When I was 14 still trying to get over my breakup and my little fling with Cameron, it became pretty hard, the pain was still there every day and it felt like it wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't near being okay. I was sitting at home while my mother was asleep, I went into the fridge listening to music and I saw Honey wine, I looked into my mom's room and she was still sound asleep, you know I thought,"Maybe this could take my pain away, help me forget my pain with Miles and Cameron" So I took a mug and poured some for myself, as soon as I took my first drink, I finally felt….relaxed, like I could lie down on my bed and just look up at the ceiling, seeing nothing, yet feeling like something is there, it'll just take a while to fully see it. I didn't really drink and that was how I was able to discover that I was a lightweight, I wanted to keep going, but there was a little voice in my head that was telling me to stop, I didn't listen to that voice because it wasn't mine to hear then. I kept drinking to the point that I didn't remember what the fuck I did the night before until the next morning, it was the weekend, so it was perfect timing, I groaned and opened up my messages and it was Miles,"What the fuck?" I said to myself quietly as I got myself out of bed, it was 'Hey sorry I was asleep' I was confused until I messaged him again, it was Snapchat
Ummmm I'm sorry, but I don't know what I sent you last night-Sabrina
Oh well, you told me that it's hard for you to see me every single day, that you love me and yeah that's all I remember-Miles
Oh my god, I am very sorry about that-Sabrina
It's okay-Miles
Then just like that, he didn't message anymore and it just made things harder than it already was before. I showed up to the school kinda knowing what I did was very bad, well very bad then, so I just tried to keep my head up and a couple weeks later, I find out that Miles was dating a girl before I dated someone else, I'll be honest here, did I want to scream at him? Yes, did I want to be angry with him? Yes very much so, but deep down, there was something telling me that is not the way to solve things, I think for once in my life, I went with a voice that wasn't mine to hear, also I had friends who were there for me. So like I always do when I'm heartbroken, I vent to my friends knowing that they are possibly sick of me, but they know that I would do the same. Bryson, the guy I told you about earlier, he messaged me a little later into April, asking me how I was doing and next thing you know, we started dating. It wasn't really that bad, I mean it was crazy that I was dating a boy that was my first Middle School Crush who I met during Wrestling Season in 2014, when we first met up, it was cloudy, I wasn't entirely sure about me being there completely alone, so I brought one of my friends along because I knew how guys are and I wasn't ready for that then, especially what happened with Cameron, except Bryson didn't know that, I don't think he had the right to know anyway, I didn't think anyone had the right to know then because I didn't want my reputation ruined because of one guy, so I was saying I was a virgin until it was okay when everyone was saying that they've done it which was Sophomore Year, but I never exactly told everyone I knew about my experience with pregnancy, I don't think that I'll ever know because I was only young and stupid. Bryson was the sweetest guy ever, we talked almost every single day, even though he was at the High School and I was still in Middle School, we still somehow made it work, I went to school with a smile on my face because of him, there was always something about him that made me smile and it felt like it was everything. I wanted to see him as much as I can, but since he had his workout, his practices and family, it was a tad hard."I'm not sure how to say this, but you are the greatest girlfriend that I have ever had" I smiled,"You are the greatest boyfriend I've ever had" We walked around, when he was getting his hair dyed, I helped him and when I was dyeing my hair, we were on the phone.
I kept him secret from certain friends because I was slowly getting to the point that I didn't want to talk about my personal life at a young age, we were together for a month and as soon as it was close to my first Track meet, I get a call from Bryson on my phone
Hey Bryson, are you coming to my Track meet right now?-Sabrina
I can't make it-Bryson
How come-Sabrina
My Dad threatened me earlier, saying that he was going to beat my brother unless I break up with you, so that's what I have to do-Bryson
Oh okay-Sabrina
Are you okay?-Bryson
Yeah, yeah I mean family matters more and that's okay-Sabrina
You're a lot more calm than expected-Bryson
Well you do what you gotta do, I can't have you choose me over your brother-Sabrina
I'm really sorry-Bryson
Don't be okay? It's okay-Sabrina
Soo what are you doing right now-Bryson
(I look around in the hallway) I'm in the 7th and 8th Grade hallways, just getting my last glimpses before I go up to the High School-Sabrina
Are you on the second floor and first floor?-Bryson
Second Floor, towards Curtis' classroom-Sabrina
I hated that guy, he was always so moody-Bryson
Tell me about it, that guy made me switch twice to find a better teacher-Sabrina
I'll be glad the day I find out he's retiring-Bryson
I think Mr. Payne will retire before him because Mr. Payne can hide the anger better than him and that tends to take more effect-Sabrina
Isn't he also older, Mr. Payne-Bryson
Yeah I think so-Sabrina
Are you ready for the High School-Bryson
Surprisingly yeah, yeah I am-Sabrina
That's good-Bryson
(My coach called out to me and I had to go) Bryson, I gotta go, my coach wants me to get ready for the 100m relay-Sabrina
Okay and listen, I hope we can still be friends-Bryson
Yeah of course we can, I don't see anything wrong with that-Sabrina
Bryson, you were my first middle school crush and boyfriend who was older than me and I am thankful for that. You weren't being an asshole like the other guys, you were sweet, you were gentle physically when it came to hugging, even though one of my closest friends, even to this day knew that we were gonna be together one day, but you and I aren't compatible, but only as friends who can talk about anything and never let it become more. I met you during Wrestling, you were also gentle with me during matches and you taught me to be tougher emotionally as well, no matter how much you hurt me emotionally when you had a girlfriend, I still wanted to be part of your life. You gave me this feeling that I never experienced before, also when I looked into our future together then, I knew that it wasn't what I wanted, but all I knew was that you and I were eventually gonna be in a relationship, but I didn't think it was gonna be short, it was still an honor. You knew that I wasn't ready for the next level and I am very grateful that you respected my wishes, I knew that you had severe anger issues, but I was willing to overlook that because I knew that you weren't going to hurt me physically,I hope that one day, you will find find someone special who will support you along the way.