We'd arrived at the castle and it was taller than I expected it to be, so tall that I couldn't even think straight enough to guess. The walls around us were a lighter shade of stone than the ones I'd seen earlier. There must have been two walls. There was also a giant, open gate that was so large, the hinges were probably about twenty feet long. Past the walls, there were houses of all sizes and even the smallest of the houses were beautiful.
The castle doors were extremely large, too, bordered with dark purple and red flags, the silhouette of a crow set in the center of each piece of fabric. Once we walked into the castle, red guards on either side of us, there was a large staircase in front of us, reminding me once again of a movie.
Cedric directed us to the right as he spoke but I was too in awe to listen. The lights seemed to dust everything in shades of gold. A tall portrait stood out amongst all the other paintings. I recognized the boy in the picture, with his dark green eyes and blond hair. Even the expression he was making held the same arrogance as it had not long ago. A man stood behind the boy, his brown hair tied back in a pony-tail, his eyes a soft honey color. He had a smile on his face and just looking at his happy face made me smile too. That must have been Tairen's dad. The woman—that must have been his mother—held onto the man's elbow, her slim hands delicate but her stance proud and strong. Her black hair was tied up in an intricate knot, pearls and chains tucked into it. Her eyes were the same color as Tairen's were, except they were colder.
I guess I knew where Tairen got his personality from.
We continued forward, entering a maze of corridors with doors on either side of us, spread out enough that I'd assume the rooms behind them were large. Cedric stopped in front of a door, a golden plate engraved with the number fourteen embedded above it.
"Give me your hand," he said, turning to me. Hesitantly, I reached out and allowed him to take my hand. He held my thumb in front of the doorknob and a red line shot out and scanned it. It disappeared and seconds after, the lock clicked and Cedric pushed the door open. "Would you like to change into something more comfortable? You won't be doing much today so there's no need for formal attire."
"Um, sure," I said, looking down at my clothes. I was just wearing a black sweater and some jeans. I guess I couldn't really make do with one set of clothes anyway. "Uh, my size is—"
"No need," Cedric said, waving me off. "We already got clothes ready. Make yourself at home, I'll come to get you shortly."
"Oh, um, thank you," I said, pushing the door open wider.
"It's my pleasure," he said, bowing his head. "Please don't hesitate to come to me if you need anything."
"Yeah, okay," I said, nodding. He gave me a smile before walking back the way we came. I stepped back into the room, my forehead falling against the wood as my eyes closed. There was a knot in my throat, something I couldn't seem to shove down, and it spread to my chest, putting so much pressure that the breaths I was taking came out as desperate gasps.
Oh, wait.
My hand tightened around the doorknob before my legs gave out. I pressed my temple against the door, thinking maybe the cold would help but my breathing didn't get any better, and neither did the heat that centered at my feet. I looked up at the light above me. I bet that light broke through the darkness and gave way to a beautiful room worthy of royalty.
But I wasn't royalty and I wasn't worthy of anything royal. In truth, I didn't know what I was doing here. I wasn't thinking and Tairen was right, I was selfish.
I deserved this.
I closed my eyes, allowing my breath to become shallow without a fight. I'd never thought I would be able to do anything with life. I didn't have any talents and anything I ever thought was a talent, I was told it was abnormal. Maybe he was right, I just overthought everything and was too paranoid for social interaction. What was wrong with me?
My chest stung and I opened my eyes, a cough tearing up my throat and I could breathe again. The air tasted like blood.
I looked down at my hands as they shook, my eyes growing blurry as I curled in on myself, digging my fingers in my hair, the thin strands cutting into my skin as I pulled. But I didn't cry, not a single tear fell, but I felt like I was crying—like I was sobbing. I thought I was crying, so much so that when someone knocked on the door, I went to wipe my tears, and when my hand came back dry it only seemed to discourage me even more.
Was it pathetic if I cried? Or was it pathetic to hold it in? Or was I pathetic either way? Because wasn't this all just for attention anyway? That's what he always said.
