A wave of tiredness suddenly took over me, and, without having any chance to fight it off, I fell with my head on the pillow, having the strangest dream I've ever had. If it was a dream.
I opened my eyes as soon as I closed them, a blink of a moment, waking up to face an endless void. I never felt so alone, that's all I know. The despair hauntingly captured my soul, and the terror born by hate made me want to scream my lungs out. But instead of an agonizing scream, there was raging, and that was only inside my head. There was no sound, there was no light, only my paralyzed body engulfed in darkness.
Every attempt to move or to say a word was for nothing, the invisible chains holding me in place. The beat of my heart was also silent, as if there wasn't any at all, nor did I feel like I was breathing. I looked around, trying to discern anything that might take a physical form, and my uneasiness only grew with the realization that I could find none.
Then he revealed himself. Or at least made his presence known to me, as I could only see the contour of his being, but not the details. Weirdly, I wasn't afraid of him; it felt more like a warmth started to run through my veins. Warmth and comfort, like the feeling you get when you see a familiar face, that you hold dear. And longing. Something in me knew who he was, a deep-buried memory inside my mind; a memory that was trying to surface, but I could not tell the time when we met. If we ever did.
"I knew you wouldn't fear me. They said you would", the voice whispered, and that might have been the sweetest voice to ever touch my ear. The despair went away, and my tensed muscles relaxed. As I watched more and more the silhouette, the shadow was no longer a shadow, a pleasant light was surrounding it now, and I desperately wanted to get closer to it, attracted to it like a moth. But I couldn't.
"It is time", he continued. "Come find me."
When I woke up, I felt at peace. I was staring at the ceiling, unable to react, just thinking. This was no nightmare, though something was worrying me; it was just hard to figure out exactly what was that something. I know I didn't sleep for long - It was still early in the morning, when I came back to the real world, since the sun was hidden from my sight, and there was no sign that it will shine anytime soon. His voice. Even awake, I could recall it clearly. He might as well stand right next to me and talk. But there was no one else in the room beside me. Strange how everything I went through in the dream, persisted.
"Come find me..." I said out-loud, reproducing the words he used to put me under his spell, calling me to his resting place, to uncover the sins that he took to his grave. And then it hit me.
Back to my senses, I recognized him. It was one of them, and for some reason, he was able to get in touch with me. Wish I could've passed it as a bad dream, but the difference between what's surreal and the void that I saw and lived was hard to ignore. There was no point in deceiving myself. It happened. The darkness. The silence. My trapped body. It's just... That it wasn't me. That wasn't my penance, it wasn't me who was experiencing the still chaos of the void, it wasn't my body the one in chains.
This was the extent of their powers? Not even a prison created by God Himself can keep them in absolute isolation? One way or another, they managed to enter my mind, and they shared with me their own version of Hell, allowing me to throw a glance at it through their eyes and their spirits. That frightened me, and yet, it broke my heart into a million pieces, that could never be put back together.
"What am I?" I replied to my own troubling thoughts. Now I knew what bothered me. The idea that crossed my mind seemed repulsive to me, and the first thing that I wanted to do, was to banish it, but to no avail, probably because I got too close to them. I was panic-stricken and felt sick to my stomach out of nowhere. Just in time, I jumped out of bed and threw up, still holding to the side of the bed with my right hand, to not collapse, wondering if it was the poison at fault or what I witnessed.
Without control, a gleam of blue reflected in my eyes. The flames of the candles wavered, slowly in the beginning, but intensifying their dance, until they all went out at the same time.
Now I knew. It wasn't the fact that they've somehow found me, but what I've felt when they did. That connection we had was the one thing that was concerning me.
That, and the true face of the end.
*
Nobody came to say farewell. The hallways were empty, devoid of any living creature when I left; only the guards, two at number, placed in front of the gates that led to the outside world, acknowledge my departure, slightly bowing their heads when I walked past them, in the sign of goodbye. I did the same, accepting that words are not a necessity and that one day, maybe we will meet in better circumstances. I stepped outside and then listened to the gates closing behind me, without turning around to see them one last time, feeling that if I look, my heart might falter.
I took a deep breath, filling my chest with the floral smell that floated in the night's air, at the same time wondering where will I go. I didn't have a plan. I mean, I knew what I wanted to do, what I had to do, but never stopped to ask myself where I should start. I had been impulsive, reckless with my actions, and because of that, now I was... Confused.
