TIANA
It was enough of an encumbrance being black, a target on your back over something you couldn't control but the world we live in placed a burden on many to ask the stars just why we were made with melanin coating ones' skin. The other added on pressure strong enough to crack my bones was being a woman. History had proven how much of a liability the juncture between our thighs was in attracting the wicked.
And yet I always strove to be positive, to squint my eyes past the dark clouds in the hopes I'd catch a glimpse of the light.
In this case, my client was another victim of sexual assault.
I pitied my client, Monica, a sweet woman, caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Meeting her had been a surreal experience; it was one thing to hear about victims of rape and a whole other to meet one.
Tim had once told me about what happened to Nathan's sister. She was sexually abused by her past lover. Unfortunately, because no one believed her, she found solace in the arms of suicide.
I didn't want the same fate for Monica- or any other person for that matter who was convinced silence was best. When she came in to vocalize her anguish to me that was a true sign of strength.
Many people who've been abused have gone for years without verbally stating their trauma, a sad reality. Keeping that thought at the forefront of my head made spending late nights over the case worth it; I couldn't help but look forward to placing the individual behind bars. I had made a promise that I would do that for her after she relayed the eerie details of that night through tear stained eyes. She deserved some light beyond the dark clouds.
"Hey, new girl," perking up I catch Rita's eyes on me.
"I know you declined my initial offer the last time but its not too late for you to join us tonight. We're heading off to a local bar that's quite close from here," she said. I felt terrible; she really had been making an effort to befriend me. And always set time out of her schedule to guide me through some aspects of the case.
The least I could do was reciprocate just for one night and I knew I was more than ready for the next court appearance. And beyond that, continuing to detach myself from making possible relationships with people was not an ideal strategy if I ever wanted to be happy.
Just as I was about to accept her invitation- another face appeared halting me from saying anything upon recognizing my mother's new friend waltzing into the office to stand idly beside Rita.
"Hey Rita, you ready to go?" the man asked leaning against the doorframe.
"Just a sec, Luis," she replied briefly glancing in his direction," so Tiana, you up for it?" she asked returning her eyes on me ignoring my gaping mouth, shocked that they knew each other.
Is there anyone this guy doesn't know?
Snapping my mouth shut, he glanced in my direction. From the way his eyes widened I knew he remembered me and seeing the way he quickly pushed himself off the door to support his body weight whilst averting eye contact had me biting my lower lip to refrain from smirking at the knowledge I made him nervous.
Good.
Sensing the man's odd behavior and my silence, Rita filled the space of silence in the room by giving brief introductions," This is Luis, my-" she paused momentarily when he shot her an unreadable look, which she seemed to decipher," good friend. And Luis this is one of our new attorneys, Tiana."
He waved stiffly in my direction remaining silent whilst I nodded my head to at least acknowledge his presence.
"So. . .?" she stressed doing her best to ignore the uncomfortable moment. Glancing in his direction, the thought of going out for drinks suddenly didn't sit well with me. Truthfully speaking I had vowed to avoid interacting with him. Something about him just had me cautious to be around him such that I looked at Rita who was already watching me expectantly and replied, though I wanted to say otherwise. With another," No thanks. I still have a little more work to do."
Her shoulders slumped slightly as her lips once holding a smile, turned into a thin line." Well, that's fine," she cleared her throat," you're always welcome to join us whenever," her face brightened." Enjoy the rest of your night."
She left the office quietly mumbling something to the other individual in the room who instead of following closely behind her remained rooted by my door observing me. Though my eyes had returned to the papers on my desk, I was conscious of his eyes on me such that unable to deal with his gaze, I blew out a harsh breath and snapped my eyes up to him. "Is there anything else you wanted?"
His eyebrows rose slightly as he tilted his head to the side before he started chuckling folding his large arms across his chest in the process," Do I put you off that much?"
Sensing my confusion at his statement he continued," You wanted to say yes- before you deny it just know I could see it. I know you don't particularly like me."
I wasn't exactly hiding it.
"But I'd like to think if you gave me the chance," he paused as if contemplating his next set of words," we could actually become good friends," he continued moving a bit further into the room.
Shuffling on his feet he pursed his lips, his eyes fixated on me, dying to see my reaction whilst his fingers began fidgeting with the zip on his jacket.
I had kept my face neutral, void of any emotion throughout his mini-speech.
Leaning back in my seat I looked him straight in the eye, my brown orbs clashing with his grey. Meeting his gaze head on to say in an unapologetic tone," Close the door on your way out."
Returning my gaze back to my work, I wasn't bothered to see his reaction. After a few seconds I heard him let out a sigh before his heavy footsteps bounced off the walls followed by the click of the door.
Glancing up I'm greeted with the sight of my door from which he came. Why he would make such a proposal swam in the pools of my mind. I shook my head, muttering to myself," Friends my ass."
***
"Don't forget, love," my mother's voice rang through the phone as I rolled my eyes. This was the fourth time she had called me today reminding me of our little annual family dinner. When it became abundantly clear it was just the two of us left, a promise was struck between us to at least have one constant thing in our lives to keep each other close.
Every Sunday even when Tim was still alive we would spend the day together, always ending the night off with a hearty meal. No matter how busy things were on both our ends we made it work.
We had to make it work.
"For the last time, I won't forget ma. You know I never do," I responded rolling my eyes again whilst half-heartedly skimming through the notes I made.
"Stop rolling your eyes," she replied and I immediately sat up moving my eyes around the office wondering if she could secretly see me, I could hear her laugh through the phone," I know you, child. And with how busy you've been with work who's to say your mind won't suddenly forget of my very existence."
"Trust me, I will not forget. And I'm not crazy enough to miss out on another chance to taste your sweet treats," just the mere mention of the sweet cake had me licking my lips as I rubbed my grumbling stomach that kept reminding me of the need to order some food.
"Well, let me let you get back to your job. Although if you ask me I preferred hanging up this phone knowing you need to spend time with your man than seeking comfort in a stack of papers." I could already picture my mother's look of worry at how dormant my romantic life was. That topic had been placed on a shelf I had no desire to visit at all such that I ran my fingers through my hair out of frustration.
I'm tired of hearing this shit.
"Here we go again," I groaned dramatically.
"Is it wrong for me to be concerned?"
"No," I quickly muttered," but I don't feel mentally prepared to explain my reasons for why I'm not looking for anyone."
The other line remained silent before I heard her grumble," I'll let this go for the moment," she continued," I just don't want the work or the past pain to blind you from seeing an opportunity when it comes knocking at your door."
I took in her words, nodding my head at the motherly advice," I won't."
Not long after I said those words we hung up and I was left to the silence. Closing my eyes, my mind kept replaying my mother's words. It's not as if I hadn't been in a relationship before. When I first started college the tunes of Eros once reverberated throughout my entire being but it was short lived and admittedly it had been my fault.
We grew apart as a result of my efforts to draw an arm's length distance between us. My fear of the unknown destroyed the possibility of what could have been a great thing built out of nothing.
And I had let my anger push me into a dark room that left no space for anyone else to keep me company.
But I ended up no longer feeling too broken about it. If something was truly meant to be then it would find a way to happen.
End of story.