly wasting my time.'
I made a move to push myself off of the stone floor, when his hand shot out, snagging my wrist and halting my movements.
'No wait. I'm sorry. This isn't how I wanted this conversation to go. I've been sitting here all day thinking of what I wanted to say to you and I'm saying all of the wrong things.'
I sank back to the floor, once again pulling my cloak tightly around me. 'Explain it then. Tell me what happened.'
'Hermione, please.' His tone was pleading and desperate, but underneath it all, there was a weariness that made me pause. 'Please just let it go. Please, just trust me.'
I did trust him. I truly did, but something had happened between us. Something that he was hiding. I knew that I trusted him, but I needed to know that he trusted me too. I needed answers.
'No, that doesn't work here, Draco. You know I trust you. I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't and you know that, but trust works both ways. Something happened that night and I have a right to know what it was.'
He let lose another long, defeated sigh, but he nodded, accepting, as if he knew that this would be the outcome all along. As if he knew that I would never be able to let something like that go, even if he had hoped otherwise. He let his head fall back, hitting the stone behind with a less than gentle thump. His eyes stared at the window opposite, where the pale glow of moonlight streaked through. He was silent for so long that my stomach dropped, thinking that I had mis-read him. That he wasn't going to tell me anything.
The disappointment flooded through me and I was preparing to leave again, when he took one long heaving breath before he started to speak.
'We were meant to be meeting for dinner, but you didn't show, so I came to find you. I bumped into you on the seventh-floor corridor.' His voice was mechanical, robotic, as if he knew these words by heart, as if he had already repeated them time and time again. 'You were upset. You'd had an argument of some sort with Weasley. Something about me from what I could make out.' His tone turned bitter and his lip twisted into a ghost of the sneer he was famous for. It quickly faded and his eyes darkened, at wherever his memories had taken him. 'I made it worse. I said something stupid and you got angry with me. We argued and then you left me.' He swallowed hard and his whole body tensed. One hand was clenched by his side and the other, the one that was still resting on his knee shook with a single tremor before he clenched it closed, stilling the movement.
'I was heading to the room of requirement. I was angry and annoyed and then-' He closed his eyes as if we were in pain. He swallowed hard. 'Then I heard you scream. I knew it was you. It was like reliving a nightmare. I never wanted to hear those sounds come out of your lips again. I ran to find you and you were at the bottom of the staircase, with your leg sticking out at a funny angle and blood everywhere. I called for help and then the rest is a bit of a blur.'
I wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him. To put my hand on that closed, shaking fist and stop those tremors that he was trying so hard to hide. But I hadn't missed the vagueness of his statement; I hadn't missed the various parts of the story that he had deliberately glossed over.
'What did we argue about?'
His jaw clenched and a muscle jumped in his jaw. 'Something stupid.'
I felt sorry for him. I could tell that he was finding this difficult. That he was struggling with what had happened. But if he didn't stop giving me half answers, there was a very real possibility that I would hit him. Clenching my own jaw, I forced myself to take a deep, calming breath. 'I'm going to need more than that, Draco.' He stayed silent and I had to take another deep breath. 'I don't see why you can't just tell me. Why can't you just tell them? Why not just tell them what happened and then this can all be over?'
Draco let out a sharp laugh, startling me. 'It will never be over. It doesn't matter what I do. They all think I am guilty anyway. They will always think I'm guilty.'
'But if you're innocent, then surely…'
His head swung around to face me, his face disbelieving. 'If I'm innocent?'
'I didn't mean it like that,' I reassured him quickly. 'But if you just tell them what happened, show them your memories and this will all be over.'
'No.'
His face was set, his tone resolute and I didn't understand his stubbornness. I didn't understand what could be so bad that he would rather go to Azkaban rather than admit what had happened. Rather than just tell me the truth. The only logical explanation that I could think of, was that whatever had happened, whatever he had said was so bad that the consequences would be worse, that he would go to Azkaban anyway. I tried to push those thoughts away, tried to imagine that they couldn't even be a possibility, but then what else could he possibly be hiding. What else would make him act this way?
'I don't understand this Draco. Why are you doing this to yourself? To me?'
In one swift movement, he pushed himself up so that he was standing and walked away until he was standing in front of the window. He braced his hands against the window ledge, his head bowed as moonlight streaked through his hair in a shining silver. His shoulders were tense, his back rising and falling in time with his heavy breaths. When he spoke, his voice was barely about a whisper.
'Because they've taken everything else. They don't get to take that too.'
'Who's taken what? You're not making any sense.'
'It doesn't matter. Not anymore.'
With great effort, I managed to pull myself up from the floor walking forward until I stood beside him.
