APRIL'S POV
I toss and turn in bed trying to a comfortable position. Sleep is not my friend nowadays. It's 3:30a.m in the morning of New Year's eve. I blink a couple of times trying to get rid of the awful thoughts running through my mind. All of them about my adopted parents. We have always had a special New Year's. There's always been a grand party at our house. I keep thinking about all the privilege have grown up with. Thanks to them. But I don't feel grateful, I just feel alone right now. Very alone. I turn once more and settle on my side.
Nathan is deep asleep, he has been so amazing. He gave me my space when I bailed on him, he even found a clue about my birth parents. He is all I have right now. I have this urge to wake him up and ask him about what will we do about my birth parents but I can't do that. Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean he shouldn't.
Suddenly, I feel two large arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me closer to the other side of the bed.
"Can't sleep?" Nathan asks in a hoarse voice. His eyes are briefly open but he's too sleepy.
"Uhh, no. I'll be fine, go to sleep." I try to get out his grip but he tightens it.
"Well, you should not have told me to quit holding back. Now I am not letting you go anywhere without me." He smiles.
"Not even to pee?" I ask and he chuckles. He loosens his grip. I go to the washroom and then quickly climb into bed again. Nathan is awake now, sitting up. I move closer to him and keep my head on his chest. He plants a kiss on my forehead and rubs my arm.
We sit in silence for a few minutes and then Nathan says, "You should call Dylan."
My eyes widen and I withdraw from his embrace, "Excuse me?"
"I promised him I'll remind you to call him." He says.
"I am sorry, but I don't care. I am in no mood to call him." I say and he nods. "Why would you want me to call him?"
"I don't know. I just don't want anything to be unresolved before we..." he trails off.
"Nothing is unresolved. I chose you. Period. If he can't understand that then it's not my problem." I state.
"But you care about him too much. I don't want you to ruin your relationship just because you are mad at him right now. Although, if I may ask out of curiosity what makes you this mad at him?"
"Uhh," I roll my eyes lazily, "Okay. What makes me mad at him is that every time I take one step forward he demands me to take five more otherwise the one step is not worth it for him." Nathan looked at me with crossed brows, clearly, he didn't understand a word, "A month before we broke up, I told him he was the one for me. That I was completely consumed with love for him." This time Nathan rolled his eyes and reached over the bedside table for water, "And immediately after that he asked me to marry him." As I said it, Nathan choked on his water. He choked and coughed for several seconds as I rubbed his back.
"What?" He croaked, "Weren't you in college?"
"Exactly. He had just graduated and I was about to. We were too young. And just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to marry them, right?" I ask and he nods, "Same thing happened that day. Amy told him everything and then he wanted me to run away with him. What kind of a solution is that? He is nice and all but he is too unrealistic Nathan. That is why I don't want to tell him about this. I know I loved him at some point but I was wrong, he is not the one for me."
"Lucky for me." He smiles and I return it, "But everyone thinks you two are meant for each other. Well everyone except..." he stopped himself before he could say the name of the person. I eye him curiously, waiting for him to finish the sentence.
"Except who?" I urge.
"Uhhh, no, no one. It doesn't matter." He shakes his head, regretting sharing the last bit.
"What happened? Say it!" I urge him again. "Nathan!" I warn him, "Spill!"
"Except your father." He says hesitantly. I gulp and find the strength to continue this conversation. It is too hard but I can't help but think about the conversation where he told me Nathan is the better man. I nod at Nathan.
"When did you two have this conversation?" I ask him curiously.
"Oh, your father and I talk a lot in the office. He often finds time to lunch with me in the executive kitchen." He tells me casually, "In fact, I spend more time with him than my own dad." I couldn't help but smile at the thought of them dining together and discussing me, "You know how guys are grateful to dads for their daughters?" I nod, "Well until now I was grateful to you for bringing your dad into my life." He smiles sheepishly. I think about what he was saying. He is right, my dad is a great man.
"So you two discuss me?"
