After a few minutes of eating in silence, I felt my muscles begin to relax and my mind catch up with not only what Tairen had said, but what I had said. Where the fuck was my mind at? What came over me? I'd cussed at him and I don't know what it was about him but he made me angry and that anger was something I'd forgotten and it—
It terrified me.
Because I remembered when I was like that. I remembered when I'd go off at the slightest tone in someone's voice. I remembered when I'd gotten into fights and arguments, followed by horrible states of just plain emptiness. And I remembered how I'd changed that—how I changed myself. And the process and Tairen reminded me of 𝘩𝘪𝘮. And Tairen just kept reminding me of him.
He knew I had been different before. He knew I could change. And he knew all that even though I'd tried so desperately to hide it. But that voice was like a lure that just caught my eye and that smirk incited a fire in my stomach that boiled and snapped towards my chest.
And it all scared me because I had been scared of 𝘩𝘪𝘮. And the only difference was that I could see it this time. The only difference was that his eyes didn't hide the poison as 𝘩𝘪𝘴 had. But they hid something else and I guess I was curious—just like he was about me.
So I ate and the water in the glass no longer rippled from the shaking when I picked it up.
"Do you have any questions about Vrateldo? Or Chison, as a whole?" Tairen asked, his teeth running along his fork as he took a bite of some fruit. "I'm assuming Cedric placed you with Dallas because of his personality. Although he is a people's person, he isn't very educated on a lot of things, which defeats the purpose of him being a guide." He took another bite, eyes locking with mine as I took another drink. No matter how much I drank, my mouth still seemed dry.
"Um, I don't quite understand the whole 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 thing." When Tairen rose an eyebrow, my eyes dropped as I picked at a piece of meat, clearing my throat. "Just—how does it work and what are its properties? Is it, like, something scientific or actual magic?"
Tairen took another bite, looking up and away, his eyes narrowing in thought. When he swallowed, he looked back at me and shrugged. "I'm not quite sure. If you're really interested in the complete break-down of it, you'd have to ask Cedric. I know that the magic comes from the existence of the monsters." He lifted his index finger. "I also know it's the strongest element we have, as humans in the real world and Chison. I'm not even quite sure it can be considered an element, though. If it is, it sure does have some odd side-effects." He shrugged again, cutting into his meat. "I'm sure Cedric mentioned that one cannot harvest the magic's true power unless they have magic themselves. I'd only seen the magic injecting process once and I didn't understand how it could be considered an element. It almost seemed alive, to me."
My eyes widened. The magic seemed alive? Was it alive? Maybe it was like a virus, a bacteria that spread throughout the body, infecting it.
"Do you have magic?" I asked, my voice dropping with my eyes.
Tairen gave a small, dry laugh. "No," he said. After a moment of tense silence, he said, "Some people can't handle the magic injecting process. It's rare—extremely so—but it happens. I was one of those rare few. Unfortunately, being the prince at the time, it was greatly frowned upon since only the highest-ranking of people get the 'gift' anyway." He sighed and gave me a pointed look, his eyes soft, however. "But don't go thinking I'm helpless. I'm the most skilled warrior here."
I could tell he didn't like talking about that but I couldn't find it in myself to tell him he didn't need to because I wanted to hear all of it. Maybe I just wanted him to continue talking. "I don't think you're helpless," I said, setting my fork down. I wasn't hungry anyway. "I don't have much room to talk anyway."
Tairen followed suit, setting his fork down and leaning forward on his elbows. "I'm sure you have your fair share of talents," he said but the way he said it told me he wasn't expecting anything from me. He tilted his head, licking his bottom lip.
"Do you mind me asking how your father was?" I asked. Ever since I'd seen the picture, I'd been itching to get information. I probably couldn't do anything with the information but I asked anyway.
Tairen raised his eyebrows before shaking his head, looking down. "You're a piece of work," he said, looking back up. "They usually ask about the city, the monsters, anything other than me or the royal family. You have quite a habit of taking me by surprise."
"I'm sorry," I said, my face heating up. His face relaxed and he looked away, towards the wall lined with candles.
