I stood there motionless with my heart beating faster than Usain Bolt at the Olympics. I wasn't sure whether i should start confessing and break the ice or wait for her to say something. We exchanged looks and she looked rather embarrassed than angry. " Ronewa Luvhengo! Me and your father didn't raise you like that!" she finally said. " Mma it's not what you think." i said in a very shakey voice. " How dare you not offer Prince Thendo a seat in the house or give him a warm beverage? He's royalty for goodness sake! " she said as she escorted Thendo into the living room. Royalty my left foot! This so called prince led me on and then dropped like i meant nothing. I thought we had something special but clearly i was wrong. I picked up the laundry basket and headed back to the house to cook. Later that evening as I was preparing for school the next day my father called for me and he didn't sound pleased. I made my way slowly outside to the wooden chair he was sitting on and bowed at his legs. "Aah, i greeted him and remained looking down." Your mother told me about what happened earlier with the prince and I'm very disappointed in you. He may be your peer but you know very well he's very powerful. You're a mere peasant who will never amount to anything in life! So you'd better be more respectful. You're lucky he didn't think much of your disrespect." my father said profusely. His words crushed me and tears were beginning to form in my eyes. As i opened my mouth to speak he interrupted me again," As a woman it is your responsibility to be respectful and submissive to a man. What kind of wife will you make if you continue with your shitty ways?! You will never amount to anything without a man and the sooner you accept that then the better!" as he said this he got up and walked into the house. I got up and yelled back to him," I will make something of myself and you and your little prince will be sorry" I'm sobbing as i say this but my father continues walking away without a care in the world. It's now 01:44 in the early morning and I'm still wide awake. I'm sleeping in a puddle of my own tears and my father's words kept playing in my head. If he thinks i will give up and prove him right then he's staring failure in the face. I will be a somebody i just know it, God wouldn't put me through so much just to let me down in the end. I get up and kneel next to my bed, bow my head and start a silent prayer : Dear God, i may not be your most faithful servant but please hear my cry, all my life I've been accepting whatever you threw at me thinking it would build me up but i would be lying if i said it didn't hurt. Father if you are willing please take this cup away from me for your will is killing me. Ohh and one last thing, if roses grow in heaven please pick a bunch and place them in my mothers hands. Kiss her on her cheek and tell her i that i miss her very much.... Amen. As i said this prayer tears where running uncontrollably on my cheeks. I wanted to end it all.... Maybe death wasn't so bad. All i wanted was to die and arrive at heaven's gate with my mother standing there with open arms ready to welcome me home.