when andrew used to try to kill himself alot, I'd spend hours on the phone waiting for him to pick up the phone... i was always terrified... always wanting to follow in his foot steps. i miss him... everyday... i wake up and see things ive wrote on the wall... things i wanted to tell him to listen to... things i just needed to say... but now i cant bc of some real strange reasons... hes not gone... i dont think hes gone... but i was his glue, his reason to live and ... he was mine... we kept each other going. i kept him healthy... he never wanted to eat or drink... so i gave him a reason... i told him that when i get a car i will drive out to Canada and i will come see you, i will even live wirh you if you need me to. i really care about him, alot. and everyday i wake up and im reminded... that i cant be with him... and that everyone that im with leaves me or i leave them... i told him that, id stay with him even if it killed me... and it was... i stopped taking care of myself... i wasnt eating, drinking, sleeping.... bc i was scared... that he would need me and i would be there...so yeah of course im sad... im upset that my glue is gone... we used to fight and i mean big ol fights wwre you would think we hated each other... but every time it was only and hour before one of us was callin up the other either crying or just saying sorry nonstop... i used to threaten hum and I'd say "if u dont stop sayin sorry i will kiss you for every time you say it"... of course it didnt work... but it made us feel better about everything. i try not to think about that stuff now... but the words on my walls cant come off and songs we shared wont just go away.... the memories are still there... i miss him... even though hes not gone...