I think I just had a very nostalgic dream. There's a gentle brushing sensation on my forehead. Rising from the depths of the unconscious, I open my eyelids to see Rin's beautiful face staring back at me. She blinks her perfectly round eyes.
"Ah, sorry, looks like I woke you up."
"No, it's fine..."
I slowly sit up as my thoughts are still sluggish. The arrangement of the room, the smell, the feeling, it's different from my house. Looking out the window, everything seems sort of dim.
"What time... is it?"
"About 6 PM."
"I was asleep for that long?"
Bit by bit, the details start flowing back into my head. I saw Kaoru-san on the way to the convenience store, so she invited me to a wonderful lunch...
"I laid out a futon in Rin's room, please go ahead and take a nap."
"Huh?"
"You still have a fever, no? It's fine then, don't worry about it."
But why Rin's room in particular? I had no opportunity to question it, as before I knew it, I fell asleep in her room. Looks like I'm caught up to everything.
"I was so shocked, when I came home and went into my room, I saw a random guy just sleeping in my room. If it weren't for my mom's note, I definitely would have called the police."
"Shouldn't you make sure who it is before you make a decision like that?"
"You'd think I'd know it's you just from a bulge in the futon?"
"But you know, the bulge is probably about my size. Don't tell me you would have reported me even if you knew it was me?"
"Well of course. With me being absent, you could start doing suspicious stuff with my belongings. Ahh, thinking of that is just so gross."
"I wouldn't do that!"
"I'm joking, Tohru-kun is an advanced pervert who can't just use objects to get off. That's why my body is at high risk right now."
As always, Rin's tongue is as sharp as ever. All of a sudden, I feel a warm comforting feeling in my chest, as I extend my arm and start stroking Rin's cheek. The texture of her skin is quite glossy.
"Hmm... what's wrong?"
"It's nothing..."
When you hear harsh words, what's the reaction you're supposed to have? I see a future where my fever still hasn't gone down and that makes me worried for Rin, so I pull back my hand. Maybe it's just me, but Rin seems a little reluctant to leave my side.
"Are you feeling a lot better?"
"Yeah, thanks to you."
My fever definitely feels like it decreased a lot. And compared to this morning, my body is a lot lighter, the difference is like lead to paper.
"It really was just a small fever. I think I'll be ready for school tomorrow."
"There isn't school tomorrow."
"Oh, it's Saturday."
"Well, that too. But it's because it's spring break."
"Ah! I completely forgot about that."
That completely slipped my mind. Depending on your view, it's either a long or short break, but it's a 10 day break nonetheless and it just started. Now that spring break has started, that means...
"That means I have to wait a while if I want to eat your homemade bento. Today was my last chance too..."
Damn it, I feel so much regret now.
"It's not that big of a deal..."
With a soft whisper, Rin continues.
"I can come over and make it for you if you want."
Looking away, I see a tinge of embarrassment on Rin's face. She's so damn cute, I just want to stroke her so bad.
"Hea..."
Rin's face looks similar to the time when she was petting Syrup.
"Just... what are you doing?"
In spite of her resisting words, she doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. I can detect a bit of happiness and relief from her tone of voice.
"Thanks for everything. However, it'll be bad if I stay for too long. I'll go now. Is that fine?"
I ask that after I stop stroking her. Rin's cheeks are dyed as red as apples, as she gives a single nod. I can feel my chest leaping out of my body, watching her be all cute. Damn it, I really do love her.
I think back.
Her sweet look, the way she acts so cute, her aloof way of acting, but deep down she wants to be spoiled. She's meek, yet hard-working and stubborn.
I love her.
For a moment, Rin looks at me as if she's going to ask something. I'm sure she knows why my health deteriorated and she wants to be helpful in whatever way possible. She's so overflowing with kindness, it's unbelievable.
I love her.
I love everything about her. I'm sure Rin thinks the same way about me.
The truth is right in front of my face. I realize that now because of Rin's words and actions lately and Kaoru-san's words today as well. Then it should be fine. I love Rin and Rin loves me back. In order to deepen our mutual love for each other, we have to move past our relationship as just childhood friends and take the next step. I personally think that's the best way forward. The reason why we haven't done so yet floats into my mind.
I haven't become someone worthy of Rin yet. Only after I become a pro author did I want to confess to Rin. That's the curse I put on myself.
For fuck's sake.
I don't want my ego getting in the way. While I kept saying Rin is the one I love most, the answer really is just myself. It's all thanks to my conceited nature and selfishness. Because of those stupid thoughts, I've kept Rin waiting forever and forever. I can't take this anymore, I can't leave Rin waiting any longer.
This is where I leave all these half-baked feelings behind. Today is the day I will finally advance to the next step. I'll tell her how I really feel. I've made up my mind. For some reason, I wasn't too nervous. But first...
I have to tell her that before I confess.
My thoughts, worries, I harden my mind in order to steel myself. I want my emotions to accept the decision I'm about to make.
"Hey Rin."
"Yeah?"
Rin tilts her head in confusion. She might be sad or angry, but I already decided my path. I clench my fist hard. Rin has supported me for a long time, but it's the only way. I open my mouth, but it feels so heavy..
"Rin, I think I'll stop trying to become an author."
"...Huh?"
She does not understand why I said and unsurprisingly there is a long silence. Her face says it all, she really can't understand me. I feel a tingling pain run across my chest.