It was almost noon when I came home to our condo. I decided na maglakad lakad sa park just right across ng coffee shop ni Gelay. It's the same park where I met Juro. Madalas kasi kaming pumunta dun ni Gelay nung naghahanap pa lang kami ng location para sa coffee shop na pinapangarap nya. He used to always jog there tapos nakita nya kami ni Gelay, he introduced himself. At first akala ko di sya pinoy. Kasi although he's tanned, may mga features sya na parang latino. Later I found out na half japanese pala sya, but he looks more like his mom na may meztiza features and his skin tone he got from his dad. Maliit pa lang pala sya nung nag migrate sila dito sa US kaya aside from talking fluently in tagalog, everything else in him is americanized na. He's a real hunk, I don't think merong hindi magkakagusto sa kanya. All but one person, si Gelay. She didn't like him from the start. Presko daw sabi nya. Eventually pinakisamahan na din nya. Wala na syang choice kasi we were dating na. Until we decided to live together. She was really against it. Sabi nya para naman daw akong di pilipina...that we should get married first katulad ng ginawa nila ni Bruno. Pero wala na din sya nagawa coz for the first time in years ngayon nya lang uli ako nakitang sumaya. Sumaya. Nung una..pero ngayon hindi na.
I placed my car keys sa hallway table. I saw his note "I'm really sorry babe..I love you. Forgive me?" then I looked at the bundle of freshly picked flowers that looked like from Mrs. Evergreen's mini garden sa first floor ng building namin, at the back. She was one of the oldest unit owners here. He knows that I like gerberas. Nakita namin yun mini garden nung matandang babae nung naghahanap kami ng condo to live in, it had bunch of different kinds of flowers including gerberas. Isa yun sa reasons why I chose to live here. Si Juro naman naconvince kasi maganda gym nila dito sa building.
I went straight to the kitchen kasi may naamoy akong very familiar. I saw another sticky note malapit sa stove "Eat up my love!".
Binuksan ko yung pot and I was right. "Sinigang!". This is how he makes up. He cooks for me kahit na di naman sya kumakain ng filipino food or kanin for that matter, pinagluluto nya ko. He must have inherited that from his chef dad and kapampangan na mom. If one thing, di talaga ako magugutom when I'm with him. I had the sinigang soup and then I felt really tired and sleepy coming from a long flight. I took a quick shower and then slept.
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We just landed in Dubai. Kausap ko yung mga ka co crew members ko habang palabas ng gate papasok malapit sa duty free sa airport. Then I heard a familiar voice. Though nakatalikod sya kilalang kilala ko sya. His black wavy hair and fair skin sa arms at sa batok. May tinuturo sya na structure sa kasama nya holding his bluenprint on another hand. "You guys can go ahead..I will catch up" sabi ko sa mga kasama ko. I went closer. Di ako pwedeng magkamali. He turned around and there he was. I was right..si Ken nga. He saw me and a big smile started from his eyes spread to his entire face like a light bulb. Nakita ko na naman yung dalawa nyang mahabang dimples sa magkabilang pisngi habang nakangiti sya ng papalapit kami sa isat isa. "Hey there stranger..." sabi ko. "Anne?!" sabi nya. "Wow..small world!"
"What are you doing here?" sabi ko smiling back. Nakakainis at kusang ngumiti ang lips ko. "May contract ako to restructure tong airport". He really made it. He is now a certified architect. "Wow...that's great..I'm so happy for you..Architect Alvarez?" sabi ko looking at him intently. "Yes...salamat.." sabi nya na hindi maalis ang ngiti. "Look I can take a break...pwede ba kitang maaya na mag lunch dyan sa restaurant sa taas? You know..just to catch up."
Di na ko tumanggi, besides gutom na din ako. I don't enjoy eating aircraft food kasi kahit noon pa. "Ok..sure.." sabi ko.
He ordered a full meal. Rice, beef stroganoff and steamed veggies sa paligid. I ordered Chicken Caesar Salad. "Kain na..." sabi nya.
