Monday: 27 July
Here I am, waiting. I've just cleaned my room and my bed is tidied as I wait for Duncan to call. He's on his way here.
It's already passed 7PM so I'm guessing he's close by now.
Within a few minutes to 8PM he calls and I sneak him in even though my parents still think we dating. I don't know why he's here, he took all his clothes with him so I don't know.
"I'm so tired", he says as he walks in, closing my bedroom door behind him.
"Busy day?", I ask. I guess this is how we'll make conversation from now on.
"Yeah, we closer to the end of the month", he says and I nod.
I have my cellphone playing music. As he listens he notice that every song that plays is sad. "Seems like you're torturing yourself with these songs", he says.
"Nah", I shake my head. "This is always been the type of music i listen to", he nods. On my bed theres a belt, a thin belt that came off of my skirt. He grabs it and starts playing with it, pretending to hit me with it. I grab it and pull it to me, that's when he leans in for a kiss. I let him.
Its heated at first but slows down as we put our minds into it. I've always liked kissing him but today it feels different.
He lays me on my back and hovers over me as he tries to undress me. Its happening so quick that I don't even try to stop him. I love this guy, anything he wants I don't dare deny him.
He pull off my shorts along with my underwear and I help him out of his t-shirt. You'd swear its porn fuck the way we're rushing into it. He pulls me to the edge of the bed and removes his pants. Usually I get excited when he does this but right now I have so many questions, but mostly I keep asking myself what's happening.
He grabs me by my thighs then place his hand on my pussy to feel if I'm up for it. Without wasting much of his time, he positions his manhood and starts fucking me.
No spark. It doesn't push me where it usually pushes me to. I keep thinking of why he's having sex with me. I keep wondering what it'll mean when we're done. He pushes in and out of me till he cums. I played along but I can see in his eyes that the nothing I felt is what he felt too. I don't doubt my love for him but what just happened confuses the heck out of me.
After getting dressed he chills for a while. In my mind I think he's gonna spend the night but the more I watch his body language, it's the more it tells me that he's leaving.
"I have to wake up early tomorrow morning", that's when it hits that he doesn't feel any love for me anymore. The realization of a none future with him hits me so hard. I can't force a relationship with him, he doesn't want one with me. He'll never see me the same way I once appeared to be when he first met me. I don't think he'll back out from the decision he made a month ago. I really love him but right now I can see that it's okay to let him go.
"I'll call you", he gets up from my bed and opens the door, heading out. I usually walk him out to the gate but today I just watch him leave. I don't have the energy for any drama right now so I guess I'm finally accepting our breakup.
I grab my phone and text Natasha. She's a girl from work. We talk about everything together. She's not like Jullian but I still find some type of comfort from her too.
He didnt stay, he fucked me and left-; I send the message on WhatsApp. She replies in 3 minutes.
What? Why didn't he spend the night?-;
He said something about waking up early tomorrow-;
We text back and forth about this whole thing and I explain to her that I'm done with him. I feel like he'll turn to me whenever he feels like getting laid so I don't wanna be that girl. I won't settle for that.
We talk till late and I end up falling asleep.
Within a few weeks I have flirted with 5 guys. I don't feel like being in any relationship though which makes me feel like I'm actually getting these guy's hopes up. I've chatted with my ex, Sidney. He's actually one of my mostly loved ex's, along with Teo. The reason I fell for Seth is his handsome face, and mostly how he approached me when we first met.
FLASHBACK: back to 7 November 2014, when Sidney and I first met.
I'm texting my friend Xyla from high school, planning to meet up with her since I last saw her on our last matric examination day. She asked me to wait up for her and since I'm done with my morning classes, I agreed.
By the time I get tired of waiting, I get up and call Xyla. She doesn't answer but sends a message saying she's on her way. I decided to get up from the bus terminal benches and go buy something to eat. My phone is in my hands and I'm so focused on what I'm typing to my friend. I slowly walk towards the steps that leads up to the exit/entrance when suddenly I feel a presence right infront of me before even taking the first step up.
