Chapter 14 - Chapter Thirteen

The dark seeped into my skin like liquid and tore at my bones with an unmatched fervor. Was this death? Was it really this painful? I never really cared much for religion anyway because there was never any God for me but I guess I had higher hopes for what came after death.

There was a pressure on my chest that felt like hands—two of them, to be exact. I felt solid ground beneath my feet, the pressure and pain fading, and instead, a dull ache resided all throughout my body. It was still dark. Everywhere I looked, my eyes strained to make out any light. It was giving me a headache.

I took a step forward, my instincts telling me to be cautious. Was I doomed to wander here forever?

"Hey..."

I snapped my head behind me, my eyes searching and finding nothing—it was still too dark. Where had that voice come from? Where had I heard it before?

I took another step, my thighs beginning to numb as I did so. A pressure tightened around my upper thighs as I collapsed. I kicked out and attempted to strike whatever was there but it didn't stop, nor did I find anything that was causing the feeling.

"Rye, c'mon, don't go just yet..."

The pressure disappeared and I crawled away, my hands dragging on the cold ground beneath me. Who was that?

"Hey, Rye, don't run again. You'll only make things harder for yourself."

That was a different voice. It was a darker voice that sent shivers down my spine and told me to run. But hadn't he said not to? 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦? I stood up, my feet moving backward against my better judgment. There was no point in fighting my instincts. That painful pressure wrapped around my ankle but before I could fight it, I was pulled down and back. My elbows banged painfully against the dark ground.

I was kicked against a wall. A wall? Where had the wall come from? And I'd been kicked. By who? Or what?

I went to stand up but was jerked back by my own wrists, chained to the transparent wall. Or, I guess it was too dark to tell whether it was transparent or not. A thick rope was pressed to my throat, keeping my head loosely pressed to the wall.

Where had the chains come from? The cuffs around my wrists dug deeply, drawing blood with every movement, no matter how small.

"I wish I didn't have to leave marks. You know how much I hate this, so why don't you just stop running?"

My heart pounded, matching the throbbing in my head, my eyes searching the darkness in vain. Why was his voice so terrifying? Why was I so scared of it?

Wait, if this was death, how'd I die? Who was I before this? I couldn't remember.

"I'm sorry. I should have taken precautions. I should have—" That was a new voice.

"Duke, its not your fault. He'll be fine." The first voice.

Duke? One chain snapped, the noise echoing for what seemed like forever. "𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶?" Yeah, yeah, I think you did. "𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯." Did you really think I'd choose anything else? What makes you think I'd stay? There was nothing for me there. "𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰. 𝘐𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘪𝘴. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵'𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦." Will I? I hope so. I'm basically putting my life on the line for a purpose. Or maybe that is the purpose. "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵—𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦?" Yeah, you make me want to trust you. I'm not afraid to trust you. "𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦?" I heard a laugh. Was that my laugh? "𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨." Is this a trick? No, you have nothing to gain, do you? Or maybe you do. "𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳'𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘺, 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱?" I wish it was just that. "𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴." I know. I trust you. But who are you?

"𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱, 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺?"

"Okay, Cedric."

The cuff snapped off my wrist, the pain subsiding as the circulation returned to my wrist. I remembered him. Cedric. Cedric Foreman, the Duke of Croshaw. I laughed.

"I'll cut down that annoying pride of yours. I'll turn you into nothing but an empty shell, you shameless bitch."

I grit my teeth, my wrist throbbing in pain. I didn't want to know his name. Whoever he was, I didn't want to remember him.

"C'mon, dude, you still have so much to do. I can't be a wingman to a corpse." The first voice. He laughed but it was a sad laugh. He wasn't supposed to laugh like that.

"Give it some time, Dall," Cedric said.

The other chain snapped but this time, the echo was much shorter as if the space around me had become smaller. "𝘊'𝘮𝘰𝘯, 𝘙𝘺𝘦." Why is it, when you say it, it's comforting? I'm okay when you call me by a nickname. It's been so long. "𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮?" I laughed. "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳!? 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘭." Well, at least you know you have a shitty memory. My head pounded. I'd said that before. But to who? It's all blurry. "𝘙𝘺𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 '𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴.' 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘐 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶." Of course. I can't imagine you thinking anything to be ugly. "𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥." I didn't argue. Why not? Was he really so different than everyone else? "𝘙𝘺𝘦? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥?" But why do you care? Don't you want anything in return? "𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?" I felt a hot tear slip down my cheek. Will you ever stay the night again? If I'm stuck in this—whatever this is—will I ever find out why you care? Will it just be an everlasting mystery? "𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺?" Can you listen?

