Once I'm dressed I walk into the kitchen and Ryan is washing my dishes. I stop in my tracks, which happen to be loud because of the damn heels I have to wear for work. I stare at him for a minute shocked. He looked homely and happy. I shake my head knowing I saw him multiple times washing dishes in his house but it was different in my house. It hit a different chord.
"Wow. You look...great." He swallows as if he's holding back what he really wanted to say. I roll my eyes but I smile when I turn my back on him. I feel as if I could live and breathe for this man.I feel like I do live and breathe for this man. I shake my head knocking the foolishness away but it didn't disappear. It just buried itself further into my brain. I look at Ryan while waging a silent war in my head. I was still in a tie with the side of me who hates him and the side of me who has feelings for him. Even though I think it I would never admit it to myself completely.
"You can stay here today but keep it quiet. I have work and need to see my therapist. If you eat anything please replace it. I don't want to come home to not have something I want. Thank you." I shut the door effectively cutting off contact and the want to kiss him. I pull my phone out and call out of work.
"You're not coming in today?" Mark asks. I smile a little at the worry I hear in his voice. I could practically see the way he looked. In fact, I have seen it. His eyebrows furrowed and eyes alight with worry and fury. He's had it with my coworkers when they've called out or had to go home early.
"No Mark. I can't. I'm um.. it's a mental health day. I'll come by the office though and grab all the manuscripts for this week." I said realizing I stuttered explaining myself. I curse myself in my head because the effects of Ryan were still following me.
"Wait why all of them?"
"I think I'm going to go see my therapist for the week and fix what's going on. I'll bring each manuscript in when it's finished okay. I swear I'm not going to push off my work responsibilities."
"Okay. Fine. As long as I get a doctors note. But please get the manuscripts done when you can. Don't push yourself to do them okay?" Mark says and I hear his voice soften.
"Okay. Sounds good."
I hang up and call Pat and she answers thankfully on the first ring.
"Yes? Are you okay Athea?"
"Um.. no. I need to talk to you all week. I called out of work because I really need help." My thoughts flit back to Ryan. Ryan, who was sitting in my apartment and who I keep daydreaming of kissing. Ryan who has been plaguing my every waking moment since he let me go.
"Okay. Well, my first appointment isn't until noon. You can come in and we can work through everything. I want to take it slowly though. I have a feeling your personality has shattered and you possibly have an alter. Just from what your Mom told me on the phone and from watching you struggle answering the questions. it seemed as if there were some things that you weren't telling me."
"Okay. I'll be there in twenty minutes." I hang up and sigh. Of course I'm hiding something. I'm hiding the fact that Ryan is in my apartment. The fact that Ryan has shown up out of the blue.
My thoughts drift over to Pat saying I have an alter. The only thing I know about alters is that it's another part of me that has been made to help me deal with things until I am physically or mentally able to handle whatever it is my brain had suppressed and made another personality for me. Which would describe my situation with Ryan perfectly.
I wasn't in a hurry because the weather was nice at the moment and I wanted to enjoy the walk but I was antsy. It was as if I wanted to figure out why I'm so defensive about him. I wonder if he is okay. He doesn't know where everything is and -shit he can find it. Do i really want him going through my place trying to find everything? I wish I wasn't in such a rush to get away from him. I would have actually been a good hostess and showed him around but ever since he showed up last night I've been in a dreamlike state and now that I am away I feel like I can think clearly again.
I walk into Pats' office and flop down onto the couch. "Where were we?"
"Um... you had just met him and someone else became the temp. janitor. Then you left cause our time was up."
"Okay."
"What caused this sudden change?"
"I don't know. I'm antsy and I can't stop thinking of him. It's like one minute I want him to die for hurting me then the next minute I'm daydreaming about how his lips would feel against mine."I take a deep breath and hold it. I was waiting for her to tell me I was mentally unstable and needed to be admitted.
"What made you realize that?" Pat asks catching me off guard. That was not the response I was expecting.Then I realized with a deep self-hatred that part of me wanted her to say that.
"My boss kissed me yesterday but the entire time I could only think of my kidnapper and was wondering how soft his lips were. And since then that's all I've been able to think about. I feel disgusted to even think about him or anyone else kissing me but then at the same time I only want him to. I remember how I felt when I was with him. I felt alive and free but caged and scared."
"Well, Athea I think you should continue where you left off from yesterday."
I get myself comfortable on the couch and close my eyes. Ryan's face floats through and I relax slightly.
"Hey Mackenzie! Girl I've missed you!" I squeal and hug her tightly. She just got back from her vacation, all expenses paid, to Bora Bora. She's the best investigative journalist that her newspaper has ever hired and that's because Mackenzie does anything in her power to get the story.
"You're always working too. Damn. It's nice to be home though." Mackenzie says smiling then giving me a playful frown. She was very tan so she probably laid out on the beach for half of the time.
We started walking to our favorite bar and I felt the need to keep looking around me. It felt as if someone was watching me. Everywhere. Even in my apartment. I saw my kidnapper at the bar when Mackenzie went to the bathroom and waved. I hadn't seen him since he walked off at work. He stands up and walks towards me.
"Hey. It's been awhile. You having a better day today?" He was smooth, really smooth.
"Yeah. What happened to you?" I asked tilting my head to the side.
"I had been hearing some rumors about your dad doing a high profile prelim that day. So I went. It sucks. The man was innocent. You could tell everything just fit to easily to the mans profile."
"I don't know. I mean he could be guilty. He has a lot of experience and maybe he felt bad so he let himself get caught." I didn't really think that but I still try to show support for m dad when I'm questioned about his decision. I think the man was innocent to this crime but not any other crimes he's committed.
"You know what you're right. He could have felt bad and let himself get caught. I didn't think about it that way. Has anybody been bothering you about it?" He asked. The only thing I wanted to say was yes you but then again it's not like i don't get this from anyone else. It didn't slip my notice of the scowl that replaced his smile when we started talking about my fathers' preliminary.
"No. I feel weird. I mean I've been feeling weird for a couple of weeks now. Like someone's watching ya know?" I say hoping he could maybe walk Mackenzie and I home so I wasn't constantly looking over my shoulder.
"I do." He sounded like he knew what that felt like.
"No you think I'm being silly."
"No I don't. I can't imagine what you must be going through and who knows you could be watched and followed. Was he actually a part of the mafia?" I saw a faux concerned look cross his face. He was good. He was still good looking, especially in street clothes.
"Um... according to the file my father had he was. I just feel bad for the family. What if they didn't know and now decide to disown him because of this."
"You're right. That would suck. But what if his family knew and decides to take it out on you in retaliation?" He asked looking worried and guilty. I also saw a spark of surprise and consideration flash through his eyes at my confession of concern for the man and his family.
He was really strange but his eyes were like dark chocolate pools that I found myself enjoying tremendously and not caring about getting lost.