Dads funeral was today and I'm pretty shaken over it. Mom didn't show up and he didn't really know a lot of people so the funeral felt kind of empty. I feel numb and can't cry about it for whatever reason.
So today is also the day I get admitted into the hospital. Today is just a really sad and empty feeling day.
*******
"Hello I'm Jamie, what's your name" A nurse said.
"Scarlett"
"Ok Hi Scarlett I'll be taking care of you and watching you while your here"
"Whatever"
"First I'm going to need your bag"
"Why"
"So we can do a check to make sure there's nothing dangerous in it."
"Whatever go ahead"
"These checks will happen once a week randomly"
"Well that's great to know"
"While I give this to the bag check people I'll show you around"
The rest was pretty boring she just should me the cafeteria, the bathrooms, and some other places. After she finally left me alone to do my own thing I immediately started looking for the exits.
There's two in the front one on the side and two in the back. My best bet is the one on the side. It's the least guarded and I know my escape route. And if I don't get out by Saturday I'm killing myself here.
******
When the nurse can back to me she gave me a diary and said to write whatever I feel.
"I don't use diaries"
"Just try it"
"Why so you can go snooping around in it and tell your bosses what I wrote in an attempt to keep me here longer"
"Well that's a very detailed explanation as to why I want you to write in this diary but very incorrect"
I rolled my eyes knowing whatever she was about to tell me was going to be some bullshit.
"Writing will help you feel better and it's a better coping mechanism instead of cutting"
"Oh really have have you ever cut yourself?"
"No but I know it's-"
I cut her off. See what I did there.
"So then you don't know how it feels. You're so quick to say what I'm doing wrong but haven't taken a moment to look at yourself"
She just stared at me.
"By the way I'm not writing in your stupid diary"
I walked away to my room and sat contemplating what I just said. I felt a little bad because it was her job but I wasn't having any of her crap.
Then my door flew open and a oddly cheery girl walked in.
"Hi I'm Wendy!"
"Uhh hi?"
"So what are you in here for"
"Trying to kill myself, running from the cops, cutting, and cursing at my social worker and purging"
"Wow that's a lot. I'm here for attempting suicide multiple times and trying to kill my mom!"
I just looked at her.
"It's fine I've been here for months and I think the treatments are working"
"So your not still homicidal?"
"Nope! Also what's your name?"
"Scarlett"
"Wow like the gem?"
"I guess. How old are you"
"Eleven. And you?"
"Thirteen"
"So have you started writing in your diary yet"
I could tell this girl was going to be very annoying.
"No I told the nurse to shove it up her ass"
"Well that's mean, she's only trying to help you"
"I don't need help"
She looked at me as if she knew everything about me"
"Really you don't need help?"
"No"
"Show me your arms"
"Why"
"Just do it"
I obliged and lifted up my sleeves. Who cares if anyone sees my scars, I'll be dead soon.
"Now look at your arms and wrist and tell me you don't need help"
I rolled my eyes.
"I'll be dead soon so it doesn't matter"
"How do you know"
"How do I know what?"
"That you'll be dead soon"
"Because I'm going to escape and kill myself this week"
"I'd love to see you try. I've tried to escape but the guards are very strong"
"Then I'll kill myself here in this room"
"With What?"
I looked around.
"Good point I'll have to find something"
"Well good luck"
"Yeah thanks"
Then a bell rung and it was time for everyone to go to bed.
"I'll see you around Scarlett"
I laughed.
"Yeah sure you will"
Then Wendy turned a walked out to head to her room.
*******
Usually I'd be crying or cutting or doing a mixture of both, but today I felt calm. Before lights out my nurse Jamie came in with a cup of water and some pills.
Oh great I thought, they're putting me back on my pills.
"Here's your anti anxiety and depression pills take them."
"They don't work"
"You still have to take them"
I rolled over in my bed and faced towards Jamie.
"No"
"Are you really going to act like a four year old not wanting to eat their vegetables"
"First of all those are giant horse pills. Second I'm thirteen and I'm pretty mature for my age. Third of all those stupid pills don't work"
"Well you required to take them and I'm not gonna sit here all night trying to get you to take them"
"Ok bye"
"It's either this or shots which are way easier to give forcefully"
"Fuck you. I'm not taking those stupid pills"
Then she takes the tray and walks off. When she comes back she has two shots already prepared.
"WHAT THE HELL"
"You decided not to corporate so you have to take shots instead so lift up your sleeve"
I sighed and lifted up my sleeve.
"Just do it asshole"
She looked at my arm full of slashes and cuts for a moment.
"You gonna do this or what"
"I've just never seen such intense self harm"
"Oh my gosh your seriously focused on that. Just give me the shots"
She gave me the shots and also bandaged up both my arms. Then she left without saying another word.
I was pretty tired but could see that she had left that diary thing. I'm to tired to care and went to sleep.
********
The next morning Wendy came in to greet me again.
"Gooooddd morning pal!"
"I'm not your pal"
"Whatever. So what cha planing on doing today"
"Figure our how to escape"
"Do you mind if I join this place sucks"
"Be my guest"
Then nurse Jamie walked in and saw us.
"So I see you've become friends with Wendy"
"We're not friends"
"Yeah we're best friends"
I looked at Wendy with a confused look but she just ignored me.
"So what are you two talking about"
"None of your business"
"Ok sorry to intrude but Wendy its time for you to take your morning pills"
"Oh all right I'll see you later Scarlett!"
"Yeah whatever"
After Wendy left nurse Jamie pulled out my old medications and some new ones.
"Here's your pills"
"I'm not-"
Before I could finish she interrupted me.
"Take them or else I'll have no choice but to move you extensive care"
"Do what you want I'm not taking those damn pills"
Then again she left and came back with shots. Since both my arms were bandaged up she had to unwrap my other arm.
She gave me the shot and went away.
*********
An hour later my old therapist walked in and picked up where we left off.
"So can I ask why your arms are all bandaged up"
"We both already know the answer to that question"
"I need it in your words"
I sighed.
"Well I'm wearing these bandages because I love to cut myself. I cut so deep that the blood wouldn't stop once so I had to get some bandages. Also the help prevent infections"
"Ok well why do you cut"
"Haven't I already told you"
"Please tell me again"
"I cut because I feel like I'm a worthless piece of shit that deserves o one and no body"
"Have you tried anything else to cope with all these feelings"
"I've tried burning myself scratching myself purposely breaking bones."
"Anything that didn't involve self harm"
"Walking."
"So you like to walk that's a good first step. So when you feel a panic attack coming on or if you feel the urge to cut or purge just take deep breaths and walk."
"I also like talking to my sisters"
"That's even better so now you have more than one coping mechanism"
"Great" I say sarcastically.
"We're out of time for today but remember what we talked about"
"Yeah whatever"
Then she got up and left. As soo as she walked out Wendy barged in.
"So are you ready!"
"Sure. And stop being so giddy, we don't need any attention on us"
"Sorry it's the anti depressants"
"Yeah I know that feeling"
"You know I think the side door is our best bet"
"Yeah already figured that out"
"Ok then let's go, I'll lead the way"
Hope you guys are enjoying this story. I wonder if Scarlett and Wendy will actually escape.
See ya in the next chapter.😅👍