I went back to my home disappointed. I know I blew it up for a chance to have a good impression with her. I need redemption on what I have done so I prayed,
"Lord, let not this mistake be repeated."
Then I read the Bible. I was led to this passage in Luke 22:4-62. It was about Peter who denied Jesus three times. It was an embarrassing moment for Peter for denying his friend, teacher, and Lord.
But we all know Peter became a prominent figure in the book of Acts. He was very bold and courageous unlike before when he denied Jesus because of fear of persecution. But now, he is willing to be flogged and jailed and even crucified upside down for following Jesus.
In short, he was redeemed. We can be redeemed for any mistakes that we have done especially if we have failed our God.
It would also be possible for me to be redeemed by my mistake.
**********
As I went to sleep, someone messaged me in messenger.
"Hi Jacob, how are you? You know what, I prayed for you. We had also concluded our midyear prayer and fasting here in Life Church." It was Jenny, the one I unfollowed days ago.
"God impressed in my heart, that I should redeem on what we had before, our friendship."
Wow, she's like Peter also.
"I prayed that we could talk again someday, maybe for a closure? If that's okay with you," she continued.
"Hi, Jenny. Yes if that is the will of God," I said.
"By the way, congratulations on your engagement," I continued.
"Thanks, Jacob, I was really surprised at what Ronald did," she replied.
And we had conversations all night long catching up. We did not have that conversation since we broke up. I told her also about Rachel and she said she will pray for her also.
Then when it was too late, we said good night and goodbye to each other to sleep because we need to reserve our energy for tomorrow's worship service.
**********
Then I woke up and it's Sunday. I am sure Rachel will be there again. I need to make up for my mistake. I need to go back to scratch to have a good impression on her.
I don't know how will I do it, but I surrendered it to God. I need also to do my part.
So I attended the third service right after our small group meeting where Rachel most probably attending because I already knew after that will be their small group meeting also.
As the third service is being prepared, I am standing there in the middle of two big doors of the main hall. I need to make sure that I will see her coming inside either of the doors.
Moments later, I saw her coming. I saw her lovely face again.
I inhaled and exhaled and prepared for my best smile as I also approaching on the left main door where she would enter.
"Hi Rachel," I said.
But she has no response.
I think she did not hear it. She is focusing on her conversation with her friend coming inside and to add that it was very noisy as more and more people came for the third service.
So I followed her inside and I'm planning to sit beside her. But when she and her friend entered the third row on the left side of the hall, there are only two seats that are vacant. It's only good for them. The nearest vacant seat is in the fifth row. It's far from her.
But I took that seat so I can have a view from her at the back. Then the worship began. I can see how passionate she is singing for the Lord. And that made me like her more. I wish to have a godly wife like that.
In the middle of the service, she got up on her seat, maybe she is going to the restroom. I followed her going outside.
But I distanced myself from her so that it would not be obvious that I am following her. I am planning to talk to her when both of us are now outside of the big door.
But when we are near the door, A multitude of guests are coming inside and it's hard for me to go out. So when the door is now clear, I went out immediately but I lost her.
Maybe she is already now in the restroom. So I went to the restroom also. I washed my face and wet my hair so I could look good when I am going to talk to her If I had a chance.
So when I went out of the restroom, I saw her at far going back inside. So I walked fast so I can catch up. She stopped to get water from a water dispenser and finally I am at her back.
I told her with joy "Hi Rachel, you here also in the third service. I'm glad that..."
"Hello." She said that only one word and went back immediately to the main hall.
My body was frozen cold after she left. The pain I felt is unbearable that I can't almost breathe. I really thought that I could talk to her properly but that just it. Or maybe because she does not want to miss the sermon.
**********
After the service, I just roamed around inside the Bethel mall and had dinner there because maybe I could get another chance again that we bump each other and talk to her and most importantly, I could redeem her good impression to me.
I just need to wait for the perfect timing. All things work together for good according to Romans 8:28.
While I am inside in fast food where I had dinner, I wrote a poem again for her and another entry for the collections of poems I made for her that I am planning to give it to Rachel someday:
I kept my burning feelings inside
These emotions that I'm trying to hide
Let not this love go slip and slide
Coz I can't forget you even I tried
I always rehearse what I say
Because I'm looking forward to a day
That my intentions finally I will lay
Hope that my feelings you won't play
But there is always a perfect time
When I will now finally climb
That wall in your heart that so fine
To express my love that was blind
That is why I need to wait
Even I feel that it's too late
Coz the romance that we will create
Is worthy coz it's built on faith
Then I went to the terminal to go home. I stayed there for a while because I might see Rachel again in that place.
Dozens of jeepneys have come for me to ride on, but still, I stayed in the terminal because I am hoping that we will bump each other here again. I stayed for an hour and so until I lost hope.
"There are more Sundays to come," I said. That is my fighting spirit. So I went inside the vehicle and went home.
As I was riding inside the jeepney, I checked my Facebook. I was surprised by what I saw.
"Rachel Sandoval accepted your friend request."
I want to shout for joy. Finally, she accepted my friend request.
Then I messaged her. "Hi Rachel, thanks for accepting my request," I said.
"You're welcome, Jacob," she replied.
I had butterflies in my stomach on her reply.
"Rachel, I'm glad I saw you at the third service, so how are you?"
But she just seen zoned my message.
I was hurt. It hurts like I was bitten by an insect or something.
**********
Then Sunday after Sunday, it's just the same. I could not get a chance to talk to her. I do not know if she avoiding me because she always avoids eye contact with me.
Or I just think that God is still closing the door for both of us.
We do not have that much same circle of friends. We are of different ministries. She doesn't even attend the singles gathering every Friday. There is a little chance that we will hang out with each other. I am frustrated.
Sometimes I message her on Facebook, but she is responding only a little and most of the time I just get a seen zone.
Sometimes, I missed Jenny. I missed how our friendship started. Maybe Jenny is more outgoing and we are on the same ministry in Kid's church that is why we easily became friends.
Because of my frustrations, I cried to the Lord. He then leads me to Isaiah 40:31 -
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, and they shall walk, and not faint"
Wait there means "qavah" in Hebrew which means actively waiting. So there is wisdom now popping up in my mind. I should actively be waiting while doing something while I am waiting for a chance from Rachel.
So I waited and waited until I did not notice that it's been one year I've been waiting. But waiting actively. Many things happened to us for that duration.