The knocking got louder and I stood up, opening the door to Cedric. He gave me a smile before pulling a cart of clothes and what looked like bathroom products in front of the door. "Here you go," he said. "You can get changed and then we'll introduce you to the knights real quick. How about it?"
I nodded, stepping out of the way so Cedric could get through. As he walked in he ruffled my hair. I could tell his touch was friendly but I couldn't suppress my body from flinching away from it. His hand hung suspended in the air for a second, his face surprised before it relaxed into a calming smile.
"You're hair's messy, did you fall asleep?" he asked, walking further into the room. I grunted, closing the door and following behind him, only just now taking in the room. The hallway was short but expanded off of it were two rooms. The one to my right had hangers on both walls, two large metal buckets at the end with a washboard in one. "That's if you want to wash your own stuff. Most people just clear out the room and use it for other things since you can just send your clothes with one of the maids and they'll wash it for you," Cedric piped in and I nodded, moving on to peek inside the other room.
My mouth gaped open as I looked in at the biggest and most elegant bathroom I'd ever seen. Note that I'd lived in a mansion with four extra bathrooms since I was thirteen, each that was so clean you could eat off the toilet seat. But this bathroom wasn't just clean, it was beautiful. It had a gold and white bathtub without faucets so it must have been a manual bathtub, but it also had a shower with a showerhead that was probably more expensive than my apartment was. The mirror ran along the wall with white rugs spread in front of the sink, bathtub, and shower. The toilet was completely white and reflected the light from above so clearly that it gave as much light as it took. I snapped my mouth shut, deciding that I could revel in it later. I just had to get through the hardest part first.
Cedric was sitting on one of the two leather chairs that faced the king-sized bed, a short table set between them. Behind Cedric was a closed door which I assumed was the closet—another wonder I'd have to explore later. The bed was covered in black and gold sheets and comforters, the canopy hanging with gold, silver, and white fabrics. Just looking at the comforter, I knew I'd need to ask for at least two more. The room's floor was covered in soft carpet and a large bookshelf sat beside the bed. Something inside me tightened as I saw how empty it was.
"Well, pick whatever clothes you'd like and we'll be off," Cedric said, gesturing to the cart. I cleared my throat and walked towards the cart, searching through the clothes. I noticed that most of the clothes were darker colors and more on the baggy side, but they were also fashionable and soft. Whatever fabric they were made out of was nothing I'd ever felt before. Soft like cotton and thin like silk. "Only the members of The King's Guard get more mainstream styled clothes and living. A lot of them switch into our style once they're more comfortable, though," Cedric said as I picked up a long-sleeved, emerald green plaid button-up, and some dark pants. "We'll get you some boots so you don't have to use your old shoes."
I looked down at my white Adidas. I'd bought them only recently and they were already scuffed with mud and dust, even green streaks from the grass. It didn't really matter what happened to them but they were the only thing I'd worn every day, the only proof of my existence in my other life. If I didn't have them, I was afraid I'd forget.
"Um, okay but can I—maybe—just keep them?" I asked, looking up with my clothes tucked in my crossed arms. Cedric smiled—he was always smiling.
"Yeah, you do what you want with them," he said, waving his arm. I nodded and then walked towards the bathroom. "Oh and—" I stopped, glancing over my shoulder at him "—don't take too long, it's almost supper time, and the knights get anxious around that time."
After I was dressed, we walked through hallways upon hallways. Cedric had mentioned it being the short way to The King's Guard training room but to me, it was like a catacomb. At first, my hands were stuffed in my pockets, my eyes up ahead. Halfway there, my shoulders were hunched over and my head was down. My chest had begun to tighten with each step and by the time we stopped in front of a door, my heart was pounding in my ears, my breathing erratic. I could hear laughing and talking inside, it sounded like a big group.
"Fuck this," I hissed under my breath as Cedric placed his hand on the door knob. He stopped and my heart jumped. Did he hear me?
