I am not afraid of my death. Before being sent to the human world, I watched, from my home, so many lives being taken, so many people on their death bed, giving their last speech, expressing their last wishes, surrounded by their families, or dying alone. Their hearts were singing the same dreary song. I could sense their fear of the unknown, the agony of letting their soul be drained out of the body, their desperate attempts to hold on to life a little longer.
God never showed any mercy, taking away from them the only truth that they've ever known: Their existence and their loved ones. What is Heaven you may ask? It's not a paradise for the souls of the dead - It's a place where you forget who you are, and become who you were meant to be from the moment of your creation: Children of God; It's not peace what you shall find there - It's apathy. I never knew their pain, but I understood it, and, through them, death was no more a stranger for me.
I am not afraid of my death. What's after life's end is what scares me, because I've seen beyond it.
*
The first drops started falling from the sky minutes before me heading out. A heavy and dense rain, hiding the far lands, and even the closest landscapes, as a blessing in disguise, providing me the best chance to make myself unseen. I've always been fascinated by rain. Whenever I watched it, seeing the quiescent world asleep in her embrace, made everything seem so calm and normal; it felt like all of our sins are washed off, our misery, our anguish.
Their usual sharp senses are numbed by this type of weather - Their smell, their vision, their hearing, degrading them from deadly predators to worthy adversaries. On a perfect day, they could become aware of our presence from a mile away, especially if the angel preyed upon doesn't know how to cover his tracks. But this time, with rain on my side, I'm planning on being the apex predator.
When I entered the arsenal, I was hit by the stuffiness of the enclosed space and the smell of dust. The room had no windows, only a huge iron door to separate it from the rest of the dungeon, and which was locked most of the time, with only the commanders having a key to open it.
Et si mors veniet, et vis eius theloneo, ego primus ad respondendum.
"And if death shall come and claim its toll, I will be the first to answer." The words were engraved in the stone above the door, as they were part of the oath that all of us had to take before becoming warriors. It was meant to remind us that we accepted our fate the moment we stepped into that room and that we should never run away from the war that we are facing, for this had become our destiny. It was our signature on our death sentence, but we understood the burden and knew the importance of it for the survival of my kind.
Inside it was pitch black, except for the dim beam of light entering the room from the hallway. I raised my hand in the air as if I was trying to touch something invisible, and a sparkle of blue light lit my eyes for a fraction of a second, barely perceivable.
"Anima ignis" - as I said that, I felt a slight tingle in my fingertips, a sort of warmth triggered by my spiritual energy, and the torches started to burn one by one, until the whole room was fully illuminated, filling the room with shadows.
There wasn't much to see in there. Different weapons were hung on the walls, or stored on the weapon holders - Bows, swords, knives, everything you can imagine - but my only interest was represented by the chest in the furthest corner of the room. I went next to it, and sighed, having my mind flooded with memories.
Her last words came back to life again, even though she was gone - For a moment she was almost real, with her hand holding mine to give me power, and a sense of sadness filled my soul, knowing that I will never see her again in flesh.
"It's been a while", I whispered, while caressing the top of the box, having a hard time seeing its content after such a long time since I last used it. After her death, I couldn't come close to anything related to the war, I just ran away from everything, from my responsibilities, from my people, even though the voices never let me sleep. I refused to answer back, hoping that they will eventually stop, but they only consumed me more, until I just couldn't stand by as a spectator. I can't escape fate, and fate wants me to fight back.
So here I am, no more running- Ready to help those voices find their peace, so I can achieve mine.
I waited a few more seconds like that, and then I opened the lid, revealing a long sword, with a silver handle and carved markings on its blade, that would read as "I am one with your soul". I played with the tips of my finger across the edge of the blade, realizing how much I missed it being a part of my life. I grabbed its handle and lifted the sword in the air while watching the flames of the torches dance in their reflection on the sword.
Each one of us, the warriors, was gifted by the "Table of Judgment" with a weapon of choice, created with blood from its owner, to amplify its power, and making it easier to kill the night-walkers. Somehow, I felt the need to give mine a name, since a part of me was living inside of it and probably, it always will, even with me gone.
"War is calling our names, Rosa. We must answer." The markings on the sword lit up for a moment, responding to my plea. Our connection was still strong enough to let me wield it, even though it's been six months since I left her locked in a chest, far away from the bloodshed and the murders. But now, we found our way back to each other.
I put it in its scabbard, and then left the room, ready to confront the darkness.
