We'd only gotten through half of the first floor when the kid from earlier, Finn, found us and notified us that it was almost time for supper. Dallas offered to walk me back to my room and even though I usually longed to be alone, I accepted and the quiet voice in my head that always told me I was a burden didn't make an appearance. It was such a nuisance anyway.
And as we walked back, I laughed, something I hadn't heard in a long time. Nobody ever made me laugh because there was never anybody around. And Dallas laughed, too. He laughed at his own density when we'd reached a dead end and then laughed when I made a joke about it. A joke? I missed those.
I felt relaxed until the box in my hand somehow began to weigh heavier. It felt like it was pulling me towards the ground. Down, down, down. A pressure I couldn't seem to shake.
But I ignored it to the best of my abilities and instead focused on Dallas and his laughing—he had such a nice laugh.
"I'll come to your room after dinner and you can tell me what happened, then we can finish our tour, okay?" he asked, stretching his arms in the air.
"Yeah, sure," I said, nodding. I tried to sound more excited, even just a little brighter, but my voice still seemed so dull. If I kept on like this, I'd bore him to death.
It went silent, the first time it had been silent in a while. My fingers dug into the box. Dallas had made it seem like an amazing feat that I'd been invited to dine with the King—as if it were some sort of accomplishment. But I didn't feel accomplished. The only thing I felt was my nerves standing on end. It was an honor but I was afraid it was for some sort of interrogation or judgment.
I'd just gotten here and I was afraid I fucked something up without even realizing it. That seemed to be something I was good at—fucking shit up.
"Hey, so, if you don't mind me asking, why did you decide to come here so quickly?" Dallas asked, his eyes boring into mine. I started. He'd changed the tone quick. His eyes softened, a wave of realization crossing his face. "Damn, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that." He rose his hands submissively. "You don't have to answer that, I was out of line."
"No, no, it's fine," I said, sighing. "It's only natural to be curious."
Dallas laughed, letting his hands fall and his shoulders relax. "Still." He chuckled.
"Well, I guess I was just tired of it all, pretty much," I said. I'd learned from my conversation with Tairen—Tairen? The King? Was I even supposed to call him by his name? Cedric had called him Sire. I sighed. I didn't want Dallas to think of me any differently so I opted for a vague answer. Even if he was dense with what I'd seen, he seemed empathetic enough to catch that I didn't feel like explaining.
I could have just said I didn't want to talk about it but I didn't want to just flat out deny him.
"Oh. Okay," he said, dropping it completely. "Well, looks like we're here!" We rounded the corner into the sleeping quarters and stopped at my bedroom door. "Before you question it, Duke told me which room you'd be in before you even came here. I swear I'm not like stalking you or anything."
"Of course not. I'm just surprised you remembered it." I hadn't meant to say that. That wasn't supposed to come out. Dallas playfully shoved me and I laughed awkwardly.
"I can remember two numbers," he said, rolling his eyes. His smile allowing me to relax my shoulders.
"Then you should be able to remember two turns," I said, placing my thumb on the door just as Cedric had.
Dallas scoffed, placing a hand on his chest in disbelief. "Someone's getting cocky," he said as I pushed the door open and turned to him, my eyes dropping with the look in his eyes. He was happy, I knew that. So why did I feel like I was being scrutinized? Why now? I hugged the box to my chest.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I'll see you after dinner, then?" The hope in my voice made me cringe.
Just wait until he has no more use for you.
"Yup, see you then!" he said, giving me a gentle flick. He was such a physical person but I found it comforting—his whole presence was. What could he need me from anyway? Why would he be this kind if he didn't need anything from me? After all, there wasn't really anything I could give him.
I brushed a strand of hair out of my face. I'd have to trim it soon. Maybe there was a barber in the castle. Or somewhere in the city. Guess I'd have to ask Cedric about it later.
I stepped into my room, listening to the locks click again. That was an awfully loud noise it made. I dumped the box on the bed and flopped face-down on it. It was soft—softer than any bed I'd had. My back's gonna hurt like hell after I slept on this fucking...marshmallow.
When I woke up, it seemed darker in the room. Was I back home? It was so empty, just like it. Had I been sent back?
