So, all the matrics have decided to try and go to a club. Together. Well, not all of us, the black people declined. Most of us have never been in A Club(it's a club called A Club), so we decided to try it together.
I am sure you are wondering what has been happening, since the last time… Well after that intense, INTENSE, make out with Scott, I have been a good girl. I felt truly horrible about what I was doing to Cassandra, it was just not very sisterhood of me, So I quit Scott James, cold turkey. Of course the crush still burns, as bright as a flame, and his very presence is the sun, but I just am not a homewrecker. But Scott… Like I don't know what is going on in his head. Scott and I have decided to pretend like nothing ever happened, when we have our prefects duties which is everyday, we talk about everything (except how I wanna kiss his face off). I make him laugh. I think my answers to his questions always surprise him. The one time he asked me a question and I gave him my honest answer, he just laughed and looked at me with those puppy dog eyes and said:
"you always surprise me, I never know what you're gonna say. I like it" He smiled at me causing havoc with my heart.
And I frowned not sure what to even make of that. It was easy to keep my distance when we joked and spoke, from a distance. It's the foyer duty that was the death of me. When we had to sit next to each other and I would have to grip the table and sit as far away as possible, as much as the desk could allow so I wouldn't grab him or touch him. And he would clench his fists so hard that his knuckles would turn white. I clearly affected him almost as much as he affected me, which was not good. But him and Cassandra continued being the golden couple, he loved her, it was obvious. The way his eyes followed her, almost kind of like how his eyes followed my every movement when I was in a room.
But I was not enough for him. I was not enough. That cut, like deeply. Why couldn't it be me? Why couldn't I be enough to be the girl he walks around the School halls with hand in hand? For a while , this thought really made me sad… But I think now… It's making me a wee bit angry. But there is a guy who I met on the school bus. His name is Dean(not the Dean we know), he goes to a different school and he is gorgeous. More Gorgeous than Scott James, if I do say so myself and he seems smitten with me. I had been lusting over him for weeks, weeks, before he finally took charge and kissed me on the bus. Everyone screamed with excitement because EVERYONE knew I was into him. We talk everyday on BBM, he always texts, I mean he is a little too sweet sometimes but whatever, he is my boyfriend. He has blonde curly hair, and eyes the colour of the Mauritius sea, he is tanned and lean. He is captain of the first team rugby in his school soooooooo…. My mom's new boyfriend is gonna drop us off at the club. He was very judgemental by the way, when my mom asked him. He was like :" you let your kids go clubbing?"
And my mom responded with a "Yes. Better they do it with my permission then they do it behind my back and with me not knowing where they are at all."
And that shut him up. He's here…
(A little later)
Dean came… Yup. My friends went bat shit over him. Let me just recap… We got to the club, and we were still in the parking waiting for everyone before we all went up and my brother's friend, Deon, was already drunk. So drunk that he took off his clothes so he could look for his wallet. We stopped him when he tried to take off his underwear. We convinced him to get dressed, but not before we got pictures because this was tooooo delicious. Amy, Jade, Charmaine, melissa, cassandra (and of course Scott ) and the whole gang came,we all headed in the club, excited. The music was so loud, Lissa and I started dancing, and soon, all the girls had joined us while the guys played pool, watching us have fun. Then Dean texted me to say he was here. I don't know if it was the alcohol, or the dim lights in the club that made everything extra sexy and dangerous but Dean had never looked so good. He was wearing black skinny jeans and black Top, he was there with His best friend who was Asian and freaking hot( and who happened to be dating a friend of mine). I introduced them to my friends, all the girls were eyeing them up. I, of course, stuck to Dean like Glue. While everyone was dancing, we were at the bar, giggling and talking and kissing a little. I didn't need the shots, Dean was all the Aphrodisiac I needed. It was intoxicating, he constantly was touching me, his arm slung casually around my waist, a hand on my thigh, his lips brushing the side of my head. And it never failed to make my body zing. I did notice, with satisfaction, that Scott was watching us from across the room with unhappy eyes. I narrowed my eyes at him when I caught his eye, like "focus on your girlfriend dude, nobody is thinking about you over here".
Let me just say, it's not a party until a couple fights, and that couple was Cassandra and Scott. That's right. The golden couple, I guess not every thing is golden in Goldenville. One minute it was good, and I was sucking face with my boyfriend and then next thing I know, Amy calls me to come to the ladies with to check on Cassandra. I left Dean with a hurried explanation. Cassandra was surrounded by the other ladies from my school. Her face was blotchy and her mascara smudged.
"-like, he was been acting weird. Distant and I have been trying, trying so hard to make it work and get us where we used to be. And… And maybe he just doesn't love me any more, why else would he ask us to take a break??" Cassandra's face scrunched up when she said the last part and she dissolved into tears.
My heart started hammering, like this couldn't have anything to do with me? Could it? No, I was happy with someone else. This had nothing to do with me.
Once I had reassured myself that I could not be the problem in the relationship of the guy I had cheated with. I could not be the reason for her tears, once I was reassured, I was able to listen and tut and be comforting. Then Cassandra looks at me with doleful eyes.
"Thandi, you guys are close lately, has he said anything to you?" She asks me, desperate for answers.
I laughed nervously,"No, no, we don't go that deep, we talk about Southpark and superheroes, haha"
Amy shifted uncomfortably next to me. She was onto the whole sistuation.
"But he says you guys are good friends. You're the coolest black girl-"
"-gee, thanks-" I muttered rolling my eyes.
She continued ignoring me,"- so maybe you can talk to him, Find out what's happening. Please, go talk to him now"
" that's… Cass, I can't. I don't want to get involved" I grimaced. I heard Amy snort beside me. I was gonna murderize her.