He started eating na parang hindi sya nag breakfast. Ganun sya talaga kahit noon pa. Magana kumain though hindi tumataba. Thank goodness sa genes nya na matangkad at hindi tabain. I looked at him from his wavy hair...yung ilong nyang matangos..yung tenga nya na medyo pahalang...yung kamay nyang maganda pa sa kamay ko...everything is really familiar. Just like how I remember how he is 8 years ago...even his fresh smelling cologne is the same. May sinasabi sya pero parang di ko naririnig. I couldn't stop feeling this...it felt like home. Parang di ako makapaniwala. "Anne...Anne.." sabi nya.."Ha? may sinasabi ka?" parang nagising ang diwa ko. "Sabi ko kumain ka na..in fact you should eat more. Parang payat ka since I last saw you..."
"Marami ng nagbago since you last saw me Ken.." sabi ko looking away. "You were taking Culinary Arts in college and now you're flying? Change of career?" tanong nya. "Nag shift ako nung 3rd year...I decided I want something different". He looked at my name badge sa uniform ko. "Antonia...how can someone forget that name..." sabi nya looking serious now, staring straight at my eyes. "Apparently real quick.." sabi ko ng makahulugan then I looked away.
We were highschool and college sweethearts. He pursued me kahit na maraming nagkaka crush sa kanya. Ako kasi I don't seem to get attracted to someone na mukhang mas maganda pa sa akin. Like yung boy next door type. I didn't think much of him..sinusungitan ko pa nga nung una kasi feeling ko pa cute pa lalo e cute na nga. Na challege sya sa akin kasi ako lang daw ang babae sa school na di sya pinapansin. Eventually he won me over. Sya yung unang guy na nagsabing maganda ako (after my dad of course) kahit na noong mga panahon na yon di pa ko mahilig magsuklay. O mag ayos. O magdamit ng maganda. We had a lot of "first" times from each other. Practically we grew up together. My parents trusted him so much kahit na only child ako kasi he would never break a rule na binigay nila para sa amin. Not that we did not fool around as young as we were. After all, we were young and so inlove. In a sense, parang hinabilin ako ni Dad sa kanya bago sya pumunta sa US to work nung last year namin sa highschool. "Young man, alagaan mo ang unica hija ko ha. Magtapos muna kayo ng pag aaral bago ang lahat. Mahalin mo sya ng katulad ng pagmamahal ko." sabi ni Dad nung last man to man talk nila. "Opo tito. Mahal na mahal ko po si Anne. We will not break your trust." sabi pa nya. It was 2nd year in college when we became really intimate.
We went went to the same college, although magkaiba ang course namin, I took Culinary Arts kasi gusto ko talagang maging chef while he took Architecture. Lagi kaming magkasama mula umaga hanggang gabi. We had few friends pero most of the time kami ang magkasama. We helped each other sa mga school work. We had a plan. We will finish college, get a job and then settle down. I think our closeness scared the hell a lot of his parents more kasi they set a high standard for him to follow. He is a middle child of 3 boys, his older brother being a bar top notcher lang naman.
Pagdating ng 3rd year namin sa college everything changed. He had to transfer to another school kasi gusto ng dad nya na sa school na nag specialize sa Architecture sya magtapos. Sinusundo na lang nya ako sa school pauwi sa bahay kasi malayo yung nilipatan nyang University. Naaawa ako kasi lagi syang pagod na pagod sa pag drive ng malayo so I told him na weekends na lang kami magkita. Until the weekends became months...minsan kahit phone calls wala. I felt na we were drifting apart habang tumatagal. I went to his house one day to finally talk to him.
