I really do think that I'm too clingy. I am aren't I? How often do I message him? Every morning, every night, every day, every week. It must be obnoxious.
I tell him that it would be ok for him to tell me if I annoy him. But how could he? How could someone so kind, hurt my feelings like that? He won't, because he knows it would hurt me, even if I say it wouldn't.
Why, why why why! Why do I have to be so overly annoying? Why can't I just piss off? Dan is right. Do I ever stop talking? No, I guess not.
Why can't I just put my phone down, and not message him? Why can't I avoid shooting them goodnights, sleep wells, good mornings, how did you sleep. What are you up to? I miss you. Want to talk? Want to hang out? I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
I really do miss him. A lot. All of the time. There's never a moment that I would rather be elsewhere. And, that makes me clingy. I always want to be near him.
I want a hug. I want to hold a hand, I really really want a hug. I want one so bad, I feel like I could die. But not just any hug, no. His hug. I need a hug from Thomas.
His hugs, show so much emotion. His hugs, they hit different dude. It's like magic. He can fix my broken heart with a hug, but the moment he pulls away, it falls apart again.
I'm like a Jenga tower. One that you just pulled the wrong piece out of. One that's topping over, but you are just holding up. If you let go, it's all over. The game is lost.
But he keeps holding me! He won't let me fall, he won't let this game go, because he's a sore loser. But it's ok, cause I am too. He, won't let me go because he loves me, even if it's not the way that I want him to.
He loves me, not especially like a friend, not especially like a lover, just, like someone special. I think.
Well, I guess there is no way for me to know, because it's his mind. Maybe he hates me, but doesn't have the heart to hurt mine. Maybe I'm the most obnoxiously annoying girl he's ever met.
Maybe I just piss him off, and he's doing all he can to avoid me, and to avoid hurting my heart. It's interesting, how the scenerio could really be anything.
The mind is something that only oneself can explore. Sure, you could spill it all out on the table, but there is no way to know if you are lying or not. Just please, don't lie to me.
I know that that is a huge favor to ask. I know that lying to me could be keeping you here, but if you are only here out of pity, then maybe you should leave.
Pity, is something that most people experience. Pity, fuels actions that are usually regretted. Believe me, I've seen it happen. Pity, has lead me to make the worst decisions that I have ever made.
Pity, lead me to some of the worst people I have ever dealt with. Pity, handed me a shovel, to dig a grave for a corpse. Pity had me dig that grave, but only shoved me into it when I was done.
Because I am a leech. And not only do I leech off of you, but I leech off of emotions. If you are sad, I am sad. If you are angry and upset, I am your twin. And we all know that if two people are angry and upset, things never go down well.
Pity, is what brought me here. And if she brought you here too, then I'd suggest that you leave. You will only end up hurting me more. Please, please. Just, leave.
I know you will! I know you will leave! They all do. They all leave, to live a better life. To be happy. Cause how could you be happy if I where here. if you are happy, then I am happy, and you can only be happy if I am not in the picture. So leave, and be happy, and then maybe, I'll be happy too.
Maybe, you need to leave, but maybe I need you with me. I need you here! I need your hugs, kisses. I need your goodnights, your see you laters. You will see me later right?
This isn't a goodbye right?
This is a see you later.
Unless this is a goodbye.
you think I'm obnoxious?
I really am, aren't I.