ALEX'S POV
After everything that happened last night I've been hiding out in the bedroom. I was trying to write some music but someone interrupted me. By someone, I mean Mom.
"Come in!" I say after she knocks on the door.
"Good morning, baby girl. Breakfast is ready downstairs. I also want to talk with you about something downstairs. Okay?" She said sitting on the bed next to me.
"Okay." I put away my notebook with all my songs in it and headed downstairs with her. She sits next to me at the kitchen table and I tense up looking at all the food on my plate.
"You have to eat, Alex." Mom says sternly and then grabs my hand.
"I can't eat all of that.." I spoke quietly.
"Try to eat half, okay?" She held my hand tighter and I nodded. It took me a bit to eat a little less than half but I couldn't finish.
"Mom.. I can't.."
"It's okay. You did good enough." She hugged me. When she went to put my dishes in the sink, I tried running to the bathroom. Note that I said try.
"Woah, bug! Why are you running?" Dallas grabbed a hold of me.
"Let go! I need to be skinny!" I screamed as her grip tightened on me.
"Alex, calm down." She kneeled in front of me while still holding onto me. "You're perfect just the way you are. Whoever says otherwise is wrong. I'll beat them up if I have to. They'll have to face the wrath of Aunty Dally." She hugged me and I giggled a bit at her weirdness.
"Thanks, Dallas." I sniffed.
"Alex?!" Mom came running to us. "Thank you, Lord." I heard her mumble as she saw I was with Dallas. "Thank you, Dallas. Now, Alex. We have to talk." She grabbed my hand and sat me down on the couch and she sat right next to me.
"I want to know.. what you were thinking when you tried opening those pills last night." Mom said looking straight at me. "Tell the truth."
"Are you trying to be my therapist or something?" I laughed a bit.
"Is Demi playing therapist again?" Maddie asked as she came downstairs to get breakfast. "Mom! Demetria is playing therapist again!" She shouted and laughed.
"Remember what happened last time?" Grandma asked, coming downstairs.
"I'm not that bad! Look how happy Rob and Dallas are!" Mom said, trying to prove a point.
"She's got a point. Rob and I are sexually active now!" Dallas shouted from across the kitchen.
"Sexually active?!" Grandma shouted. Dallas started running. "Dallas Leigh Lovato, we're going to talk about this sooner or later!"
"Can Alex and I have a moment?" Mom asked. Maddie and Grandma nodded and went outside. "Anyways, what were you thinking?"
"Mom.. I honestly wasn't thinking.. I just knew that I wanted my pain to end.." I look away as tears were threatening to fall. She grabbed my face and made me look at her.
"Is that all you're feeling? Is there more emotions you're bottling up, baby girl? Please, be honest. I can't lose you." She talked quietly. I looked into her chocolate, brown eyes, which looked glassy.
"There's more.." I whispered.
"Tell me.. please.." She pulled me close and I nodded.
"I.. I feel like I want to die.. but I don't. I.. I just really want my mental pain and anguish to be over.. but I don't actually want to die.. I just feel like that's the only way I'll be truly happy.. I just feel like cutting takes my mind off of my mental pain.. and wanting to die.." I choked out and tears started spilling. I gripped the ends of my sleeves uncomfortably, scared for her reaction.
"I understand, baby. If you ever feel bad in any way, make sure to come to me, or anyone else. I won't be mad if it's someone else, as long as you're not hurting yourself." She wiped away my tears with the pad of her thumb.
"I don't deserve this.. I don't deserve the help.." I whispered.
"Yes, you do. You deserve to be happy. You don't deserve anything bad that has been happening. Baby, just know that everything that has been happening, happens for a reason. We may not know why, but God gives us strength to get through it. He doesn't give us anything we can't handle." She said as she was also crying a bit.
"Mom.. don't cry.. I'm sorry.." I quickly hugged her as I wrapped my arms around her neck. She hugged me back and I felt calm in the embrace of her vanilla scent.
"Alex.. can I.. look at your wrists?" She asked as she let go of me.
"Why? There's nothing there." I lied as I backed up a bit.
"I want to make sure you haven't cut since I last saw your wrists."
"No!" I quickly got up and started running. I tried running up the stairs but was stopped by someone.
"Sirah! Grab her!" I heard Mom shout. Sirah grabbed a hold of me and I fell to the floor.
"L-Let go! P-Please! I'm sorry! D-Don't hurt me!" I screamed and cried. My chest tightened and it hurt to breathe.
"Alex! Look at me, baby!" Mom exclaimed as she did a knee slide to me. "Hey, hey. Look at me. Sirah, can you get her inhaler out of my purse?" Mom made me look into her eyes.
"M-Mommy! I.. I can't- b-breathe! I.. It h-hurts!" I choked out and coughed.
"Breathe, baby girl." She spoke comfortingly as she pulled me into her embrace. Sirah gave her my inhaler. We tried that but it didn't work. I never noticed that we moved to our bedroom. "Alex. Come on, follow my breathing."
"I c-can't! I.. It's too h-hot!" I screamed as I tried ripping off my hoodie. I felt someone help take off my hoodie and I heard Mom gasp at my fresh cuts but she never said anything.
"Shh, it's okay. It's only Mommy and Aunt Dallas, baby girl." Mom cooed as she held me in her arms.
"Demi, did you try skin to skin contact again?" I heard Dallas ask. With that, Mom ripped off her shirt and picked me up in her arms.
"Baby, calm down. I don't want you getting sick. I promise no one is going to hurt you." She spoke softly as she walked around the room with me like a baby and she held my head to her chest. My breathing almost started evening out again. "Good job, baby girl. Follow my breathing. In.. 1, 2, 3. Out.. 1, 2, 3." I managed to calm down and Mom put her shirt back on. She sat on the bed while still holding me in her arms. "Dallas, can you get her some water?" Dallas walked out of the room.
"I.. I'm sorry, Mommy.." I whispered as I hid my face.
"Don't be sorry. When did you get those?" She asked as she lifted my wrists up, referring to my cuts.
"L-Last night.. the voices wouldn't s-shut up.. and I was s-scared to wake any of you guys up.."
"You can come to me at any hour, baby girl. I won't be mad. I promise. Now.. promise you'll come to me, okay?" She asked.
"I promise.." I whispered. "S-Sing to me?"
"I'll be happy to." Mom smiled at me.
Before I fall too fast
Kiss me quick but make it last
So I can see how badly this will hurt me when you say goodbye
Keep it sweet
Keep it slow
Let the future pass but don't let go
But tonight I could fall too soon into this beautiful moonlight
But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
So please don't catch me
See this heart won't settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I'm terrified of what you do
My stomach screams just when I look at you
Run far away so I can breathe
Even though you're far from suffocating me
But I can't get my hopes too high
'Cause every hello ends with a goodbye
But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
So please don't catch me
Now you see why I'm scared
I can't open up my heart without care
So here I go
It's what I feel
For the first time in my life I know it's real
But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
So please don't catch me
If this is love please don't break me
I'm giving up so just catch me