"Please Thandeka, please…."
I looked at her smudged , sad little eyes and I felt the fight leave me. I mean, I was sure that this could not be about me. And I was strong, I had someone, I could convince my sort of ex to get back with his high school sweetheart. I could bury the pain after with Dean's kisses.
I left the bathroom and Marched up to the pool table with a purpose. I ignored how I felt when his eyes met mine.
" Scott, a word in private" I hissed.
"Sure, let's go outside where the music isn't so loud" he suggested, taking a last sip of his beer before following me outside.
Once we were outside, the music just stopped, the silence was deafening and I could hear the voices in my head again. I turned to face him and the expression on his face staggered me, he was looking at me with such yearning, like he had been drowing and his face had just broken out of the waters and taken that very first breath his body had badly been craving.
"S-Scott, what?" I stuttered, humbled by this new level of intensity between us.
"Why are you with that guy inside?? Do you love him?" He asked, suddenly hostile.
I was so astounded that I answered honestly,"Love him? We just started dating a week ago, Scott."
He suddenly reached for me, his eyes crazed, he was touching my arm, my face, looking at me hungrily. Like this was all so intense for a teenage girl.
"I hated seeing his hands all over you, him kissing you. I hated it. It was making me so fucking mad!It took everything in me not to go up and punch that asshole in the face. Why would you let him touch you? You just let some guy touch you like that in front of me! "
I could not think straight. I couldn't even remember why I dragged him down here, I forgot we were in a public area. Anyone could see us, how would we explain ourselves, I forgot about the girl inside the club that was crying over the same guy who was now kissing me so passionately that I felt my knees give out. What were we doing?
"Scott, stop, stop. I can't do this to Cassandra and Dean", I whispered frantically, pushing him away gently, but firmly. Reason seemed to ebb back slowly in his eyes.
"why did you ask her to take a break?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest.
He grabbed the bridge of his nose,"I couldn't go on like this…"
"Like what?"
"Like THIS!" He suddenly boomed out, I flinched back and but he continued in a fevered tone", I can't. I want her, but I want you too. She's home, she's comfort, she's love, she's friendship. She is all I have ever known. And there you are, so different, I can never know with you, you keep me guessing, I am always watching you to see what new and exciting thing you'll do next. Every time you open your mouth, I am always surprised. You make me excited, and frustrated, angry and happy. What you make me feel is anything but comfortable. It's not comfortable. I get this feeling like I am about to jump off that Cliff from camp about to do the most daring and exciting thing with you. That's the feeling you give me…"
His words… So wrong. They were sweet, but I wanted to be home to him, not something so temporary. I buried the hurt so deep and made my heart steel. I cupped his face gently, and his eyes softened at my touch.
"You belong home. Go Home." We both knew I wasn't talking about his home. We were talking about Cassandra, the one he just said was home. And I was the exciting devil slut that he lives his wild fantasies with.
"what? What?did I say the wrong thing?" He asked, confused.
"Scott, Please just go. I don't want you to see me cry." I said, breathing through my teeth, I was barely holding it together and he was looking at me so helplessly. Then he grabbed me and hugged me and I cried. I cried for all the pain I have kept buried deep inside me. And he just held me.
I finally pulled myself together and stepped away from him, making my heart hard again.
"Scott, none of this kissing friends thing anymore. I want to make things work with Dean. And you need to go back to Cassandra. OK? It's been a beautiful dream, but it was a dream and we both need to wake up now. OK? Just forget me. " I gave him one last look before I walked away. It didn't help matters that he looked absolutely crushed but my heart was hard now. And what on earth did he expect?? That we can just be together and damn everyone else? That is a bad way to build something new, over someone's tears. No. I couldn't. If it was meant to be, then it would be, but not like this.
I went back inside the club, and the music was playing as if there hadn't been an emotional scene outside. Cassandra was super drunk at the bar. Her curly brown hair in a messy bun that was coming undone. She looked so cute and vulnerable and I knew I had made the right choice.
"Cass, it will be okay. He made a mistake-" I was just saying something when Scott came up and kissed Cassandra passionately, like right infront of me, and slowly the hardness in my heart was turning into hate.
Dean them came and pulled me away. His hand on my waist was distracting.
"Hi" I said softly, trying to ignore cassandra and scott in my peripheral vision who were making out.
"Hi" He said, brushing my lips with his and I tingled. Now I was certain I had made the right decision.
The rest of the night, we danced and had fun. I didn't drink a lot because Dean didn't need to know that side of me yet. As far as he was concerned-I was perfect. Dean invited me to meet his parents the following day- apparently they were curious about me- first black girl Dean has dated. Anyway, Dean dropped me off at Lissa's home because I was sleeping over there.
"what time should I be ready tomorrow?" I asked him, leaning through his car window on the drivers side.
"At 1. I'll pick you up at 1 o clock . " He said with a smirk that could launch a thousand lady boners.
" Bye baby" I said. Using my girlfriend voice.
" Bye babe" He said. I waited anxiously for him to kiss me, he laughed softly and kissed me.
When he drove away, Lissa looked at me and shook her head.
"What?" I asked defensively.
"Girlfriend, you're in trouble" She said walking toward her house, I followed her asking her what she meant and she wouldn't tell me. We stayed up late gossiping. And I told her everything that happened with Scott and she agreed that I deserved than being "an exciting thing", and we talked about Dean whom I was becoming dangerously besotted with. Then we watched Twilight and laughed at the awkward parts between Edward and Bella and their horrible acting. Then Dean called to wish me Goodnight. We talked in soft voices. Yup, I was definitely falling for Dean now that I had closed the Scott door. I just hope he was gonna catch me.
Night Night
Lotsa Love