It's now 2 AM and I still cannot sleep thinking of her. I think I'm attracted to Rachel. I get up and prayed. I said, "Lord, let this desire do not consume me."
I read my Bible. I was led to this verse in Psalms 37:4 -
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart"
I was reminded that my devotion should be first in the Lord and He will be the one who will give the desires that are meant for me.
I said, "Okay Lord, my life I surrender it to you and I delight in You, whatever desires you have given to me, if she is the one you showed for me, let not be the person become my idol."
One hour has passed, but still I'm awake. So I made a poem dedicated to Rachel:
Behold young and pretty lady
You are the epitome of a true beauty
Because God made you wonderfully
Blessed are you like the virgin Mary
You deserve a man after God's heart
Like David that will crush your Goliath apart
Even Solomon will leave his wives and depart
Just to be your one and only sweetheart
You are worth to be worked and waited
Like how Jacob to Rachel, but never fainted
Adam has Eve - a gift he didn't expected
You too a gift to a man whom God entrusted
There is someone praying so steadfast
Doing it fervently like Elijah in the past
Dreaming to have a relationship that is made to last
The one writing this wants to be your Boaz
and then I fell asleep.
**********
I woke up at 7 AM. Oh no! I need to prepare for work. I still have hangovers over my lack of sleep, but I need to take a bath because I will be late.
I rushed going to my workplace. I still thinking about the poem I made. I did not think I could make a poem like that just easily what I used to be. Maybe I was inspired. Poems are my outlet when I am inspired, sad, happy, or anything.
Arriving at work, I started coding and debugging. But still, she's always in my mind. I felt that someone is coding my heart programmed to be drawn to her.
Then lunch break came. I checked my social media and searched for her name. I saw her profile. She's just 26 years old. I cannot yet add her in Facebook because she doesn't even know me.
But I saw some of her public photos. She is really lovely. She is really my type because she is simple, charming, and I think she is kind. She also looks similar to Jenny, but Rachel is a bit prettier.
I wonder why she hasn't had a boyfriend or someone notices her maybe because she is a low profile woman. The way I see her she is quiet and reserved.
Then a question flashed in my mind, "Does she attends the single gathering every Friday in The Way Fellowship?" I hope she does so that finally, I will meet her.
**********
Then Friday came, I ate an early dinner at 5 pm. I dressed so much to impress her and had my haircut so that I will look good when I introduced myself to Rachel.
I rehearsed every word that I say like "Hi, I'm Jacob, and you look so familiar.."
or "Hi, I'm Jacob, praise God I saw you singing last Sunday."
I sprayed my newly purchased perfume on my clothes and put wax in my hair to make shiny. I think I'm good to go.
Going to the Miracle Hotel, I was nervous. What would be her impression on me? What would she feel if I introduced myself to her? So many what-ifs.
I arrived in the church early and staring at the door every single girl entering. I should not blink even for a second because I might miss her. Then as the event goes closer, still no signs of her.
Then the event started and the lights were dimmed for worship.
After the worship, Ian came. He was late. I approached him and asked about Rachel.
"Oh, Rachel rarely comes to this gathering because what I know she is always busy. She manages a shoe repair shop and she cannot leave easily even in evenings to oversee it," Ian said.
My face frowned, but somehow I understand. I did not know that was her job. Their shop fixes not only shoes but also bags, belts, and everything under the sun. Maybe I was disappointed because I thought this would be the night that I will meet her.
**********
I went back to my home sad. I checked again her profile because I just missed her and that's the only way it will heal my disappointment of not seeing her as I expected.
I saw her pictures when she was still young and she was really cute. If she cannot come regularly on Fridays, I guess the only way I can see her is on Sundays.
But the question is what service does she attend? There are 3 services in the Way Fellowship - 9 am, 12 noon, and 3 pm. I decided to attend those 3. How crazy I am.
I think being in love makes you do irrational things. The last time I felt this was with Jenny. I used to stay on the door of Kid's church just to get a chance to greet her. Sometimes she comes, but most of the time she does not. Well, that's a gamble you need to make.
**********
Then Sunday came. I sat near the door so I can see who's coming. But I have a bigger problem, more and more people came and I can hardly see now who's coming into the church.
Another problem is it has two big doors and the influx of people just makes the door narrower and narrower as the worship service is about to start.
I already attended 2 services and still no signs of her. Maybe she just attended, but I did not notice because of so many people inside. My last chance would be in the 3rd service.
I saw Ian and I approached him and asked him about Rachel.
"Jacob, you know what, they sometimes meet with her small group in Bethel Mall after the third service," Ian said.
I felt so alive. Finally, I have now a clue about where to go next.
After the third service, I prayed "Lord, if it is your will, let this day be the day that I will meet Rachel." And then prepared by myself going to the mall together with the bunch of people coming out of the Miracle Hotel who just came from the 3 pm service.
But first, I went to the restroom. I washed my face and fixed my clothes so that I will look good when we will meet with Rachel.
I went out and I saw Ian.
"God bless bro, I know you like her so much, but please guard your heart," he said.
"I will, and please pray for me always, thanks," I replied.
**********
I went to Bethel Mall at the back of the hotel. I have again a big problem. The mall is so big, it's the biggest in Cebu and one of the biggest in the entire country. Hundreds of restaurants, coffee shops, meeting places are there. Do I need to search for each one of them? I guess I will.
Love makes someone crazy and I guess I proved it by myself not just once, but twice. So I searched for every restaurant, every coffee shop I passed on every floor, but I guess it's impossible to check every one of them.
I don't know what happened to me if I'm too obsessed with someone I did not even meet yet, or I just missed having a relationship, or I just missed my ex-girlfriend, or she has just begun to be my idol. The enemy might be happy with what's happening to me.
I became tired roaming around the huge mall and I ordered a fruit shake at a stall and I sat down on a bench sipping.
"Is it worth it?" I said to myself.
"I guess I need to stop this, I need to go home," as I angrily murmuring.
"It's not the will the God, because He knows I'm just being obsessed!" I again told myself.
**********
As I finished what I sipped, I decided to go home. I went to the terminal waiting for a jeepney ride when suddenly someone called me.
"Jacob, you're here, are you going home?" It was Martha, my co-volunteer in the Kid's ministry.
"Oh, Martha, you're going home also and you're alone?" I said.
"No, I'm with someone, she's in the restroom, my small group member," she said.
"And oh, she's already here, just at your back." I was surprised when she said that.
So I glanced at the back to see who she's with. But when I saw who she was, it was Rachel!
My heart just beat so fast, it's like racing. She was smiling with the same smile when she sang last Sunday that made my heart melted like ice. She made my heart skipped today in its beat.
"Hi, I'm Jacob," I said.
"Hi, I'm Rachel, nice meeting you Jacob," she replied to me
My heart leaped with joy when I touched her warm hand and I felt like there was electricity running throughout my body.
Then their jeepney came, so we do not have time to properly talked with each other. But I guess, I must be contented with that. At least we met each other.
After their vehicle had gone away, I happily called Ian, "Hi bro, good news! I met Rachel just tonight."