"A..Anne..ikaw pala. Bakit di ka manlang tumawag? I could've come to your place instead.." sabi nya na parang ayaw akong papasukin sa loob ng bahay nila. "I just want to know kung kamusta ka. Medyo nag aalala na ko e. Are you ok?" Sabi ko cupping his face. He turned away. "Are we ok...Ken?" Sabi ko trying hard na wag mabasag ng iyak ang boses ko. Hindi sya kumibo. Nangilid ang luha sa mata nya. "Just tell me straight Ken! Para di ako nanghuhula..para di ako umaasa." Di ko na napigilan maiyak. "I'm really really sorry Anne..." sabi nya sabay hawak sa mga kamay ko. I pulled my hands away. Yun lang ang sinabi nya pero alam ko na. I heard enough so I turned to leave. He pulled me back to hug me. "Anne..mahal na mahal kita..just trust me on this please...maiintindihan mo din in time.." I pushed him away. Di ko kailangan ang awa nya. If he doesn't want to be with me anymore sana sabihin na lang nya ng diretso. I left his place na parang lutang. Di ko alam kung pano ako nakauwi o kung anong oras na. Daig ko pa namatayan.
Para akong namatayan ng kalahati ng katawan. I just couldn't function. Napansin ni mom na lagi lang akong nasa kwarto. Napansin nya din na di na pumupunta si Ken but she did not ask. I guess alam na nya..I guess her maternal instinct told her what happened. One night she came to my bed. She hugged me tight from the back. I pretended na tulog ako as she cuddled me like a baby. I cried silently. She slept beside me that night. Di nya ko iniwan.
It was harder when I'm at school. Lahat ng sulok na tinambayan namin only reminds me of him. Pagkatapos ng isang class di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko o kakainin ko o kung saan ako pupunta. Wala ng nagtatanong kung ano gusto kong gawin o kung ano gusto ko kainin o kung saan ko gusto magpalipas ng oras. I was lost. Bakit nya kasi ako sinanay na andyan lang sya sa tabi ko. "Anne kaya mo to. One day at a time.." sabi ko sa sarili ko.
"Are you actually talking to yourself?" tinanggal ko yung sunglasses ko na nagtatago ng mga puyat kong mata to get a better look at who's talking. Isang medyo chubby na girl na chinita ang nakatayo sa harap ko habang nakaupo ako sa steps ng hallway. "You might not remember pero classmate kita sa Lit nung 2nd year. I don't see you in any other class anymore ah..nagshift ka ba?" sabi nya sabay abot ng isang pirasong polvoron sa akin. "Ako nga pala si Angela, Angela Isabelle..."
"Villegas..right?" tuloy ko. Tumango sya. "Gelay for short". "Ako si.." "Antonia di ba?" Tumango lang ako. "Di ko makakalimutan name mo kasi ang baho e...sorry ha?" Natawa ako. One thing I was not able to do in a while. "O ayan...nakakatakot ka na. Una nagsasalita mag isa. Ngayon naman tumatawa ng bongga". I don't know pero nag click kami agad. "Alam mo kala ko di mo ko maalala kasi dati parang may sarili kang mundo e...yung parang walang ibang tao dito sa campus. Lagi kasi yung si Diether Ocampo ang kasama mo e.." Tama sya. Hawig nga ni Ken si Diet ng bahagya. "Si Kenneth Alvarez..." sabi ko. "Di ko na nakikita yun...nagtransfer ba ng school?" Di ko na sya sinagot. "Alam mo, di kita makakalimutan...kasi ikaw lang yung nagbebenta ng brownies sa klase ng palihim e..." Sabi ko. "Shh...loka ka Antonia ha..baka may prof na makadinig sayo...may polvoron packs pa ko gusto mo? 100 lang.. Home made to.." sabi nya sabay lagay sa bag ko. Tumawa na ko ng tumawa. Hindi na kami nag hiwalay ni Gelay eversince. Sya ang naging comic relief ko.
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Nagising ako mula sa panaginip ko ng maramdaman kong may yumakap sa likod ko pagkahiga sa kama. Juro's home. I pretended na tulog pero I held his arm tighter on my chest. He burried his face sa buhok ko sa batok like he always do. "We'll be ok.." sabi ko sa isip ko. Then we both fell asleep.