"Missed me?"
I was still captivated by his eyes when he repeated the question. Was this real? I couldn't quite imagine him being actually here. Those last few years I kept thinking about him wondering how he's doing wondering what happened after I left the rooftop that made him leave the day after. But here he was. Standing in front of me. Looking me directly into my eyes. Talking to me. I think I even saw a small smirk on his face.
I swallow. "You're back?"
Just like that the deadly silence turned into tons of conversations with people starring at Malfoy, checking him out, whispering things to each other. After he left a few years ago everyone thought it was for good. No one except Ron knows what happened the night before on the rooftop. Not even Hermione or Harry.
"Obviously." He leans in closer leaving barely any space between our faces. I can only imagine how surprised and startled I must look right now.
"Why?" Is all I bare to say as I carefully follow every move he makes. He leans back again and sits down right in front of me not breaking off eye contact.
"You're hurting me." He smirks. "When you say it like that it almost sounds like you aren't happy."
"I am not."
I was.
"Ouch." He playfully grabs his chest and then places both his hands on the table. "I thought you'd be thrilled to see me again. Since there are still unresolved feelings between us, aren't there?"
I really did not want anyone to know what's gotten into me that night. I can't take anything I said back and I was really hurt; all I want is to forget about it. And I swear to Merlin - if he brings any of that up I will-
"No one allowed you to sit here, Malfoy." Ron interferes sliding closer to me.
"I didn't ask, did I?" His eyes land on the lack of space between Ron and me. "So you two really did end up together. Lowkey disappointment that a Slytherin could be this tasteless."
"Shut up, Malfoy." I finally say in a stable strong voice leaving me surprised. "If you came back just to be a bitch again, you can fuck off right away. This isn't second year anymore."
„How unfriendly of you. Is this how you greet old friends here? Did everyone forget about morals when I left?"
„No, but everyone forgot about you though." I say under my breath.
„Good Morning." Dumbledore's voice echoes the halls and breaks off the tension in the room. Everyone goes silent and watches him as he walks up to the stage followed by other professors like Snape. During the whole introductory speech I could feel Draco's eyes burning into me.
The whole introductory event and sorting ceremony took about half an hour but thanks to Draco's presence which left me with an unsteady feeling it felt like an eternity. After we were assigned our classes I stormed out not wanting to be reminded by all the pain his family caused me and all the pain I cost him. I did feel bad for saying those cruel things that night, yes, but seeing his face again only made me hate him more.
I could hear some voices from my friends in the back calling for me and telling me to wait but I just had to get out of there.
Whenever I am feeling sad or anxious there is this habit I developed over time of me going to the rooftop. It could be raining and storming but I'd still got there and lay down on the cold asphalt just laying on it starring at the sky. And that's exactly what I did.
I just laid there; focusing on the sound of the wind blowing, the students talking in afar and the soft rain pouring onto my skin. As my breathing gets heavier I close my eyes taking deep breaths. Since my father's passing I went though a bunch of mental issues and while I was able to manage most of them my panic attacks and nightmares still haunted me. I've been doing quite good for some time now but seeing him again brought back everything. Every pain I felt, every tear I shed, every scream that escaped me.
"Need company?"
A twitch flew through my body. "You scared me." I don't bother to stand up.
Ron comes closer and lays down next to me. "You're gonna get sick if you lay on the cold floor like that. Especially with a skirt."
"Don't blame me. Blame the dress code." I smirk.
He takes off his jacket and puts it on my lap covering my bare legs. Then he rests his head on his left arm looking down to me and stroking my head. "You'll be fine. I got you."
"It's just that seeing him reminded me of that time."
"I know." His hand makes its way to my forehead softly stroking it and then caresses my cheeks. "But... I don't want him here. I can't bare to see him. Ron. Seeing him brings out this dark, disgusting and scary side of me that I don't want anyone to see."
"I saw every side of you and I can honestly say all of them are beautiful."
I start to laugh. "What a simp."
"Wait, so I am a simp for being nice? Nice boys have it really hard these days."
The longer I look at him the more I realise how much he actually changed. His auburn hair has become darker and longer. Single strands covered his face. "If I had a thing for bad guys, I wouldn't have been your girlfriend for years."
"Let's not forget about your fling with Cedric at the 7th graders graduation party last year."
"Wow!" I exclaim. "You're really bringing that up? We weren't dating and it was my first experience with alcohol unsupervised, okay?"
He laughs. "Ma'am no one is judging you!" I join. "Glad you feel better though."
A smile sneaks onto my face. "I always feel good when I am with you, Weasley."
"I gotta say; we were quite the perfect couple."
"We were indeed." Nostalgic moments crossed my mind making me forget about all those dark thoughts storming though it.