"If this is too overwhelming, just leave," he said, sending me a calming smile over his shoulder. "I'm not forcing you into any of this." His eyes were soft, the small wrinkles under his eyes evident from smiling so much. How could someone like him be so comforting?
I nodded as he pushed the door open. As soon as the door opened, I could feel the eyes weighing on us and mine immediately went to my feet, following Cedric in.
"Hello, boys," Cedric said, his tone taking on a more authoritative approach. I began scanning the people in front of me. A quick glance told me there were seven people in the room, excluding me and Cedric. Three boys were up front, looking like they were sparring. Two were facing the one. Must have been some type of outnumbered training. Another boy, tall and built like a brick wall, had been using a punching bag in the corner of the room that stuck out of the ground. He leaned on the bag and turned to see Cedric as he spoke.
Three boys were in the back of the room. One boy was thin, with platinum blond hair and extremely pale skin. He didn't look like he had much muscle on him but he moved so fluidly and quick with his sword that to me, it made up for it. I didn't really know much about swords but the ninjato sword was a pretty basic one, which was the one he carried. The boy across from him had a thick shortsword in each hand that he attacked with perfect precision and the way the swords glided past each other without ever hitting once was like a dance. He'd turn his sword just before they collided with the other boy's so that the flat side would hit instead of the sharp end. The last boy was shorter than both of them, which wasn't saying much considering the second boy was probably over six feet, but he radiated some sort of power. He was just standing there, watching the other two, his back facing us.
As soon as the door closed behind us, echoing around the room, the room went completely silent and the three boys in the back all went still. The pale boy snapped his head up and even from this distance, I could see his face light up as he saw Cedric. The second boy's eyes dropped to the ground as he placed his swords in a hanger embedded in the wall. The third boy glanced over his shoulder before gesturing to the first boy.
He handed him his ninjato and then began jogging towards us. The other boys had begun to gather around us too. Each person had minimum gear on. The boy at the punching bags had thin gloves on, the boy from the back of the room had thin sleeves of gear, and the three boys up front just had tape around their knuckles.
Each one of them lined up in front of Cedric, their postures straight and their chins raised. They were definitely soldiers.
"You're back," the platinum blond boy said, smiling. I could tell the boy admired Cedric, that all of them did.
"I am, and with a new friend," he said, stepping to the side so I could step forward. All eyes were on me now. I clenched my fists in my pockets, avoiding eye contact. Cedric placed a warm hand on my shoulder. "This is the most elite group of soldiers in the country. You can't get any better."
"You speak too highly of us," the boy who was at the punching bag said.
"Well, that–"
"Is because it's true," The boy with the two swords said as he walked through the crowd. They all cleared a way for him and from my position, I could tell he was taller than everyone in the group. "Welcome back, sir."
"Nice of you to join us," Cedric said, smiling. The boy shrugged and then stepped to the side. His eyes were on me and I felt my chest tighten underneath them, added to the weight of everyone else's.
The last boy walked through the crowd. He was shorter than a few of them—not by much—but they all cleared a path for him, just as they had the first boy. Except for this time, they were more at ease. I could tell just by looking that they weren't moving out of the way for anything other than respect for him.
This boy was toned, I could see that through his tight black t-shirt, his arms weren't half bad either. I could tell he had worked for muscles like those. I glanced down at myself, my mouth tilting into a frown.
The boy had dark brown hair that was flipped to the right but lazily so. His deep brown eyes were bright and fit well with the wide smile on his face.
"Hey, I'm Dallas," he said, stepping forward but he didn't stretch a hand out for a handshake. He just smiled wider and tilted his head to the side. "What's your name?"
"Um, it's—it's Ryker," I said, my eyes dropping.
"Huh, cool name," he said, stretching. "Surprised you're here. People don't really decide on the first day. I decided after a few years, actually." He scratched his chin, his eyebrows scrunching.
