TIANA
Entering into the shop, I'm perplexed; hoping the things I was seeing weren't really there.
Here my mother was laughing with that man. Giving him a generous portion of velvet cake.
That was my cake!
Narrowing my eyes on their interaction just as I was about to turn and leave, her eyes landed on my profile, only to wave me over.
SHIT!
"How was work, T?" she asked ignoring the questions my eyes conveyed as they switched between her and burned the back of his head.
"Good. Aren't you supposed to be closing down the shop? It's getting a little late and I wouldn't want you walking home in the dark," I said gesturing to the empty shop.
Her brow rose in question at my icy tone, but I didn't care. Her safety was of paramount importance to me and I felt uneasy knowing she was all alone since Janet was nowhere in sight.
"I did owe Luis a treat. And you remember my polite, sweet daughter, Tiana," she stressed indirectly hinting at me to change my attitude as she remained fixed on the other individual in the room. He glanced in my direction giving a curt nod. "It's nice to officially meet you," he said stretching his large hand out. Completely ignoring it, I place my attention back on my mother whose face had hardened upon seeing my cold dismissal of him.
He'd survive.
"Can we go now?"
Not waiting for her response I turned on my heels willing to wait outside before she dragged me back by my two front teeth. She eventually came outside handing him a container," It was good seeing you. Hope the writer's block ends soon, I'm dying to read your next book."
"Thank you. I loved the cake, I'll be sure to come," he paused sparing me a glance to return his focus onto my mother," at a more reasonable time in the future." I scoffed watching him turn and head off in the opposite direction.
Once he was quite a distance my mother quickly turned around glowering in my direction, I knew she was upset. Whilst she was closing down the shop I had spent the period outside steeling myself for what she was going to say or even do. My mother had made it very clear as I grew into a woman that I would never be too old for her to as she put it quite horrifically, "tear my black ass up."
"You really have some nerve," she said walking past me.
"Please spare me the lecture, I know I shouldn't have behaved that way but I was only looking out for you," I whined readjusting my bag as I followed behind her shorter profile.
"From what- I've lived longer in this world and I did just fine without you looking out for me."
I stomped past her, annoyed at why she was cordial with him.
"And besides he helped me out yet you act like. . ." she stopped, refusing to voice out her thoughts, allowing her voice to drift off into the air. She left the statement hanging; however, it didn't take much to know what she was alluding to. It's wrong of me to place all of them into the same box. But I didn't care.
Why should I care? They never did.
My mother could go off acquainting herself with him, what I didn't want was for her to coerce me into engaging in any form of conversation with him. It was that simple.
The rest of the night was filled with awkward tension. She hardly responded when I tried to engage in a conversation with her. I grew tired of her one-word answers until eventually unable to deal with more of her frowning at me; I called it a night. . .
***
Black...
The sea embraces me sweetly, lulling me to sleep. I open my eyes though it tells me not to and that's when I see him.
Standing on the shore looking at me. Enthralled at the sight of him I run out to join him despite the waves' attempts to hold me down. Making each step as I close the space between us harder.
"Tim!"
He's not looking at me.
He can't see me.
Why can't he see me?
"Tim!" I yell again hoping he could see I was here.
I stand in front of him, an arm stretch away, from the frame of what I deemed my safety.
His brown orbs aren't on me; instead he's focused on something behind me.
Confused I turn to find a black shadow.
Gun in hand.
Terror settles into my core enhancing the fear.
Panicking- I throw my body in the path the deadly bullet chose.
In retaliation I open my mouth and scream. . .
The bullet passes through me.
The bullet doesn't hit me.
Turning around my eyes widen, gasp begging to break from my lips at the bullet ignoring me.
Only to hit him.
Powerless I watch on as the rose blooms across his chest.
Looking closely in horror I see smaller bodies cascading of men, women and children like us, like liquid they pour out of his center taking the life with them.
"N-NO! NO! NO!" I chant as he falls onto the ground. I reach out, but the ground hungrily swallows him before I get a chance to hold him. Ripping away the only chance I had to tell him I love him.
"Please, please! N-"
"Tiana!" I feel my mother's hands jerk me awake. Her worry-filled eyes the first thing my foggy mind registers as they remain trained on me as I sat up trying to regain my bearings. My blankets decorated the floor, the shirt I had on was stuck to my skin covered in sweat.
"Baby. . ."
"I'm fine," I whispered wiping the sweat on my brow as I stretched on the bed; she peered down at me, frozen in place and unconvinced.
"I'm fine- really. I'm okay," I stated standing up drawing a physical distance between us as I headed to the bathroom. I had been experiencing that particular nightmare for years now and it always ended with me unable to reach out and save him. I had kept it to myself, refused to share it with anyone. It was a decision made out of pure weariness to be seen as something broken.
And given it had been a while since I had this particular dream, I had felt my past choice was the right one in believing those nightmares were just a phase.
But now I was starting to doubt it.
A part of me felt since I began staying for a while in the home that held memories of my adolescence had stirred it. Another part aimlessly fell onto that man.
Taking a seat on the floor, I felt uneasy after I wiped my face with a damp cloth feeling moisture accumulate in my eyes at the pain I felt in my chest. Feeling all the more hopeless if I'd ever been content and at peace again. Still I tell myself
Breathe.
Just breathe.
The pain will go away.
***
"I can't believe you're kicking me out," I whined as I watched my mother move around the living-room to hand me a few of the things I had left splayed across the room.
"You have your own place. And I'm not kicking you out, I just need some space between us," she said.
"As if that explanation makes it better," I replied taking a seat on the couch. She placed her hands on her hips, pursing her lips," Well believe it. As much as I love having you around, you need your own space to be going out- making stupid decisions."
My eyes widened at her suggestion, it was rather odd hearing my mother, a strict disciplinarian pushing me in such a direction. Though a part of me was relieved she was pushing me to leave due to the constant nightmares I'd been having. It made going to sleep, difficult. I was grateful my mother had not brought up the other night; nonetheless, I was willing to stay for the sake of ensuring my mother's health was stable.
I felt her fingers under my chin, lifting my head to find her heavy gaze," I'll call you every single day. Keep you up to date on anything concerning my health, alright?"
"Okay," I nodded timidly though I wanted to protest and slowly I stood up to pack up the rest of my things.
If she felt she was more than capable of handling herself I had to trust that all would be well. I had to believe in something at this point, that some forces would lay a protective shield over her.
Life is such an unreliable thing. We have to gamble with it, though hoping to be spared from it leaving us.