I wake up thinking of yesterday. The joy is in remembering; the pain is in knowing it was yesterday. But I can't take over this feeling, getting depressed and all. And yet, I'm still traumatized about his death. I really can't- I feel like cutting myself but no- all I can think is that I won't leave Zelda Rach. She is going to be alone. So, I better not do it. She is just... So beautiful. So beautiful...
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I guess that the teachers were right about thinking first before doing it. I liked that, I almost cut myself but, I remembered Zelda Rach and the lessons our teachers taught us. I highly doubt that Marcus wouldn't kill himself without leaving a question for us to answer...
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I drove to Marcus' house to talk to his mother. I asked her what and why did he kill himself. She Answered:
"Because..."
"Because what..?"
"..."
There was silence for a whole five minutes then she finally answered back
"His dad has been beating and insulting him for being a useless crap in this world, he kept saying "You know, I wished that we didn't have you. You were a mistake." Then he kept beating him up until he was down, bleeding all over the place. Then, that was the time I had decided to divorce that piece of crap. He just accepted it and left. Then after the divorce trial, I went home and seen Marcus overdosed, he drank all the painkillers. Then I saw a note next to him saying "My life has been beautiful, I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry." That was all..."
"Oh... I- I Don't- I'm sorry for your loss..."
The fact that the whole thing was so detailed, it made me wanna cry. But I am just keeping it in, I went and said goodbye to her, then I drove home to my house, crying. My parents and my sister were out at the time. So I just went into my room and locked myself there. Laying on my bed, listening to Imagine. Crying until I fell asleep...