Today is Saturday meaning I've hit the deadline. I felt numb to all emotion knowing this is it.
"Good morning Scarlett here's your pills"
I took the pills without saying a word.
"Are you ok"
"Sure"
"Are you sure"
"Yeah"
"Well ok call if you need anything"
Then my counselor walked in and we started my counseling session.
"So how's it been Scarlett"
"Fine"
"Has your anxiety been ok lately"
"Yeah"
"Anything in particular you want to talk about"
"No"
"Ok. So I hear Wendy left, how are you handling it"
"Fine"
"You were friends right?"
"I guess"
"That night you saw Wendy"
I pictured Wendy on that stretcher being rolled out but I couldn't feel anything.
"Yeah"
"Are you sure your ok"
"I'm fine just tired"
"Talk to me please, I know somethings up, your usually very defensive and right now your just..."
"I'm just what" I said very calmly.
"Your not yourself and I want you to tell me what's wrong"
"We've already been through this a thousand times"
"Well this make one thousand one"
I signed and started talking trying to make it short.
"I was abused for most of my life, my dad died, CPS took me to a foster home, I tried to kill myself twice..." I stopped for a minute and thought about what I just said.
"Wow I really tried to kill myself twice but failed each time....third times a charm" I whispered to myself. I don't care if she hears me.
"Third times a charm, are you planning on trying it again"
"Why do you care?"
"Because life is precious and valuable, your life is worth something to so many people, your sisters, your-"
"STOP" I breathed in heavily. "Stop, ok, I'm nothing, I'm worthless. I love my sisters and I know they love me but I can't do this right now ok, I don't need to be in this stupid hospital and I don't need you to ask me me all these damn questions, so I'm leaving, and just like that I got up and left.
*****
At lunch Nurse Jamie got me the food and went over the rules again.
"And lastly you can't go to the bathroom for at least 30 minutes after you eat"
"Ok"
I began eating like it was nothing, with a straight face.
"Are you sure your ok"
Since it was my last day I decided there was no need to keep secrets.
"To be honest no."
"Talk to me"
"About what"
"What's wrong"
"My life, everything"
"Talk. Please"
"Well my whole life I lived with an abusive mom who would burn me and beat me. So I hated my existence, I hated everything about me so I began cutting myself. At first the cuts were small but as more and more pain stacked up they got longer and deeper."
"Keep going."
I sighed. "I started hating my reflection. I thought I was a fat pig so I started skipping meals and puking any food I ate. Finally CPS came and took me and my sister away after my mom stuck my hand in boiling water. I had a mental breakdown and tried to kill myself. And now I'm stuck here."
"You know your not alone and your sisters love and care about you, Is there anything you want or need?"
"Not anymore. Now I need to get to my therapy session"
I got up and headed to the therapy room. We watched another video about self harm and suicide. I left and went back to my room and laid on my bed and just stared at the ceiling. Then my second counselor came in and we talked.
Finally it was lights out. Nurse Jamie came in with my pills and I took them.
"About what you said earlier"
"What"
"I want you to know that your not alone and that none of that was your fault and none of this is either"
"Ok"
"Well...sleep well"
Then she walked out.
"Goodbye"
She turned back and looked at me confused because I have never once said that to her.
"You know I could stay awhile longer."
"It's fine, bye."
"Bye."
Then she left and closed the door. I sat there for a minute before getting up and looked out the window. At the moon the trees the grass, at the world because I knew this would be the last time I'd see it.
I took the razor out my shoe and sat for a minute. Then I pressed it against my wrist, I pushed hard and cut straight down. The blood started pouring everywhere. Then I did the same thing to my other wrist.
I dropped the razor and pulled out the suicide note I'd written before and put it on my bed. I started getting sleepy and knew this was it. All that pain and suffering was over. Then I fell asleep.
Nurse Jamie's POV
Scarlett acted weird all day. She was very quiet and went along with everything without any emotion. I decided to go check on her because of how she poured her heart out to me after lunch.
When I went into her room I saw her on the floor unconscious bleeding out from slits on her wrist.
"CODE RED" I sounded the alarm.
An ambulance came in about two minutes and she was rushed off to the hospital in critical condition. I felt defeated because I let Scarlett down. I saw how emotionless she was all day. She explained her whole life story to me with no emotion. I should have know she was feeling suicidal, I'm around her 24/7 and still she managed to slit he wrists with me right outside the door.
I feel like shit and there's nothing I can do about it except wait to see if she makes it.
******
Amy's POV
I was about ready for bed when my foster dads got a phone call from the hospital Scarlett was staying at. They told me the Scarlett had attempted suicide and was now in critical condition. I called Avery on the way there and she headed to the hospital too.
When we got there Scarlett had just gotten out of surgery and was asleep. So me and Avery started talking.
"How is this even possible she was in a hospital!?!"
"I don't even know"
Then a doctor came up to us.
"Hello are you Amy and Avery?"
"Yeah" We both said.
"She's finally stable, I'm pretty sure she's going to make it"
Those words felt like we had just won the lottery.
"Also shes awake now but still very weak"
"So can we go see her?" I said.
"Yes you can"
Then we all went into the room Scarlett was in. Seeing Scarlett like that just put me in tears.
******
"Oh hey guys, how's school?"
They just stared at me. I'm pretty sure I was still super drugged up after the surgery.
"Why are you crying Amy?"
"Because you tried to kill yourself, again."
"I did?"
"Yes you did" Avery said.
"Why would I do that" Clearly the drugs were really affecting me.
"Because you were sad and felt alone"
"What? But I have you guys"
"I don't think you knew that"
I sat up confused. Then I looked down at my arms and they were full of scars.
"Did I get attacked by a tiger?"
"No" Avery said.
"So then why do I have all these scars?"
"You did that to yourself"
"Ok what!?! Are you sure?"
"Yeah were sure"
Then a doctor walked in.
"She may have temporary memory loss because if the drugs."
Then he and Avery talked a bit and he left.
"So I have temporary memory loss?"
"Yep"
I just sat there for a minute when Amy came up to me and hugged me.
"I'm very confused right now. Your saying I cut myself, tried to kill myself another time and I'm here now"
"Yeah Scarlett that's what happened"
"So when can we go home?"
"Exactly what do you not remember"
"Well before I was here I remember being at home in my room. Also some parts after that, like dads funeral but that's it."
"Well the doctor said you'll get all your memories back in a few days"
"Ok that's good I guess. Oh and I remember this girl being brought out in a stretcher with her wrist slit, that angered me."
That both looked at each concerned.
"So I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow"
"Uh yeah see you tomorrow" Amy said.
*******
Amy's POV
"Ok what are we going to do with her?"
"I don't know nothing seems to be working"
"We can't just let her go back to school like that"
"I don't know. Talk to her I guess, I mean we're the only ones who she really talks to besides her friend Stacy"
"That hasn't really gotten us anywhere so far so..."
"I know but we can at least try, I mean what do we have to loose"
"Scarlett, our little sister!"
"Yeah..."
"Yeah" I said smug.
*******
Wow things really took a turn for the worst in this chapter. I hope Scarlett gets better.😉