I began walking towards the forest, letting myself get lost between the low and dense branches of the trees, where even the light of the moon could not find me. I don't know if I walked 500 meters when I heard footsteps taking the same steps that I was taking. I didn't worry. If the stalker wanted me dead, I'd already been dead. Calmly, I stopped and turned around, waiting for the figure to come out of its hiding place. And he did. His blue eyes met mine once again, and his lips were curled into a wide smile. Curiously, I was not surprised that he was here.
"It's difficult to say if you are extremely brave or an idiot for coming here", I said emotionless.
He kept his smile, clearly not bothered by my remark.
"Or overconfident", he replied, while getting closer to the spot where I was standing.
"Or maybe all three", I added. When I finished my sentence, he was already next to me, breathing in my face with the same odor of rotten meat that I remember.
This time he laughed, and, playfully, the moon shed its light over his face, making him seem so... Human. The blue of his eyes, with a tint of grey from the moonlight, was hypnotizing, making it hard to believe that those eyes belonged to a murderous beast.
He was also staring at me, thoughtful, his lips parted. I could see that he wanted to say something, but he killed his words before he spoke them, then lifted his hand and pulled my cloak over my shoulder, covering part of my wings, that was left out.
"You have to be more careful if we are traveling together. I wouldn't want to get myself killed because of you."
"Did I mention that we will travel together?" I responded annoyed. "I value the information you gave me, and it happens that you were correct, but this is not your journey. And I don't trust you. The only reason I'm not killing you is that you didn't kill me either when you had the chance." I pushed him aside and started walking in whatever direction, trying to get away from him. He continued to follow me, like a lost puppy who can't find his way back home, while all I could do, was hope that he will get bored enough to disappear in the night.
"When you were asleep from the poison, a very interesting thing occurred. At first, I thought it was the wind or maybe some witch paying me a visit. But then I heard you..." He eventually dispersed the silence set between us, and that froze me. I was able to comprehend where this was leading to. That damned poison was somehow affecting the control I had over my powers, letting them loose whenever I was sent over the edge.
He carried on with his narrative, while I felt my pulse rising.
"And I saw your eyes, wide open. Let me rectify, your silver eyes, which were actually blue. By the sound of your breath, I'm quite sure you know what I'm talking about. And given the fact that, ever since I'm observing you, you never used these powers when others were around, I'm absolutely convinced that you don't want anyone to know about them."
I sighed, closing my eyes. He was smart enough to put pieces together, and I could tell the reason for sharing this story with me. This was a threat.
"You really aren't like the others, are you, little angel?"
The vileness perceived in his voice sent a chill down my spine, finally understanding how dangerous this whole situation could become for me. For me and my kin.
"No one can know", I replied, unfazed. "At least, not yet." He got closer and put his hand on my shoulder, gently whispering to my ear, as if this just became our secret to protect.
"I will think about it." He made a long pause, without making any move, just breathing next to my ear. When I pulled myself back, he did the same thing and continued speaking. "Anyway, the sunrise will light up the sky soon enough, so we should find somewhere to camp. It won't be safe anymore."
Without notice, he began walking north, leading me deep into the dark wilderness. This time, I was the one following him up close, silent, and slightly worried that something might go wrong. There wasn't a particular reason for feeling like this, it was more of a feeling in my gut. His body moved graciously through the trees and over obstacles, reminding me of a panther, agile and fierce, but somewhat delicate and fluid. I kept looking at his dancing silhouette, wearing its grotesque elements in a never seen before manner - It is the first time that I had the chance to study their movements in such high detail.
The beauty of a predator, you could say - Same as the lion stalking its prey, hidden in the copper fields, with its eyes shining under the sunset's light; same as the cheetah patiently flexing its muscles right before attacking the antelope - There was a certain amount of fascination surrounding his primitive nature.
We must have walked for a few miles when he suddenly stopped and turned around to stare at me. I had no idea if he wanted to tell me something or if he was just checking up on me, but I took my chance and decided to ask him where we are heading since he didn't give me the tiniest clue about that.
"Do you even know of a place where we can camp or we'll just try our luck and hope for the best?"
He smiled.
"Of course."
He pointed straight ahead, to some rocks that you could barely distinguish in the pitch-black distance. They weren't really far, I believe there were less than 300 hundred meters separating us from them. Almost there.
"There is an entrance to some underground tunnels over there. Or at least there was one a decade ago if my memory doesn't fail me. Things might have changed though."
"And I assume that absolutely nothing will try to kill us in there?" I asked sarcastically.
