*Present day*
The hunter looked out of the shadows at the unprecedented pair. An angel and a nightwalker. Ever since he hunted creatures like them, he had never been hit by such an image, or if he had been hit, there had certainly been bloodshed on both sides.
They seemed relaxed next to each other. Maybe even close.
Ever since the angels descended to earth, luck had smiled upon him. Born of witch parents, the gift remained with them, he inherited only the unhappiness of living forever. He simply could not die, and a greater punishment than this could not exist for him.
For many, that would have been happiness, but he had lost more over the years than they had. He had seen his wife die, he had said goodbye to his children, friends.
He had nothing left.
Then the war began, and for a time he fought on the side of men and angels, until the great separation that followed after a few years. Then he felt alone and lost again, not knowing where he belonged.
In the eyes of men, there was no man, and in the eyes of witches, he was no sorcerer.
Then he found his calling hunting angels, nightwalkers, humans, and anything else that came his way. His nature was helping him mask his scent anyway, so why not? The money was money, and at least he could enjoy his damned existence, losing the rest of his days to women and drinking. What else could a beast do without a purpose?
He had stumbled upon them by accident; he had seen the smoke rising from the clearing, and, having camped exactly in the same area, thought of trying his luck.
It wouldn't even have crossed his mind that he would find angels and demons relaxing around the same fire. More than eager to hunt, he was intrigued. What misfortune could bring together two war-torn species? Because he was sure it was something more than what he could see.
He wasn't going to attack them. He will wait. He will follow them and he will find out what is hidden behind the association of the two.
Maybe he had just found his new purpose in life.
*
"That happened ages ago. My descent." I replied to the nightwalker's confession, slightly taken aback by it.
"Yeah, I was quite young back then. You still managed to impress me though." He was trying to laugh it off and turned his gaze away from me. Now, I think, he had begun to count the leaves in the trees, trying not to seem too interested in my questions or his answers. He wanted to behave as if it meant nothing. As if.
"Have you been following me ever since?"
That's when it hit me. He had known about me for decades. He had been looking for me for decades; otherwise, I could not explain how such a coincidence, like that of our meeting, would ever occur. He must've known more than enough about me by the time he mustered the courage to come after me. Now that's a twist that I couldn't foresee.
"I've asked around", he cut it short.
Great. What other secrets are hidden behind him?
"How will she see the mimic?" I asked, a bit curious how this whole thing would work. I was somewhat embarrassed by the situation I had just woken up in, and now I was desperately looking for a way to take the discussion in another direction. I don't think I would have been able to cope with other confessions.
The nightwalker glanced at me and almost laughed. He was also relieved.
"You don't know much about witches, do you? Or in general about the world," he replied to my question. "I told you. She's a blood witch. They can see things that aren't meant to be seen by the normal eye. She will see him."
I was anxious and not only. Hungry even. I hadn't had much time to rest in the last few days, and now I felt tired and in need of deep sleep for at least three days. Zaras did not seem to be affected too much by the recent events. Now he had relaxed and was lying on his side by the fire, probably waiting to be stolen by sleep.
It seemed to me that things had moved too fast lately, so fast that it was as if I didn't even have time to understand what was happening. I was probably functioning out of inertia, I was letting myself be carried away by instincts and impulsivity, without thinking in detail about the actions or reactions around me.
And it was his bloody fault.
He probably saw me thinking because I watched him get up from his seat and come to me. He immediately sat down next to me and turned to me. Putting both hands on my shoulders, he looked at me intensely and sighed.
"You know what your problem is, Shiray?" You're holding back when it comes to your emotions. Maybe you're still under the impression that it's not ok to feel them. It is. Express yourself. Allow yourself to be angry, to be happy, allow yourself to be completely free."
"But I fee..." I tried to say, but he stopped me.
"You think you feel. Even when you talk about my kind slaughtering your people, it feels like you're talking the way you think you should talk. You're thinking your words. You have to let them come from the heart," he continued his speech. "The only true anger I've ever seen in you, was in the tunnels, with the mimics. That was real. That feeling was real. And happiness? I don't think I've ever seen you smile."
I didn't know what to answer. I was looking at him a little lost because I didn't know exactly how I should feel. No one taught me how to do this, I was just told not to. In fact, I was not even told not to do it, by my nature I should not have felt the need to do so.
He smiled sympathetically.
"What I am saying is… You're not in Heaven anymore, Shiray. You don't have to act all angelical, you don't have to behave. You're more human than angel right now, so allow yourself to feel like one. Come on, let's give it a try. What do you say?" He got up so suddenly, pulling me after him, that I didn't even have time to react.
The night was quiet and silent, only our voices resounded in the green glade. A few birds of the night could be heard in the distance, looking for prey, but otherwise, not even the whispers of the wind disturbed the wilderness.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked confused.
"Yell. Scream. I don't know. Whatever you feel like doing." He replied excitedly.
"But they'll hear."
I had to admit I was a little worried. Learned for decades to walk on tiptoes, and now I was pushed from behind to break all the dishes around me. And I was also worried about the nightwalker's behavior, who behaved as if he had gone a little crazy in the last minutes. He didn't seem to care if we were heard by anyone, or if some beast jumped out of a bush and attacked us.
"You do know I kidnapped you," he yelled at me.
"You did kidnap me," I said in return, looking around to make sure we're not in any danger.