"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯!? 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘥! 𝘐𝘵'𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮!"

"Can you tell me why I'm not anxious when I'm with you? Why are you so comforting, Dallas?"

The second cuff broke off, joining the chain on the ground. Dallas. My first friend in a long time. Why did he sound so sad? My fingers wrapped around the rope around my throat, tugging with all my strength but no matter how much I pulled, it wouldn't budge, not even enough that I could just barely slide through.

The tears wouldn't stop, dripping down my chin and neck, soaking into the rope and burning my already burnt fingers. The rope dug into my fingers deep enough that it'd leave a mark. My hands released the rope, a frustrated scream leaving my throat. I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes.

"I have to get back," I said, letting my head fall back on the wall. "They're waiting. I have to get back."

"Such a bad boy." A foot slammed into my ribs, ripping the air out of my lungs, along with a weak scream. I curled in on myself, the rope tightening like a noose around my neck. My hands clawed at my chest as if I could call the air back in.

I forced in a pinch of air, a whimper escaping my throat as I looked up. My eyes could finally make a shape out of the darkness but as soon as they did, a chill shot up my spine, my hairs rising along my arms. The silhouette of a man was before me but everything was dark, save for his eyes.

They were such a unique color—a color I'd remember. Not necessarily a color I'd 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 to remember, though.

My hands began to tear at the rope once again, this time fueled by panic. With those dark blue eyes piercing me, I felt cornered. It was a terrifying feeling and as I looked back up, the silver specks seemed to sparkle, only causing a much more erratic panic to rush through me. He knelt down beside me, his bicolored blond and black hair cupping his face so innocently.

He smirked, tilting his head. My stomach churned and I felt dizzy. The darkness began to fade and around us, I could make out a closed room—no doors, no windows, just walls. His thin fingers gripped my chin, squeezing painfully as my hands stilled on the rope. My breath was shallow as he gazed into my eyes. He was like a cat, waiting patiently, studying its prey, and watching for a perfect chance to strike, all with studying the perfect place to strike. Where would it hurt the most?

He roughly flicked my chin away moving his hands to grab my wrists, pinning them above my head. I couldn't move. It was almost instinct. No matter how much I wanted to move because his hands made the burning in my wrist unbearable, I couldn't, because I'd been told so many times not to. I was trained to stay completely still. Trained like a fucking dog.

"You're pathetic. Walking around like you're better than everyone like we're 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘸 you. Well, look at you now," his hand traced down my chest, stopping just below my navel, his eyes following the motion, a sinister smirk contorting his face. "You're such a good fucking wh—" His hand began its descent but my leg shot out, my foot connecting solidly with his liver. No matter how big or strong the person, a solid hit to the liver isn't something you can just power through. I guess sparring with Dallas really did help.

He grunted, my wrists becoming free as he collapsed, curses spewing from his mouth. My hands found the ropes once again but I knew no matter how much I pulled, it wouldn't help, so I closed my eyes.

What was missing? 𝘞𝘩𝘰 was missing? I backtracked to when I'd met Cedric and from there, who else had I met? I'd met Keo but he wasn't what was missing. What was blurred out?

A loud noise reached my ears, like the sound of a door slamming. "Sire? What are you doing here?" Cedric asked. There was no answer but I could feel a presence, other than the man on the ground in front of me. Sire? Who the hell would call anyone such a dumb thing?

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘙𝘺𝘬𝘦𝘳. 𝘎𝘭𝘢𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘴." That voice was so beautiful. It was the perfect combination of smooth and deep. "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰." I felt warm, my body relaxing no matter how much my mind screamed at me not to. "𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦? 𝘛𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘪𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩." Was I being selfish? Why didn't you sound accusatory? Isn't being selfish a bad thing? "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘚𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘺?" I wasn't but how'd you know? Why do you care? "𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦?" Do I have a choice? Even if I don't, I can't find it in me to be afraid. "𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥?" I don't want to remember. I felt a gentle touch around my throbbing wrists, the pain subsiding with the touch. "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴" Curiosity killed the cat. Aren't you afraid? Why risk anything for someone like me? "𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘙𝘺𝘬𝘦𝘳?" My eyes opened as the walls began to close in.

