I am back from Melissa's. We had a great time and she actually managed to get my mind off the rotten Dean. We had fun, took a lot of pictures that I made sure to post so dean could see that I could live without him too.
My emotions have been all over the place, one second I hate him for leaving me and how it was so easy for him to do so when he made all those promises, and then the next second- I would be inexplicably sad because I love him… when all is said and done… I would never find ANYONE like him, and then I miss him and then I look at my phone where there are no new messages from him and then I go back to hating him again.
But Melissa's family was great. I bonded with everyone, even though there was an incident where Melissa's cousin held the straightener on my hair for far too long that a chunk of my hair burnt off. Yeah, I don't even want to think about that. My hand is shaking as I think about that. But all in all it was a good trip…
I guess I should text dean to come get his stuff , I think he will need his blazer for school.
Oh my gosh I sent him a message. After hours of texting and deleting I finally sent this:
"Hi Dean. There's some stuff you left here that needs to be picked up. Let me know when you can pick them up and we can make arrangements. Thanks"
And his response was almost instant. He said:
"I'm in the area, I'll come by in an hour"
My hands started shaking badly when I read this text and my heart was racing. A part of me was nervous and a very VERY big part of me was excited to see him. I gotta go.
(A little later)
So Dean came after an hour and a half. Before he came I was freaking out and screaming for my sister
"BUHLE!!!!! BUHLE!!! Dean is coming!!!" I screamed at my sister
"WHAT???" My sister yelled from the living room.
"DEAN!!" I yelled.
Then my mom stuck her head out her room and yelled at us for yelling. *rolling my eyes*. My sister helped me pick out a tres cool outfit. I had on skinny jeans and a simple white Tee that showed off my breastsessss. Dean is crazy about my boobs. I had on braids that I wore down. When Dean arrived, he honked at the gate and I went outside trying to calm my erratic breathing. His silver VW was parked out the gate, I carried the box with his stuff over to him. He didn't even look up at me, he was on his phone. My heart fell. I rapped on his car window from the passenger side, and he looked up and then rolled the window down. Gosh, he looked so good. Seeing him look so exquisite made my heart squeeze painfully.
"Hi Dean. Here's your stuff"I said, trying to squeeze the box through the window. He got out the car and came behind me, he got real close and I couldn't breathe. He leaned over me and took the box and placed it in his Trunk. I noticed he was dressed in a white shirt and black jeans and black vans.
"oh you going out, Dean?" I tried to sound casual but even I could hear the envy in my voice.
"Yeah, Half the people at my school are going to my friend, Kalvin's 18th at this club called Origins." He replied looking me up and down. My body tingled all over. I was dying for him to touch me.
"Sounds fun" I said to him. Girls would be ogling him. Great. Just great. He walked up to me and put his arms on either side of me, his palms on his car. My attraction to him had grown, intensified.
"I missed you, why didn't you call me" He asked, his blue-green eyes smouldering.
"you broke up with me," I pointed out childishly.
He smiled,"you broke up with me, thandi."
"And you never tried to get me back"
"neither did you"
Then he kissed me passionately, I was pinned between him and the car. Dean… he had never kissed me like that. It's like these 2 weeks apart made him realise how he really felt about me. I clinged to him. We both broke apart, startled at this new level of intensity between us.
"so let's go." He said after a moment of staring into my eyes.
"where am I going?" I asked bewildered.
"to the party". He said.
I rushed back inside the house feeling light and deliriously happy. I changed into a cut denim dress and cute ballet pumps. When I stepped out, Dean grabbed for me and kissed me deeply. When we pulled apart we were both dazed and breatheless. I knew as well as he did that very soon I would be giving up my V card. We drove to pick up Dennis and we spoke about everything, from what happened that day (btw he thought me fighting was totally sexy) and how I hurt him deeply when I broke up with him. He said I had made it hard for him to trust me because I could easily cut him out of my life. It absolutely hurt me to know that I hurt him.
At the Club, it was totally happening. I think Dean thought I was gonna stay by his side and be the little meek girlfriend, but no. I was on that dancefloor. Everyone loved me, they were like :" Oh that Thandi, Dean's girlfriend, She's really cool".