"My father was a man of honor above all," he said, his lip curling. "Or, at least, that's what the people would say. That's even what Cedric would say." His eyes hardening and I was surprised to see a white-hot hatred burning behind them. "He valued his people, his family, even the monsters that were so far below him they should have been kissing the very ground he walked on." He rose his chin, his eyes softening. "He was kind. Too kind. Too 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬 to rule a kingdom. He never understood how it was supposed to be—how to be a king. My mother, from what I'd heard, understood, and valued her ranking. Above everything else, she was the Queen. And my father was too weak to understand that, above everything else, he was the King. To be honest, I'm glad the old man is dead. I plan on ruling Chison the way it was supposed to be ruled."
His eyes lost all emotion for a moment. The color even dulled. He then smiled brightly, although his eyes never brightened once more.
"I'm sure you're curious about the rules around here?" he asked, rhetorically. "As a member of TKG, you've gained nobility. This gives you, basically, complete access to the whole kingdom but I wouldn't advise venturing to some parts." He stood up, his eyes falling to my barely touched food. Once his eyes met mine once again, they were tinted with something I didn't recognize. An emotion I couldn't decipher. He was such a difficult person to read. "Are you finished with your food?"
I nodded, standing up. He made a grunting noise before turning around, gesturing for me to follow him. By the time I'd caught up to him, he'd already begun talking. So impatient.
"Vrateldo consists of two walls. The outer wall, the strongest and highest wall, is shaped like a rectangle with sliced-off corners—" he made a chopping motion with his hand "—that makes it easier to move around on top, and a lot more stable. Each side of the wall has a gate, named after each direction. You need Vrateldo citizenship to enter. Which you already have. The inner wall is a regular rectangle. It's weaker and shorter, and the gate is always open to the public." He stopped at an intersection, glancing both ways as if he were crossing a road before continuing forward. "The castle is inside the inner wall, large enough that there are only about thirty houses that fit alongside the castle. There is also the prison placed directly against the castle which is off-limits if you're not there on official business."
As he spoke, I was sketching out an idea of the kingdom's layout in my head. The walls, the gates, the castle, even the prison. If I was correct, there was a rather large area between the two walls that he hadn't explained yet.
"This is a kingdom, after all, fallen back to the older ways of life," Tairen said, his eyelids drooping as if he were tired. Was he tired of explaining this to me? That seemed a bit excessive. I hadn't fucking asked him about it in the first place. He had no right to be annoyed. "That means there is upper, middle, and lower-class living. The gate into the inner wall leads directly into the upper-class housing. We often get visitors from nobles in that area. Each section of the housing is split with walls that connect the inner and outer walls. The middle-class housing occupies the South-West and North-East section of the city. The North-West area is all lower-class housing. I'd recommend you avoid that area. Everywhere else, however, you may venture to at any time you'd like."
He smiled wickedly.
I scrunched my eyebrows together. "What happens in lower-class housing?" I asked. Tairen sent me a knowing smirk as he opened a door.
"The same thing that happens in bad parts of the city," he said. "Crime. Quite a bit of it and some to an excessive extent. As a member of TKG, you'd have a high price on your head."
"There are hitmen?" I asked, exasperated. He gave me a look.
"Hitmen?" he shook his head. "Do you mean assassins?"
My eyes widened a moment as I nodded. I guess being raised in a world like this, it's only natural to know very few things about the real world.
"Yeah," he said, nodding. "A very strong family of them run the whole area. If you're there, they'll know, and some people will pay thousands for just the eye of a TKG member." He pulled his eyelid down to show off his green orbs as he stepped into the room.
I shuddered, following him inside. The smell of old books assaulted my nose. But I guess it wasn't an assault—I'd always loved that smell. We'd walked into what I assumed was a library. Tall shelves were stacked with dusted books bound by leather of all colors. Four tables occupied the room. Empty; no surprise there.
Two lavender tinted windows cover the furthest wall, almost from floor to ceiling. They gave a view of houses. The only wall in sight being the large one in the distance, bordering the houses. Did the King—the current or former—merge an entire side of the castle with the inner wall just for the view? Seemed a bit dangerous, to me. Especially with what Tairen had said about those assassins.
"This side of the castle faces the lower-class housing," Tairen said. His breath fanned across my neck and shoulder, sending a shiver up my spine. My face began to heat up. He was so close. How had I not noticed he'd gotten so close? "It may seem dangerous but I assure you no one will attack the castle directly. It's not as easy to get in as it is to get out."
