It was one month since I started submitting my story, and nothing regarding the analytics grew at all. Well, I guess the character count. Feelings of self-hatred and emptiness started welling up inside of me. There was no indication any publishers were remotely interested in my story, and I plummeted deeper into depression.
"I have no talent at all..."
Little by little, that realization crept up on me. For the past month, I tried looking at various sites to see if there was any way I could increase my popularity. I made my sentences easier to read, I added a snappy title and wrote an interesting summary. I even started a social media account to promote my work on other platforms. Those things never even occurred to me before, so I was shocked by everything. It became very apparent that I was very ignorant of how things worked and that I knew nothing.
But more importantly, I realized that I was just average. Of course, there are geniuses who are able to swoop in and take the scene by storm, jumping high in the popularity rankings. Those people definitely exist, and when everyone starts out, they think of themselves as a genius. I was no exception. However, I was hit hard by reality and finally woke up from my dream.
After one month, I finally succumbed to the truth. Again, I'm not a genius, I'm just an average person. That's why I had to dedicate a lot of time and effort into this. Because if I do...
"Should I keep writing...?"
Willpower and motivation are the key driving forces that govern human behaviour. Many times, that motivation comes from other people, in the form of praise and empathy. That's why for authors, who spend so much time dedicated to writing, the feedback of their readers is so monumental. But for me, I had no such driving force. Since I started submitting my story, my view count and comments have been basically zero.
With how things were going right now, I was feeling frustrated and depressed. I wanted to be a proud, independent writer like Maple Satou, but to be like that, I had to be recognized by the public first. There is a difference between being independent and being alone, after all. I put my all into writing my story, and yet, I had no feedback from anyone. I just kept on writing by myself, never knowing if success will ever come. The harshness of everything hit me like a sack of bricks.I was beginning to lose all hope, however...
"No, I have to use this as fuel..."
I was just a mere middle school student, writing just for myself, not being recognized by anyone else. And one day, when I become a great author, I could go on a talk show and tell everyone "I had tough times starting out, but it was those times that made me into the person I am today".
"Yeah, that seems cool..."
All those things piled up, and a sense of guilt started building up within me. I was looking for any way to get some sort of validation. I was trying to twist my shitty situation into something positive. But even I knew I was putting on a brave face for nothing.
"No comments at all, huh..."
It was Rin's thoughts and comments that pushed me to continue writing. And now I let go of all of that in order to show off somehow. I really was starting to lose all hope. And then...
Ping
I hear the notification sound on my phone. I look at the notification display intently. The notification was for Syosetu. A user by the name of "Nira" had left a comment.
"This is my first comment here, but this is very interesting. Please do your best, thanks author!"
And with that, I had finally found the light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel.
__________________
"You seem well today."
It was during the school day, and I heard Rin's voice reverberate from across the hall.
"You can really sense that?"
"Well, Tohru-kun is just so easy to read. So what happened?"
After some hesitation, I decided to open up.
"Well, yesterday..."
I told her about the user "Nira", who was the first person to leave a comment, which made me extremely happy. I was so happy that I smashed my pinky finger against my bed by accident. After I told her everything, Rin looked happy and gave me an ear to ear grin. There wasn't a trace of despair on her at all.
"That's good to hear."
It felt like she was implying something else with her words, though I unconsciously ignored all of that, so I never took notice of it at all.
"You know what..."
I'm sure it was all clear to Rin that everything wasn't going as smoothly on Syosetu for me. No matter how hard I tried to hide it, Rin would find out. Despite that, I never wanted to make Rin worry about me.
"Now that I've been doing this for a while, if I want to become an author, I have to get better at using technology, I have to build up my vocabulary and I need experience. Otherwise, it won't be enough."
I made that declaration out loud. Firstly, it was my way of acknowledging that I was just an average person. That was the first step I needed to take in order to become an author.
"That's why... this might be a long road for me. You might have to wait a long time Rin."
An average person needs to put in a lot of effort if they want to get anywhere, and that requires a lot of time. By telling Rin all of that, I started feeling aware of everything that I needed to do.
"I'll become an author no matter what... it doesn't matter how long it takes, but I will become one."
And with that, my dream had officially become a goal, and so I began my path of isolation. I don't know if Rin was able to guess my intention, but she gave me a simple reply.
"You'll be fine."
Those kind words reached my brain.
"You'll definitely become an author, I guarantee it."
Those encouraging words reached my brain.
"I'll always be here for you."
With a soft and gentle smile, Rin enveloped me in an aura of encouraging words.
"Do your best, Tohru-kun."
And thus, I started on that long road ahead, towards my ultimate goal.