That thought was running through my head for the rest of the day. Fortunately, it occupied me enough that I wasn't as uncomfortable as I usually was, once I returned to class. But that left me with more invasive thoughts than I was comfortable with. I couldn't decide which one was worse.
The fact that Keo knew my last name was unsettling, or it should have been. It was natural to be unsettled and I knew that but I couldn't find that feeling. If anything, I was curious. Maybe I was just overthinking or maybe I got the conversation wrong while backtracking, but I was almost certain I hadn't mentioned my last name. I rarely do.
But his presence wasn't unsettling. His being wasn't unsettling, not in the slightest. If anything, his sharp amber eyes and extroverted personality were comforting. Kind of like Cedric. Maybe it was an odd experience, both in different ways, but it wasn't anything near unsettling.
So, you must have gotten something wrong.
If he had other intentions, if he was someone you needed to worry about, you would know it by now.
I nodded my head as I gathered my supplies. I'd picked up a velcro strap during my break that I could wrap around my bag, just so another incident like this morning wouldn't happen again.
With my bag slung on my shoulder, I hurriedly left the classroom, ducking past mingling students that thought standing in the doorway was a good idea.
As I walked out of the building my mind raced with thoughts. Some thoughts that I couldn't even decipher, they were so jumbled. Other thoughts were clear as crystal. I thought about Cedric. I wondered whether he was telling the truth or not.
Maybe it was some metaphorical offer. In high school, I remember a club that people would join. It wasn't a very popular club and I never joined myself but I'd heard of it by posters and a person I used to hang out with joined. It was a roleplaying game where you made your own character and in that time, you were someone else, anyone you wanted to be. The sky was the limit.
In that aspect, it was intriguing. The person I knew said it was a breath in reality. A place where you could just pause for a moment and breathe.
Maybe that's what Cedric was talking about—something similar to that. A group of broken people coming together for a much-needed breath. Some group of nerds chasing some fake quest.
As I neared my apartment, I smiled. Would that be so bad? Maybe I should have joined that group in high school. Maybe all I needed was some air.
I pushed the glass doors open to the lobby. It was a big building and I sometimes forgot that it was so big. It was normal to me, something I'd experienced for years now. My social worker always told me not to forget where I came from. It was hard not to, though. My dad spoiled me, in the physical aspects at least. He gave me all I needed, all I wanted, and more. Well, except for his affection. I understood, though. He just didn't know how to show affection in any other way.
I would never forget where I came from. In fact, it affects me every day in the form of an aching chest, pins and needles, and breathless lungs.
I stepped into my apartment. Unfortunately, I couldn't just forget. Unfortunately, it wasn't as difficult not to forget as I liked to think it was.
The room was dark and quiet, lonely. I kicked my shoes off at the door, plopping my bag on the counter as I passed the kitchen. I flicked on the tv, the volume muted but the flickering lights comforting. After a moment of digging around the living room for my headphones, I connected them to my phone and hit play on the music, laying back on the couch. With my feet propped up on the armrest, I searched my pockets until I came up with a thin piece of plastic.
I raised my hands above my head, my finger twirling around the card. Cedric Foreman, the Duke of Croshaw. What an odd sequence of words. Never thought I'd read that in my life.
The metallic gold reflected the tv's flickering and I was mesmerized by it. It was like slivers of glass were strewn across the card and as I tilted it, the lights followed. How comforting.
"Stop." Why was my voice so hoarse? Why did it hurt to speak? "Get the fuck off me!" I wanted to duck away. It was my own voice but I wanted to duck away from it. But I couldn't because I didn't know where it was coming from. It was too dark to tell.
"You know I care about you right? You know I'm trying to help you...right?"
I wanted to curl in on myself but I couldn't move. My feet twitched. I could feel something. Was it a hand? No. It was something thicker. I looked down and I could barely make out the dark silhouette of a snake, wrapping around my ankle and up my leg, past my knee, and tightening around my thigh.
"I do everything for you. I've done everything for you but you won't even look at me. What the fuck is wrong with you!?"
"I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it. C'mon, Ry, you need me, I know that. I'd never leave you because I know what's best for you. You just don't understand yet."
I wanted to scream, to kick, to do anything. But I couldn't even breathe. It felt like my lungs were constricting, tightening just like the snake was. Somehow the snake was worse.
"If you won't have me, I can't have you walking around like you're someone else's."
The snake loosened its grip but reared back, its fangs slicing through my skin and suddenly I could scream. As my scream tore through my throat, I thought I could hear another scream, synched up with mine.
My hands clawed at my headphones, tearing the wire away from my neck and tossing my phone on the group, pulling myself up with a scream. I looked around, my breathing ragged and my hands shaking. God, my head hurt.