"Okay. Come on." He sits up. "Stand up. The teacher's pet can't come late at the first day."
"Stop calling me that or I'll hex you." I threaten him as I stand up and hand him his jacket.
"What exactly? Teacher's pet?" Ron provocatively replies and runs away from me. I run after him trying to catch him; but oh Merlin has this boy become athletic over this summer.
-
"Welcome to Defence Against the Dark Arts." Professor Abram walks through the class. „Since you're probably already quite familiar with this subject I will just start right away."
Abram was actually nice. I met him yesterday when I was at Umbridge's office for some paper work. He seemed kind of too excited about teaching but that's still better than the professor's we had before.
I was sitting in front row with Cedric on my right and Hermione on my left but since she is always immensely focused on class it's not fun sitting next to her. There was someone else in this class who was even less of fun though. I tried to avoid as much eye contact as possible with Draco when entering the classroom earlier. I barely saw him at all. Only his blonde hair and the back of his head.
Maybe it was my paranoia kicking in but I just couldn't shake off the feeling that he was staring at me from behind. But it's not like I can just turn around to check. And I can't exactly ask Hermione or Cedric either.
"We will start with a short quiz so I can see who studied over the holidays and who did not. I will show you certain pictures. It could be ingredients for a spell or a creature and you will tell me what you're seeing. The house with the most correct answers will be rewarded as well." Everyone groans. „Do not worry. It won't be graded."
"Shit. We were supposed to learn shit during the holidays?" Cedric whispers into my ear.
"You didn't get the mail?"
"Y/N. I was barely home."
"Sorry. Didn't know I was talking to a rebel." I smirk. I watch the professor struggle with putting the pictures up on the reverse side. „He won't grade it anyway. So no worries."
"Still. I don't wanna fall back in class already. Wanna meet up later for some tutoring?"
"Seriously? On the first day already. Give me a break, Diggory." I roll my eyes. I am glad that things between us aren't weird especially after we made out the week before summer. We both decided that it was just an one time thing resulting from the fact that we were drunk, high and lonely.
"Please." He softly kicks my leg. "You're the only one who's able to teach me something without me dropping dead in boredom."
"Fine." I groan. "Now he quiet."
Professor Abram asks for silence and then walks up to the board. "First picture."
"Banshee." I raise my hand.
"Perfect." Abram compliments me and nods in approval as he turns around the second paper. The growth spell for plants and hair. It was in the nature book they sent us. But I didn't want to be annoying so I decided to give the others a chance as well. But the only one who knew the answer was Malfoy. After the fourth picture I came to realisation that the only one besides me who actually studied was Malfoy. That's when my competitiveness took over control. Almost as if it was just a competition between us we immediately announced the correct answers within half a second. While professor Adam was impressed and euphoric the other classmates looked uncomfortable- almost as if they could feel the growing tension between us.
This little competition between us kept going for almost ten minutes until Professor Abrams ran out of questions to ask for the quiz. The rest of the lesson we briefly went through a ton of different mythologies and dark creatures that we will be talking about this year. When I pack my stuff by the end of the lesson the professor asks me to wait up after class. I notice him walking up to Malfoy and telling him something as well but I couldn't figure out what since everyone was talking and making noises.
"Why is he asking you to stay?" Cedric asks when putting his book in his backpack.
"No clue." I reply and sit down on the table observing Cedric and Hermione pack their things.
"Maybe you'll be able to improve your grade." His lips curl.
"You perv!" I exclaim and hit his shoulder.
"Sometimes you really do behave like a second grader, Ced." Hermione rolls her eyes and gives me a goodbye hug. "See you later, ok?"
"In your room? After curfew? Yes ma'am."
"Can I watch?" I swear to God, this boy.
"No but you can watch me lose my shit if you keep having those dirty thoughts. And you don't want to see that part of me, Ced." Everyone already left the class except Hermione, Ced, me and Malfoy in the back. He's looking down as he's leaning against the wall.
"Tempting. I like that wild side of you. Reminds me of the graduation party."
"Dude!" I kick his leg trying to hold back my laughter. "Stop!"
"I'll take over." Hermione punches his shoulder and he grunts in pain. "See you."
I watch them leave.
"Thank you for staying." Professor Abrams smiles at us and walks up to the front. "Mr. Malfoy. May I ask you to come closer?"
His eyes meet mine as he slowly walks closer and stands next to me with meters separating us.
"Thank you." Abrams continues. "I noticed that you two are pretty advanced in this class. And I did do my research before taking over this class and I was already informed that you, Ms. Y/L/N are a promising student. And professor Umbridge told me that you were also the one with the highest score in your grade at Beauxbatons."
He was at Beauxbatons?
"Thank you." We say at the same time avoiding eye contact.
