"What's that suppose to mean?", he asks. There's something about you? I'd ask the same question he asks if anyone said that to me.
"I mean, I know we've been friends or whatever we are for a while now", his face change to a questioning look but I ignore it. "And I don't know, you've never made me feel the way I'm feeling right now", I continue. I can't hold myself. I talk too much and most times I can't hold my feelings in. Theres a lot of emotions going through my entire body right now. I don't even know where to start on explaining what's happening.
"Huh? I never thought they'd be a day that you'd ever feel like that", he says. He looks a bit nervous but also covers it up very well.
"No man, maybe it's your dimples. Smile for me",
He blows up air inside his mouth making his cheeks bigger and trying so hard to hold in a laugh. I tilt my head and smile at him, that's when he chuckles, releasing the air he's been holding and making his dimples visible. "So why the sudden change?", he asks.
I shake my head, "I don't know. Funny enough I just started feeling differently now",
"Oh I see", he nods. "How's your boyfriend?",
I stare at him for a while before looking away. "We broke up", I breathe out. It still stings a little when I talk about it or even think of him. It's been a month and a few days but it still feels like it happened yesterday.
"You know I feel like whenever I reconnect with you, you seem to have trouble in paradise", he says.
"Its like you're always waiting for something like this to happen", I joke.
"Nah, it's not like that. Maybe I just have bad timing", he plays around with his fingers. "Remember last time we got close was when your boyfriend and you had a fight",
I nod. "We were actually on a mini break", I laugh. He's right. Whenever him and I reconnect is when I'm fighting with my boyfriend.
"Sometimes I get to see you when you're on your periods", he adds.
I laugh, like seriously laugh since I'm closer to my periods. "You're on your periods?", he asks.
"No, Its almost time though", I reply.
"See what I mean",
He tries to touch me again but I pull away.
"So what happened? Why did you call me today?", I ask. I wanna know what made him to want to see me.
"I saw you at the grocery store", he shrugs his shoulders.
"Oh come on", I look away then roll my eyes. "You can do better than that",
"Okay", he smiles. "I saw you earlier at the grocery store with your family. I said hi but you all ignored me-",
"We probably didn't hear you", I cut in.
"Anyways. I only went to the complex to check some building materials since my uncle and I are rebuilding my grandpa's house",
"Oh that's cute", I smile. "What went through your mind when you saw me?",
"Well, I didn't think you'll pick up when I called, was only trying my luck",
Like I said, when I was still with Duncan I had to ignore his calls since he called too much. Duncan and I would fight over it so I didn't wanna get him mad.
"Well, here I am",
"Yeap", he smile.
"I like your dimples", he actually blushes, making me smile. That's when I feel a heat wave of emotions. I feel like I need to know him better, I wanna get closer to him.
"Oh stop", he blushes again.
I don't know, I kinda like him. In a I wanna get to know you kind of 'like'.
...
I wake up the next morning and prepare myself for work. I start my shift in the morning and already I'm tired by the time I finish getting dressed. With the little dimple thingy of last night, I kinda moved it to the other side of my brain.
When I get to work I chill with a friend of mine, Nadia, before starting our shift as we eat breakfast over a conversation about her ex who's an idiot and a cheat. She actually forgave the guy and she basically feels like she can't love anybody else besides him. That's actually how I feel about Duncan. I thought we'd never break up. As she speaks about him calling her last night I get a WhatsApp notification.
Morning Nina-;
I read a text from Jullian and glance up the screen to see that she's still online.
I quickly type a reply while Nadia is talking.
Hey babe-;
"So he couldn't talk because of his girlfriend?", I ask Nadia. Apparently I'm still listening to her. I like this girl, and I know we see differently and all but what I understand is that she wants the same thing I want. To be loved.
"Yeah. That's when he called later to tell me that he'll come pick me up in the morning",
Well, Nadia and her guy, I'd call him her boyfriend but he doesn't seem like one. He cheated and made his side girl the main chick because of her status.
I couldn't get up this morning, I'm too tired and too lazy to go to work-; I read Jullian's text as Nadia continues with her story.
"Goodmorning", Nolan walks in and greets everyone in the canteen. He doesn't even look my way but he can tell I'm hear from the sound of my voice. I watch him settle his things in his locker then makes his way to the counter to pour himself coffee.
"Along the way as he drives us here in town, he kept telling me that he loves me and that he can't really spend time with me because of his situation", Nadia says and I turn to her with a frown.
"What? That's shit. He actually made his situation the way it is now so I don't think its wise for him to make such excuses", I reply. I turn back to Nolan and lock eyes with him. He's staring at me and I stare back at him making sure that I won't be the one who looks away.
Wendy, a girl he was employed with actually snaps him out of our stare with a conversation. She has her phone in hand showing him something from it. They're actually close friends. I'm getting closer to Wendy but we not quite there yet.
9AM hits and we all get up to go work. It's a busy day today.
Time actually goes faster than I thought. It's 5PM and we all ready to go home. I'm off tomorrow so its quite exciting.
...
Tuesday :18 August
I can't sleep till late. It gets too hot now that we headed to summer.
I wake up around 6Am and head to the bathroom and start brushing my teeth.
