I woke up to do my quiet time and it was a rainy Sunday. It's raining so hard. The news said Cebu is under signal no. 1.
But who can stop people from worshipping the Lord later?
I was led to this verse in Mark 4:35-41 where Jesus rebuked the storm. In this story, we learned that God is indeed sovereign in every storm in our life. He is in control and can even stop it as He wishes.
Then I remembered our moments with Rachel last night and I jokingly said to myself, "Who can stop me also about my feelings for her? Maybe not even a storm."
I made another poem for her:
As the rain falls gently from the sky
My heart is beating and I don't know why
Maybe I was just worried about you
If the rain touches on you too
I wish I could be an umbrella you can hide on
Or be your shelter when there is a typhoon
Coz I'll protect you from them all
Until the last raindrop will fall
After that, I went to The Way Fellowship early because it's our schedule in Kid's church. I need also to be early because the church was relocated farther than where it was in Miracle Hotel.
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When I arrived, Martha was there, who volunteered to help my team also is very early. We talked about how happy I am when I was with Rachel last night.
"How is she now? Will she come again on the third service? I want to join you both in the service," I happily said.
"Oh, she will not come to the church today because she will be busy this week. They might close at midnight because they have a big demand in the shop," she said.
I was planning to visit her after church as this would be another opportunity that I could gain again friendship with her. So right after I attended the second service, I went straight to their shop.
It's still raining so hard and because of that, I have a reason to tell her that I just need shelter because of the storm.
So the plan pushed through. I dropped at the entrance of the shop and I saw her and she also noticed me.
"Jacob, what are you doing here?" she asked.
"Hmm.. can I stay here for a while? I just wait for the rain to slow down," I answered.
"Sure, come inside and sit there on the bench," she said.
We did not have many conversations because she was so busy. But in spite of that, for me it was precious. A time spent with her is like a treasure of gold. A time of being with her is a time well spent. I will not exchange it with something else.
I saw how hardworking she was. Even she just wearing ordinary attire, she is still lovely. I think Rachel is more beautiful when she is simple. When the rain slowed down, I bid farewell to her and we even exchanged numbers because I insisted.
I went home with hearts full because I created another moment with her.
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Then Friday came. It's time for the singles gathering again. I need to be there early because it's my turn to speak. I need to prepare myself and review my slides and also rehearse what I will say.
I arrived there early in the church and Ian prayed for me in the corner. I really needed that so that I will be filled with the Holy Spirit when I speak and the anointing will flow upon me.
Then it's my time for me to deliver my message. My message was centered on Matthew 12:34 -
"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"
It means that whatever you are pre-occupied with, that is what you always say. If you are preoccupied with the things about God, about spiritual things, the words you also say bring blessings.
If the things that preoccupy you are about trash, evil thoughts, curses, then what you will say are just like that.
So it's the best indicator of what's in your heart the things you say or post in social media.
When I thought about that, I reflect on myself what occupies me? Aside from God, of course, its Rachel. It's what I always I write in my poems. Poems are my outlets on what I will say if cannot say it directly.
But what if? What if I should tell Rachel now what I feel? This burden in my heart, I cannot contain it anymore. I don't need poems anymore just to express what I feel. I need to tell her right after this singles gathering. I need to tell her right after my speech.
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So I pushed through with my plan. I went without hesitation to her workplace. I know she is still there late at night because they have a high demand right now that they need to work until midnight.
So I went there a few meters from the shop. I've waited for her to go outside maybe she will take a break.
I rehearsed in mind what I am going to say. I waited there for so long already, but no signs of her coming. It's almost midnight and they are going to close in a few minutes.
Then someone went out, it was her, Rachel. She is going to close the shop now. So I went towards her immediately.
"Hi Rachel, it seems you had so much load today," I said.
"Hey Jacob, what are you doing here late at night?" she said with a shock.
"Rachel, let me get his straight. I've been praying for you a year already because the first the time that I saw you, you already owned my heart. I know that it's too fast, but I cannot hide my feelings anymore."
She was speechless. I was impulsive. I did not pray about this. I was impatient. But I cannot take back anymore what I said
So she invited me to a convenience store just across their shop.
"Jacob, I knew already that you like me. Martha told me the day you also shared it with her. But as of this moment, I am not ready to enter a relationship yet. All I want is just friendship," she said.
"Yes, I understand, but can I get to know you more if you let me have a date with you? But of course, you can bring Martha," I replied.
"I don't know, Jacob, maybe I just pray about it," She said.
Then we talked with each other but just for a few minutes because she needs to go to close their shop. So I left with her the cookies I bought when I was coming for her.
I was happy when finally I confessed to the woman I like my feelings for her. I just need to follow up her if she is open to having a date with her to get to know her more
So the next days were crucial. I always compelled to text her sweet messages, but she has no response.
I even sent the poems I made and send it to her, but still no response.
I even mentioned her about my intention to date her, but she is making excuses.
I don't know is she is just annoyed, but I was just being consistent. I don't want her to think that I am not serious about her. I want to prove to her that I am man enough to back up what I revealed to her.
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Weeks and weeks passed by I still asked her to date her through the number she gave me. She keeps making excuses until one day, that Saturday night, she was fed up.
She replied to me, "Jacob, would you please stop this. I said I will not entertain. Honestly, I don't like you. I am always shocked when you always push yourself intentionally before when you want to talk to me. My ideal one should start with friendship."
"I just want to be frank with you so that you will not expect something." she continued.
My heart was torn apart. My world just stopped for a while. I just want to start a friendship with her that is why I want to get to know her through a date because that is the only way I can have a chance.
But I was convicted. I played like a God instead of letting God do the way of letting both of us crossed our paths. I was impulsive and impatient.
What happened is just a mess I created. I will regret this for the rest of my life. I just blew a chance on her and most importantly, I blew up that little step of friendship I had with her.
But I must make up on her on this. Tomorrow is Sunday, I will see her in the church. I need some brainstorming to do again on how I will make up my mistake.