He took a step back and my tensed shoulders relaxed, my lungs releasing air I hadn't known I'd been holding.
"This—although beautiful—isn't the place I wanted to show you," he said and then gestured for me to follow him. As I trailed behind him, my eyes picked up categories from the books. The fantasy section was almost empty. I wondered what was considered fantasy in a fantasy world. The history section was stacked with books. Most were in a language I didn't recognize. I wondered what they wrote about.
Did they write about the beginning of Chison? Could they be filled with words of a time before that? Did they write about the real world?
We stopped in the corner of the room and as Tairen began to pull a bookshelf away from the wall, my face flushed. He moved it with ease but I could tell it wasn't light. His back muscles contracted and rippled beneath his shirt and I found myself suddenly 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 interested in a floating piece of lint.
When Tairen stepped back, I felt the atmosphere change. Maybe it was Tairen's emotions suddenly rapidly radiating from him or maybe, just maybe, it was the unexplained door embedded in the wall.
He took a deep breath and the thick emotion I'd felt abruptly dissipated. "Don't tell anyone about this, okay?" he said, tilting his head just slightly. I nodded quickly.
Dust sprinkled onto the ground as he grabbed ahold of the handle, the hinges creaking and the wood cracking as he pulled it open. The room was about the size of a broom closet but the only thing it needed room for was a ladder so it made sense. Tairen gestured for me to follow him as he began to climb.
Paranoia prickled my fingertips but I ignored it and followed him. From what I'd heard, and what I'd seen earlier, kindness wasn't a strong suit of Tairen's. He seemed disinterested in others feeling. Not quite ignorant of them. He saw them, he deciphered them, and he understood them. He just didn't care. It was odd to me that he was being kind. Or maybe I'd misinterpreted something and he wasn't being kind. It would make sense.
A king like him, one who believed everyone to be below him, wasn't one to just 𝘣𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥. It didn't fit him and that rubbed me wrong. What did he want?
If he believed everyone inferior to him, there was no way I was any different. There was no way I was any better.
When I reached the top of the ladder, Tairen offered me a hand up. I did my best to suppress my hesitancy. As he pulled me up, I looked down and wondered if I'd die were I to fall from this height. My feet planted on the ground, I pulled my hand out of Tairen's but he caught my wrist with his other hand and pulled it into the fluorescent light.
I gasped as he turned my hand so my wrist was exposed. Tingles ran up my arms and I went to pull away but his fingers tightened just a bit. It wasn't enough to hurt, but it was enough to tell me that it could.
His index finger circled my wrist, tracing the faded scars there. I thought they'd disappeared. In normal lighting, they were invisible.
His eyes softened, along with his grip as he looked up at me. "What happened?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.
I pulled my hand away and this time he let me. I suppressed the urge to rub my wrist. "Just an accident," I said.
He narrowed his eyes just a bit and then nodded, turning around. "What about that one on your eyebrow?" he asked but I didn't answer.
Every time I saw something here, I realized what I'd been missing out on—what the entire world was missing out on. We were surrounded by thick, flourishing plants that reached toward every direction, unsure of where their source of light was. Blood red flowers with petals about the size of my hand were tangled around each other. The bigger ones were tightened around the smaller ones, their colors dulled, and their petals dry. Were they killing each other?
My eyes grazed over thin leaves and thorny vines. The white lights above must have been some type of fluorescent grow lights. One of the foster homes I'd been in had a thin strip of grow lights but the kids always forgot to turn them on so the roses had died. A black hammock hung from the ceiling, big enough it could probably fit three people, just not comfortably.
"Nobody knows of this place beside my inner circle," Tairen said, turning towards me. He bit his lip, hard enough to turn white. "I've never brought anyone here and my inner circle hasn't either, they don't even come themselves." He cleared his throat, scratching the nape of his neck. "I understand feeling out of place so you can come here whenever you want, as long as you're alone." My eyes widened and he gave me a soft smile. But his eyes rarely changed. It was just the muscles in his face, not the emotions in his eyes. "In return, you just have to tell me a story whenever we're here. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to—I won't push you—but I wasn't lying." He sighed, our gazes locking. "You make me curious."