Today is Thursday and me and Wendy don't have anything ready. I really don't know how well this is going to work.
Knock.Knock.
"Here's your morning meds. Anti depressants and anti anxiety medication"
"Ok" I took the pills a laid back down.
"Umm....do you want to talk about anything?"
"I have two counselors and a therapist for that"
"Well sometimes I think it's better to talk to someone who's not a professional"
"Whatever, what do you want to talk about" I say in a groggy annoyed voice.
"Each other"
"You already know everything you need to know about me"
"Sure I know everything I need to know but nothing I want to know"
"Well what do you want to know"
"Well....what's your favorite color?"
"Black and Blood Red"
"Ok what's your favorite animal"
"Great White Sharks"
"What's your favorite food"
"I hate food it makes me feel fat"
"Well I guess that's it for now, your counselor will be coming soon"
"Cya"
******
"Hello!!!"
I sighed. "Hi Wendy"
"Are we still gonna try to escape"
"There's no use, I'm under intensive watch and care"
"Hmm....well that's a set back but it shouldn't get in the way"
I looked at her stunned.
"I don't think you heard me, people will be watching me all day everyday for the next like month."
"Ok so we wait a month. You be good and act better and they'll take you off. Then we can escape"
"I can't wait a month!"
"Well at least visiting hours will happen next Tuesday"
"Well Fine. I guess we'll wait"
Just then there was a knock on the door and it was my counselor.
"Well I guess I got to go"
"Ok cya"
Then Wendy left and Ms.Diane came in and we talked. Finally I was free and able to walk around a little bit, but there was still a nurse around me at all times.
******
It's lunchtime which means eating. For the past few days its been fine because there wasn't always someone watching me.
I walked into the cafeteria and just sat down and laid back. Then of course Nurse Jamie walked up to me.
"Soo you getting anything"
"No I'm not hungry"
"Ok well it's mandatory that you eat something, wether it's big or small"
"I told I'm good"
"Well on your chart it says you have bulimia so you have to eat something"
"I'm fine. I'm not hungry"
"Please don't make this hard for yourself"
I sighed and remembered the new plan Wendy came up with.
"Fine what do I have to eat"
"A little bit of chicken, some green beans, a roll, and mashed potatoes"
I looked at her blank faced.
"Why all that?!?"
"First your underweight second you need to learn to eat normal sized portions"
Without any other good choice I got up and headed for the line. I got the food and sat back down, Nurse Jamie still sitting with me.
"Here's the rules"
"There's rules!?!?"
"Yes. Now you have to clear your plate, you can't hide food, you can't shuffle your food around in any specific order, and lastly you can't go to the bathroom 30 mins after you finish eating"
"What if I really have to use the bathroom?"
"Either you'll hold it or have someone to accompany you into the bathroom"
"Ok that's just weird"
"Well we have to insure that you don't immediately try to puke up your food after eating it"
"Ugh Whatever"
I ate the food as Jamie watched and finished. Then I went back to my room and Nurse Jamie followed and I had to sit there for 30 mins. I could feel the fat gathering on my body.
"This is stupid"
"What?"
"The fact that i just have to sit here for 30 minutes while you stare at me"
"Be honest, if I wasn't here right now would you go to the bathroom and puke up what you just ate?"
I rolled my eyes and answered.
"Probably and if I didn't I'd cut the fat that I ate off"
"Exactly why I'm here to make sure you don't do either of those"
I kept telling myself to act better so I could get out of intensive care. The rest of the day was pretty boring, my second counselor came in and we talked then I went to therapy and watched some videos about self harm and suicide. Now it's lights out and Nurse Jamie came in with my pills. I took them and was about to fall asleep when an alarm started blaring.
I get up and in the hallway I see a lot of staff running down the hallway and when I peak out I see that there all heading into Wendy's room. I see Nurse Jamie amongst the crowd and ask what happening. She doesn't answer and continues Dow the hall. Then I see an ambulance bring in a stretcher.