I pulled my knees to my chest, linking my hands behind my head and taking deep breaths.
You're home. You're at the apartment that your dad bought you. You're nineteen. You're in college now.
"I'm home," I repeated out loud, my voice shaky. "My dad bought me this apartment. I'm nineteen and in college." I let out a choppy breath, reaching for the remote and flicking off the tv. I stood up and opened the window, looking down and across the city. It must be at least ten o'clock but the city was so vibrant, so loud. I closed the window, rubbing my head as I flicked on the light. My forehead was slick with sweat so I walked into the bathroom to wash my face.
I sighed. It'd been a while since I'd had a dream like that. Seems I was reveling in the past too much today.
After grabbing a glass of water and picking up my phone, I flicked off the living room light, and walked to my room, curling up in my comforters. I opened my phone, staring at the bright screen for a moment before dimming the brightness.
I opened my contacts, glancing at the time. It was almost eleven, which meant my dad would already be awake and moving around.
Before I knew it, I'd clicked on the green call button and pressed the phone to my ear, listening to the ringing.
And it just kept ringing. I closed my eyes, a single tear leaving as I was sent to voicemail. "Fuck," I whispered, calling again. "Just—pick up," I choked out. But he didn't, I was sent to voicemail again. I cleared my throat, waiting for the beep this time. "Hey, dad, could you call me back when you get the chance? It doesn't matter when, just whenever you're not busy."
I pulled the phone away from my face, dropping in on the bed beside me. I dug the heels of my palms into my closed eyes, biting the inside of my cheek. I wasn't sure what I wanted to tell him. Maybe I just wanted to hear his voice, even if it was curt and uninterested. Or maybe about Cedric. Maybe I wanted to tell him goodbye.
I guess I could have told him about my first day of college.
I turned my phone up before letting my eyes close and allowing my mind to drift back into a fitful sleep. I didn't dream. Not that I remember, at least. But I was anxious the whole night and couldn't find it in me to just relax. I wish my dad would have answered.
Knocking woke me up. It was loud enough that I could hear it from the entrance. I glanced at my phone, my mood instantly dropping when I saw there were no notifications but then the time caught my eye and that's when I realized I'd forgotten to buy a new alarm clock yesterday.
I jumped to my feet, racing to the door and swinging it open without even fully thinking it through. I just wanted the noise to stop.
Standing before me was Cedric. Yesterday he'd been wearing a suit with slicked-back hair but today he was wearing a black turtleneck along with a brown leather jacket and jeans. His hair fell loosely and I noticed it was actually wavy. He smiled, nodding his head as a greeting.
I stood frozen in the doorway for a moment before looking down at myself, scratching the back of my neck. Not only had I just woken up but I didn't change when I got home so I was in the same clothes he'd seen me in yesterday.
"Did I wake you?" he asked, a small smile on his face.
"I—uh, yeah. Sorta," I said, stepping to the side and holding the door open. "You wanna come in? I can make some coffee."
"No need, I don't drink coffee," he said as he stepped through the doorway. I walked past him and he followed me. I gestured around.
"Make yourself at home, I'm gonna go clean up a bit," I said before hurrying to my room. I shut the door quickly before leaning against it. "Holy shit."
Cedric was here, at my house. I didn't think he was serious. Well, I did, but I didn't actually know what to think about the whole situation. What was I supposed to think about this situation?
I pinched the bridge of my nose before digging through my drawers and quickly changing, running my fingers through my hair to make it look presentable.
"I hate winging things," I said as I walked back out to the living room. Cedric was sitting on the couch, the card that he'd given me in his hand. He looked up as I came in and smiled.
"I understand this situation is confusing so I just want you to know that no one is pressuring you into this," he said. "You choose freely here and you have time."
My lips parted but as our gazes met, I looked away, clearing my throat. "I—well, it is confusing. I don't know what to believe but I want to—or I guess—maybe if—well—"
"Everything about this situation is real. You'll adjust if you come with me. I promise I'm not trying to kidnap you and I know that my words aren't going to be what gets you to come with me so, in the end, it's your decision. We can walk out of here together or I can leave alone and you'll never see me again."
I took a deep breath as my chest began to tighten. I could see two paths in front of me. One was certain. It was boring and consistent but it was certain. The other was the total opposite. It wasn't certain neither was it boring or consistent. Even if I didn't know where I was going, I knew it was new. It was something I could find meaning in—something I could find interest in.
"I—" I closed my eyes. Oh, how appealing that sounded "—already gave you my answer."