"Nobody cares, Dall," the other boy said, crossing his arms as he finally addressed me, instead of just staring. "I'm Blake. So you must have had a really shitty life if you left in such a hurry, huh?"
"Blake," the platinum blond boy snapped. My eyes widened as Blake rolled his eyes, running a hand through his dirty blond hair. Wasn't Blake the one Tairen had mentioned earlier?
"You can just ignore him. He's got a complex," Dallas said, his voice lowering at the last sentence. Blake's lip curled, his eyes narrowing but before he could say anything, the other boy cut in.
"I'm Adrian, by the way," he said, running a hand through his light hair. Now that he was up close, I could tell that not only was his skin and hair light, but his eyes were, too. They were the most silvery grey I'd ever seen. "I'm the keeper of this demon here." He jerked a thumb towards Blake.
Dallas chuckled and a small smile lifted my lips. I could get used to that contagious laugh.
My smile dropped as that thought came to mind, my shoulders hunching over even more as I attempted to curl in on myself. Could I get used to it? Did I even deserve to?
"Dallas, would you mind giving Ryker a tour of the castle? We just got here and I haven't had the chance," Cedric asked before turning to me. "That'd be okay, right?" I nodded quickly and Dallas turned to the rest of the group.
"Okay well let's get this done quickly then," he said. Blake rolled his eyes and split from the group.
"I'm out," he said, walking towards the door. Adrian gave me a soft smile before tailing after him.
Dallas sent me a look before pointing at the first boy. "That's Jax, Kace, and Dexter. Jax is an offensive knight like Blake and Adrian, although I specialize in both, Kace and Dexter are both defensive knights like me. This big guy is our resident gentle giant." He placed a hand on the fourth guy's arm, the one who'd been at the punching bag. "You can just call him Zeke. He's a healer."
"Healer?" I asked, tilting my head. From what Cedric had said, there were only two positions.
"Yeah, he's a rare specimen," Dallas said, answering the hidden question. He put his arms on his hips and took a deep breath. "Well, let's get started. Are you going somewhere, Duke?"
Cedric nodded. "From what I heard, the Sire hasn't been doing much all day, so I have to go clean up that mess," he said. Dallas laughed.
"Well good luck," he said, walking past him and gesturing to me. "C'mon, Rye."
I started, my mind questioning the nickname. Nobody had ever given me a nickname before. After I realized I had just been standing there, I followed him, locking gazes with Cedric for a short moment.
Dallas stopped right outside the room, looking from left to right. He looked like he was really focusing on something. I just watched as he mumbled underneath his breath, pointing down one hall for a second before shaking his head. After a few moments of this, he threw his arms in the air, turning to me. I couldn't help the flinch the movement incurred. He gave me an odd look before saying, "Um, so, do you remember which way you came from?"
"How long have you been here?" I asked, my voice drifting back as I navigated through the maze of hallways.
"I don't know, a few years maybe?" Dallas answered like a question.
I scrunched my eyebrows together. "So you've been here for years and you can't remember how to get to the lobby?" I asked, turning to him.
"It's confusing," he said, shrugging. A smile tugged at his lips. "It's too much algebra for me."
I rose an eyebrow. After a second, I said, "Do you mean geometry?"
"Yeah, yeah, the one with the shapes," he said, waving it off. I opened my mouth only to snap it closed again, dropping my gaze.
His airhead comment, in the beginning, had sparked a conversation between the two of us. And ever since it started, my chest hadn't tightened once. I felt that I could say anything and wouldn't be judged. Maybe it was his presence—his personality—but I didn't feel the urge to leave.
"Anyway, I apologize for Blake's insensitivity earlier. He doesn't have much of a filter," he said.
I nodded. I could definitely tell he didn't have much of a filter either, but I didn't think he had the same reason that Blake did.
"Ah, here we are," he said as we walked into the sleeping quarters, so Cedric had called them. "I know my way from here."