"Not just you. We discuss everything from politics to office dating profiles. Everything. We were actually discussing this couple at the office when you and Dylan came up." I sit cross-legged and gesture him to continue. There was a calming factor in him sharing his memories with my dad, "We were talking about how people mistake habituality with love when he told me that he thought you didn't actually love Dylan but were just habitual to him." I think hard about that and realise maybe there is some truth in those words. I was with Dylan from the start of college, he was always so familiar. But then what if I have the same thing with Nathan?
"What did he say about you and me?"
"Umm, he was somewhat familiar with the tussle between us. I always complained about how different we are, I even blamed him a lot..." Before Nathan could say more I sat up defensively. Did he blame my dad? My dad? It was his father who orchestrated this scheme.
"What happened?" He looks at me confused.
"Your father is equally to be blamed!" I say defensively, "Even more than my dad."
"Uhh.." he gulped hard, finding words for what just happened.
"It was your father's idea, Nathan! I went to meet him and he..." I stopped myself short. Shit! What am I doing? I can't tell him the truth, it will drive a wedge between us, maybe break us apart before we even get started.
"He what?" Nathan urged me to continue, "Why exactly did you say yes? Because I have watched you like a hawk these past few months and money is not something you are interested in. Then why?"
"Uhh, your father admitted it was his idea," I say the half-truth.
He took a deep breath and exhaled, "Yeah I know that." He said regretfully, "You know I don't even know why I said yes. Sometimes I like to think maybe we were meant to be." He smiles. My expressions soften and I return the smile. Maybe we were meant to be. Everything is so different with him, there is a new excitement which makes everything interesting. He is mature and practical, I don't think he is at all romantic and yet it feels so warm and fussy with him, like a high school crush.
"Your father thought we were able to balance each other." He continued, "He agreed we were different but he said it was a good thing. We just had to give each other a chance. But I was always hesitant, it didn't feel right to me." He admits.
"It didn't feel right?" I repeat. There is a thump in my heart as I look away from him. Of course it didn't, this was a compromise after all. Given a choice, he would never be with me. I am too mundane and naive for his world. I was just brought up differently. Even though my parents have enough fame and money, they gave me a pretty comfortable life, not a lavish one. I never hung out with celebrities, the media never chased me and it was absolutely beautiful.
"Hey?" Nathan grabs my attention by waving his hand in front of me, "What are you thinking?"
"That given a choice you wouldn't choose me." I blurt out.
"What? What makes you think that?"
"You have always seen this marriage as a final act. An agreement you cannot get out of. So if you are with me, it's because you compromised. I chose you."
"That's not fair. I did think we were stuck but I don't anymore. I want to be with you now."
"And how exactly do you know that? Maybe it's just that we have to stay married so might as well have some chemistry too."
"I could ask the same of you."
"No, you don't get it. I chose you over Dylan. But for you, I am someone you are forcefully married to."
"I chose you too. I could easily have an affair on the side but I chose to be with you because..." he hesitates but continues anyway, "Because I like you. It's not just attraction, I like the little things about you. I like that you chose to volunteer at an orphanage when you could easily run a multinational company. I like that you worked as an intern in your own company just to learn the nuances of business. I like that you love to eat all kinds of food. And that when you sleep you hug your pillow tightly. That you care so much about people even the ones that hurt you. I like how you see the best in people, and when you look at me with those innocent eyes I go crazy."
I am spellbound when he is finished. I didn't even know he noticed so many things about me. I didn't even realise that my breathing increased and my cheeks are red hot.
"Say something." Nathan urges, looking down. It's the first time he has opened up to me. The first time he has told me how he felt.
"I like you too." I admit, "More than I can express. I don't know when it started or how it started but you fascinate me, you challenge me. There's excitement when I am with you. Things are unpredictable." Nathan moves closer to me slipping his hands under my thighs and making me climb on him. "Nathan..." My breath hitches as I whisper his name.
