For as long as I can remember I've always loved the color gray. While everyone I met called it boring, I found it intriguing. Red, blue, green; they could have them as long as I got my gray. I didn't think it mattered, I just wanted to have my own color. Unfortunately, kids tend to be very cruel towards the unordinary; often avoiding it without even realizing why.
Soon I learned the shape of "it". How it curved, where every muscle could be found, and how every bone worked to keep it together. The shape of a back that is.
I learned that when you're avoiding someone, you don't ever want to look them in their eyes, because if you do, then the "unknown" will become nothing more than a person - a person who is so much harder to simply ignore. That's why everyone turned around. Every time I asked if they wanted to play, every time I asked if I could join, even when I simply wished to share a table at lunch.
No matter how hard I tried to climb them, the walls of flesh surrounding me always proved far too steep. And anyone trying to get over from the other side never really made it; continuing with their attempts until they eventually just became yet another wall...
"Ahh! Why are you thinking about such embarrassing things!" He said to himself while rolling around in bed.
"I swear, if anyone heard you they would all think that you had entered the dreaded… EMO phase!!!", the boy yelled; continuing this monolog which was trying to pass itself off as a dialog. An attempt that was proving to be an amazing failure.
Grey, which was the name of this young man, hadn't been able to fall asleep for the night. Instead, he had done exactly what he'd done for three straight years now: reminiscing about long-past events just before the start of a new school year.
"You seriously need to go to sleep now, otherwise you won't be able to focus tomorrow", he said to himself.
"Yeah, you're right", he responded to himself.
Then he seized the rolling in his bed and began staring at the roof. Although, for the person living above him in this apartment, that was their floor. It did comfort him some, knowing that.
***
"No way! Is that really true?!"
"It sure is"
"What!! So while I was being forced on a road trip you went ahead and lost your virgi-!?"
"Not so loud!"
"Oh, sorry"
The new school year had officially started and with it all these stupid conversations followed. As I sat inside this boring box of a classroom by my desk, head buried in arms, I could clearly hear most people's conversations.
"So… who did you do it with?"
"Julia, you know, the one from the café"
Currently, I had chosen to listen to this conversation, the one between the two horny boys who I didn't even know the names of. There wasn't really any special reason as to why I had chosen this specific conversation, it had simply happened to catch my ears' attention… okay, I might've had a small curiosity about the subject matter.
"Wait, you mean the girl who gives people everything from a heart sign to throwing kisses depending on how much they tip her?"
"Yeah, that's the one"
"Wait… don't tell me that you tipped her enough to-"
"Of course not you idiot!"
"Pfft!"
Crap, I laughed out loud! No no no, what have you done! Now everyone will think that you're some kind of creep! Forget about having yet another relaxed school year, now everyone will actively ignore you!
Dammit! Now everything will be just like before!
No, wait, don't wave the flag yet. There might still be a way to avoid total destruction. Think Grey, think!
I got it! If I just stay still like this, with my head buried in my arms, then they might assume that I'm sleeping. If they do, then it's sayonara isolation and hello relaxation!
Three seconds since the "pfft": I haven't heard another sound from the horny boys since the "incident". I hope that the plan will work, but I fear for the worst.
Six seconds later: It feels like multiple years have passed, I wouldn't be surprised if a beard has grown... I wonder if I would look good in one? Anyways! I still haven't heard a single sound since the "incident".
Nine seconds later: I've thought about it and after much debating a decision has been reached: no matter how much I want it, a beard simply wouldn't suit me… also I think I'm going to die.
Thirteen seconds later: What even is life? Why are we given such a beautiful thing only to have it taken from us so abruptly? They're probably advancing towards me now, after having finished discussing how they're going to dispose of the body.
Twenty seconds later: They sure are taking their time, huh?
Thirty seconds later: Anytime now…
One minute later: M-maybe a quick peek won't hurt.
And so I slowly turned my head towards these two horny boys. Luckily,
since they sat in the row right behind me, I didn't need to twist my head in a very drastic way.