**
When I got outside, the scent of blood was beginning to disappear, replaced by the smell of wet soil, but it was still intense enough for me to track down the place where the slaughter took place.
Night. Rain. Forests. Mud. I wanted to go to the stables, but after thinking better about the situation, to get a horse wouldn't be the smartest choice, it might even lower my chances to get there in one piece. But my... I spread my wings, revealing beautiful long white feathers, fortunately not affected by water, so I can fly. I looked left and right to make sure no one is watching me, and then I took off.
Seeing the world from above is an amazing feeling that I truly missed. You become one with the sky, you feel this weird freedom, by not being bound by the laws of the Earth - Actually, we feel close to what we were before - flying is for us like a walk down memory lane. We were made for this freedom, and it's a shame we became birds in a cage, unable to enjoy the pleasure of spreading our wings and fly with no real destination.
We rarely use them now - those who still have them, anyway - and when we get to use them, we don't have the time to enjoy them. And believe it or not, even to use our wings we must receive permission from the Elders. But now... Now I was feeling complete.
The whole land, as much as I could see with my eyes, was submerged in absolute darkness, and I was a bit worried that somewhere, from the forest, one of them could spot me, but much more important than that, was to get to my people.
Before reaching my destination, I carefully descended and decided to walk through the forest until I get there since it was way safer than flying over them, risking being seen. There was dead silence around me, no voices, no animal sounds, no screaming, just the drops of rain hitting the leaves of the trees and the ground.
To be more sure that I would pass undetected, I covered my long, black hair with the hood, and moved around as slowly as I could, trying not to warn anyone about my presence, be it a night-walker or an animal.
The trees were tall and close one to another in patches, making it sometimes a bit difficult to advance. The ground was also slippery, because of the rain, so it was even harder to stay hidden. One wrong step can lead to terrifying consequences, especially when your life is on the line.
I must've walked about twenty minutes when I started to feel the smell of blood getting stronger and stronger. The silence was still there, but so was death, yet there was no going back from me. I kept moving forward, checking everywhere I could, to make sure that I'm not ambushed, but everyone seemed to be gone.
At some point, I noticed deep scratches on the trunk of a tree, and that's when I knew that I'm clearly almost there. A few more steps were made, and then my heart sunk, at the sight of seven mutilated corpses, all of them angels. Two of them had their wings, but their chests were crushed and cut through, to get to their hearts. The others seemed to have several bites on their body, massive chunks of flesh missing, their throats ripped off; none of them were moving, not even a twinge.
Their terrified dead stares were fixated on me as if they were asking for help. I failed you...
"May God have mercy on your soul!"
I got on one knee to check on the rest of the bodies, that I could not see very well, only to make sure that all of them are lifeless when a voice answered:
"God is the one who sentenced us to death", he said, while coughing. I turned my head and saw one of the corpses trying to move. Despite the fact that he had scratches all over his body, and his neck covered with blood, probably from a bite, the angel was somehow still alive. I ran up to him, and turned him on his back, kneeling down next to him. He looked at me for a moment and started to cry. I felt his agony; I felt that his life was almost over, and he read that in my eyes.
"You shouldn't blame God for what we chose to do", I said.
"Then we shouldn't be blamed for what others did." Immediately after he replied, his breathing accelerated, and he clenched his fists, from the sudden pain. He started yelling and crying worse than before.
I didn't know what to respond to that. At that time, everyone was right in their own way, and the decisions they took, were taken based on their subjective view regarding that matter. I am no one to question anyone's judgment, just like the many who didn't question mine.
"I am sorry."
"I know I am dying", he said. "So... I beg! Kill me, please! The pain... I can't feel this anymore! Please." I moved my hand and wiped his cheeks, which were hidden under blood mixed with tears and rain, while he started screaming again, and then stopped. With shaking hands, he drew his knife out of his coat, and put it in my hand, closing his eyes and crying silently, waiting for all of this to end. "Thank you", he said quietly.
Tears were running on my face, as I lifted the knife in the air, and then drove it through his heart, standing witness to the last beat of it. I bent over him, kissed his forehead, and touched his cheek gently, sedated with pain, while asking for his forgiveness one more time.
As I was trying to stand up, I heard the sound of a breaking branch behind me, exactly as if someone stepped on it by accident. I pulled my sword, turned around, and threw it in the direction of the sound. It hit the tree, landing inches away from his head.
"You missed", he smiled.
"That was a warning."
His eyes started to glow red.