I lift my head and my eyes land on a hard manly chest. Slowly looking up, I take in his face. Round face, small eyes, thick black perfect eyebrows and long lashes. He's cute.
"Hi", he raises his eyebrows then brings them down quickly with a smile. His smile brings out his dimples, and I can't help but blush over his smile.
"Hello",
"Where are you going?", he asks. He's standing so close to me in such a way that if one of us moves without thinking, we'd kiss.
"I don't know", I look behind him and notice that he actually left his friend behind. I can tell that's his friend from how he's watching us. "A friend of mine ask me to wait for her, I've been waiting for quite some time now and I'm even getting hungry", I add.
"Well, come sit down with me and we'll wait together", he offers and I turn back to the benches while he follows me behind.
REALITY
When Sidney and I met, we were total strangers. It took us 10 minutes to get along. A week after we met we decided to date. At first he wasn't totally in love with me since he was still with another girl. I guess they were having issues or something. After a week or 2 he came around, I guess i thought he broke up with the girl cause after that he gave our relationship the best he could, up to the day he finally opened up about the girl I thought is an ex, and told me he's in an open relationship with her and that shes his main chick. Gosh, I almost died of embarrassment that day. It's just that I thought he was my guy, that I was the only girl he's seeing.
Anyway, Sidney and I still chat and it seems he wants me back, or it's just my imagination.
Finally by the end of the month I realise that flirting with my ex isn't working. He even tries so hard to show me he isn't interested and I feel like an idiot everytime we chat. I then decide that 'fuck it', I won't be that girl that throws herself to boys, I won't settle for anything less than the 'the main and only girlfriend'.
A week later, I text my sister and tell her about my break up with Duncan. I nolonger see the use of hiding it since he doesn't even call that often anymore. I don't call him much either.
...
Sunday: 16 August
Nala, my sister, is home visiting with her friend Keegan. He's actually her boyfriend's brother. He's cute, light skinned and a bad boy look with those tattoos on his arms.
They're leaving today since they're both working tomorrow but their shift starts late.
We woke up this morning with a plan of going to the old park nearby my house. But before we go to the park we need to start at the shopping center to buy what we'll cook.
Headed to the shopping center, is me, my father, Keegan, Nala and my brother Kourtney. The whole plan was to show Keegan around before they headed back to Witbank.
A lot of people that we came across to thought Keegan is related to my family, he looks a bit like us so I don't blame them.
The grocery store is parked. You'd swear covid-19 has been treated by the amount of people in the store. But it isn't parked in a way that there isn't space for movement.
"Aren't you going to use this tinned tuner fish?", my dad ask pointing to the tins beside us. I turn to look at my sister who's walking forward from us with Keegan and Kourtney.
"Oh yeah, I might need it", dad grabs a tin and throws it in the trolley he's pushing.
"Cold drinks", Kourtney reminds us. He loves cold drinks. He can't have a decent meal without cold drink on the side.
"Oh yes", dad replies and directs the trolly to the freezer section.
Later after my sister has cooked, and after we all ate, we decide to head to the old park and chill. When we got there we find out that we not the only ones who decided to spend the the remaining of the day there.
I have my sunglasses on and my flip flops since the sun is shining brightly down on us. The hippopotamus are out of the river taking in the sun. Its actually a great view so I pull out my phone to take pictures. Keegan jokes around making us laugh.
It's actually fun, even takes off a few things out of my mind.
Once we done chilling, we head back home. Keegan and Nala start saying goodbye as they prepare to leave.
Kourtney also takes the opportunity to go see his friends after Keegan and Nala have left.
"How was the park?", mum asks. I'm only left with my mum and dad now. We seated outside, relaxing. That's what we do whenever it's too hot inside the house.
"Relaxing", I nod with a smile. "We took some pretty pictures", I add.
"Let me see", she puts out her hand and I pass her my phone.
We sit outside till it gets dark. That's when we decide to head in.
As I take a seat on the couch facing the tv my phone rings. It's a number I know but haven't quite recieved calls from for quite some time now.