I blinked, sitting up. My hand slipped off the side of the bed and I was just groggy enough that I went down with it. "Ah, fuck," I hissed, holding my elbow tightly. I chuckled lightly. That's gotta be the worst place to get hit.
I sat up, rubbing my eyes with a groan. That's probably in my top five worst ways I've woken up.
A knock caught my attention. I hesitated, not realizing where I was. I was so confused. I yawned, standing up. Why was someone at my door? I wondered as I reached the door.
Maybe it was Dallas.
Dallas?
"Are you still going to join the Sire for super?" My eyes widened as took in Cedric's words. It seemed like forever since I'd last seen him. Not only that but I'd forgotten about having dinner with Tairen. I assumed Cedric had come to get me to bring me there so I wasn't too late.
"Oh, yeah, I completely forgot," I said, spinning around and hurrying to the bed, picking up the box. I didn't understand why Tairen wanted me to wear this stuff anyway. In all the movies I'd seen and books I'd read, a royal dinner was always tied together with royal attire, and the clothes he'd given me didn't seem royal. "Excuse me, I'll only be a minute," I said, slipping into the closet as Cedric closed the door.
I pulled out the boots, setting them aside before taking out the pants. As I changed into them, I swear I felt them tighten around me and the legs becoming shorter. All in all, they seemed to grow smaller. I threw the tank-top over my head, tucking it into my pants. This was a perfect fit. When I buttoned up the red shirt and rolled my shoulders, looking in the mirror, I started.
Was that me?
With those blue eyes and pale skin? Was that really how I looked? Why didn't I recognize this person? Who was this person?
I breathed in, allowing my shoulders to relax. As I bent down and slipped on the boots, I felt my mouth involuntarily tilt up into a smile. But why?
When I pushed the door open, a cool brush of air swiped across my arms, bringing my attention to my exposed forearms. "Here," Cedric said, gently grabbing my arm and unbuttoning the sleeve, re-buttoning it at my wrist before moving on to my other arm. "The kid annoys me but he's got some style."
I chuckled, stretching my arms out to adjust the sleeves. Felt like silk.
"This wasn't really my idea of royal clothing," I said. Cedric laughed, gesturing for me to follow him out of the room.
"Well, his father wore much more dramatic royal attire, mostly for his mother, though," Cedric said. The lights in the hallway highlighted his glossy eyes. He shook his head, smiling wider. "But the Sire is nowhere near how his father was. He doesn't even wear the crown when addressing the people. I sometimes wonder if he even cares."
I allowed the conversation to drop. Mostly because I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't say he did care because I don't really know him and I couldn't agree because, once again, I didn't know. Anything I said would just be assumptions that I had no grounds to jump to.
"I'm sure you're wondering why the Sire invited you," Cedric said, turning to me with a smile.
"I am, do you know why?" I asked.
"Nope," He said, stopping. "But I'm sure it's nothing too bad," he said cheerfully before nudging me towards a giant set of doors. "Good luck!"
"What?" I asked but Cedric had already knocked on the door and was now walking down the hallway we'd come from. "Wait—"
With a loud creak, the doors slowly swung open and I felt my anxiety spike, a pulse of pain shooting up my back as I took a deep breath. Two men were pushing the doors open. They were dressed in the same deep red armor that the carriage driver was wearing, excluding the helmets. From how they were pushing, the doors must have been heavy; shoulders hunched, heads tilted down. Seemed to me that the size of the doors was a bit unnecessary.
I walked into the room but just as I was out of the way of the doors, I stopped. A giant table stretched before me that was such a deep red it looked fake. Two chandeliers hung above, casting light such a bright yellow it could have substituted for the sun itself. The table probably seated at least seven people on each side, with room in between. Out of the two seats at the head of the table, one was occupied.
Tairen had been leaning on an elbow propped on the table, spinning a fork in between his fingers. His attire was definitely not 'dramatic royal attire'—so Cedric had said. He wore a tight, deep purple long sleeve shirt, with thin finger-less gloves that looked like they went underneath his sleeves. The gloves almost looked silky. His hair was unruly, reaching towards the ceiling like he'd run his hands through it. It'd make sense since the silk would probably make his hair static.