"Not like that. Be angry, annoyed. I kidnapped you. I poisoned you. I ate your friends." Zaras definitely wanted a reaction from me. He didn't seem to back down from his idea and kept trying to insist on me. The truth is, I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to scream and throw things, I wanted my Father to hear me, to let him know how tired I was fighting everything that was thrown in my way. To let him know that I want everything to stop.
But I didn't know how to be like that.
I didn't know how to lose control voluntarily. There was a restraint as if I was trying to run ahead, and some arms coming from behind were trying to hold me in place. I didn't know how to get them to let me go.
"You don't have anyone, Shiray. Everyone abandoned you, everyone left you, everyone you ever cared about died. You have no one. Be furious!"
Blue sparks formed in my eyes. I could feel it rising through my veins directly to my heart, asking to come out. Those were my emotions. My powers. He didn't continue the series of harsh words, he just came closer to me and put his hands on my temples.
"You have to separate your powers from your feelings, otherwise you will never control them. Lash out. But set your emotions free, not the magic." He wouldn't let me go. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. "Feel," he said again.
Somehow, the sparks disappeared. I no longer felt the need to destroy everything around me, there was nothing inside asking me to go outside. Just anger. There was anger, and frustration, and sadness.
"I hate you. I hate your kind." I managed to whisper. "I hate you."
"That's good," he agreed.
"It's your fault. If it weren't for your kind, my people wouldn't have died. She wouldn't have died. I lost my life because of you! I lost everything because you decided to exist."
"And what about your God? Where was He when all this happened to you?"
I knew it was not only their fault but in one way or another, they had started the events that followed. They had started the war, they had started the massacre on the people, fed up with hiding in the shadows. They did not care about the misfortunes they could bring, they just wanted to inspire fear, to control lands that did not belong to them. They were not afraid of any God, they did not think they could be stopped by anything, that's where it all started.
Yes, I chose to get involved. Yes, others followed me. But was I really wrong about that? Or had my father been the one who was wrong, ignoring what was happening? Or punishing my people for choosing to care more? We weren't his only children. The humans also belonged to him, he had given them the power to exist, he had created them and through that, he had to take care of them.
The truth is, I was hurt by my Father's indifference. We loved him from the bottom of our hearts, but did he love us as well? All the prayers that were sent to him and all the answers I did not receive. I never blindly believed in His rules, I just hoped. I hoped that maybe He wanted our safety, that maybe all the restrictions were trying to keep us from bad things. But maybe He was just wary of what we could become. Maybe He was just trying to keep us under his control.
"He left me", I acknowledged.
I could feel my voice beginning to fill the silence in the clearing as I spoke. From whispers to a normal voice; from a normal and calm voice to an almost hoarse voice; from a hoarse voice starting to climb towards a scream. The magic was stirred again through the veins, demanding again the right to possession. It wanted out.
"Control it", he clasped his hands a little tighter on my temples. Energy seemed to flow easily from his palms to my mind, calming it, giving it a little more power to control what it couldn't. Was he also magic? He opened his eyes for a second and I could swear a golden sparkle intertwined with a reddish one in the sky of his eyes. Somehow, my emotions were drifting away from my magical side, I could not feel the connection between them anymore, at least not at that moment.
"Tell me," he repeated himself.
"I don't want this life. I don't want this. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of fighting for salvation." I pushed him away from me, anger taking over my whole body, including my mind. Zaras did not retaliate, on the contrary, he offered me space, taking two steps back.
"I'm sick and tired. I'm fighting for them, and what do they do? Give up. They give up. And I get kidnapped, and I get poisoned, and I almost died fighting mimics, and a nightwalker is my companion! And they give up. I'm doing everything for them, and they just give up. All they do is wait for a sign from our Father when I am the one struggling for them."
"They do, don't they? I bet you wanted to say these things for quite some time."
I looked back in shame. I always considered that I had no right to complain about the things that were happening to me, considering that the biggest fault that I got to this point was mine. I always ignored the pain, the chaos in my mind and I repeated over and over that I deserved to suffer. The rejection from the others threw me even more into the guilt in which I was already writhing, and this made me curse my existence and choices even more.
I lost things too.
And I was hurt.
And I needed my family.
And there wasn't anyone there.
I wanted to say all those things, even if I would regret some of them later. But I wanted to. And I wanted to tell my pain in front of them, maybe they would understand how hard it is and what it means to lose absolutely everything. Because I did. But I knew they wouldn't understand. They don't think or feel like me. They never did. They just blindly follow their beliefs.
"I think this exercise was a complete success," the nightwalker exclaimed, more than pleased. "Maybe this way you will understand that there are few things you want for yourself, not just for others."
And there were. I wanted to live, more than anything else, I wanted to live. I had longed for people's lives for so long, for the land they tread on and the things they have in their normalcy, but since I got here, all I had done was regret the fall.
Beyond war, beyond the bodies over which I stepped, beyond the eyes frozen to death, I was finally in the place I used to dream of every day. Every day, I was on the edge of the world, watching their every move, wishing I had their freedom, their passions, their happiness. And now I had no walls around to keep me away from this world. I was the one who had confined myself, out of hatred for myself, out of guilt and regret.
I knelt on the leafy ground and shyly touched it, feeling its moisture disappearing between my fingers, as I started sobbing silently. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I was at home, and Heaven had never been for me.
"I'm here. I'm here", I quietly said, overwhelmed by emotions.
"Yes, you are, Shiray", the nightwalker replied, gripping my shoulder in his palm. "And I'm grateful for that."