I looked up, meeting his eyes for a moment before looking away as he smiled. He placed his hand on my shoulder, drawing my eyes up to him once again. "Well, son, I'll wait for you downstairs. Do what you need to do and then come join me."
He then left, tucking his card in his pocket as he did.
What I needed to do? I wonder if it mattered what I did now if I'd just be leaving anyway. Would any of this matter? Would this big apartment matter? Or my scholarship? Did anything matter here anymore? I guess we'd have to see.
I walked to my room, opening my phone, and clicking on the already opened contact, pressing the phone to my ear.
One time.
I was only going to call one time.
I wasn't surprised when I was sent to voicemail.
"Hey, dad," I said, swallowing down the lump in my throat and letting out a shaky breath. "I guess you couldn't get back to me. It wasn't anything important anyway." I clenched my fist. "I just—I just wanted to say that I love you and thank you. I know you tried and you did it all by yourself." I closed my eyes, my teeth digging into my lip. The taste of copper staining my tongue. "Well, good—" The phone went dead. Time's up. "—bye"
I hastily wiped at my eyes to keep the tears from falling as I went to the next contact. The ringing stopped after two rings. That's all it took. "Ryker?"
"Yeah, hey Kenny," I said, my tears pouring out of my eyes despite my attempting to keep them at bay.
"What wrong?" he asked. Ever the worrier.
"Nothing, nothing," I said, my voice choked up. "I just—" I broke off, taking a deep breath. "I, um, yesterday was my first day of college."
"Really!?" he asked and I could hear the smile in his voice. "How'd that go? Make any friends?"
"Um, no, not really," I said, grabbing my headphones and walking out of the room. "But I think—" I smiled. "I think I'm going places."
I grabbed my keys but stopped after I did, looking down at them for a moment before throwing them on my bag and slipping on my shoes. "Well, that's good but make sure to find some friends. Don't want you to get too lonely."
"Of course," I said, wiping my tears once again, only for them to be replaced with more. "How are you?"
"I'm doing good," he said. "A lot better now that you called, actually. Sophie and I were just talking about you. We were thinking about coming to visit you."
"You don't need to, you guys just moved," I said, stepping out of my apartment and listening to the door lock for the last time.
"We can make the time," he said. "We haven't seen you in a while so why not?" I stepped into the elevator, clicking the button and leaning against the wall.
"If you insist," I said, my face contorting as my tears fell. My chest squeezed as I held back a sob.
"So why'd you call?" he asked.
"Oh, just to talk, I guess," I said, stepping out of the elevator. As my eyes caught sight of Cedric, I could feel the tone change and I couldn't stop the sob this time.
"Ryker? Are you alright?"
"I—" I laughed, wiping my tears. "Yeah, I'm fine. Um, thank you. You were the only one there for me. In a way, you saved me. I'm sorry I'm putting all your effort to waste."
"What are you talking about?" he asked, his concern seeping through the phone.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry I got you to care. I'm sorry I couldn't prove myself to you. I just—I wasn't good enough."
I was aware of the eyes on me but it didn't affect me, not like usual. My chest didn't tighten and I could breathe just fine. It must have had something to do with the voice on the other side of the phone.
"What do you mean? You don't have to prove yourself, you've always been good enough. You're worrying me," he said. I could hear a woman's voice in the background, and ripping paper.
"He didn't answer, you know that?" I said. "My dad didn't pick up the phone but you did. So thank you." I looked at Cedric, who was looking back at me with sad eyes. I looked at my feet. "I—I have to go."
"No, stay on the phone with me, okay? Just a little longer, we haven't talked in so long," he said. He sounded cheerful enough but it was laced with worry.
"I'm sorry," I said before pulling the phone away from my ear and turning it off. I walked up to Cedric, wiping my eyes, and getting frustrated when tears kept coming. He sighed, handing me a handkerchief.
"It's hard to let go. It always is. But I promise it'll get better," he said, smiling. "You'll find a purpose."
I nodded, sighing. "Can we go?"
"Of course."
We drove until after midnight. I'd slept several times, with small intervals of eating and listening to music until my phone died. Then, I realized I couldn't charge it and contemplated asking Cedric to turn on the radio. After a few minutes of hyping myself up to ask him, I chickened out and wrapped my headphones around my phone, setting it on the dash.
I settled for looking out the window. I didn't know where we were and I wasn't too keen on asking so I just went back to sleep.
It wasn't too long before I woke up to the car stopping in a small garage. Cedric turned to me. "Hope you're awake because we're going to have to walk for a bit," he said, giving me a cheesy smile before getting out of the car. I followed suit, groaning as I stretched my legs and arms.
