"Come on... why...?"
It was during my first year of middle school, and it was an autumn night. I was in my room, holding onto my phone as I let out a disgruntled voice. I was on Japan's largest web novel site, Syosetu, and I started my novel, The God of Patchwork, one week ago.
But before I knew it, I crashed head first into a seemingly insurmountable wall. Syosetu has popularity rankings and getting on there is the first major step towards publication. However...
"Damn it... it's not on there at all."
I was so sure that my first work was going to be a best seller right from the get-go, that not seeing it on the popularity rankings at all was a shock to my system. But really, what did I expect. The story I was writing was solely aimed at me, I didn't pay attention to the feedback of the readers at all. I didn't even have any keywords tags on my story at all nor did I use social media at all to promote it and interact with fans.
Tens and hundreds of new submissions get posted every single day, with each work adding to the variety on the site. Being a mere middle schooler, I lacked any sort of knowledge or experience. I thought that if you were passionate about writing, people would naturally flock to your story. However, reality punched me in the gut and stole my bento on top of it. You have to appeal directly to what the readers want if you want some chance at popularity, otherwise without that, you will fall into the wayside.
"What should I do..."
I collapsed on my desk, hanging my head in shame. I could still remember the promise I made with Rin a few days ago. I was burning with so much passion then, and now...
"AHHH, come on, do something you sack of shit!!"
The only thing that saved me from pulling the plug on all of this was that I was never a quitter. Looking for any potential issues, I examined my work over and over, scrutinizing every single detail. I looked over any bad parts and replaced them with other stuff that seemed more appealing. So after rewriting it countless times, I continued to submit them.
But in the end, it was all futile, it was an endless cycle. At the time, I didn't have what it took to succeed.
____________________
"How's your novel doing?"
"Eugh."
I'm walking home with Rin after school and her question crushed me like a ton of bricks.
"Ahh..."
I started scratching my head out of habit.
"It's... doing okay-ish, I think...?"
I was acting all weird and it shows. My heart felt all cold from the dread. Rin's face became all thoughtful after my answer.
"I see."
She didn't prod any further than that; however, she did say one more thing.
"Do your best!"
She had such a sweet smile on her face, and yet, there was a trace of sorrow painted on her face. I'm pretty sure I looked dejected as well.
"Y-yeah, thanks."
I continued scratching my head, the whole situation feeling a little too awkward for me. Inside of me, I could feel a sort of impatient bashfulness welling up, but it was thanks to Rin who helped calm that. I had Rin to cheer me on if I was ever down.
With every new day, I would continue to submit new chapters to my story; and yet, nothing would change at all.