Then Sunday came. I prayed and had my morning devotion first. I was led to this verse in Galatians 5:22-23-
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law."
I was convicted because I did not exercise patience and self-control when I expressed my feelings to Rachel immediately. I should have waited on God's timing
It also struck me about gentleness because of being always rushed of pushing myself to her to the point that it makes her annoyed and sometimes that's the reason that she does not respond to me well.
I know I was learning to become a gentleman because Jenny taught me that. She always complains that I am not that one. So she trained me that I should open the doors for women, let them sit first, be the one on the side of the road, etc.
But when things get frustrating, I became hasty. I compromised being gentle. That's the lesson that I am going to learn. I'm going to learn it at the expense of Rachel. It left a big hole in my heart.
**********
Then I went to church. Rachel and I bumped with each other, but she avoided me. She doesn't even look at me. Every time I attempted to approach her, I can see in her face again that she is annoyed.
Chasing and getting back a connection to her is like a chess match that is so hard to find an opening and penetrate a good defense that you need a great strategy to get a checkmate.
I don't know what to do just to get back her trust again.
Every time she does that to me, it makes me regret so much more to the point that it's the biggest regret of my life. If only I can go back time, this mistake would be the first one I will correct above anything else.
The pain of regret is more excruciating than a pain inflicted physically. Only if I have known this would be the outcome of my actions, I should have kept my feelings and wait for our friendship to become ripe.
So I made another poem about her.
You passed by and you smile
I thought I saw an angel for a while
I just want to greet you in the aisle
But your heart is far by a big mile
It just hurts to see you this way
That you ignored my feelings away
I always hope and pray every day
That you will see my heart someday
I always think about you every moment
In my mind, this is what I always spent
I wish I could be the one whom God sent
To guard your heart wherever it went
Can I have that precious chance?
That I could talk to you just once?
Hopefully to see you close your glance
To see that pretty face in advance
I told Ian about my hurt. I even cried in front of him. I rarely cry in my entire life, but this pain that I had is worth crying for. It's like I committed a big crime that I need to pay for.
"Jacob, I understand what you feel right now. Why not you just lie low and you show to her that you are not chasing her. You must also focus on something else," Ian advised me.
I think that's what I should do. It's like a psychological war. I need to show Rachel that I am ok now and accepted the outcome of my mistakes. I also focus on something else - my own small group.
So I focused on discipleship. I invested my life so much on the men under my care. I encouraged them to join the ministries and prepared them to lead a small group of their own.
Every time I see Rachel, I just look her from afar and if we bumped each other, I just say "Hi" and nothing else. I felt that she is more comfortable with that.
It went on that way for weeks, months, until it reached one year and then terrible news happened.
**********
As we went home together with the small group that I lead from a retreat in a mountain right after lunch, the signal in my phone returned and I received a text message from Martha.
"Hi Jacob, do you know anyone who has a blood type A+? " I was wondering who needs blood right now.
"Rachel was rushed to the hospital tonight and she is in a critical condition and she needs to be transfused."
Without a second thought, I rushed to Jehovah Rapha hospital. So many thoughts that ran on my head as I rode on the taxi and I beg the driver to bring me to the hospital as fast as he can. I prayed.
It also began raining so hard that day that what I heard on the news on the radio of the taxi that it will be like that for the coming days because there is an upcoming typhoon.
I don't want to lose her, especially that things are not yet okay between us. I need to tell her one more time that she is still very special to me in spite of the gap between us.
I saw her inside the ICU unconscious. Then I saw Martha crying as she approached me.
"Jacob, the doctor said she has a condition called Sickle Cell Anemia."
"A+ is so rare and even if we have found donors, but they did not pass the screening."
This kind of disorder makes the interruption of blood flow to organs and tissues and that results in complications. Treatments are made through blood transfusion.
"Martha, I'm an A+ blood type. If they need more blood, let them get it from me again, even my life I will give, just for her to be alive," I said it out of desperation.
I know they only get 1 bag for every person.
By God's grace, I passed the screening and my blood was transfused to Rachel. As I was waiting for any updates about her in the hospital, I read the Bible on my phone.
I was led to this verse in Ephesians 1:7 -
"In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace"
Through the blood of Jesus, which was caused by his crucifixion in the cross became a payment of our sins to God. We should be the ones punished by God to eternal damnation in hell, but Jesus let himself be the one who will pay for it so that we will be redeemed.
What a comforting verse it is. It shows how God loves us so much
I can relate also what I did to Rachel. My blood saved her from danger. I hope she is okay now.
Moments later, Martha approached me
"Praise God Jacob, Rachel is now conscious and she is now transferred to a private room," I was relieved what I heard
"But the doctors prescribed many medications, but the problem is, the pharmacy in this hospital doesn't have them and it's so dangerous to go outside to buy because of the storm," Martha said
"I will go," I said.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes, there is no time, I am willing to do everything for Rachel," I insisted
**********
So I went out even the wind is just so strong to push me away. My umbrella flipped so many times that is why I'm so wet. It also almost destroyed my umbrella.
I cannot see the path I am going to take because the surroundings are so dark. The electricity was cut off due to the typhoon. But I need to walk and let God guide me.
I need to do this for Rachel. I don't care anymore if she will change my heart to me after this. What is important is she will be well.
Finally, I approached a pharmacy inside in another hospital. Praise God all medicines are available. They are now put inside a pouch
As I brought so many medicines, they are so heavy. Every time I carry it, it triggers the pain of my arm where they struck me the needle when they suck out my blood and placed inside a bag.
But I need to sacrifice. I need to bring these medicines going back to the Jehovah Rapha hospital because she needs it now.
So when I arrived in the room, I saw Rachel sleeping. She is sleeping like a baby. I can see the peace in her heart and I saw God's hand over her.
Even though she was admitted, she is still lovely. I want to see her awake and talk to her, but I think she will be stressed even more if she sees me. For me, it's enough that I see that she's okay
Then I gave the medicines to Martha. I even paid for some of it because the money was just short. I even told Martha about my experience while I bought those in another pharmacy. She laughed
"You know what Jacob, I just proved how you loved Rachel. Because through the years you still like her and will do everything just for her in spite of her treatment to you. I hope she sees your good heart," Martha said
I just smiled and said, "I don't deserve her, but if God will give me that chance, I will love her like how Christ loved His church." And then I said goodbye.
A few moments later, Rachel woke up and Martha told her everything about what I did, and she cried. She took her phone and called me.