The next thing I know I'm watching as Wendy is being brought out with both her wrist bloody. The cuts were deep but were horizontal.
She tried to kill herself I thought to myself. But she failed.
******
The next morning Nurse Jamie came in and told me about Wendy.
"She's going to be fine but she's going to be in the hospital for awhile. She's bipolar."
I don't know what's with me but I'm angry. At Wendy the staff, just everyone.
"I know you're friends with her that's why I'm telling you this. And if you want to talk-"
"Like I've said before I have two counselors and a therapist for that"
"And like I said it's nice to talk to someone who's not a professional"
"Wow thanks"
"Is there something your hiding?"
"No shit aren't I always hiding something"
"If your thinking of doing anything-
"When does Wendy get out the hospital?"
"In a week"
I thought for a second and realized she escaped without me her own way.
"Is she coming back here?"
"No she's going home her parents think it would be best if they moved and she got a fresh start"
She really did it. Alone she escaped this place. I could feel the heat rising in my body.
I ate for her acted all goody two shoes, I took my meds and everything, and she just left me here.
"Are you fucking kidding me"
"What?"
"How did she manage to get a razor"
"We don't know how she got it"
"I need to go"
Then I got up and walked out the door. Still Nurse Jamie followed me because she was the nurse that had to follow me around all day. I headed out to the recreation courtyard and turned the corner. The I just screamed.
"ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING KIDDING ME"
"What's Wrong?"
"GOD DAMMIT WENDY YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED!!!"
"For what, what are you talking about?"
Then I started punching the wall.
"FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!"
"Scarlett stop"
"AHHHH!!!"
Then Nurse Jamie pulled me away.
"Scarlett calm down"
"Everyone always leaves me. First my Dad then my Sisters and now Wendy."
"I'm here"
"It's your job to be here"
"Still I care and I'm here"
I walked up to a pole and started kicking it. I was to angry to care.
"Scarlett I know your mad at Wendy but you have to calm down"
"You want me to calm down you can go grab me a razor and go away"
"You know I can't do that"
"Ok then so I won't be calming down any time soon"
I sat down against a wall and started scratching my back. I was scratching so hard it started bleeding, but I don't care I'm to pissed off.
The Nurse Jamie grabbed my arms and held them so I'd stop.
"Would you let me go I'm not a 4 year old"
"Well the way your acting right now I'm not to sure"
"Fine I'll stop"
She let me go and I sat there with my arms crossed. Then Nurse Jamie sat down next to me.
"When am I going to leave this place"
"In about 3 months as long as you show improvement"
"Is there any way I can get out faster"
"Not really"
"I hate it here I can't do anything"
"It's not that bad"
"It really is"
"Even still you need help"
"No I don't everyone around me does. My abusive mom my counselors therapist everyone. That's why I hate myself, why I cut myself puke my food and bottle my emotions up. I'm to much to handle."
"Scarlett-
"I don't want any more sympathy. I'm Worthless. Unfixable. Unloveable."
"No your not"
"No one will love my cut up body or my messed up mind."
"Your sisters do"
"They can't help it"
I got up and went inside to the art room. Nurse Jamie was a little farther behind me. I grabbed a sharpener and put it in my shoe. I walked around so it looked like I was just checking out the art.
"Scarlett really"
"What?"
"The art room again"
"I'm just looking at the art"
"So you didn't come in here for a razor"
"No"
"Turn your pockets inside out"
"Why"
"Just do it"
"Fine"
I turned my pockets inside out and nothing came out.
"See"
"Ok good just checking"
*****
It lights out now and Nurse Jamie already gave me my pills so I was alone. I took out the sharpener and took out the blade. I put it into my shoe because I decided tonight was going to be one of my last.
I went to sleep knowing how bad my day was going to be tomorrow. So I'll get through it and tomorrow night I'll be gone.
******
I hope Scarlett doesn't actually do it. A lot of people care about her so I hope she'll be ok. Cya for now.😕