As the door slammed shut, his head snapped up, the fork dropping onto the plate laid out in front of him. The sound was the only noise in the room. When we met eyes, I didn't feel uncomfortable or judged like I thought I would—or as I had—but instead I was captivated, trapped, even.
Electricity crawled up my spine and only then did I realize we were alone; the guards had left. As the heat spread up my back, I relaxed, breaking eye contact and walking forward.
What the fuck was that?
This is just like...no. This is different. A completely different situation.
Tairen cleared his throat, turning away with a hand over his face, his ears flushing. I wondered if I'd made him angry. I don't see how I could've.
"You can sit there," he said, gesturing to the seat two seats away from him. His voice seemed strained, his posture uncomfortable. Why'd he even invite me if he was just going to act like I had some fucking disease?
I nodded, pulling the seat out and running my index finger along the edge of the plate. I'm pretty sure that plate was worth more than I was.
"The cook will be here soon," he said, clearing his throat and dropping his hand. His posture was more relaxed now, his face relaxed as he looked up at me. His eyes were so...knowing, just like Keo's had been. "So how was meeting the knights?" he asked, leaning back against the chair.
"It was good, they're all pretty nice," I said, folding my arms on the table. Tairen scoffed.
"I'm guessing Cedric had Dallas be your escort?" he said, the last word somehow violent. I scrunched my eyebrows together, leaning forward on the table.
Just like our earlier conversation, I don't know where the sudden confidence came from. One second I was filled with anxiety at his words and the next I was built out of steel and a hundred feet tall.
"Yeah, he was nice," I said, leaning back and meeting his eyes. "So why am I here?" It was just one sentence but it held enough power to change Tairen's expression completely. His dark smirk faded and what replaced it was a soft smile, almost warm. His eyes softened as he laughed.
His mouth opened and closed before he laughed again.
"What's so fucking funny?" I asked and almost immediately after, the confidence I had before dissipated, and I was no longer built of steel but instead, tin. I bit the inside of my cheek, looking down as the door opened.
"Sire, your food is prepared."
Recognizing the voice, I glanced up, locking gazes with a certain strawberry blond boy. I gave him an awkward smile as he walked in, pulling a cart similar to the one Cedric had used to bring me my clothes. He returned a blinding smile as he walked toward us, beginning to place plates of food on the table, so delicate I was afraid to eat it. When the last things in the cart were deserts, Finn turned to Tairen only to be dismissed with a curt hand wave. His eyes dropped as he bowed and exited the room as fast as he could. I shook my head.
Cedric was right, it didn't seem like he cared.
As the door closed, Tairen let out a long breath, throwing his head back. "I knew it," he said, closing his eyes. "I just—I knew it."
"You knew what?" I asked, my voice a lot quieter. At that, he looked down at me.
"You weren't always like this, were you? So shy?" he said. When I didn't answer, he laughed lightly. What did he know? "That—that—" he gestured lazily, his face concentrated completely, struggling to come up with a word that wasn't there. His face was so...beautiful at that moment, eyebrows scrunched, eyes narrowed. He wasn't arrogant or cocky, he was just vulnerable, an open book for a split second. "That spark," he said, his face relaxing. "That spark that I saw when you answered my question—it's something I haven't seen in a long time." He leaned forward, lacing his fingers underneath his chin. "And it's what made me want to invite you here in the first place. So, why don't you tell me how you were before? Why don't you show me? I want to see it all if you'd let me?"
"I—" my voice turned into a whisper and I snapped my mouth shut, looking down. My mouth was beginning to taste like copper from how hard I was biting the inside of my cheek. Not only that, but my mind kept telling me the blood would stain my teeth even though I knew it wouldn't.
"We can eat," Tairen said, beginning to serve himself. "I won't push you but I do want to show you a place after we eat and I do hope that when I do, you'll at least tell me one story."
I nodded, reaching with shaky hands to grab a black bowl of mashed potatoes. "It's not very exciting," I said, my voice almost silent.
"That's okay," Tairen said, shrugging. "I don't mind."