"I'll let that be a surprise."
From my knowledge, nothing good ever came with that.
And, as funny as it is, I was bloody right.
**
As we got closer to the tunnels. I began to tremble and to feel sick to my stomach. There was a voice – Actually, not one, a choir of voices - I couldn't hear their words, but I could tell there were all whispering to me something. With every step we took, they were talking faster and faster, driving me insane. Their incomprehensible chatter was slowly invading every corner of the forest, every tree, every leaf – extending their tentacles closer and closer to me. I caught my head with both hands and collapsed in dizziness.
He must have heard me because I felt the ground vibrating from his steps running towards me. He put his arms around me and he helped me get up in a sitting position.
"The voices…" I managed to mumble.
"You hear them?" He asked me quite surprised, yet with a dose of enthusiasm.
"What are they?"
"Mimics – Creatures of the night, who have the ability to mimic every voice they hear. I've been told stories about them, but..."
"But…?
"Weird enough, they haven't been heard in years. And now, your presence awoke them. You really are a strange one, little angel. It's like you are bringing back to life every myth."
His joyous expression was the one of a person who saw his most desired dream brought to life – not even a bit of fear, just pure amazement.
I backed away from him, realizing that, indeed, strange things were happening lately, and the loss of control over my powers was, for sure a catalyst for their growing extent.
"The poison on that arrow… Did something to me."
He didn't reply, but I could read on his face that something didn't go as planned. He probably didn't – actually, couldn't – foresee all the implication of using that poison on me. How could he have any idea of the powers that were residing in me? But he did look concerned. Was he realizing the danger that we could face because of him? The other legends that I may revive, but which are better to remain just legends?
I was getting worse. The pain was excruciating - My head was spinning in disorientation from all those voices that were refusing to shut up. They were asking me to set them free, and how happy they were to have found me, while I had no idea what was happening, or if they even knew who or what I was. But, without a doubt, they were calling me.
"I'm definitely not going inside," I told him.
"Oh, but we have to. We need to catch one."
My eyes were wide open, and I was staring at him, confused and irritated, trying to figure out if he brought me here on purpose, or it was just an unfortunate event, and now he's so excited, that he needs a new pet.
"You knew this would happen. You knew that I would bring them back. You set me up", I managed to say, before coughing my lungs out. The air was becoming heavier, and it was harder for me to breathe, spiraling without control in a panic attack.
He maintained his serious expression and shook his head left and right a few times.
"I didn't know. I had my hopes high, to be completely honest, but I am just as surprised as you are."
"Why do you want to catch one?"
That damned smirk. Again.
"To pay someone for a favor. That's all you need to know for now."
He grabbed my arm and pulled me up until I was back on two feet, then he moved his hand around my waist to hold me like that, in order for me not to fall. I wanted to resist and set myself free from his half embrace, but my knees felt weak, and in the end, I let him have the control. His lips got closer to my ear and said a few words just for us to hear.
"Trust me this time. I won't get you killed."
I turned my head to face him, and I could tell from his eyes that he wasn't mocking me or my weakness.
"Maybe just this time", I replied.
With him supporting the heaviness of my body, we began walking towards the entrance of the tunnel. I don't think there was a more difficult time for me to hold onto my sanity, than this very moment, when the choir of voices took over every part of my mind. But he was there, and his grab tightened as we stepped in the moonlight, acting more like a protector, than the vicious beast that he was. The forest ended right before the rocks that were masking the hole in the Stone Mountain, and we found ourselves in an opening, covered in flowers and dead silence. The animals' sounds that accompanied the mimics stopped, losing themselves in the woods, deeper than the travelers dare to adventure.
An old wooden door was keeping the creatures trapped inside the labyrinth of caves, making sure that their sleep isn't perturbed by any being, tried by the curiosity to discover the secrets of the mountains. I wanted to push it, but the night-walker caught my hand before I got to touch the iron handle.
"Not so quick", he responded.
He pulled out a knife from one of his pockets and, without blinking, in the matter of a second, cut his palm diagonally, leaving the blood to emerge until his whole hand was covered in it. With his other hand, searching for a hidden space in the wood, on the left side of the door, and removing the leaves and dirt from it, revealed an ancient oval-shaped mechanism. Carefully placing his knife back in the sheet, he put his bloody hand in the oval form and the door began to open with a creek.
The smell of the enclosed space hit me hard, and a chill went down my spine due to the low temperature sealed in there.
