I opened the door of our condo dragging my suit cases behind me. Darn it! Juro forgot to lock our door again! Nakakainis talaga itong lalaking ito! Paano na lang kung pasukin kami ng magnanakaw?! Although highly unlikely I thought, kasi we live in a well to do neighborhood in Jersey. Na kahit na iwan namin wide open ang pinto e wala namang magtatangkang magnakaw o pumasok. But just the same, I am pissed.
I looked around and started picking up dirty clothes, used plates and beer bottles on the floor. Arrgh! I am never getting used to this! I looked around again and saw my sleeping boyfriend on our couch, his top is off, exposing his tan and buffed up upper body. He's about 6 feet tall so his legs are hanging off the couch while lying face down. If I'm not so pissed I could say that he looked just like the hot models of known denim brands.
"Juro...wake up! the house is a mess again!" He lifted his head looked at me and went back to sleep. Lumapit ako sa inis.."Juro! Ano ba? I'm so tired from my flight tapos ganito dadatnan ko..." Before I can even finish my sentence he pulled me sa couch grabbed my body and started caressing and kissing me. "I missed you..." I am actually tall for a filipina at 5'6 but I am slender compared to his thick and toned body so it felt like I don't have power over him being all over me like that. He started to unbotton my top with just one hand like a pro. Yung isang kamay nya hoist my skirt up and started touching me down there.I felt something against my legs harden so alam ko that he wanted something to happen. "Juro...pagod ako...I had a long haul flight" I said pushing him away. "But I want you now.." he whispered on my ear. "I can't...at least let me clean this place up and take a shower..I mean..look at this place..". He stopped kissing my neck..parang nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig. He stood up. Kumunot ang noo. "Well if you are always home e di sana di ganito ang place natin!" Tumayo din ako. He is towering over me kahit magkaharap lang kami. "Nakilala mo na ako na flight attendant and you know the nature of my job! I can't always be home!" sigaw ko sa kanya habang nakatingala. "Then that's the problem! Ayaw mong iwan yang work na yan... Ayaw mong mag pakasal...ayaw mong bumili ng bahay..ayaw mong magka anak! Tell me Tonie..what's stopping you? You know kaya kong magprovide for both of us..kaya kong magpamilya! Ikaw? What can you do for us?!" He looked at me and I looked away. I don't know what to answer him. He grabbed his shirt from the floor, sinuot ng mabilis at lumabas ng pinto.
I sat down. I felt defeated. Lagi na lang kaming ganito pag magkasama. Minsan na nga lang magkasama, nag aaway pa. We were not always like this before, nung nag start pa lang kaming mag live together two years ago. Parang laging honeymoon kami noon when I come home from my lay over sa ibang bansa. Absence make the heart grow funder is an under statement. We can't take our hands off each other. Pero like anything else, everything changed. Di na kami ganun. Pag natapos ang honeymoon stage napapansin mo na lahat. Yung mga habit nya noon na "cute" e di na cute ngayon. Nakakairita na. He is a manly man after all. Yung nagustuhan ko sa kanya noon. Now its something na di ko matake. Like yung pagiging messy nya or yung pagkahilig nya masyado sa sports na para nang store ng collector's item ang unit namin..yung di nya pagpapakita ng affection para sayo sa harap ng ibang tao. He feels that it's not cool to show his soft side. Para sa kanya alam ko naman daw how much he loves me. Para sa kanya tama na yun.
Tama naman sya, I know he loves me. I know din na kaya nya kong buhayin or mga magiging anak namin if ever, since he is one of their firm's top engineer. Pero I just can't bring myself to commit totally to him...