"I am so sorry for whatever I did. I wasn't myself." He said while he hugged me. I ran my fingers through his hair and told him it's okay.
"Nathan..."
"Hmmm..."
"What happened to Max?"
"He was arrested." He told me as he pulled back, "I terminated his partnership, told Dad the truth. But then he made bail and now he is in hospital."
"What?" I gasp, "How..." Nathan gives me a look which says it all. "You beat him?" I ask in shock.
"Not me. I have guys for everything." Oh my God, did he really do that for me? "Don't worry, he got what he deserved." Nathan ran his hand through my hair and pulled me closer again.
"You really are very powerful, aren't you?" I say and he chuckles.
"I am afraid so." He says, "I needed to do that. I needed closure. What he did, what he said, it made me so sick. I keep replaying that night in my head and all I remember is how you hid from his gaze and I missed it. I should've been more attentive towards you. I am so sorry."
"It's good that you realise that." I shift on his lap and lay my head on his chest comfortably. I could hear his heart beat steadily underneath his hard chest. "What was Robin's reaction?"
"He threw him out immediately. Dad couldn't believe what I told him, he loved him like his own son. The betrayal was deep." I nod against his chest as a tear escapes my eyes. That night was something else, I can't believe some people are so sick in their heads. "He will never bother you ever again." Nathan held me tightly. We stay like this for several minutes until I hear soft snores from above. Nathan fell asleep, he looked so calm and rested.
At some point, I too fell asleep in Nathan's arms and when I opened my eyes next, it was mid-afternoon. We had talked most of the morning sharing our feelings with each other and it was beautiful. He has shown me the side everyone talked about so much, Nathan everyone loved. I felt genuinely happy today. I open my eyes to find the bed empty next to me. I frown and get up but I don't find Nathan in the room. Maybe he is downstairs.
I move downstairs and find him at the door waving to someone.
"Have fun and be careful!" He yelled over the car's engine. Behind him I see Vanessa waving back and driving away the porch. She's leaving? I pace towards Nathan and tap him on the shoulder.
"Hey!" He grins at me, "Sleep well?"
"Yeah. What's going on?"
"Vanessa is leaving to celebrate New Year's with her friends." He says as he closes the front door.
"Oh," I say and realise that Nathan must have had plans too, which I ruined with my drama. "Did you have plans as well?" I ask him and he shakes his head. "Really?" I press.
"I cancelled them a long time ago." He admitted.
"When?"
"It doesn't matter." He says and holds me by the shoulders as he walks inside, "I was thinking of making you dinner tonight, though. You have not had my cooking and I have been dying to feed you." He smiles down at me and I smile back. I look around the house, it is still decorated from Christmas. I have trapped myself in this house for days now. The only time I got out of the house was when I ran away.
"What were your plans?" I ask him.
"Uhh, there was a yacht party hosted by Lucas. It's actually a double celebration where we would celebrate Jason's Album launch and New Year's." He answered settling on the couch and gesturing me to join him.
I immediately feel bad for ruining everything for him. He will not be able to be there for his friend because of me. I shake my head and say, "No, we are going." I instruct him.
"But I wanna cook for you." He almost pouts at me...
"No. Maybe next time but tonight you'll be there for your friend."
"April, you really don't have to." He stands up and says seriously, "Don't blame yourself for anything, this is all my choice. I would love to spend the night quietly with you in my arms and maybe watch a cheesy rom-com." He comes closer to me and kisses my forehead.
The idea sounded so wonderful, it was so me. He had adapted himself to my likings. It's so sweet I can't believe it. I shake my head again, determined to go to this party. We had already spent Christmas without celebration, so I won't ruin his New Year's too.
"I wanna go out," I say.
"Okay, if that's what you want." He shrugs, "But then I will make you breakfast tomorrow and you will have to eat it, I don't care."
"Okay okay." I raise my hands in defeat, "What is this new obsession with cooking?"
"It's not new. I have always loved cooking. I like to experiment and new dishes."
"Wow. I love eating." I laugh.