Monday: 4 January
I wake up in his arms, like I always do. We both have work today and I wish I could reverse and start yesterday all over again. The alarm goes off for the forth time and I shake him to wake up. "Get up", I whisper. I'm too tired to wake up myself.
"I'm up", he replies as he stretch his hand searching for the screaming phone under the pillows.
"You'll take the first bath and I'll take one after you", he adds after switching off the alarm.
"Hell no", I shove him off bed using both my legs. "Get off bed and go take a bath", he grabs my legs stopping me from pushing him off bed, then pulls me to his arms.
"Give me 10 more minutes then", he says as he tightens his hold around me. As much as I wanna be like this with him all morning, we have work to go to.
"Nope", I try moving his hands. "We'll be late for work", he let's go of me but doesn't wake up. I decide on going for a bath myself since he prefers on being late.
After taking a bath I wake him up. "I'm done, now it's your turn",
He gets off bed and stands by the edge looking at me in a funny weird way. "Before I take a bath-", he looks down at his erected dick with a smile.
"No please", I shake my head. I don't have to read his mind to know what he wants. "Go take a bath now, please", I scold him.
"Not without getting my 'one' for the morning as a token of love", he grabs hold of my hand and pulls me to his arms to kiss me.
"Stop", I whine. "We'll be late", I push him back. He's really turned on but no man, I don't wanna be late.
"It won't take long, please", he pleads with those cute puppy eyes.
Since I haven't fully dressed, I relax on his hold and let him please me. He starts kissing my neck, sucking my feelings out from it, moving down with slowly, and who am I for that not to turn me on.
I grab on to him as he picks me up, placing me on bed and positioning his dick for our precious morning glory.
...
"Do I look okay?", I'm standing infront of the mirror, I'm wearing black like I always do on Mondays.
"Yes you look okay babe, you're beautiful", he replies. I don't feel so sure with what I'm wearing. I feel like it doesn't make me look like I wanted to look, beautiful. But I don't have anything else since this is what I brought.
I comb my hair using my fingers, just to wake my curls then brush the sides of my head.
"My stomach hurts", I turn looking at Travis to find him frowning with a hand rubbing his stomach.
"Oh no", I shake my head. "Don't tell me you wanna go take a shit, not now please", I plead with him. If we don't go now we'll miss the bus and we'll be late for work.
"I'm sorry but I really have to go take a shit, as in right now", he tries holding in a smile but I see it. I'm not even in any mood to be mad at him for going to take a shit, atleast I don't have the energy for it.
I shake my head negatively, he's not even dressed yet for work. I just look away as he walks past me to the toilet. I decide on fixing the bed and tidy up his room since everything is everywhere. He's clothes are on the floor, his shoes are everywhere. He actually takes longer than he's suppose to, or longer than what I've expected. I'm even in the living room sitting and waiting for him.
As he walks out, heading my direction in the livingroom, he throws up his hands in surrender, "Don't say anything", he shakes his head. "I know how late we are and yes, we'll catch a taxi",
"Seriously?", I roll my eyes. "Did you really have to take that long?",
"I was taking a shit", he defends.
"So it was all your plan for us to be late", I nod, my words filled with sarcasm.
"Like I said, we'll catch a taxi to work",
"And we won't be late if we catch a taxi huh?", I say. It's does not matter what transportation we use, all that matters is doing things on time.
He ignores me and does what he needs to do as he prepares for work. We already late and I won't be helping if I keep on scolding him over taking a shit. After we head out and luckily, a taxi appears from nowhere in no time.
Thursday: 7 January
Dear diary
Dating life isn't for me. I don't know, I guess it's a tendency to make myself unhappy, not that I'm not being treated well but I'm still not happy. But I know it's all on me. It's just, I get all bossy and expect to get everything that I want when I want. So when it doesn't happen at that exact time I'm expecting it, I flip, I get so mad.
As pissed as I am right now, I don't even have a proper explanation why I'm pissed. I guess I'll say it's because I didn't get what I want.
I don't really know actually, I feel like I'm not really good when it comes to relationships, I mess up all the time. I've messed up everything with my ex now I'm messing up this one. It's just that I nolonger have energy for relationships anymore.
He's late, Again. And as pissed as I am, I won't even show it.
7:30PM, Trevis calls saying he's outside. I'm not even getting way worse pissed since today it's my cool day. I slowly get up from the couch and slowly walk out. As I get closer to the gate I see his car parked a house away. He's standing on the other side of the road, facing my house.
"Hey", he waves as a greeting from where he's standing. I'm not in any mood for his games so I just stand at the gateway with a smile. "Could you come over here please", he asks.