"Now you can go on", said the nightwalker, making a reverence, while indicating the entrance with the right arm.
As soon as I stepped inside, the voices were reduced to silence. Was this a game of theirs – Trick you into gaining confidence and leaving your guard down? Letting you be under the impression that you are safe inside?
Not even a sound.
"Don't believe anything your eyes see. They have quite a reputation for being great deceivers."
"I'll keep that in mind, I replied on a serious note.
Pitch black.
I was starting to get used to this kind of place, and not in a good way. The last days of my life were spent more in confinement, than out of the cage. And it all started with him. My unlucky encounter. Could I also be cursed, and not only forsaken? Threw a glance at him, and he also gave me a quick look, before stepping inside, following me close behind. There were torches placed on each side of the tunnel, entangled in spider web and tons of dust. They probably even forgot their sole purpose during the ages that passed over them, forgotten, left there to rot.
"Anima ignis" - The softness in my voice was amplified in a short-lived echo, before dying in the never-ending darkness of the mountain. The subtle blue light in my eyes also began to fade in the dim light that took over the cave with each torch that lit up, obeying my command without any resistance. The clenched fist relaxed; my lips were sealed again, swallowing the last words on the tip of my tongue.
"Impressive", he managed to reply.
"You are already aware of part of what I can do. There's no point in striking stones together, is it?"
He laughed innocently as a response. I think I too may have smiled for a second.
I kneeled and lifted my right hand, with the palm towards the ceiling, and whispered more to myself, than for others to hear:
"Ostende te."
The still environment was perturbed by a cold, harsh wind, which began to howl across the corridors and heading straight in my direction. The torches were struggling with keeping their flames alive, protected from my calling. With the corner of my eye, I saw the nightwalker sniffing the humid air, and staring at me dumbfounded, sensing the approaching shadow.
"Wolves?" He asked rhetorically, or so it seemed to me. I didn't bother to give him an answer anyway.
Instead, I remained with one knee on the semi-frozen ground, waiting for the mysterious shadow to come into sight. And he did. The ghostly wind materialized from penumbra, taking the shape of a massive, translucent wolf, whose blue colored eyes were just as intense as mine; he was like a grayish fog, with whirlwinds in his fur, and his huge paws would disintegrate into the air before touching the earth as if he was floating.
"Find them for me", I pleaded with him. The wolf clearly understood my request, accepting it; he turned around in no hurry and began to lead us through the maze. I noticed how the nightwalker hesitated for a second, possibly shocked and unconvinced, but he did follow me obediently, without making any further comments.
"What's his name?" He finally asked.
I stopped for a moment to see what he was talking about, and he was pointing his index finger at the shadow wolf, who also took a break from walking, waiting for us to come.
"He's not a pet, you know", I replied smiling. "He's the wind itself, and the only one to know his true name and form. He answers to no one."
I looked at the wolf, and he lowered his ears for a moment, then moved them back to their natural position, as a sign that he knew we were talking about him.
"How were you able to summon him then?"
"My kind and nature have always shared a deep, well-rooted connection due to the fact that we were both born from light. It just happens that I'm still in touch with that."
"I'm intrigued, I must say", the nightwalker replied staring at the wind's ghost.
"But make no mistake. He's here only because he decided to be here. And also… Be careful with what you say, he doesn't like you too much. He knows what you are; this is why he won't let you approach me. He senses your deepest desires and your most concealed intentions. And he also sees their nature, the reasons behind them. You can wear a sheep's skin and fool another sheep that you might not harm her (mean no harm), but you can't hide your soul from eyes that see further than your skin."
The wolf left his position, and slid his head under my palm, sustaining my words. I felt the cold breeze on the tips of my fingers and climbing up my arm, slowly fading before reaching my face. Freedom – that's what he reminded me of. I let a gentle smile slip on my lips.
The nightwalker was left stunned, speechless. Just shook his head up and down, agreeing.
A giggle interrupted the entire moment, resonating all around us as if the cave was the one making those sounds. The wind beast left the warmth of my hand and adopted his attach posture, growling even worse than before – this time definitely not at my unexpected companion.
"What?" replied the nightwalker, surprised. "I heard that too. Not sure how, though."
"You aren't supposed to hear them?" I questioned him, more confused than ever
"Well, they only affect creatures of light, like you. They have no effect on us, so I shouldn't be able to tell their presence."