Where'd 𝘩𝘦 go? I was alone in the room and as the walls grew closer to me, I felt the rope drop into my lap and as I picked it up, I noticed that the red marks around my wrists were now nothing but faded lines.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Do you know where you are? Do you know what to do? I relaxed as I felt the walls press into my sides. That voice in my head was usually a nuisance, something that liked to remind me of anything and everything I'd rather forget. But not this time. Maybe it's because it wasn't the same voice. This time, it didn't even sound like a singular person.

I sucked in a full lungful of air, the first I'd gotten in what seemed like forever. It tasted clean—too clean. Like a hospital.

I opened my eyes and immediately regretted it, flinching away from the bright light with a groan. The sound of a chair dragging across the floor made me jump, sitting upright almost immediately. Dallas was sitting at the foot of the cot I was laying in, one hand resting on the mattress. His eyes were ringed with red and slightly puffy, that dark brown glazed over with tears.

He laughed, a laugh that was mostly shaky breaths of relief. In a split second, he'd practically lept onto the cot, his arms wrapping around my torso tightly, his face buried in my chest as he laughed, almost hysterically. I awkwardly patted his back while looking around the room.

Was this real? Was I really in what must have been a medical room? That pain that I'd felt before was gone now. Everything that happened, was that all a dream? Or was this a dream?

"I hate you so much," he said, his voice muffled. I looked down at him but he only held onto me tighter. I patted his head softly. "I really do, you're such a douchebag."

I chuckled, smiling sadly. "Yeah, I know." Was he really that happy to see me? How long had I been out? How long had he been here? "I'm sorry."

"You damn well better be," he said, sitting up, his cheeks red with new tears. "I thought you were dead."

I smiled softly before rolling my eyes. "You're so dramatic."

He scoffed, sitting up and finally letting me go but he stayed seated on the cot beside me. "I have every right to be when my best friend goes into a coma for three days!"

"Three days!?" My eyes widened in disbelief. I'd been out for three days yet it felt no more than an hour. I looked down at my hands. "What happened?" My voice was weaker, more of a whisper now.

Dallas sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"If you can remember," I added with a soft smile. He returned the smile but only for a second before he looked down at his outstretched legs.

"You remember agreeing to do the magic-injecting process?" he asked. I nodded and he sighed once again. "Well, the process was a dangerous one. It normally is but I'd never seen anything horrible happen, and since it's so unlikely, I didn't take it into account, but your body couldn't handle it. We thought we lost you for a while there. Any longer and we probably would have." He looked up at me, his eyes soft. "You're one lucky bastard."

I scoffed. "How long have you been here?"

He opened his mouth to speak but then let it fall shut as he looked away. "Well, I only left the building twice," he said, scratching the back of his neck.

I scrunched my eyebrows. "For three days!?"

He glared at me. "I was worried about you, man. I didn't want you to wake up alone and I didn't want any decisions made without me." He bit his lip, his eyes on the ground. I fell silent. He was worried about me? I smiled, looking down at my hands once again.

"Thank you," I said. He snapped his head up but I kept my eyes down. "Seriously. I really appreciate you and all you've done."

He laughed, punching my shoulder lightly. I winced at the touch. My whole body ached. He gave me an apologetic look, smiling innocently. "You don't have to thank me, that's what friends do."

"Yeah," I agreed. Friends. Dallas considered me a friend. That could just be him being the friendly person he was but then again, just being friendly didn't really entail waiting for three days for someone to wake up.

"Duke left not too long ago," Dallas said, running a hand through his hair. "We're in the doctor's house on the outer edges of the inner wall so he can't really stay for long but he does come by often. He feels guilty because he thinks he pressured you into going through the process before you were ready."

"I don't know why," I said. "It was my choice." I hated that Cedric felt guilty because of me. He had no reason to. He didn't force me into anything. I'd done everything on my own accord. "Do you have anything to drink?" I asked, licking my dry lips. Three days without a proper drink of water sure did a number on me.

Dallas nodded and as he got up, the jolting of the bed sent a dull wave of pain through my body. I sure was sensitive. He came back with a glass of water and as I lifted it to my lips, he grabbed the chair at the foot of the bed and dragged it so he could sit beside me.

"Oh, and the King's been by a few times."

My eyes widened and I sucked in a breath but instead inhaled water. I started coughing, handing Dallas the glass so I wouldn't spill it. He had a cheesy grin painted on his face. As I got ahold of myself, I glared at him.

