This will be my second year at Hogwarts and the third year for everyone else. I am standing in front of the giant gates trying to leave all negative thoughts behind me before entering the building. Students keep bumping into me all euphoric to see their friends again after not being able to see them over summer. I was also exhausted to meet Ron, Hermione and Harry. Especially Ron. He was the only thing that kept me from going mental over the last few weeks.
I was happy to be back here with my friends around me but there was one certain person I don't want to see. Ever.
"Hey! Y/N!"
Butterflies.
"Ron!" I smile and run towards his open arms giving him a warm gentle hug.
"I missed you." He says as we broke off the hug. It was still weird to have him as my boyfriend. Especially since we didn't really spent that much time as a couple before summer break but it definitely felt good being with him again. It felt comforting and safe. I needed that.
"So did I." I smile. Okay it was definitely awkward. Everyone else is getting into relationships but why does it have to be so weird when we do it?
"Oh please give us a break." A similar voice echoed the hallways. „If this is how third year is going to be like I'll just drop out right away."
"Harry" I roll my eyes and welcome him with a hug. My eyes spot Hermione from a distance and I softly push Harry away to run to her direction and so does she. We meet each other midway and almost fall to the ground as we hug each other tightly saying how much we missed each other and how much we changed over the last few weeks.
She definitely became more mature. Her body and the way she dressed and talked as well. That's the kind of change I should have had. But I didn't.
"Should we have a talk tonight?" She whispers to me seconds before the boys join us and I just respond with a subtle nod. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop-
"Oh look at this! Our favourite blood traitor group is reunited!" Goyle. And next to him... he.
"Just stop." I hear him say and discreetly. "Let's just go." His voice has definitely gone deeper and his hair is lighter.
"What is this, Malfoy?" Hermione takes a step forward. "Since when are you the one to avoid conflicts?"
"Not now, Granger." His eyes lock with mine. Is this pity I see? Or guilt? Maybe it's spitefulness? It's not like one can understand what's going on in his sick mind anyway. He breaks off the eye contact after only a second looking down and then just walking off leaving everyone including Goyle confused.
Seeing him reminded me of everything that has happened over summer and brought back memories and sceneries that I really tried to hide in the depths of my mind. "I'll be right back." I run to the bathroom and kneel down trying to oppress the urge to vomit... unsuccessfully.
Foot steps appear behind me and I feel warm hands softly collecting all the hair from my face holding it back and softly stroking my back. "It's okay."
A sudden heat spreads around my eyes and within a second I feel hot tears flowing down my cheeks. My breathing gets heavier and heavier until it can barely breathe. Every attempt to calm myself and to breathe normally fails.
"Hey." Hermione closes the door to the small bathroom stall and sits down gently putting my head onto her chest. "It's okay. I'm here for you."
"I can't bare to see his face." I succeed to say in a brittle voice still crying and shaking. The warmth of her body and her hands softly stroking my head comfort me though, making it possible for me to calm down after what feels like hours. "I can't bare to see his face." I eventually repeat.
"I know." She wipes away my tears. "I know. But you have to be strong now. You can't let them win."
She's right. I can't let them win. I won't. I will not fall into misery while they enjoy and celebrate their victory. Especially him. I won't let him be happy while I'm laying on the bathroom floor having panic attacks.
"I'll make him suffer." I whisper to myself.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing." There's no stuttering. No shaking. No tears anymore. My voice is no longer croaky but toneless and cold instead. "Let's go."
"Let's talk about this first."
"There's nothing to talk about." The harshness of my own tone clearly leaves her surprised. There's absolutely no emotions whatsoever in my voice or my eyes. I just know. "His father killed mine. There's nothing else to say. It's time for actions instead."
I stand up and leave the stall walking up to the sinks to splash ice cold water into my face giving myself one last look in the mirror before leaving the rest rooms.
-
"What did you mean when you said 'time for actions', Y/N?"
A tight feeling in my throat forced me to swallow and speed up my breathing. I looked her in the eyes.
"I wanted to hurt him. Hurt him the way his father hurt me."