'Well, it matters to me. Do you just expect me to stand by and watch as they drag you off to Azkaban? I don't understand this, Draco? I don't understand what could be so bad, what could have possibly happened that you'd rather go to Azkaban than just tell me?'
He lifted his head, turning to look at me and I didn't understand the pain that I saw there. 'Because I don't want to lose you.'
'Draco, you are going to lose me and a hell of a lot more if you don't just show them what happened. 'Just tell me what you said, Draco. It can't possibly be as bad as I'm imagining.'
His eyes turned pained as he looked at me, begging me to understand. 'Hermione… I can't.'
Before I could stop them, my eyes filled with the burning sting of tears. I had wanted to believe so much that Draco and I could work, that we could be together. But I couldn't do it. We had already faced so much together. I could take the staring and the whispers. I could take people thinking that I was crazy. I could even take my friends turning their backs on me. But I couldn't do this. I couldn't be with someone who would willingly lie to me. I turned my head away, blinking them away.
'Then I can't do this, Draco. I will not stand by while you do this. You're asking me to trust you and I do, but if you can't trust me back then I really don't see the point, do you?' I waited for one long heartbeat before I turned around, ready to do what I had to, ready walk away from him.
But he didn't let me.
'No wait, please,' he said, reaching out and snagging my wrist once more, forcing me to turn around and face him again.
'No, Draco,' I said pulling out of his grasp, taking a step away back and putting some distance between us. I folded my arms across my chest and looked him straight in the eye. 'I need the truth. What did you say to me?'
Draco seemed to be struggling with some internal dilemma. I could tell that his resolve was cracking. We both realised that the next words that were to come out of his mouth would determine what would happen between us. He walked away from me, pacing the width of the hall, raking his hands through his hair. In two quick strides he was standing in front of me, his hands grabbing my shoulders.
'This is not how I wanted to do this. Nor was the first time how I wanted to say it, but you're not leaving me a choice.' He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath before once again meeting my gaze. 'I love you, Hermione.'
Whatever I had expected him to say, that was not it. In my mind I had prepared for an insult or some derogatory comment, which is why I found his confession a little hard to take. 'Excuse me?' I said, pushing his hands off my shoulders and stepping out of his reach, 'Is this some kind of joke?'
'No,' he said desperately, his face earnest as he closed the space between us again. 'That night, I told you that I loved you and you left me. You were upset, angry with me. You were saying how I could never want to be with someone like you, with a… a… muggle born.'
Draco reached out, taking my hand. When he began to push up my sleeve and I realised what he was doing. Panicked, I reached out and grabbed his wrist, halting his movement.
'Hermione, trust me.' Draco spoke so softly and so gently, his eyes more open and honest than I had ever seen them and I could almost imagine that he was telling the truth. That I could see that emotion shining out at me from within those normally closed off grey eyes. It startled me so much that I let him remove my hand from halting his arm, that I did nothing but stare back at him as he slid his right hand down the bare skin of my left arm, his thumb tenderly stroking over the raised skin of my scar. I gasped under his touch and my whole body shivered at the conflicting emotions. I wanted so much to push his hand away and cover up my scar and yet I found myself leaning into his touch, quivering at the sensations of the soft strokes of his thumb.
'Draco, please stop,' I ground out through clenched teeth.
'No,' he said gently. 'You need to hear this. This is what I should have said to you before. The last time you showed this to me, I was caught off guard. I knew that you had a scar, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what she'd written on you. I was repulsed by it, Hermione, but not because I'm in any way repulsed by you. I was repulsed that I stood by and let that happen. That I heard your screams and watched your pain and I stood by and did nothing. I was repulsed that I'm related to the deranged lunatic who did that to you.'
His words washed over me, and I tried to block them out, but the genuine pain, the disgust and the other emotion that I saw staring back at me kept pulling me back in.
'This mark on your arm does not define you. It is not who you are. And it's certainly not who I think you are.' He leaned in close, towards me, resting his forehead against mine, his hands enclosed around my wrist in a vice like grip. 'This mark just shows what a brave and courageous person you are, and it is nothing that you should ever be ashamed of.
'That's why I didn't want to tell you the truth. I made a mistake, I hesitated, and you broke up with me Hermione. You left me. You were going to take away the only good thing that I have in my life and when I realised that I had another chance,' he shrugged, looking sheepishly apologetic, 'I took it.'
I swallowed hard, the weight of his words sinking in. 'So, you were manipulating me?'
'No! No of course not!' he insisted. 'I just wanted a chance to do it properly. To tell you how I really felt. The first time I was stupid and caught off guard and you were upset, and I just made everything worse. I just wanted to make everything right.'