"What—What's so funny?" I said between coughs. He shook his head, laughing.

Completely ignoring my question, he continued. "Yeah, the King came by a few times yesterday and the first day, he was here until pretty late into the night." He smiled, looking down at the glass in his hands. "The thing is, when I first came here, he was a lot more social. Not any nicer, but he was around a lot more. I don't know what happened but he started not only detaching himself from TKG, but the entire kingdom. It went from seeing him in the hallways to only hearing about him, in only a few weeks. And I've always admired him, strived to be like him, and respected him for more than just because he was the king. I—we all—thought we'd lost him but ever since you showed up, I've been seeing glimpses of the old Tairen." He made a face like it was unnatural to say his name. "You haven't been here for long but I feel like I've known you forever and you're not just helping me but you're helping him, which is good for all of us."

I smiled. I couldn't imagine Tairen as anything other than how he was now but I was curious at how Dallas remembered him. Who was he before I'd met him? And why had he changed?

"What I'm saying is, whatever it is that you two have, I support it completely and I think you should shoot your sho—"

I threw my pillow at him, cutting him off. He barely dodged it but ended up falling off his chair trying to catch it as it fell. "It's not like that. Jeez," I said, rolling my eyes. He threw the pillow back at me as he stood up, sitting back in his seat.

"I didn't say it was. I'm just saying that, hypothetically, if it was like that and your relationship was—hypothetically, of course—more than friends, it'd be good for all of—"

He broke off as a quiet, almost inaudible noise came from the open door. We both looked over to see Tairen standing there, leaning on the door frame. I felt my face instantly heat up and couldn't suppress a smile as Dallas straightened his posture, clearing his throat.

"No, don't stop on my account," he said, gesturing to us. "I didn't mean to interrupt." A chill ran up my spine as his cold eyes ghosted over my skin. How'd I not notice him? Was he really that undetectable?

"I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to offend you in any way," Dallas said, bowing deeply. I snickered and both of them looked at me, Dallas with a glare and Tairen with his eyebrows raised.

"Sorry, um, why are you bowing?" I asked with a laugh, my voice lowering automatically. Dallas stood up and shook his head, looking at me like I was stupid.

"Because that's what you're supposed to do," he said and then ruffled my hair. "Your density is immaculate."

I swatted his hand away. "You have no room to talk." He smiled and turned back to Tairen. He'd moved further into the room, close enough that I could see him in my peripheral vision but not close enough that he was part of the conversation. Dallas clasped his hands behind his back, causing me to snicker once again.

I understood it was respectful and probably expected when addressing the king but I couldn't imagine myself bowing to Tairen. I could imagine bowing to Cedric more than I could Tairen.

"Can we have a moment alone?" Tairen asked, his voice soft and gentle. Dallas' eyes widened and his shoulders relaxed a bit.

"Um, well—" he glanced back at me and I gave him a reassuring smile. I was honestly nervous about being alone with Tairen but I also didn't want Dallas to worry. He'd been here long enough and now that I was awake, he didn't have to be so concerned anymore. "I'll come by later if you haven't already returned to the castle," he said before bowing once again, sending me an odd smile as he left the room.

Tairen took Dallas' seat, folding his arms and crossing his ankles. His head tilted back just enough that his Adam's Apple was obvious as it rolled with his swallowing. We'd sat there in silence for a while before he finally let his head lull to the side and his eyes met my gaze. I felt my cheeks blaze as I realized I was staring. He smirked but it almost immediately fell, along with his eyes.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I had so much to do since I'd been gone and couldn't make any time, but as soon as I heard, I got to you as fast as I could," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking away, almost like he was annoyed. "I should have had them run some tests or something. It's my fault you were hurt, I should have taken the precautions."

"What!?" I asked, a little too harsh. But who did he think he was? He didn't get to blame himself when it was my decision. Why was he apologizing? He was the king, he had no reason nor obligation to tend to someone like me. Was this really the Tairen I remembered? He looked up at me, his eyes wide and his lips parted. "You can't be serious."

"I am," he said, without hesitation.

I shook my head, looking down at my linked hands. "Well it's not your fault, I decided it by myself. Not for you, or Cedric, or Dallas, but for me. That means that whatever happened was my fault, not 𝘢𝘯𝘺 of yours. From what I'd heard, there was no way to take precautions anyway so there was no reason you had to be there."