"However from personal experience I learnt that many students in the first and second year are struggling with this subject. So I wanted to ask you if you'd be interested in teaching a small groups of children?"
"Sir, I really appreciate the offer but-" I was about to decline since the last thing I want is to spend more time with Malfoy.
"I apologise." He interrupted me. "For cutting you off like that, but I'd just add that this would count as an extracurricular activity and it'd really help you collect enough points for your O.W.L. scores. And it would definitely contribute a lot to the decision of who's going to be valedictorian. And it has come to my attention that you two are interested in that position."
Now he's got me. I really wanted to be valedictorian and he's a court member so aside from giving me points he could also put in a good word for me.
"Okay I will do it. But since Malfoy doesn't want to, I think it's better to do it on my own." I simply say.
"No, actually." He hastily said in a deep voice. "I believe that Ms. Y/L/N and I will be a better help for the kids if we work together. Don't you agree?" He steps forward and faces me. A smirk covers his face and my eyes lock with his.
"Perfect!" Professor Abrams claps his hands. "Amazing! Thank you so much. Here.' He hands both of us a sheet of paper. '...is the topics you should teach them. And a time schedule. I already did my research on your timetable and figured out the best day for tutoring. It'll be on friday. I understand that it's very spontaneous but maybe you could just do a small introductory lesson. I am looking forward to seeing your process!"
"Thank you, sir." I look down when I realise that Malfoy isn't planing on stop starring at me.
"I will see you next week." Abrams takes his suitcase and pads Malfoy's shoulder on his way out.
"Gotta go." Within a second I gather all my things and are on my way to the door before his hand grabs my wrist and his other closes the door. "What the fuck. Let go."
"Or what? What would you do?" He steps closer pressing me against the door. A clicking sound tells me that he's locked the door.
"You don't want to find out."
"Oh, I bet I do. I am dying to find out about how angry you can get. Tell me...' His other hand wanders to the left side of my head leaving me completely frozen and locked. "...does this dark side of you go any darker than that night?"
"Piss. Off." I emphasise each word. "Don't start a rivalry, Malfoy. We both have better things to do."
"Me? Starting a rivalry? I would never." A grin sneaks onto his face and his eyes capture mine.
"Leave me alone. You don't want to mess with me." I threaten him trying to keep my guard up. There was this intense and weird feeling in my chest and I just couldn't tell what it was. There was definitely anger- that's for sure. I really hated to be touched by someone I am not comfortable with. Not even Ron dared to touch me until we were into our second month of dating. And when he did it was only because I was the one to make the first move and kiss him. Yet here he was; Malfoy. This self centred rat who came out of nowhere pressing me against a fucking wall like the fucking cliché he is.
"Y/N."
"Stop saying my fucking name, Malfoy. You and I aren't friends."
"Oh, so only friends are entitled to say out your name?"
"Exactly."
"Then answer this question. What does one have to do to become your friend? Because I was indeed trying to become friends with you in our second year and you- well- threatened me and told me to kill myself."
"I was in a dark place."
"So was I."
"Oh really? What did keep you up at night, huh? Could definitely not be your dead father and the guilt of not being with him when he died since your father was busy betraying and killing an actual good man." My heart beat rises and I can feel my breathing getting heavier. My hands turn into a fist and I am doing my best to control myself.
"Do you have any idea how I felt? Being the son of a murderer?"
"Oh, poor you. Must've been shitty for a solid week before you went back to kissing his ass." I could not hold my anger back anymore and tried to push away his hand still wrapped around my wrist but his grip tightened.
"Do not act like you know me. I am sorry. I wanted to apologise for what my father has done. I realise that it was a cruel and terrible thing but I had nothing to do with it. But you! You blamed me! Made me feel like it was my fault for not knowing. How the fuck should I have known? Do you even realise what your words caused that night? A night were I was already being tortured with guilt and anger. You told me to fucking jump and if it wasn't for Crabbe I would have!" He yells.
"You..." I swallow not being able to even finish my sentence. I knew that what I said wasn't okay but I had no clue that he was actually about to do it.
"Not that big of a mouth how, huh?" He raises an eyebrow.
[E N D O F F L A S H B A C K]
"What did you reply?" She asked me.
"Nothing I am proud of."
[F L A S H B A C K]
-
"Guess what, Malfoy. I couldn't care less."
I did care.
"Stop being a fucking crybaby and get over it."
He wasn't being a cry baby.
"I don't regret shit."
I regretted it. So so much. I still do.
"The only thing I do regret is.' I catch him off guard and push him away. Then I unlock the door an take one step out. Before I leave I turn around one last time. '... is telling Crabbe you were up there."
"I'll make your life hell." Is all I heard him say before I walked away leaving him behind.
And he definitely did. He definitely made my life hell.