As odd as it was, I guessed that I could understand why he had done what he had. Although it was still strange to hear. To know that this had all happened between us and I had no memory of it. None of it sounded familiar. I had been hiding my scar for so long, hiding it from everyone, even from my friends. I tried not to be ashamed of it. I knew that it didn't reflect who I was or what I was, but it was still there; a constant reminder of what had happened to me. Of what she had done. Of the hatred that people had for people like me, simply because of the way I had been born, because they found me inferior.
Draco had been one of those people. He was one of the first who had ever referred to me by that term and it had haunted me ever since. But if I had ever had any lingering doubts about him, about his feelings for me, they were gone now. He was staring at the scar I had been so desperate to hide and he wasn't looking at me like he hated me, he wasn't looking at me like he judged me, he was looking at me with that emotion. With love. He had told me that he loved me and as unbelievable as it might have been, I believed him.
'For future reference,' I said, as I took his hand in mine watching as his eyes turned hopeful, 'lying to me is not the way to make things right. If this is going to work, then we need to be honest with each other.'
He nodded earnestly, pulling on our clasped hands until I fell against him, out entwined hand trapped between us. His other hand reached around my waist, holding me to him as he rested his head against mine. I let him hold me, content to be held, until a thought popped into my head and I pulled back hitting him on the shoulder, 'I can't believe that you were prepared to go to Azkaban rather than tell me the truth?'
He shook his head adamantly, the hair falling onto his forehead shaking with the movement. 'It wasn't about not telling you the truth. I would have told you. I just wanted to do it in the right way. Not said in the heat of an argument.'
'I can understand that,' I said and part of me did, but there was something that still didn't make sense. 'But then why not show Professor McGonagall? Even if you couldn't tell me, why not at least show her and stop all of this?'
His eyes flicked to mine again and I wasn't sure if I saw the briefest flicker of annoyance that I asked the question. That I had once again seen more than he wanted me to, but to my relief he didn't shut me down. 'I just didn't want them, the aurors,' he clarified, 'to see it. Any of it. They've already seen everything else and I just… I don't want them to see that. My memories of you. It's the one thing left that I have that mine, that's pure and untainted by them. I just, I needed to have something left.'
I wasn't sure what he meant, but his words tugged at a memory of a conversation that I'd had with Pansy. What was it that she'd said? That it wasn't fair what the ministry were doing to Draco and his family. I felt it at the time. That jealousy that she knew something that I didn't but now I had the feeling that despite everything Draco had shared with me, he had left out some fairly major parts.
'What do you mean?' I asked, almost not wanting to know the answer. 'What have the aurors done?'
'My family should be in Azkaban, Hermione.' He gave me a wry smile, completely devoid of all humour. 'I know that and everyone else knows that. We avoided it by the skin of our teeth. They went through everything. Every single memory that I have. All summer they had their best legilimens enter our heads over and over and over again. They used pensieves, looking at the same memories again and again. Asking questions about every detail. For weeks they poured veritaserum down our throats just to make sure that what we were saying was the truth. There is not a memory in my head from the first eighteen years of my life that they haven't raked through again and again so that now when I think of them, the good along with the bad, my first day of school, my first time flying, they are there with me, like a shadow, hovering over my shoulder judging me. Everything that's happened these last few months, those memories are mine. They belong to me and me alone and I don't want them to have them. I don't want them tainting what we have.'
'Draco,' I whispered, horrified by what had happened to him and touched that he valued what we had so much that he would protect those memories at all costs. Even if the consequences of that sentiment were as foolish as they were unthinkable.
'I love you, Hermione. I mean that. You are the best things in my life and I just… I don't want to lose you. I don't want people to keep reminding you of who I am, of what I've done. I don't want that day to come when you remember that.'
Clasping his face in my hands, I looked him straight in the eye as I told him, 'I know exactly who you are, Draco Malfoy. I've known it for a long time now. I see you. I see the person that you are underneath that mask you like to hide behind and none of it scares me because I love you, Draco and I promise you that we will be able to make new memories. Every single one that they look through, every single one that they touch, I promise you that we will replace them with even better ones.'
Draco's arms slid around me, his head dipping so he could whisper against my lips. 'Say it again.'
I smiled back against his, finally voicing the words that I knew I had felt for a while, even if I hadn't realised it. Even if I hadn't been ready to admit it. 'I love you.'
He kissed me.
Hard.
And I clung on to his shoulders for dear life until he finally pulled back.
'I don't deserve you, Hermione. I know I'll never deserve you, but I promise I will never stop trying.'