"But there was. Maybe if I'd been there I could have done something to help."

"But why?" I said, looking up. I felt angry and I didn't know why. When Dallas had worried about me, I felt honored, but now that Tairen was worried about me, I could feel the anger seeping through my veins like poison. He looked at me with unreadable eyes. God, I hated how I could never read them. I hated how everything about him was a mystery and how I felt vulnerable around him yet I didn't want anything to change. I hated that, yet I also couldn't. "You're the king, you have better things to do rather than take care of an 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, like me." I remembered what Hailey had said and what I'd heard. Tairen was supposed to be a cold, void being that believed he was better than everyone. He wasn't supposed to care but he seemed like he did. But it fucking annoyed me that his eyes didn't match his words.

He winced as if the words had hurt. His eyes fell once again. "So you, too, huh? You believe the rumors, too." His voice softened, somehow deepening, and his shoulders hunched, defeated.

"You said so yourself, kindness is weakness, and—and you're a king above all else! So why did it matter whether I died or not? I'm just an underling, remember? I'm 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦."

"Don't say that! No one's replaceable!" he said, his voice rising with mine.

"Everyone is! And King or not, so are you!" I said, jamming a finger at him. He reeled back, as if he'd been hit, his lip curling as if to bare fangs. He scoffed, standing up and stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.

"Kindness isn't a weakness, Ryker," he said, his voice calmer now but his eyes were trained on the door. "But it's what got my father killed, so thanks for reminding me not to try it again." He stormed out of the room, leaving me stunned.

I don't know what'd gotten into me. I was starting to wonder if I was still dreaming. Actually, I was hoping I was still dreaming because I really hoped I hadn't actually told Tairen that. But as the time passed by and the silence coaxed me to realize my mistake, my chest began to tighten.

"God, you're a fucking idiot," I hissed to myself. What had I been thinking? Why hadn't Tairen stopped me? I was here because of him and I gave him no respect. I repaid him by telling him he was replaceable.

I groaned, running my hands down my face. The door clicked open and I immediately snapped my eyes to it, my stomach lurching. As Cedric stepped in, a small smile on his face, my face fell and I cringed at myself. Why was I hoping that Tairen had come back? Not only was that unlikely because he didn't seem like the type to cave first but it was stupid because I'd been the one to drive him off in the first place.

It was your fault, to begin with, dumbass.

Cedric walked in, closing the door behind him. It was nothing against Cedric but I was about done with visitors for the day.

"How're you feeling?" he asked and I almost immediately let up, my hastily thrown-together walls crumbling at the first caring word. Why was it that Cedric could care, too? Why couldn't Tairen care? Was it just my mind stereotyping him? I was only forcing him to be the stereotype.

I was such a hypocrite. I sighed. "I'm fine."

He sat on the empty chair, leaning forward. His dark blue eyes were so much like Hailey's. They couldn't lie. Such a vibrant color was hard to hide the changes in them. I guess that's why Kenny always said I sucked at lying, too.

"Well, I'm glad you're up. The knights are, too," he said, smiling. Dallas had said he felt guilty but he hadn't said a word about it. I wasn't going to bring it up, either. "They all can't wait for you to get back."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, forcing a smile. Why them, too? I felt no negative feelings towards the knights caring but Tairen couldn't. What was wrong with me? Why was it only him I was pushing away?

"Yeah, the process was a success, at least, even though it probably sucked," he said, laughing.

"It did." My voice was muffled by a sound like rushing water. My eyelids felt heavy.

I didn't hate Tairen. I didn't. I hated that I couldn't, especially with how much he reminded me of 𝘩𝘪𝘮. I hated that I couldn't read him and therefore couldn't decipher whether he was telling the truth or not. I hated that I knew first hand how easy it was to fake a face and how he made me think of that. But I didn't hate him.

I liked the shivers that accompanied his breath. I liked that his empty eyes somehow pulled out my confidence. I liked how when he looked at me, I felt warm all over. But it could all be a lie and I didn't want him to get any closer. I didn't want to allow him any closer.

I'd made that fatal mistake once already.

"Why don't you get some rest? I'll come by later," Cedric said, standing up. I'm sure I gave him an answer but before I knew it, that noise had gotten louder and my eyelids were now tied shut. How was I so tired? I'd slept for three days. I didn't want to sleep anymore. So why was the dark's beckoning so convincing?