As my eyes found their target, the cruel truth revealed itself: PHONES!!!
The reason for their silence wasn't because of any discussion surrounding the disposal of a body. It was due to something far worse. The cause of their silence, it was: "the social awkwardness which arises when the discussion you're having turns silent for five seconds or longer.", that was the culprit!
Conclusions: due to emotional trauma I might've overreacted a tiny bit, hehe…
***
Except for the incident which had occurred earlier in the day, the rest of it continued pretty smoothly. The headmaster forced us to listen to his mandatory speech about climbing a mountain or something. I didn't really listen.
Then we had some lessons in math and biology, the former of which I actually enjoyed somewhat. Partly because I'm decent at it and partly because our teacher is, well how do I put it? She gets most of the boys to… pay more attention, or something like that…
I did kind of miss Sadim though. Apparently, he had gone to visit his family during the break and wouldn't return for another day or two. That did leave me a little lonely during lunch, but I managed.
Then before we got to go home our teacher told us that a transfer student would be joining us tomorrow, after that the bell rang.
Overall, I enjoyed the first day. Except for the "incident" earlier and the fact that my only friend hadn't been present, then no major problems had occurred. If I were to give it a score then this day would be an above-average: 6/10.
After that critical evaluation, I started making my way home. Luckily my apartment wasn't too far from the school so I could just take the subway for five minutes and then I would basically be there.
*Five minutes of boring transportation later*
On the outside, the apartment complex looked like some kind of high-tech science building. With automatic doors at the entrance and big windows all over the place. The reception's floor was black in color and the walls were cleanly white, not a single stain to be found. Then, in the middle of it all, a golden fountain spurted; begging for your attention.
"Welcome back Grey, was the first day of the new school year to your satisfaction?", the one asking me that question was the receptionist and manager of this apartment, but also my lifelong caretaker.
Her name was Ingrid, an older woman, I would say around fifty but I had never dared to ask. She had short black hair and brown eyes. Wearing blue jeans and a comfy sweater, always having a relaxed yet focused look to her. Due to my father's usual absence, she had been the one taking care of me for as long as I could remember.
"Yeah, I enjoyed it" Fortunately, Ingrid was one of the nicest people I knew so it had never really bothered me that much. Not that there had ever been a choice for me.
"I'm glad to hear it", is how she responded, but after those words of delight, an uncomfortable expression came upon Ingrid's face, "I… I regret to inform you, but unfortunately, your dad wasn't able to make it in time for your school start…"
"I see, that's too bad, but I know how busy he is", that is what I told Ingrid.
"That makes nine times", is what I told myself.
"B-but please don't get too upset, he bought a gift for you, as an apology", my dear caretaker said as she forced a smile.
"I don't need an apology, as I said; I understand why he couldn't be here", as I spoke these words, I surprised myself with the burst of irritation that had overwhelmed me. It felt as if I was a bomb, preparing for detonation. Every part of my consciousness had to actively restrain itself. All for the purpose of not releasing this mad frenzy upon the innocent Ingrid.
"You're right, you do tend to be very understanding", she paused for a short second, taking a quick sigh; as if trying to hide it. "still, please accept the gift. I'm sure your father spent a lot of time thinking about what to get for you", the "bomb" had been disarmed. But not because of any gift, nor any sweet talk, it was simply because that genuine smile of hers had returned.
"Don't worry, I'll accept the gift. It's from dad after all", I said in a somewhat shy demeanor.
"Thank you, I'm sure your father will be delighted", she said with a genuine belief in her words.
"Well, I'm heading up now, but thanks for greeting me", truly; thank you.
"Hey, I told you not to thank me for that!", she yelled in a playful manner.
"O-oh, right. Sorry", even though playful, her yelling shocked me.
"No, don't apologize either!", she said as she face-palmed herself.