I rolled my eyes, annoyed, and draw my sword, getting ready to fight whatever harm might come my way, but the giggle was followed only by a graveyard's silence. Nothing appeared in the dim light surrounding us.
The tension only grew.
Then a song.
Someone started to sing, a familiar voice, yet weirdly distorted – Clearly whoever was using it was struggling with reproducing it; I just couldn't place a face on it. A feather fell in front of me from God knows where, white as the clouds on a sunny day, and tainted by dried blood. I bent to pick it up, but before I could reach it, another hand appeared from the air and grabbed me.
I was startled and jumped back a few steps, giving her the opportunity to reveal herself to me in her entire splendor. The golden dress she was wearing was also soaked in blood, not only her wings – Her, and I could see the ripped fabric barely covering the hole in her chest. The wound on her shoulder was still fresh and bleeding, tainting the ground with red drops of her being.
"What are you seeing?" My companion asked. "Do not trust it, whatever it is - It's not real", he continued, trying to shake me out of that trance.
"You did it." Her dying voice broke the silence. "It's you who did it."
My hands felt heavy for a moment, and then something began to leak through my fingers, meeting the end of its fall on the cold soil. The confined space was replaced by a glade sunken in the blood moon's light, and dozens of corpses spread as far as the eye could see. The stars stood still, no more wishes for broken souls like ours.
"You did it. Remember.", she repeated the same words while taking her first step towards me. The next one followed, with her saying the same thing. And again. And again.
The night turned to day, angels and nightwalkers were now fighting for their lives wherever I looked, under Heaven's tears. Ripped wings, dead stares, rivers of blood leaving lifeless bodies. Hard to believe such horror can become reality under the right circumstances.
She was there too, knocked down, and caught under the weight of a huge nightwalker, unable to free herself.
His hand crushing the soft bones of her neck, and her desperate gasps for a mouth of air.
Her teary eyes.
Her muffled screams.
His teeth sinking into her fragile frame.
I tried to run to her, but a hand grabbed me by my hair from behind and slammed me to the ground. A short-lived pain pierced my ribs and my lungs, and, for a second, I couldn't breathe, trying to roll over in order to defend myself. My sight became blurry from the shock, and I could only see the shadow on top of me preparing to attack me and end my life. "This won't be our end", I thought to myself. "I won't let her die!" I yelled with grief, pulling out a knife from my waistband and placing it right into the skull of the shadow.
The shadow roared in pain and dropped with full strength his clenched fists onto my chests. I coughed, thinking that this was it, my time to go, but her image crossed my mind in a last, desperate, attempt to save my life. I strengthened the grip around the knife and stabbed him one more time, unwilling to go down without giving my all for her sake. And then once more, and once more, until my eyes gained sight again and I could see the unrecognizable mass of flesh, which was once his face. He tried to put his fists up to hit me again, but he only managed to raise them a bit over his shoulders, before collapsing aside.
I stood up as fast as I could, stumbling for a bit, and looking for her on the battlefield. The beast was holding her by the throat, suspended in the air, and with the other hand, he tore away one of her wings. Her horrible scream filled the glade, and before it even ended, he ripped off her other wing.
The rage I felt. I wasn't heartbroken anymore; it wasn't about survival anymore. I was trembling from anger – I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to have his blood on my hands, and I wanted him to suffer just the same as she did.
He threw her on the wet soil, half-dead, preparing to deliver the death blow. She turned her head, looking straight up at me, and said something that I couldn't understand. He also looked at me, wondering what she was staring at, and smiled when he observed my devastated expression.
"Fight me!" I provoked him.
He looked at her one more time as she was trying to mouth "run" to me and then abandoned her mutilated body, to respond to my plea. He was probably sure that I was going to be an easy kill, and after that, he can just finish what he started with Sellel.
Until then, the deaths I delivered never came from hate, but at that very moment, I was finding in myself feelings I never thought an angel could manifest. And when his death greeted him, I smiled.
And he did too.
"There's a beast in everyone, you see." He tried to say something more, but his last words vanished, choked in his blood, with the last slash of his throat, and his severed head rolling feet away from the rest of his body.
Disgusted, I threw the knife on the ground and redirected my attention towards my dying love.
That's when I saw him for the first time. A faceless form, standing next to her, holding her heart in his crushing hand. He was offering it to me.
And I finally remembered taking it, without putting up a fight.
I was staring once again right into her eyes. The beautiful green was gone now, replaced by a dead blank, white void. And then I ate it. I ate her heart.
I am the monster.