"You working today?", mum asks as she fixes herself a bath.
"No, I'm off today", I reply.
"Could you wash my jean skirt, I don't have anything to wear tomorrow", she says.
"Oh mum", I whine. I hate doing chores when I'm off only one day.
"It's only one skirt", she playfully hits my shoulder as I walk out of the bathroom.
"I will",
I start preparing my mum breakfast since its kind of my duty when I'm not working. After that, I wash the dishes and start cleaning the kitchen.
By 7AM my mum is done with everything and around half past she says goodbye as she's headed to work.
I finish cleaning the whole house around 9Am and toss my tired little body on the couch with the tv on and a remote in my hand as I browse through checkup for a nice romantic movie to watch. My phone is in my other hand busy notifying me with WhatsApp notifications from last night and this morning. What grabs my attention from the tv to my phone is the message from Sidney. We text, I flirt with him, nothing major.
FLASHBACK TO SUNDAY: 26 July
Never really have I thought a lot could happen just in a few days. It wasn't really my intentions but anyway, just when I'm slowly accepting that Duncan and I are final, Sidney, comments on my WhatsApp status after posting a cute snap of me in a crop top and a high waisted short floral skirt. A bit of skin is showing and the pic looks beautiful. "But you...", he comments on the pic with 2 emojis, one laughing with a drop of sweat and the other one usually used over something delicious.
I smile to myself right after seeing that comment. I start typing a reply, but then decide to send blushing emojis.
"You just don't want me to touch that huh?", he sends making me frown as I reply, "you're crazy", along with laughing emojis.
Well, we chat. Sending texts back and forth, him asking for me to love him back in a not so straight forward way, and me playing hard to get. We then start talking about a posible relationship between us and he kinda notes that I'm now single. Through our conversation he hints on the fact that I'm not ready for a relationship, as if I was about to get back with him. Besides all that he's right, I'm definitely not ready to be in a relationship, I'm rushing things right now by making him think that I'm cool and ready to get back with him. Sidney actually makes me feel the need of relaxing right now, and taking anything that's related to love slowly, or else I'll keep on wanting what I had with Duncan through the next guy I date.
Through texting Sidney, I notice that his approach is changing. He's pulling back and I guess I know why. He just realised that I'm too far to trusting anyone anytime soon and I'm one of those girls that get too clingy over a guy. He doesn't want that. Sidney is all about I'm cute, I'm too handsome for you, I wanna go out, I keep a reputation kinda guy. He's always been like that though, just now it's a bit tuned down. I feel like he won't try to be in a relationship with me anymore, and hey, I don't blame him.
After laying on bed texting Sidney, my friend from work, Nolan calls. He's on his way here to visit me. I promised that he'll be able to visit me once I'm single and guess what, I'm single. Nolan has deep feelings for me and sometimes I feel like I'm toying around with his feelings. Though I tell him all the time that I don't see us in a relationship, he still has some idea that I'll change my mind. Well, I won't.
After Nolan's visit, which was fun and some parts awkward, I fix myself a bath.
Now that I feel fresh, I lay on bed and log in on WhatsApp. I chat with Jullian and few friends but mostly Jullian. My mind keeps drifting to Sidney so around 10:30 PM I call him. Trust me, it was a shitty dick move. I shouldn't have called him. He sounded like I disturbed him from a sleep, but it also felt like he was faking his sleepy voice. I tried making conversation with him but then he ended up telling me that I think too much. My only focus was the fact that he sounds like he's with someone, so I quickly say goodbye and hang up.
REALITY
I click OK on the remote button to play a movie called Wonder. Since chatting seems boring, I concentrate on the movie.
I'm done cooking around 6PM and I'm seated on the couch with a plate on my lap. Kourtney is in charge of the remote so no argument in that, trust me, no one wins. My phone rings from the kitchen counter.
I get up from the couch and carry my plate with me to the kitchen.
Its Travis. "Hello?", I pick up.
"Hi", he says. "How you doing?",
"I'm alright and you?", suddenly I feel nervous and I don't know why. Travis has never got me nervous before, especially not over the phone.
"Good. You weren't working today?", he asks and I reply with "yes",
We talk for a while and after he hangs up, after saying he was checking up on me. I feel like his "checking up on me" cut too soon, I wanted to talk more, but I don't, plus I keep telling myself that he's my breakup distraction.
I know I feel no love for Travis yet and I know he knows that too. He knows how badly I was in love with Duncan so its quite clear that forgetting about him won't be easy.
But one things for sure, I'll fall back in love again but this time it'll be with a guy who'll spend his forever with me, who'll treat me well, and who'll make me happy without even noticing it. My relationship with Duncan was just plain toxic. It was slowly killing me but I've been so blind not to see it. Now everything is slowly coming back as a memory and I'm noticing that most things have been bullshit. After I cheated on him 3 years ago, he actually never forgave me and he never trusted me again. He actually wasted my precious time over sweet bullshit.
Now with Travis, I don't know if I'll date him. I like him though. I don't know if he wants to date me either. Maybe I shouldn't change my relationship with him. Maybe I should keep being the same person I've always been to him.
Or maybe dating him won't be as bad as I think.