Then she smiled once again, "anyway, just know that your dad really wanted to be here. I mean it when I say that there's nothing more important to him than you", those words of hers, I wondered how they could seem so real.
"Yeah, I know", is how I answered her.
"Liar", is how I answered myself.
***
As the boring gray wall became full of all kinds of colors I couldn't help but admire it. As I held the spray can in my hand I felt a sense of accomplishment, a feeling which otherwise always seemed so foreign. This graffiti wasn't something I had been given, and it wasn't anything that had been forced upon me. The choice, it had been mine.
While I stood here late at night, surrounded by abandoned houses and empty machines, my world came alive. What otherwise always seemed so monotone suddenly expanded so vividly in all kinds of shapes and colors. What I created while I sprayed these colors onto the wall I called my canvas, it didn't matter. All I wanted to do was continue.
Perhaps all of this was just a childish rebellion. Perhaps this was just me grasping after something, anything, that would make me feel in control of my own life. The chances of this being the truth were high, but I found myself not caring. As long as doing this allowed me to see something more with my eyes than a world drained of color, then I did not care.
That's right, this was all the freedom I needed...
"Hey, not bad. That looks pretty decent", that wasn't me who had spoken. I started sweating and my whole body froze up. My mind immediately went into a panic, ten times bigger than the one during school.
How long have they've been here? Have they seen my face? Are they police or just some random civilian? Are they an adult? No, they can't be, their voice sounded young. Well, I guess it's possible, but I really doubt it. So should I just run away now? Their voice seemed to have come from behind me which means that there's a chance that they haven't seen my face. If that's the case I should take my chance and run! But if their police then that will just make everything much worse! Should I maybe talk to them, I might be able to charm them? No, you won't be able to do that! Have you forgotten how poor your social skills are!! I can lie to them, maybe I'll say that this is my job? Yeah, that's right, I'm currently decorating these walls; that's what I am doing… No, wait! Aren't they tearing down these houses? If they are, then why would anyone ask someone to decorate them!? Especially this late at night! Hold up, isn't it really weird to be here this late? Does that mean that the person behind me is someone dangerous? Maybe they're a member of a gang and this is their hideout! No, don't make assumptions Grey. If this place was a hideout then you would've noticed. I mean, isn't this the fifth time you've come here? Maybe I should run after all? You just need to move your legs. Yeah, just move them. Move. Move. MOVE!!
"Hey, don't worry. It's not like I'm going to tell the cops or anything"
"HAHA, you can't fool me! That's exactly what someone who is going to tell the cops would say!", and with those words, my feet finally left the ground. I could feel the air soaring in my hair as I leaped forward with quick steps and a feeling of accomplishment filled me.
Unfortunately, this only lasted for about five seconds, because as I was running in the dark, the rubble from the torn-down houses became very hard to spot. The rest is pretty self-explanatory and before I knew it my head was buried in the ground.
For a short moment, my consciousness faded.
"...hey…", I could hear a small voice calling out to me. It had a light tone to it, yet a certain roughness surrounded it.
"...hey, are you…", Ahh, I could hear the voice worry for me. It was clear that whoever it belonged to, they wished to know if I was okay. Yeah, that's right. They truly did worry about my well-being.
"Hey, are you dead?", eh? "W-why isn't he answering me!? Has he really moved on!?" W-wait a minute… "Oh my God! What am I going to do!? If anyone finds me like this t-then… they're totally going to blame me for murdering this guy!" The more I heard this voice speak, the more my hope dwindled.
"Should I…", what are you pausing for? "I mean, it's either that or jail…" Stop pausing like that! "No, I can't!... But I have to…", Okay, now you're making me worry…
"I have to dispose of the body!", the voice said with a scary amount of firmness.
"No!! I'm alive!", I pulled my face out of the ground and turned it in the direction of the voice.
"Oh, well that's good", besides me a girl with long black hair, dressed in a gray hoodie and black leggings, sat crouching down.
"Guess I won't need to dispose of you then", she said, giving me a playful wink.