It was about twenty minutes in that Dallas admitted he was lost. I noticed the first wrong turn but decided to give him some time to realize it himself. Unfortunately, it wasn't until two turns later that I could tell he realized he was lost. Three more turns after that, he turned to me with a discouraged look on his face, his eyes down. That was a new look.
"I guess I didn't know my way from there," he said, his voice quiet. I smiled. It seemed to me like he was self-conscious, something I could recognize easily.
"It's fine, I know the way," I said, turning around. Dallas joined my side, tilting his head curiously. He recovered quickly.
"How do you know the way, didn't you just get here not too long ago?"
I nodded, meeting his eyes for a second before looking back ahead. I didn't want to meet his eyes but that was mostly out of habit. This time, it wasn't because my chest had tightened. "Yeah, but I remember each turn we took so I think I can figure it out," I answered, smiling.
His face lit up like a little kid's. "You remember!? How? We turned like twenty times."
"Good memory, I guess," I said, chuckling. I glanced down the other hallway as we turned. Just more rooms, it looked like.
"That's pretty cool," he said, a wide smile on his face. I didn't understand why he was so marveled at me remembering something. It'd only been six turns, not actually twenty. I nodded as we rounded another corner. Everything was familiar. I picked up a habit while in all the group homes I'd been in. My latest one, the one I was in for the longest, had only two ways in and out. I'd memorized every hallway I had to go through, every room I had to pass, and every door I had to open to get to those exits. At first, it was just my paranoia, but I don't know where I'd be right now if I hadn't remembered the way out of that maze of a house. "So when are you going to be given your ability?" Dallas asked.
I looked up at him as he yawned, sighing. I don't remember Cedric mentioning anything like that. He'd said I'd be given an ability and I'd choose a position but he hadn't said when and only remotely how. "I don't know, Cedric didn't mention it."
"Cedric?" Dallas asked, tilting his head with a confused look on his face before it dawned with realization. "Oh, Duke. I always forget that's his real name. Nobody ever calls him that."
"Am I not supposed to?" I asked, a light tingle running up my arms.
He laughed, scratching the back of his neck. "Well, I don't think it's, like, not allowed or anything. I've just called him that ever since we got here. If he doesn't mind, I don't think it matters," he said, shrugging.
"Oh," I said, my head dropping.
"Hey, don't worry," he said, punching my shoulder lightly. "It seemed to me like he was pretty interested in you. Which is saying something, he doesn't usually favor people. He's a father figure to pretty much all of TKG. So I'd say that's an accomplishment."
"Right," I said.
The atmosphere went silent as we continued. After a few minutes, Dallas began to whistle an upbeat tune, his head tilted back just slightly, his hands in his pockets. He looked completely comfortable and I envied that.
Why did he get to be so at ease? Why couldn't I start a conversation or keep the atmosphere from being awkward? Was it just me? Could it be that I was just broken?
"Hey, have you seen the maids yet?" Dallas asked but before I could answer, he continued. "Of course you haven't. Well, a lot of them are nobles who volunteered to become maids so they're like—kinda, super fine. They have their own sleeping quarters and have tea parties and sleepovers all the time. The Queen oftentimes joins them, too. So how about after supper, you and I, and maybe a few of the guys—" he nudged me with his elbow "—go and sneak over there, have a little looksie. I mean, who knows what they talk about or what they do. Don't you ever wonder?"
"Um, no, I don't really care for that," I said, scratching my arm before crossing them. "I mean, they're just girls."
Dallas's eyes widened. "Just girls!?" he said, his voice going up a few octaves. "Rye, when you see them, I promise you won't think they're 'just girls.' They're goddesses, I tell you."
"Well—"
"Sir Dallas, Sir Ryker, I have a message!" We both turned to the voice. Jogging down the hallway, dressed in a midnight purple suit, fitted with a tailcoat and everything, was a young boy. His hair was strawberry blond, spiking up at all angles as if he'd just woken up. He looked at least a few years younger than I was, his cheeks still rounded and soft like a child's.