"Hello?", it comes out as a question.
"Hey, how are you?", he asks. He actually finds me in a good mood. Usually when I talk to this guy I'm always rude to him. While still dating Duncan he called to say hi and got Duncan to be mad at me for a week. Duncan made me promise that I'd cut ties with him and that he doesn't wanna hear about this whole scenario again. If he wanted to call to say hi he should have done that earlier, not at 10PM.
"I'm okay and you?",
"Good. I saw you earlier today and greeted you but you ignored me", he says.
"Saw me where? And how come I didn't see you?", I ask. I seriously didn't see him. I wouldn't have ignored him if I did see him. Must be because of these masks we wear around that made me not to see him.
"I don't know. But you were with your father, sister, your brother and some other guy", he replies.
"Oh wow, you did see me", I chuckle.
"Yeah I did", he replies. He sounds a bit nervous.
"You know, I've realised that whenever you call me it's because you saw me somewhere and that usually leads to the point where you ask to see me later",
"Is it wrong to do that?", he asks, making me laugh. I actually don't blame him for it. I've ignored his calls for far too long and sometimes I'd even feel bad.
"No, it's not. So you wanna come see me?",
"Yes, if you aren't busy", he says. I smile to myself. This guy has always been around.
"Cool, just let me know when you're here", I reply then hang up. I decide to save his numbers with his name, Travis. This guy has called me most times but because of Duncan, I didn't save his numbers.
After 30 minutes or so my phone rings, its Travis, I guess he's outside.
"Yeah?", I reply as I grab my cat designed mask, the one that has ears and I walk out. I've changed from the outfit I had earlier to a floral short dress.
"I'm outside-", he breaths out then hangs up when he spots me.
Right by my driveway, a black city golf has its engine running. Its loud, like pretty loud, I'm sure my parents can hear it from inside the house.
Just as I approach, he leans over to the passager seat and opens the door for me. I get in the car and smile as a greeting, even though my smile is hidden under the mask. He's dressed in shorts and a plain peach coloured t-shirt. "You okay?", he asks and drives slowly up the street.
"Where we going? I'm not suppose to be going anywhere", I say as he drives further from my house.
"I'm gonna park over there", he points out. It's still on my street so I'm cool.
After twisting the car to face back where we came from, he kills the engine. I probably look uncomfortable the way I'm sitting but he doesn't say anything about that. He leans forward and pulls open the dash-pan and digs out a sanitizer.
He sanitize his hands then offers me as well. I find it cute so I open my hands for a few drops then rub my hands together.
"You can relax now", he says with a smile.
"Oh yeah?", I raise my eyebrows in a questioning look. "I don't think I should", he draws out his hand to touch me but I dodge it. "Don't", I warn through a chuckle. "I don't want you getting Corona", I say.
"You don't want me getting Corona or you don't wanna get corona?", he asks.
"I didn't say it, you did", he smiles. That's when I see, his smile, it looks different. I've seen him smile before but this one looks different.
"You have dimples", I whisper enough for him to hear. I didn't actually meant to whisper but my voice kinda lost its tone.
"Oh...", he looks away trying to hide his smile. "I've always had dimples, don't tell me it's your first time seeing them",
"No it's not, there's just something about it now",
This has never happened to me. Travis always had dimples, he was born with them, but why do I suddenly feel like it's my first time seeing them. Gosh, and how beautiful it makes his whole smile.
I sit up properly on my seat and turn my back against the window so I can be staring at him. Man, everything about him looks differently right now, and that just oh-, a shiver runs down my spin at the thoughts that are starting to run wild in my mind. Travis is cute, and why am I seeing this now? Look at how deep his dimples dig his cheeks. His skin looks soft, and look at how light his skin is. I wanna touch his face, I wanna feel-, oh my word, oh my word, oh my word... I cover my face with both my hands as I let my head hit the window behind me.
"What's wrong?", he asks.
You. That's what's wrong with me. Instead of saying that, I say, "there's something about you",