I danced all night long. Dean sat with his friends, drinking and watching me. One girl named called Charlene, she was half asian and half white and freaking stunning, she pulled me to the side and we went to get drinks at the bar.
"So," She said as she sipped her brandy and coke," I heard you beat up Jessica a few weeks back"
"jessica? Who's Jessica?" I asked her, confused.
"That girl who came with Dean at your house and was apparently all over him and you went psycho on her."
I was shocked. Dean's school knew this. Did Dean tell everyone?
"Girls talk" Charlene laughed when she saw my face." Anyway, you were right to hit her. Her and Dean dated back in Grade 10. They were each other's firsts… And I mean first everything. And she always hangs around Dean, even at school. She thinks he will come back to her. "
By the time she finished talking, my blood was boiling.
"Oh" I said.
"Oh boy. Did I say something wrong?" Charlene asked me, her eyes wide.
"Really Charlene? What about you said was supposed to feel right??" I hissed.
"Sorry, let's go back to dancing. " She suggested, I downed another shot of bubblegum tequila. I danced with Charlene and when guys came up to dance with us, I didn't turn them away like before. I was trying this new thing where I didn't give in to my anger even though I wanted so very badly to hurl a bottle across the room at Dean. One guy had his hands on my hips as we swayed to the music and then next thing Dean had grabbed me roughly, and when the guy I was dancing with protested, Dean punched him. Literally, he just punched him and the guy fell. I was so shocked.
"What the hell did you go and do that for??" I asked, looking back at the guy who was now surrounded by his friends. Dean was dragging me to an empty booth.
"What the fuck was that Thandi????? What the FUCK???" He was in my face, his face all red and blotchy.
"First of all, don't EVER, EVER raise your voice at me. Remember yourself. And second of all, who is Jessica to you, Dean?Did you really, just honestly think you could bring a girl that you FUCKED back into my home? Have you completely lost your mind?? What even made you think that was Okay??" I was in his face now. He immediately backed down when he saw I was very well informed.
"I am sorry… It was a very long time ago, Thandi. " He said looking down.
"Really Dean? You know what? I am good. I am done. The disrespect. I cannot. You need to take me home" I said getting up.
His blue eyes looked scared. "what do you mean "done"? You just promised me you'd never leave"
"Circumstances change Dean. Are you gonna take me home or…?"
"Fine, let me say goodbye to everyone. " He said, resigned.
In the car, I closed my eyes while he drove so he could understand that I truly had nothing to say to him. When I heard the engine stop running, I opened my eyes and was ready to go home and not look back at him. But we weren't at home. We were at his house.
"Dean. I asked you to take me home. Why am I here?" I asked breathing evenly through my nose.
"Can't I bring my girlfriend to my house?"He asked innocently.
"Your girlfriend??"I spluttered. But I followed him out when he got out the car. I mean, I might as well get a few kisses out of him before we part ways coz Lord knows when I will be kissed the way this guy kisses in the near future. He led me out to the guesthouse which was a little building outside the house.
"Dean, we have nothing to talk about. Ok? " I tried to protest, just for appearances sake so he would know that I am still fuming.
"We aren't here to talk" he said, then he gave me this look. I can't even describe it, but it made me feel hot and cold, and hard and soft.
Water. I needed water. I thought.
And he was right. The things we did… There was no talking needed. Only the essentials, our lips, hands… *Giggles and blushes*.Noooo, we didn't go all the way, but Diary, we got really close. Too close. When he dropped me off at home, I was all shy and just couldn't believe the things we had done, the things he had seen, that I had seen, the places we went today. I felt sated but also very hungry for Dean, I kept glancing at him under my lashes. We had reached a very new level in our relationship.
"Goodnight, Thandi" He said softly.
"Goodnight" I was using my "girlfriend voice" ,my friends and I always joke about. But there it was. Betraying me.
When I finally got to bed, I remembered to send Dean a threatening message about Jessica.
But oh,,, how I will have lovely dreams tonight.
Night Night