I ain't going there, that'll be an action of weakness. I push my chine up and fold my arms, "You come here", I reply. We practically yelling to one another since he's on the other side of the road. He walks to me slowly, doubting every step he takes I suppose.
"My dad will be here any minute", I look down the road to see if there isn't any car that'll appear from around the corner.
He quickly steps back and that makes me chuckle.
"What's wrong with you?", he asks. He can somehow sense that I'm not myself, I'm upset and I think I'm not showing but it seems he can clearly see how upset I am. "Could you come here please?", he asks, not in a pleading way, but also not demanding.
"No thanks", I shake my head. Today I'm doing my own thing since he decided he's gonna be late. I don't care what happened to him, what made him late, and I refuse to be mad over that.
Actually, I know what excuse he'd say once I ask him. He said he'd come see me way too early and then he decided to fix his scrappy car, which took forever, so it's his own fault for making empty promises and it's my own decision to decide what I decide.
Case closed.
It's clear as day that I ain't priority to him. Plus who am I to think I'd be someone's priority like that. His car comes first, it's way important than I am. If it breaks down he has to fix it, he can't just sit around and do nothing.
"So I really just came all the way to stand here", he questions. I feel like it's rhetorical.
"At what time did you say you'd get here?", I ask.
"But babe", he throws up his hands. "I'm here ain't I?", he says. I'm sensing something. It's like he wants to be upset at me for his own fault.
"Well", I throw up my hands in the same attitude he gave me. "I'm out ain't I?",
He sighs in a really dramatic way. As he's about to say something his phone rings. As he answers a friend of my brother walks to me. "Hello", he greets as he gets closer.
"HI", I reply with a smile.
"Is Kourtney home?", he asks and I nod. "He's inside", I move from the gateway to let him pass. He walks over to the door and knocks. Mum answers the door and directs Kourtney's friend to Kourtney's room, which is at the back of the house.
"Now your brother will find me out here", Travis says as if it's a bad thing for my brother to find him here. I frown, looking at him. I didn't even notice when he hanged up his call.
"Not my problem", I reply then look away.
"Seriously, are you gonna stand there the whole night?", he asks. He's fuming up, I can hear from the change of his voice.
"Nope", I check the time on my phone then smile. "I'll be out here until 9PM", it's 15 minutes before 9.
"Okay", he sighs, sounding disappointed. "I'm gonna go then", he says. I stare at him, should I go to him or stick to my plan of not moving here? He's right over there, he's here now.
He slides his phone into his Jean pockets as he stares at me. "So could you please go back inside so I can go",
"This is my home afterall, so I guess you can just leave", I know that'll upset him. Travis has this protective side of him, he always wants to make sure those close to him are safe. Right now he won't leave me out here without seeing that I'm going inside the house.
Flashback
I remember when I used to have aguements with my ex Teo, him and I used to fight like married couples that were going through divorce. Those divorces that actually turns your life miserable. I guess he was tired of my moods, and I was just tired of him. At that moment I didn't wanna lose him though, he was the love of my life, just like every other guy I've dated. But we had this cute tendency, that whenever we go through horrible arguments like this, which we couldn't solve, we'd start our relationship all over again. So as we do that he got to a point where he'd apologize for everything that I say is wrong, just to avoid arguments. And in that way we didn't fight anymore. I'd scold him and he'd apologize just from the start, so my strength of fighting him weakened. At first his apologies were cute, but then they grew valueless. Apologizing for everything, even pointless things just to avoid fight wasn't that cute and fun anymore. I felt like it was his way to shut me up.
Gosh, I remember he'd get mad at me for not picking up my phone in time when he calls. It made him so upset since I didn't think it was a big deal. But going through all the relationships I went through, it made me realize how big deal it is not to answer your phone in time. Sometimes I'd feel guilty over all the things I did to Teo. I'd try my best to fix it all but you know me, I always try to fix things when it's too late. But Teo loved me, and I loved him, so he showed me how much he cared, and that gained me so much strength to keep fighting for our love.
We could have lasted a lifetime, if only we took things seriously. But for fucksake we were just kids. Kids that loved one another and dated for fun.
But now I'm different, dating bad boys or playboys exhaust me. I actually got exhausted way too long ago.
And when it comes to those I loved the most, Teo still takes the cup. I really did love that guy, not even Duncan compares to what Teo meant to me.
I was a naive stupid girl when I dated Teo but, I feel like with him I made the right choice. He showed me love in a way I never thought I'd see. He was stubborn, way stubborn than I am but we managed to date for 3 years. All I ever think of when I think of him is that he was my true love.