I understand that I'm not part of the main group. I understand that people don't always feel the same. I understand that I'm not as pretty as grace, but it all still hurts.
Just because I know these things, doesn't mean that they don't effect me. I know that the earth is round, I know that 2 + 2 is 4, and I know that I'm not close with them.
These are things that I am fully aware of, but effect me nonetheless. I can say I understand what you mean, and the thing you said can still hurt me.
I know that I'm not as close as they are, but it still hurts. I'm sad that I wasn't there in the beginning, and that I haven't forged any important bonds.
I'm sad that I haven't gone through as much as they have. I'm upset that I don't have as many problems. I, well... I want to be fucked up.
I want to be hurt, a lot. I want to have gone through something that makes me have everlasting problems. I want, to be hurt. Why do I want to be hurt?
I want to be abused. I want to get a terminal illness. I want a loved one to die. I want to have been hurt, really bad. Why do I want that?
Not because I like pain, I hate pain. I hate pain, and hurting. But, I want to be in pain, and I want to hurt, so so bad. Because, well, the same reason that I do anything.
Attention. I want to suffer and cry for attention. I want to bleed and shake, for attention. I want to fit in. I want to be hurt, because they have been hurt. I want them to pay me attention, and to worry about me.
I'm such a self centered bitch. Everything is about me isn't it? I'll go hide out it room so that they are worried about me. I'll fake to twitch so that they are reminded that I am hurting. I will cry, so that I will be hugged.
I just want to cry with someone. I want to trust someone enough to let everything g out. I want to sob! I want to yell and cry and scream! I want to have someone that I trust enough to show my ugly side to.
I never will. I'm too scared. I will cry alone, quietly. If I ever cry in front of someone, I will cover my face. I will be quiet. I need to be quiet.
I talk too much. I laugh too loud. I am obnoxious and annoying. I message them too much. I just want a hug, a hand to hold? I just want some love.
I would rip my skin apart for his attention. I'm pretty sure he knows that I'm faking all of this. It's so dumb and embarrassing, and I need to stop faking all of these problems I don't have.
I'm not special. I'm not hurt. I'm not scarred. I'm just me. I'm just a body. A body that tries to stay out of the way. I don't want to annoy you, but I don't want to leave.
I promise I'll be quiet if you let me stay. I'll do anything you ask! Just please let me be here, with you. You're so important to me, so don't make me leave. And please, don't leave me behind.