"Oh, hey Finn!" Dallas said, stepping forward as I scrunched my eyebrows. How did he know my name? I shook my head. Was that just a regular thing, now? "I thought I told you to stop with that whole 'sir' thing."
"You did," the boy, Finn, said, bowing his head in a way that reminded me of Cedric. "I'm sorry si–er, Dallas."
"There, now what's the message?" he asked and I looked down, only just now realizing that he held a black box against his hip. Finn looked up to me, stepping forward and holding out that box.
"King Tairen would like to formally invite you to dine with him this evening," he said, bowing deeply while holding out the box. My mouth gaped, my eyes widening. Tairen wanted to dine with me? That was weird, I thought I'd pissed him off. Maybe he's inviting me because I pissed him off. Was he going to send me back? What if— "May I stand, sir?"
"Oh," I said, realizing Finn had been bowing the entire time. I hastily took the box from his hands and he straightened. "I'm sorry, you didn't have to bow, and please don't call me sir. I'd be honored to have dinner with the King."
He gave me a soft smile. "I'll let him know," he said, bowing once more.
Dallas jabbed his fingers in his side and he jerked upright. "He said not to bow, bud. We're not your superiors or anything," he said, ruffling his hair with a smile. Finn's pale cheeks flushed and he nodded, apologizing before hurrying off. Dallas laughed before turning to me, his eyes holding a mischievous glint before he was right in front of me so quick I wasn't completely sure he didn't teleport. "What'd you do? You even got the King interested in you."
"I—um, I don't know," I said, taking a step back. "I honestly didn't think he liked me."
"That's because he doesn't like anybody. You must have done something to change his mind," Dallas said, scratching his chin. "He doesn't even eat with the Queen." He threw his arms in the air. "And you have no clue what you did?" I shook my head and Dallas sighed. After a moment, he shrugged. "Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to invade your room after supper so you can tell me the details."
He started walking down the hallway but then stopped, turning back around. "Yeah, wrong way," I said as he passed by me.
"Oh, what's in the box?" He asked, turning to me. I shrugged, holding it up and slowly opening it, peeking through a tiny crack before proceeding. "Jeez, it's not a bomb," he joked.
I opened it wider, my eyebrows knitting together. Inside was a thin piece of paper, placed on top of a pair of tall black boots that probably reached up to my knees. Beneath them were a pair of soft black pants, pockets sewed up the entire leg. The fabric was breathable and soft but also felt tough. A white tank-top and deep red short-sleeved button-up were paired beneath that. I picked up the piece of paper, rubbing it between my fingers. It was so thin.
"What's it say?" Dallas asked, leaning forward.
I cleared my throat. "Says: 'Your answer piqued my interest. I'm curious so how about I ask you a few more questions over dinner? Cedric mentioned you needed boots so I went ahead and had some made. Hope you don't mind but I also went ahead and picked out a casual outfit that I thought you'd like. You don't have to wear any of them but I hope they find you well. Tairen.'"
"Ooh, on first name bases with the King, huh?" Dallas asked, digging through the box to take a look at the clothes. He lifted up a boot, feeling the toe and bending the sides. "Damn, some pretty nice boots. Good for combat, too." He placed them back in the box, taking the paper out of my hand and turning it over before placing it back in the box. "Oh, what was that he said about your answer? Answer to what?"
He closed the box and gestured for me to continue walking. I tucked the box under my arm and followed him. "I'm not sure, he asked me quite a lot of questions," I said, looking down. My throat tightened. I'd lied through my teeth, to one of the only people that I felt comfortable around. I guess that was the reason, though. I didn't want him to think of me any different. I wanted to continue feeling comfortable around him.
Dallas shrugged. "Well, anyway, we've reached the lobby so we can continue this conversation after your royal supper. Right now, I'm a tour guide," he said, placing his hands on his hips, his face dropping as he looked between the several doors and staircases in front of us. I had a feeling this would take a while.