"Here," he said, tossing me a windbreaker as he rounded the car. I gave him a look. It wasn't really cold. Quite the opposite actually. Despite it being late at night, it was pretty warm. "I don't know why, but at the gate, it's freezing. Sometimes there's snow," he clarified.
"Snow?" I repeated, cringing.
"I know," he said, switching his jacket for a thicker coat. "Are you ready?"
I nodded and he led the way into the forest. I'd read enough books and seen enough movies to know that this situation was suspicious. I was being led into a forest by a man I'd only recently met, in a place I didn't know. Seemed like an easy murder spot to me.
"I mentioned our living before right?" Cedric asked, holding back an outstretched branch and allowing me to pass. "How we've fallen back to the older times?"
"Yeah, you said something like that," I said, nodding. I could feel my body tensed up. Even if I wasn't scared, mentally, my body still told me that something was off, that you shouldn't have let him get behind you. Maybe I shouldn't have come here.
"Well in most ways we have. In many ways, we haven't advanced like this world continues to do. But in other ways, we've exceeded your advancements, in less than a decade," he said. I didn't know where I was going so I just kept walking straight and as we continued, I felt goosebumps rise on my arms. "We like to keep our technology isolated. One reason is that we don't want any of the monsters to get a hold of it and another reason is that we don't want any of the humans to think we're advancing the country as a whole, because we're not. We only use technology with situations involving The King's Guard."
"What kind of technology?" I asked, turning to him. He walked past me and I could feel my shoulders relax.
"We only have a few big technology advancements," he said. "The armor that you're given is laced with a new element that we discovered. Of course, the monsters just call in magic. However, harvesting magic without having magic yourself is difficult. The mere fact that we could put it inside the armor is remarkable!"
I shivered. The air was becoming sharper and was that frost?
"In order to fully harvest the armor's magic, we have you choose your placement in The King's Guard. You can be an offensive knight, defensive knight. You're injected with magic and you gain an ability. We don't understand how your ability is chosen but we think it has something to do with your personality. That's probably the best of our scientific advancements. All thanks to the monsters, of course. Without them, we wouldn't be anywhere."
"What are the monsters?" I asked. The forest seemed to be lit up like the trees were giving off light. As if the moon was getting through the tall trees but as I looked up, there was no moon in sight.
Cedric laughed. "Too many to count."
This entire time we'd been following a path that led deeper and deeper into the forest. The trees around us had been too thick to get through even if I'd wanted to. Our only choice was to follow the path before us.
Until Cedric stopped and I stepped around him. Before us was a small clearing. It wasn't much but you could tell just by looking at it that it wasn't used frequently. The trees were overgrown, the grass was tall enough to brush my elbows. But my jaw dropped as I gazed upon the spinning circle of black and purple. It was as if I was gazing into the universe, black held purple and purple held white. And it spun but in such a way that I couldn't name the direction.
"Holy shit," I said, taking a step forward.
"Well, I guess this could be considered our greatest scientific achievement," Cedric said. I turned to him and laughed, my breath turning to smoke in front of me. It was freezing.
"This is—this is real?" I asked. He smirked.
"Of course it is," he said, taking a few steps past me and stretching out his hand like he was showing off a painting. "This is the gateway to Chison."
I fell to my knees, biting my lip as tears began to streak down my cheeks. This was my new beginning. My purpose. My meaning to life. This was where I could start over.
And it was beautiful.
"Woah, are you okay?" he asked, hurrying to my side. I laughed, rubbing my eyes.
"I'm...I'm great," I said, pulling myself to my feet and looking into the gateway. "I thought I was getting murdered but you were serious this entire time."
"You thought you were getting murdered and you just—continued to follow me?" he asked. I shrugged, taking another step towards the gate. The cold wind bit at my skin and dried my eyes but I didn't want to blink. What if I blinked and this was all gone?
"How does it work?" I asked, turning to him. Our eyes met for a moment before I looked down, rubbing my hands together. "I mean—do we just like—walk through? Or something?"
Cedric laughed and the rustling of clothes caught my attention. I looked up as he pulled out a black device from his pocket. It looked like a phone except there were only a few buttons on it and no screen. "Well, yeah, but we have to activate it first." He pressed a button and several dots lit up on the top.
"Does that thing activate it?" I asked. He shook his head with a smile.
"No, this thing is an intergalactic communicator, another one of our technological advancements," he said. "There are only two made. It just sends a signal to the other one. I have one and the king has the other. He's the only one who can open the since his father was the first person to enter Chison. Only direct descendants of him can open it."
"So now what?" I asked, turning to the portal. Cedric slid down on a tree, wrapping his arms around himself and smiling at me.
"Now we wait."